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    Drugs that induce memory loss or loss of emotions 
    #1
    Greenlighter N2TheVoid's Avatar
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    I've been doing some reseach and was wondering what your opinion was on what drugs produce long-term memory suppression (resulting in emotional blunting). I know this idea is going to make some people angry but this is coming from a person with long term depression and PTSD.

    I have studied psychogenic amnesia and retrograde amnesia and both can be caused by long term drug abuse but little facts are given.

    I've been on benzo's (serious dependance) for about 10 years and its pretty much wiped most of my childhood memories but memories from the past 10 years are causing me the most imparement in daily life. I've also been on lithium for about 3 years with was great for not feeling emotion but the memories remained.

    Please do not tell me to go to therapy. I've gone to more shrinks in the last 10 years than you can imagine and none of them know how to help me. It was suggested by a professional(and I've seen slight improvement in depressive / emotional episodes) that repressing (through meditation, drugs, whatever) is another line or resort and probably a survival instinct. They suggested I stay on the benzo's if it gets me through the day, dulls my emotions, and lets me work and be productive. I want the past gone though. wiped clean from memory, I want to be happy and a long term trama can make that very hard to just forget.

    I've heard of memory issues after people have tried OD'ing unsucessfullly with benzo's and I know lithium works on the emotional level. I have also read that long term opiate use also cuases this although I dont want another addiction to add to the list.

    Any Thoughts?

    Thank you,
    N2theVoid
     

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    #2
    Bluelight Crew belarki's Avatar
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    I'm not recommending this in any way, just read something related on it at some stage and thought it may be worth researching?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroconvulsive_therapy
     

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    #3
    Benzodiazepines. Trying to destroy your brain with drugs is probably a bad idea.
     

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    #4
    Greenlighter N2TheVoid's Avatar
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    belarki, that was a good read and someone actually suggested that too me. Too much cognative damage ( I'm trying to erase my past so I can think MORE clearly and without distraction and episodes of depression). Plus the memory erase feature is only temporary in most cases.

    Behold, I'm in no way trying to destroy my brain. But living with 10 years of trama is no life, its a slow death sentence. I just want it purged from memory so I have a chance at happiness. If it means doing it with drugs I don't care. Again, I dont want cognative damage that would decrease my job or verbal skills. Fake happiness is still happiness.
     

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    #5
    Have you tried EMDR treatment for your trauma?
     

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    #6
    Bluelighter mdmantpa's Avatar
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    Im not saying it doesnt work for some people maybe, but they tried EMDR therapy on me and it didnt do jack shit. A bunch of blinking lights and beeps in your ear and you are supposed to forget all the horrible shit that has happened to you? yeah, sure.

    I have PSTD and the best advice I can give you is to man up and deal with your issues head on. My trauma tortured me on a daily basis for years until I finally gave up and just let it all out to anyone who would listen. After talking about it so openly it helps put it in the past and into a better perspective. I never could have dreamed about talking about some of these things from my past without breaking down into an emotional shitfit or an extreme anxiety attack before, but now it's not all that big of a deal to me

    ....oh well different strokes for different folks. I hope you find relief somehow though. Best of luck!
     

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    #7
    Bluelighter izzy66's Avatar
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    "I just want it purged from memory so I have a chance at happiness."

    probably thought and said the same words a zillion times. I remembered plenty and knew there was a whole lot more stuffed elsewhere in my wee brain. it's exhausting staying wrapped tight enough to be functional/productive. I was convinced if I allowed all the shit to roll out and over me, i'd either die or totally be... gone,y'know?
    but I was unraveling, knew it, and -although I DO NOT recommend this to anyone- I stopped going to all psych related docs, weaned off their drugs. imo psych folks have no motivation to help you "get well" cuz then you don't need to keep seeing -and paying- them. just my opinion.

