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    Gay men with straight (male) best friends (and vice versa) 
    #1
    Bluelighter The Monkey Mantra's Avatar
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    I'm a gay man with many straight male friends. I've always had a straight friend I've considered one of two or three best friends. My friendships with them are, in many ways, more openly loving than the friendships with my gay friends. I've got a few ideas as to why. I've had no sexual feelings for them at any point in time, even though a few of them are incredibly good-looking.

    Still, they seem to be much more comfortable being affectionate, even physically affectionate, with me and are much more willing to tell me they love me than they are with their hetero friends. Why? I believe part of the reason is, well, they know I *know* they're straight. With their straight friends, there's the risk that if they show affection their friends will take it as a romantic overture. It kinda reminds me of my trip to Nepal, where men would hold hands and cuddle with each other without any hint of homosexual desire or homophobia.

    Mind you, these are very open-minded guys, but even among their ilk, there seems to be some hesitation to be openly affectionate with each other.

    Anyway, I just thought I'd poll people around here to see what they think of these friendships. The friendships between gay men and straight women are already so openly studied that I find it somewhat astonishing that no similar investigation has been done on same-sex friendships.

    Thanks, guys/gals/whatevers!
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    #2
    Bluelighter Pharcyde's Avatar
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    My uncle is gay. I like him. I meet alot of his friends and they seem to be more open and understanding then say the non-gay ones. Im all up for a trip to a gay bar or club with him because its just so damn fun!

    Do gays really have more fun?

    I think so
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    #3
    Bluelighter An Iz's Avatar
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    I hope this doesn't derail or anything, but could you share any insights on what sexual desires or actions alter in a non-sexual relationship?

    It seems like you're in a somewhat unique position when it comes to answering that question. (at least compared to we straight people)
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    #4
    Bluelighter GenericMind's Avatar
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    I wouldn't mind being good friends with a gay guy.
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    #5
    Bluelighter D's's Avatar
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    Yo dude, I'm Bi. I have a lot of friends who are straight, and a lot who are strictly gay. I find it hanging out with the straight guys is strictly fun guy stuff, such as watching football, guy stuff!! When I'm with my other Bi friends :-) We just stick to going out to clubs, bars, etc.
    Enjoy the company with your straight friends, you don't want to mess up relationships like that, and trust me it will hurt. Someday they might come and ask you questions about "guy stuff".
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    #6
    Bluelighter The Monkey Mantra's Avatar
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    Oh dude, no chance of "messing it up". I'm dead serious when I say that, even though they're all super good-looking, the idea of doing anything but cuddling up like littermates to watch a movie *grosses* me out. It'd be like fooling around with my brother - YECCH!!

    I segregate this stuff pretty easily, though I don't know if that holds true for most gay men with straight guy-friends.
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    #7
    Bluelight Crew Jamshyd's Avatar
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    Question: during much of your relationship with said friends, did you have a partner?

    Also, how long have you known said friends for?
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    #8
    I think you're right Monkey Mantra, I'm straight and my best friend is a gay guy and i'm probably more comfortable doing certain things around him than my other straight friends. We hang out at cool places together just being dudes, I tell him I love him, borrow his clothes (he's extremely trendy and well dressed)... stuff I don't do as much / wouldn't feel as comfortable doing with my straight mates
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    #9
    Bluelighter Average Whiteboy's Avatar
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    I don't have any issues telling any of my friends, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, how I feel about them, but I'm a pretty open person.
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    #10
    Bluelighter The Monkey Mantra's Avatar
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    Jamshyd: I built one of my most intense friendships with a guy while in a relationship with another guy, but it was definitely long-distance and fraught with peril. It's possible I just needed that male energy, sexual or not! Sure was great, though. We got up together and went surfing every morning, and cooked for each other all the time. It was some pretty intimate shit at its peak. I was very close with him and his girlfriend, and they shared me as their best friend. Sorta backfired on me when they broke up, but hey, it was really great while it lasted!

