Nine years ago I was fortunate enough to finally come into posession of two grams of pharmaceutical DMT. I took it all over a period of about a year, and have sadly not encountered it since then. I had hoped for decades to try DMT, but had accepted that I would never have the chance, so I had abandoned my research into it for some time. I knew that it was reputedly the most powerful Tryptamine around, and that it was not for the meek or faint of heart, but I did not know much about the experience itself, as it is purported - and I agree - to be indescribable in words.
So when I began my preparation for the experience with extensive research, I was surprised to find that the one common thread that ran through almost all DMT experiences of note, was the reference to 'discarnate entities' that inhabit the DMT realm, and the 'Elves' that accompany them. I have to admit skepticism at the time, despite the fact that I had experienced, on Nitrous Oxide and LSD (which I refer to as Gascid), the subjective impression of being in contact with consciousness that seemed independant of my own, on many occasions. The DMT descriptions seemed to define something much more tangible - something Alien.
I felt myself to be a good candidate to offer an objective perspective on this concept, as I was skeptical, but open minded, and I consider myself to be a scientist in these matters - or I approach them scientifically, and I am not easily swayed by subjective experience. I thought that if anyone could make an unbiased determination it was I.
There have been many reports on DMT experiences - and while I would love to try to paint a picture of some of my own, I try to post thoughts that have an original perspective, and are not 'just another drug experience'. So without going into any detail, I will relay that my first few experiences were very small doses, just to get a feel. While incredible, they frightened me a little, as the suggested dose for a full blown experience was 50 mg, and I was getting blown away on 10. I was scared to go all the way - especially as I was alone - and knew no-one who had taken it. I finally decided to take 25mg, but failed to realize that a residue had built up in the pipe, and I probably got the full 50mg. When just seconds later I heard a sound like the universe being ripped in two, I dropped to the floor so as not to hurt myself falling, and within a few more seconds was obliterated. I will describe the experience another time, but I guess the point I want to make is that when it was over, and I described the experience as best I could in words to a friend, they looked at me and said "you have just described an Alien abduction". I hadn't quite thought about it in those terms - as words are totally insufficient tools - but it was true. There was another entity - it examined me in the most intrusive of ways - like a complete psychological rape - it communicated with me, but directly - not through words - and it returned me intact. This really frightened me. On Gascid, the interaction with perceived entites is not direct like the DMT experience, it's more of a flow, less tangible. ON the DMT it was different. This was - I felt certain - another entity.
Shortly afterward, the scientist in me became skeptical of my perceptions. Perhaps it was just an hallucination - despite the seeming reality of the experience. I was too afraid to go all the way again - and for a while, I only took it in small amounts to see if I could find the crossover point between this universe and the DMT universe, to try and have a more balanced perspective. But one day, having done some very good MDMA 4 hours earlier, I felt confident enough to try it again, but not in such a strong dose. I found out later that MDMA is a weak MAOI, and the experience that followed was seriously amplified by the synergy.
I would say that this experience was probably the most profound of my life at the time. I would love to describe it, and perhaps will another time, but the essence was that this 'Alien' was there again - the same one - only this time it was not examining me - it was teaching me - and although it was psychologically *painful* - an ordeal - it explained to me how the universe works - everything in the universe. And I felt that I had been accepted, after my initial DMT experience into the DMT realm. I had read of people being told to leave and never return, so I felt priveleged to have been allowed to return and be privvy to this universal knowledge.
The experiences that followed almost always had the same being in it, which became to me almost a symbol of Godhood. I am a psychedelic spiritualist, so allow for such concepts in my experiences, but never claim them as fact - even if I choose to believe in them. I did a great number of subsequent experiences, and explored many aspects of the DMT world - many of which I will hopefully post at some time.
However, I am writing this post from a specific angle, having read, a few days ago, a report on this phenomenon, by a skeptic, who quite cogerently deconstructed what he considered to be the DMT 'myth'. His belief that these apparent 'beings' were simply manifestations of ourselves, and he went to great detail to try and 'prove' this.
I will admit, that in some of my subsequent experiences, I asked myself similar questions. One time I remember saying to myself "I am a little computer plugged into a big computer" and the perception that I had was that this being - this DMT God was pehaps in fact me, but the *whole* me, not the limited and filtered version that is perceiptible by the human brain. That maybe I was in fact this being - in infinitely more intelligent and evolved being than I am as a human - the 'rest of me' so to speak.
I have only lightly skimmed the very top of my experiences here, as my last post was very long, and I don't want to bog things down. I have not written this to describe my DMT expereinces as such. But The DMT ran out - and I have not been able to revisit any of this for the last 8 years.
So I am posting this to ask all of you your thoughts on the matter. Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon - drawn any conclusions - have any insights to share. I have avoided detail in order to promote the question: "Is the DMT being a separate entity, or is it just a greater perception of ourselves". If I can no longer explore the realm to find my answers, perhaps there is enough experience among we BlueLighters to explore the concept.
I welcome your responses.