    I was trapped by then and when and had forgotten how to be here now. -then- was over, my mere presence was my "proof" I survived and -when- hasn't happened, I can't control the future but I can influence it by choices I make.
    oh hell, idk, like mdmantpa said "deal with your issues head on."
    it's not easy or quick but i'm convinced that's the only way. no drugs or zaps or flashing lights or talking to a doc. take your life back, don't let whomever, whatever, wherever steal another second of your life. you gotta survive the surviving.
    all apologies for the long babble.
    best of luck to you.

    iz
     

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    #8
    Greenlighter N2TheVoid's Avatar
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    I have not tried EMDR treatment. I was researched and read that memories can be blocked through hypnosis. Although I went to a hypnosis therapist a few years ago and it was just more like guided medidation. In hour into it and I was mentally scolding myself for paying $150 an hour for someone telling me to 'imagine a staircase'. I kinda lost faith in hypnosis after that although I hear it works for some.

    I have talked and talked and talked and cried so much and so many times I didnt think there was anything left in me. But the memory remains although meditaion has helped somewhat.

    My emotions are now back in lockdown state and with help of a very experienced and recommended addiction medicine specialist I've been keeping a strict dosing/eating/sleeping schedule which has helped me get back to numb. Although this is a shitty way to live, its better than being so down that you think of suicide daily (which I was doing when my emotions surfaced recently causing me to spiral into serious drug abuse and depression and I was unable to work, eat, sleep). I've just accepted that emotions and memories are simply bad for me, they work against all the potential I know I have. I'm actually very motivated and focused when all that junk is blocked (thanks to benzos and amphetamines) and have been very successful in my business. The doctors give me an endless supply of the meds because they have admitted they cannnot help me. So basically I'm a highly functioning addict when everything is controlled but these substances are so very easy to lose control of if you become emotional or depressed. I have no desire to 'get clean' since the drugs do their job and keep me working.

    Like izzy66 stated I want to live in "the now" and never look back. Meditation has helped somewhat to enhance focus and block memories but its not perfect. I guess I just wanted a better way.
     

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    #9
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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methyle...erapeutic_uses

    The therapeutic potential of MDMA is currently being tested in several ongoing studies, some sponsored by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies. Studies in the US and other countries are evaluating the efficacy of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for treating those diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or anxiety related to cancer. In a newspaper interview, the researchers from the South Carolina PTSD study report tendencies for some participants to have reduced disease severity after MDMA psychotherapy.[21] However, these reports focus on individual participants. Statistical results from the entire study will need to be published and, ultimately, results will need to be confirmed in studies by other scientists to demonstrate the efficacy of MDMA as a psychotherapeutic agent.
    I don't suffer from PTSD or from depression, so I can't speak from personal experience, however, I do come from a medical background, and though the studies currently being conducted are controversial, I have heard from patients of mine who have self-diagnosed with MDMA that it can, in some cases, help persons suffering from PTSD - not in actually erasing memory or losing the emotions themselves, but rather in handling and dealing with the emotions - the only problem I see is that as it is an illicit drug it is not subject to any quality control and that any results are subjective and would differ person-to-person.

    I'm not saying to approach some shady looking dealer on the street and asking him for a roll, all I'm saying is, it could be an avenue you might want to investigate further.

    Also, I know you've said that therapy isn't helping, and I don't purport that in all cases that it is overly effective, but if you can develop a good relationship with a doctor, whether it be a psychologist or otherwise, it can be beneficial. On that token, though, confiding in any person you trust can help.

    As for actually erasing the memories, it's an interesting aspect of medicine, but unfortunately is not one I can speak about with any degree of depth. Have you discussed these options with your doctor/therapists? They would be the people to talk to if not.
     

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    #10
    ^If you do decide this.. test your pills / MDMA with a tester.
     

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    #11
    N2TheVoid,

    No one can know the full extent of your depression and PTSD except for you, but I have both symptoms too from something terrible that happened to me years ago.

    Iīv been in depressive holes so deep that youīd need a backhoe to dig yourself out of, and my PTSD is born from a strong memory; weīre not just talking car accident or witnessing a bank robbery. So can we say Iīm very sympathetic for you? I donīt know how you feel, but I sympathize.

