This is long. I tried to provide as much background as possible. If you only want to read about my "bad" trip you can skip down to the emoticon.
When I had originally got the JWH-018 it was last Wednesday. I had a friend who will smoke pot with me occasionally coming in from out of town on the weekend. He doesn't smoke with me much anymore because of a possible drug test. Since JWH-018 shouldn't show up on a drug test, I wanted to test it out beforehand to see if it would be suited for us to smoke together. I started smoking on Thursday at 2PM and didn't stop until 10PM that night. I didn't have a scale, but knew I had bought 500mgs, so I tried to eyeball about what 2mgs would be. I started very small, as I am extremely conservative. But I found myself not getting very high. I did keep dosing every hour as it was pleasent, but nothing mind shattering
I wrote some thoughts down on the high at the time, and present them here:
-Very little short term memory loss. Feels very functional. People around me have no idea I am high.
-Feel slight pain or at least greater awareness of my bones and teeth.
-If marijuanna gets you high. JWH-018 gets you medium.
-At this point I can't imagine and overdose. It seems so mild, yet addictive. I end up re dosing every hour as the effects drop off so sharply at one hour in.
-Where on pot, time seems to slow down. On JWH-018, time seems to fly by.
So my friend didn't end up even smoking since he has a physical coming up. I smoke a couple times Saturday night. I had likely upped the dosage to maybe 5 times what I started at. I now know that I should have waited on a good scale. So my numbers are likely meaningless. I got a decent buzz on my last hit and enjoyed it, but nothing different than my earlier usage, just little strong.
So on to Sunday. I was having a somewhat stressful Sunday night. I don't even know how to describe relative degrees of stress. I will just say, pretty much everything in my life is going good, except that my girl friend, soon to be wife in six months, was experiencing symptoms of what might be very early pregnancy. She hasn't even missed her period, is very OCD and takes her birth control pill at the same time everyday, but I was slight stress over that. No fights, nothing like that, we both talk broadly about symptoms and possible home pregnancy test, but nothing about what we would do if it was true.
We watched some TV, and I went to take a shower. When I was almost done, my girlfriend joined me in the shower. I enjoyed the hot water a little more with her and then I got out and dryed off. My girlfriend is not into drugs. I am enough of a man in our relationship that I do what I want as long as I feel it is safe and well researched. I take prescription sized doses of adderrall, klonopin, and hydrocodone on an occassional basis in order to get shit done, be less stressed, or chill out. I also smoke pot (kind bud) out of a one hitter a couple times a week. I usually don't get totally baked as I only do one or two one hitter hits, but I am familiar with smoking so much pot one is totally baked. I only get that high maybe every two months. I have smoked pot at this frequency for the last four years, and used to chain smoke shit weed joints for four years before that.
That said, my girlfriend is not excited about me smoking JWH-018 as it is "unnatural" in her words and hasn't had hundreds of years of field testing like pot. Because of that I thought I would smoke some while she was still in the shower. I had smoked some in front of her a couple hours earlier, but had barely got a buzz. I had increased my eyeball dosage gradually over the last couple days to perhaps 5 to 10 times what I first started with on Thursday. So I used my knife to cut and scoop some up and put it on some old shit weed ash in a pipe that I had been using from the beginning to smoke JWH-018. I brought the flame slowly down toward the white cystals until they turned to liquid and then eventually black. I inhaled the same as always, BUT I HELD THE HIT IN MY LUNGS FOR LIKELY 10 SECONDS. I had never held the JWH-018 for this long in my lungs before. I had read many times over that pot just needs to be in your lungs for a second to get the maximum affect, so without even thinking about it, I had treated this new drug the same way. I didn't think holding it in my lungs would matter much, but for some reason at that moment, I did it.
I am pretty sure I had read over a thousands posts on JWH-018 over a two day period. I find new ideas interesting and get great joy in reading as much as possible on a new subject. And a new drug certainly is worthy of hours and hours of research. I swear that in all that time, I don't think anyone mentioned anything about holding the hit in the lungs, so I didn't even think about it.
