I NEED ADVICE (a bluelighter under an alias)

Mental

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 28, 2000
Messages
6
Ok , heres the deal, I am a bluelight regular, but I made this new name, for the reason that there are people who know me here and I don't want them to know who this is.
First off let me say that my problem is probably a common one. I am getting married this summer, and I'm having a bout of cold feet. This is my second marriage, so I know what to expect. Heres my story:
About 5 or 6 mo. ago I was in a different state, in a club, rolling face when this angel of a girl came up to me and we started talking. When I talked to her I got butterflies in my stomach. So we hung out for a while, about an hour and then we lost each other. I searched the club for her , but I couldn't find her and left. End of story right? NOT! About 2 or 3 weeks later I start ICQing with someone from this board, and it turns out that this person knew her too and gave me her e-mail, turns out it was the wrong one. So , finally after 4 months of thinking about this girl every day , i finally find her online and talk to her. I got the impression that she didn't want to be bothered and let it go. Well, yesterday i get an e-mail from her, i start ICQing with her, and it turns out that she lost MY e-mail. So we talked for about 3 hours, and totally hit it off. Now heres the problem, she lives in a different state about 600 miles from me, and plus the fact that im getting married in a few months, I am so so confused. I love my fiance with all my heart, but I get the feeling that if I dont pursue this , I will live the rest of my life thinking WHAT IF?
If you got this far I commend you, and thank you for listening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Thx!
 
I don't mean to simplify what is no doubt a very difficult and confusing issue for you;
however, no one should ever life a life of "what ifs"...a bhuddist monk once told me that the biggest regrets most people have at the end of life are not about what they have done - they're about the things we have NOT done...
Long distance relationships can seem very real..trust me i know...however they are largely untested...so if you have ANY doubts, put off the wedding and go and see what is real...
Hope this helps
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Thats a tough one, I don't think anybody in the world could give you a straight ansewer. Personally, I would investigate further, find out exactly if this other girl is on the same wavelength as you or is she just a passing fad. Remember, the only time you really saw her in person, you were rolling. Everybody can ge your god/godess when your rolling. But you may actually have something there. The problem is, how do you do this without jepordizing your current situation, that I do not know, hopefully somebody else on the board might have some insight. Just remember, whatever makes you happy and feel good, go for it, just as long as your not hurting anybody else in the process. I don't think this helped at all, but I just had to comment.
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******IMOKRUOK******
Peace Love Unity Respect
 
Oooooooh!!! Not Good!! But heres only onr thing you can do!! Find the girl!!! If you marry your fiance, and then never know what could have been, you'll end up resenting her for holding you back. But if you find there girl, and theres no spark, you can go back to your fiance safe in the knowledge that she's the only one for you.
Plus, you gotta live for that heart jumping feeling you only get with certain people. I've been with my man for 5 months now, and I still get exicted when I see him, and he gives me chills when he touches me. There is nothing better then that feeling!!! Go, find your Angel, otherwise you'll just never know, and that's no way to live your life.
The yearning heartache to say or do something is much more painful then regretting saying or doing it.
Peace. Love. Unity. Respect.
The Angelic One.
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*************************Remember: There's three E's in 'Believe'!!************************
 
I agree with the rest - just for your sake and the future marriage - you have to meet with that girl at least once again - no rolling not a club just a cup of coffee - nobody can give you an answer what's wrong or right - but you have to be honest and %100 sure with yourself that you love you fiance - and that you want to marry her - and somehow it seems like you have a "?" you have to get solved ...
Good luck and I hope things work out for the best - no matter what you decide to do
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Just K - Hugz Drugz and a dozen Roses
 
I hate to do this to you... but I raise the question...
I think that this is showing your true colours about your future marriage, sould it come to pass...
Won't it be the same with EVERY godess you see while rolling?
Not only that, but you are keeping a terrible secret from your betrothed.
Maybe you should take some time and re-evaluate your life. Your modivations for marrying, and your true feelings. It's unfair to do this to the person you are supposed to love more than anything else in the world.
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Who you are never realy changes... It's who you THINK you are that does.
 
Paradox brings up a good point, but you see I'm not the type of guy to go to a club or party looking to hook up. This was just a freak thing, and I can't stop thinking about this girl! And talking to her again has only made it worse, right now i'm leaning towards giving her a visit and taking it from there. I know that by doing that I'll be lying and conning my fiance but I HAVE to see what happens.
PLUR
[This message has been edited by Mental (edited 29 January 2000).]
 
Well I am a hopeless romantic, so my first inclination would be to say, go find this girl, you'll never know unless you try, follow your heart, etc. etc.
And if this is what your heart is telling you, then go for it. But keep in mind, you may not be able to have it both ways. What if you go and see this girl, she gives you amazing butterflies in your stomach, and you think it's love. You take some time away from your fiance to figure out what you want. Maybe you'll decide this girl is the one for you, or maybe you'll realize how much more you love your fiance. The chance is always there that when you go back to her, she might not be there anymore for you.
My point is: just consider the pros and cons of both. Is it worth potentially giving up what you have now? How would you feel if the situation were reversed and your fiance had met someone like this? I can't tell you which route to choose, only you can know. I'm just saying, choose carefully. Good luck!
PLUR,
kimmy
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Mental,
I just wanted you to know that I've posted a reply via your email address. It was pretty long and I didn't want to bore everyone else with my details, they've already heard my own saga!
Anjele.
 
for the sake of passion go see this girl-if u still get those butterflies, and if you think shes just the best thing in the world put off the wedding and hang out with her more and see how things go...my b/f lives half an hour away and it was hell at first but we're okay now but GOD we faught soooooo much-but we've been 2gether 2 yrs and we have a 5yr age difference-we are completely in love-hes in college and im in high school so theres alot of jealousy but when you find that person it all clicks and everything works itself out even if its hard. do what your heart tells you but go see the girl and spend like a day with her then decide if u wanna put the wedding off-but dont call it off before you spend alot of time with this girl because you dont wanna do something you'll regret. good luck
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