    Anyways, Iīve been to many shrinks too (even if I tried I couldnīt count the number of psychiatrists/ologists Iīve been to). Or <<shudder>> how much money I have spent.

    So for starters, I think that us humans, or some of us, or me, anyways, have very strong ideas about what we want or what we think will help us to feel good and be self-actualized (or however you say Ļo,btain the <<good>> in lifeĻ), and weīll be damned if anyone, including an expert is gonna tell us that what we think want or need to help us obtain that <<good>> wonīt help us, or at the very best that it will help up but only in the very short term.

    I mean, for example Iīm like superman on steroids when I take Dexedrine to do work. But I am sometimes hesitant to be prescribed Dex. because in my mind I wish that I didnīt HAVE TO pop a pill to only get a temporary jolt of energy to get stuff done.

    I wish that I could take something with a a long half life that whose effectiveness never went away, not like Dex. A stimulant whose plasma levels built up like most anti-depressives and which could stay with me all the time.

    Or better yet, in my mind, I wish I could be like I am when I am on Dexedrine, but naturally.

    My point is that although I may be correct in this line of thought, itīs really just the way I look at or think about the Dexedrine that makes me feel this way.

    Obviously I donīt feel good about myself when I know that if I am gonna really sit down and finish an essay, taking a Dexedrine to help me accomplish this much better than I could on my own. It may be true that it would be preferable if I could do it on my own, but thatīs REALLY just my own thoughts and outlooks about the pill that I have invented on my own.

    Again, my powerful brain (I mean everyoneīs brains and minds are powerful) changes my outlook on the Dex. as it does for other stuff in my life, your life, everyonesīlives. It is my opinion, not a fact.

    So where am I going with this? The Original Poster has made himself believe that
    long-term memory suppression (resulting in emotional blunting)
    is the answer. And maybe it is the answer, but I doubt it, and you have to understand that there may be a better answer than what you have come up with.

    And when you say that
    I've been doing some reseach and was wondering what your opinion was on what drugs produce long-term memory suppression (resulting in emotional blunting
    it means that you are enforcing this thought even more. Researching and reading ad-nauseam about a topic will really block out other ideas that may be more helpful.

    I dunno the answer. I mean you said not to suggest therapy...whatever. There are answers out there. Therapy could be one. There is treatment for PTSD...drugs, electro, virtual reality, surgery, who knows. But maybe you should open your mind.

    I was taking Wellbutrin, Prozac, Clonepan, Xanax, Dex. and before that pretty much everything else save for MAO-I class drugs for most of my teenage and young adult life (Iīm 27 now). None of it helped but the routine made me think it did, or whatever.

    But It was my girlfriend who insisted that I stop taking the anti-depressives that has helped me feel better. Iīve been off the antidepressives for a while (getting of of the kpins is a bitch, but thatīs next. Getting of the depression meds was like 1st grade math compared to the Clonepanīs College Level Number Theory withdrawals). But stopping the meds has helped. It took an outside view to push me to try something new, and it could have failed but it worked.

    Oh, and sorry Noid, but therapy has helped with the PTSD too. I know you donīt want to hear it, but a good professional can help you deal with strong PTSD...and mine is Iraq war related...seeing kids I grew up with in town, kids I knew since elementary school, many of them actual close friends, who parents where friends with my parents, all in my Natīl Guard unit dying in an ambush in front of me (2 out of 9 of of survived) and seeing a bullet pierce the forehead and exploding the brain of a a kid who used to be my best friend when we were younger...we used to play pool in his basement after school and drink Tab and fake wrestle on his bed and spy on his neighbors...yeah, it WOULD be nice to have that memory erased, but since we can selectively erase memories yet and I donīt want to erase everything from the past, I had to come to get help. Iīm not telling you my trauma for sympathy or anything (yourīs could be worse), Iīm just saying that if a professional could get me to sleep at night and work during the day (Dexed up though) and find a girlfriend and only wake up screaming from nightmares once in a while except every night, than maybe it can help you too.