    At this point in time, I've lost a great deal of the talk-all-the-time intimacy, but I've currently started working on building some pretty awesome intimacy with a local bluelighter who found me on this site.
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    #11
    Bluelighter Binge Artist's Avatar
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    Most straight guys wouldn't knowingly buddy up with a gay guy.
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    #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jamshyd View Post
    Question: during much of your relationship with said friends, did you have a partner?

    Also, how long have you known said friends for?

    *giggle*

    I haven't many gay male friends that didn't want to get into my drawers.

    I wish I could say the same about my straight female friends.

    Do gays have more fun? I think that depends on your definition of fun.
















    ...
    Last edited by Noodle; 20-07-2009 at 23:20.
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    #13
    Bluelighter Ravr's Avatar
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    Most of my straight straight don't care. They are hardcore liberals. However, I have no desire to get into their pants. I respect the fact that enjoy pounding pussy. It just suck that they don't usually don't go to gay oriented clubs with me( though I understand).
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    #14
    I think that for guys who truly don't have some kind of prejudice, being friends with a gay guy is cool because alot of the pretensions become moot. Just like others have said here, there are alot of things that guys tend to feel more comfortable doing with their gay friends than their straight friends because they don't have to worry about perception or maintain any kind of facade.
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    #15
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    i've got gay mates, so long as they know the boundary, all good.

    I could care less for what they do behind closed doors.

    It really depends, i've got alot of straight mates who couldn't condition themselves to tollerate gay people - but having to have been around alot of gay people, in the rave scene etc, when i was younger - you get over the school boy "omg what a homo" attitude.

    Although, i think the OP secretely has some desires for his straight friends, or he's just reading into these situations too far.
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    #16
    Quote Originally Posted by MrIbis View Post
    Although, i think the OP secretely has some desires for his straight friends, or he's just reading into these situations too far.
    Straight guys can have friendships with girls with no sexual attraction, why can't gay guys?
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    #17
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    That's a good question.

    I think there is a world of people out there that like the game of the chase. There is also a world of people out there that are very horny! Younger men tend to be horny a lot of the time?
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    #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Mantra View Post
    I'm a gay man with many straight male friends. I've always had a straight friend I've considered one of two or three best friends. My friendships with them are, in many ways, more openly loving than the friendships with my gay friends. I've got a few ideas as to why. I've had no sexual feelings for them at any point in time, even though a few of them are incredibly good-looking.

    Still, they seem to be much more comfortable being affectionate, even physically affectionate, with me and are much more willing to tell me they love me than they are with their hetero friends. Why? I believe part of the reason is, well, they know I *know* they're straight. With their straight friends, there's the risk that if they show affection their friends will take it as a romantic overture. It kinda reminds me of my trip to Nepal, where men would hold hands and cuddle with each other without any hint of homosexual desire or homophobia.

    Mind you, these are very open-minded guys, but even among their ilk, there seems to be some hesitation to be openly affectionate with each other.

    Anyway, I just thought I'd poll people around here to see what they think of these friendships. The friendships between gay men and straight women are already so openly studied that I find it somewhat astonishing that no similar investigation has been done on same-sex friendships.

    Thanks, guys/gals/whatevers!
    I'm a hetero guy and my best mate is a gay guy. It's funny you should write that because our friendship is much more affectionate than any of my friendships with my straight friends. I've never really considered why this is. However, in my case it's not because I'm worried my other friends might think I was bi or bi-curious or something if I was more affectionate. I think it's just that they're more macho whereas me and D, (my gay best friend) aren't. I think it's more to do with our personalities rather than our sexualities, but who knows?

    Perhaps between straight guys there tends to be something which holds them back from truly expressing themselves (unless off their faces) whereas this is less likely to happen in a same sex gay-straight friendship.
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    #19
    Bluelighter The Monkey Mantra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrIbis View Post
    i've got gay mates, so long as they know the boundary, all good.