Well, four to five minutes after smoking I was certainly thinking about it. I was becoming high in a way I had never experienced before. Something was very different. I knew it would be intense, but as it built, I had no idea how intense it would be. I ran over to my computer and looked up holding a hit of JWH-018, and someone said they never did that, and the next post was from someone else saying that one is wasting a lot of the potency if one doesn't hold the hit for a while. I didn't need that to confirm that I was experiencing something that was totally different than anything I had experienced in my life. I stood up and that helped briefly. I could hold it together well enough to put the drugs on the highest shelf on the bookcase. I knew I wouldn't be taking any more, but I wanted to distance myself from it; to physically put it out or reach.
So much more intense than anything I had experienced in my life. Only thing that even reminds me of it, is waking up from a reacuring childhood dream where a toy car and I are being sucked into a giant sand pit. That dream was so intense it reminded me of death at that age and how out of control life is as I got older.
So my girlfriend comes out from the bathroom. I don't know what prompted it, but she asked if I was ok (which she virtually never does) and I was able to grunt, "yeah". But I didn't feel ok. All I could think about was that I needed to keep it together, when I first smoked pot in college I remember being freaked out, but this was nothing like that. My mind felt totally out of control, everywhere I looked, the images were becoming strange. The walls were moving. My head felt like it would explode. My breathing was out of control. Fear everywhere. I didn't want to worry my girlfriend, but I knew it was getting past the point of being able to keep what I was dealing with to myself. I fought myself for around half a minute, and then I told her, "come over here and sit with me."
She gave me a look like she was super concerned. She sat next to me and said "Are you ok?". I couldn't form words very well. Her face was turning into huge pixels like a video game. When I looked at her, the only thing distinct was her eyes as they were always moving, everything else just blurred into a fuzzy tan colored blur. All I could do was look at her. She said, "You don't look ok". I finally got out, "Smoked some of new stuff . . . just got too high." I believe that this must be what people feel before they die. I didn't just think that was possible, I started to believe there was significant chance I would die. Most of this came from my body shaking like crazy and my breathing getting increasingly out of control. It was a chicken-egg situation. At the same time, before, or after, I realized that I was never as afraid in my life as I was right now. It could have been all paranoia, but with the crazy images and fear. I was so scared. I kept thinking of the hospital. If it got any worse I was considering it. But I just rode it out. The world had never been more naked and real then it was then.
About ten minutes later, as I was holding my girlfriend, I leaned forward and said, "I think it is getting better". At that point I wanted it to be better even if it wasn't, but from that point on I realized that the intesity was going down. It was still super powerful. I was still 30x higher than I had been in my life, but the idea that the intensity wasn't going to stay like that for hours was a huge relief.
Now that I my fear level had gone down some, I was still scared, but I could try to use the experience for what it was. My overall experience was viewing the world I live in as foreign. Viewing your life and everything that exists around you in such a new light that is as if you were plopped down on an alien planet. Being amazed that anything actually gets accomplished given we are all just these brains connected loosely to our bodies. All this information bouncing around our brains, that eventually will no longer be. Really understanding that humans are just another species, a animal. Being amazed that I have animals live with me in my house. Being thankful that my animals are all sleeping as I am so fucking high, I don't think I could have handled them moving. Look at the couch and it is pulsing in my view. The painting in my living room is on fire. The colors are everywhere and it is moving. I realized that all the decisions I had made up to this point were present right here. The house I bought, the girl I am going to marry, my animals, friends, money, resources. I could see it all from the outside view.
I realized that most of what I see and do is all about my subconscious. That somehow my subconscious keeps everything organized. For the first time I really understood how the brain is separate from the body.
From that point on, it kept getting less and less intense. At maybe 45 minutes in my girlfriend called out to our dog, but I said, "no, I don't think I can handle more movement right now". My ability to speak improved. I began to be able to talk more about what I feel. I said, "it was just too much information all at once".
An hour out, I got oral sex. My girlfriend was reluctant as she thought it would encourage future use, but I knew I never wanted to do the drug like this again, so I wanted to take advantage of this altered state while I could. It was some of the best I ever had as it was so raw in my mind. Very primal and real. Like sex on pot but even more intense and with less cloudiness of the mind.
I never did Acid, so a drug experience this intense was new to me. I really can't even imagine something more intense. I guess the bottom line is measure dosages carefully, and know that holding the hit will intensify it a lot. Obviously, I made some mistakes, but I would be very careful with this drug.