    So look at other options. This memory erasing thing doesnīt sound right to me.

    Except try the pill Forget Me Nows. It helps Job forget the ugly chicks he hooks up with. Arrested Development anyone?

    Wooo, Iīm on the clock and that took a while to right. FEEL BETTER!!!!!!
     

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    #12
    PCP and other NMDA antagonists will likely do what the OP requested.
     

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    #13
    Bluelighter vortex30's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Holy_cow View Post
    PCP and other NMDA antagonists will likely do what the OP requested.
    Will probably result with a 're-living' of the experience if one goes in with the mind set of 'dealing' with that part of their memory. However, re-living a negative experience could be positive or negative in effect, it is hard to predict. I think Ketamine is a far better choice than PCP though, for its short duration and generally nicer effects.
     

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    #14
    I'm sorry that all i offer are my prayers...

    I will certainly pray for a you to have a nice dopamine release
     

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    #15
    You can hide from your emotions or you can accept them and actually be glad you went through them. Obviously your not going to be able to do this by yourself, but if you take MDMA you can. It has been proven to cure ptsd i can attest to this with personal experience as well.
     

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    #16
    yeah hard work and talking through your problems...orrrr one day of Molly.
     

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    #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Ufotofu9 View Post
    yeah hard work and talking through your problems...orrrr one day of Molly.
    Ya mdma sort of does all that hard work for you and you look at all that trauma like wtf i was actually worried about that? life is good maybe its good that i went through all that.
     

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    #18
    defintely benzos... less so opiates - they have a mind-enhancing effect in a sense, like psychs
     

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    #19
    Bluelighter habboz's Avatar
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    Alchohal and benzos.. Or u shuld try speed that maked u feel like everything is all good
     

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    #20
    MDMA would be good to actually deal with your bad memories. I don't suggest using it in excess for memory loss. This could result in some memory loss and you being dumber. There's no telling what type of memories will be erased. You might lose 25% of your short-term memory capabilities but still remember everything of those horrible 10 years.

    Alcohol and benzos are mind-numbers. Methadone is probably the ultimate mind-numbing drug IME, but no DRUG is going to just wipe the bad memories completely away.

    The only way to deal with your past in a 100% healthy way is therapy, and that's the bottom line.
     

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    #21
    Bluelighter samb834's Avatar
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    Ive never tried it myself but possibly, alongside benzo treatment, hypnosis might be worth a shot... Not too sure of the effectiveness of hypnosis but if sucessful it might get to the root cause of the issue and help you cope with it.

    Hypnosis may or may not work but couldn't hurt to give it a shot...

    Hope you eventually get through this...
     

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    #22
    Quote Originally Posted by spaceyourbass View Post
    MDMA would be good to actually deal with your bad memories. I don't suggest using it in excess for memory loss. This could result in some memory loss and you being dumber. There's no telling what type of memories will be erased. You might lose 25% of your short-term memory capabilities but still remember everything of those horrible 10 years.

    Alcohol and benzos are mind-numbers. Methadone is probably the ultimate mind-numbing drug IME, but no DRUG is going to just wipe the bad memories completely away.

    The only way to deal with your past in a 100% healthy way is therapy, and that's the bottom line.
    Thats true nothing is going to wipe your memories away. The only logical solution is to find a way to actually accept them. This is where mdma comes in.
     

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    #23
    Bluelighter boxcut3's Avatar
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    i might be totally off here and this isn't supposed to erase your memory or anything, but have you ever looked into Ibogaine? it's mainly used for opiate addicts, but i guess now non-users have begun doing it to deal with emotional type issues. apparently it really helps a lot of people. i have never done it so i have no idea, but it might be something worth checking out. i know they have treatment centers in Canada and Mexico (it's illegal in the US of course). it might help you put some of that shit to rest without having to forget it. anyways, just a thought.
     

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