    Although, i think the OP secretely has some desires for his straight friends, or he's just reading into these situations too far.
    Hmmm... I dunno. I had a drunken best friend ask me If I'd experiment with him (believe me, straight guys get curious), and the thought was like imagining hooking up with my brother (and, before you ask, that's NOT exactly a fantasy of mine ). I kinda resent the idea that we're all just gonna fuck whoever's available. If I don't try to get into most of my GAY friends' pants, why would I want to brave the hetero waters? I'm the kinda guy where, if I start a friendship as just friends, it's likely gonna stay that way.

    Am I reading into these situations too far? I dunno. I think it's just fascinating. What's my attraction to having straight best friends? Typically, my "best friends", on either side of the gender divide, are not people I have sexual relationships with. I tend to have sex pretty darn rarely if I'm not in a relationship, and my relationships are monogamous.

    And MrIbis, I sincerely doubt your gay friends would ever want to hook up with you. Guys who say stuff like "I don't mind having gay friends as long as they know the boundaries" are usually dealing with a little bit of insecurity and homophobia. That's fine and all, but it's just kind of a weird thing to assume they might even consider hitting on you when they'd obviously have better luck with, oh, I dunno, someone who actually WANTS to have sex with them!
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    #20
    Bluelighter ∆'s Avatar
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    being a homo, straight males avoid me like the plague.

    oh well
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    #21
    Bluelighter Rated E's Avatar
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    I have a friend who came out a couple of years ago. I always suspected it as he was a bit flamboyant. It's never bothered me. He's been a better person since he came out; more confident, more interesting and yep, more flamboyant.

    I have another friend who I didn't know was gay at first, but then someone else told me. He has told me a couple of times that he appreciates having male friends as he's had mostly female friends for so long (during school and that sort of stuff).

    I've always gotten along quite well with gay guys who I've randomly conversed with or met. I'm usually on their level, as they tend to stereotypically witty. Or maybe I'm bi, who knows.
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    #22
    Bluelighter ∆'s Avatar
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    I don't like having only female friends, it has just been the case that men behave as though they have a pathological fear of me despite the fact that i've never acted on or expressed any homosexual desires towards them.

    it's fucked
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    #23
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    I live in a pretty gay city in the US and since I work in bars and restaurants I probably have two gay friends that I would consider my best friends. I get what you are saying about our friendship being more loving and open, sometimes this one friend gets drunk and kisses me on the cheek good-bye. honestly, I don't really care, nothing bugs me about gay guys because like I said I've grown up in Columbus and there are just a lot of gays here
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    #24
    I went to Japan once. I was the only white guy in a sea of asians.
    It's pretty cool, but after a while, you just want to meet up with your countrymen, or even a "Westerner" because I'm familiar with it, etc...

    I'd liken this to being gay. Could you imagine a gay life where your only interaction with males was for sex or relationships? Hell i'm straight, and i couldn't imagine this with women. I'd go nuts.

    I also support the theory that straight men who enjoy being with gay men do so because it allows them to let down that tiresome faccade. I enjoy being macho from time to time, but being aphysical and unemotional around friends just gets boring, and it's excruciating when there's a social pressure on you to suppress these things, even when you both know you're straight as hell..

    Not to say i need a gay man in my life :P just more so that it's relaxing and easier (enjoyable) from time to time when i need it. That's mostly why we keep you around, because you guys are also pretty good at pulling up chicks.
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    #25
    Bluelighter hyroller's Avatar
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    your straight friends are probably more affectionate with you because they equate you with the embodiment of a much more more feminine ideal (as a gay man) than their typical, hetereosexual counterparts... you're quite lucky they are funloving and happy to joke around like this, because quite a number of straight men are inexplicably paranoid of encouraging gay lust from other men, period.....and try to guard against this by behaving in a much more derogatory manner (either joking or not) towards openly gay men. your friends sound cool..... and enlightened
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