Right now I am dissolving 3mg alprazolam under my tongue and still feeling something from the ketamine comedown.
Last night's experience was really interesting, but I was terrified during parts of it. I did at one point feel like I made contact with God or something similar and also came to the realization that the universe was actually a computer and I could see the different levels of organization. Air felt thick when I moved my hands and it seemed like electricity was flowing through me and everything else. I never completely lost contact with the real world though. Still, it was great! Though I would have probably been scared shitless at some points if not for the opiates I use. There were thoughts and things I really can't describe.
I'm going to up the dose just a bit next time and try to stay off the computer. I doubt I'd physically or mentally be able to operate a computer anyway if I upped the dose just another 40 or 50mg. I want to have the type of trip where contact with the real world is lost completely and you enter a sort of alternate reality, and hopefully have out of body experiences like I have read from some ketamine trip reports.
Don't get me wrong, last night was thoroughly satisfying. I consider it a positive experience even though through much of it I thought I would die or emerge from it permanently brain damaged or insane.
I'll probably eat some poppies in a little while. I may sleep a couple of hours this afternoon, then I have to hit the books for finals week. As soon as the next weekend comes around, I'll be doing more ketamine, this time at a higher dose. I weigh 288lbs. Erowid lists 1mg/lb for anasthesia and .75mg/lb for a k-hole. I think I'll aim for something right between the two. That will mean 40-50mg more than my highest dose, IIRC. I'll be sure to have not used any CNS depressants beforehand and just enough poppies to prevent withdrawal. Maybe that will reduce the fear that I'll stop breathing.
