I just gave birth

it's hard to beat that feeling when everything finally falls though eh, especially if all in one go.

Standing over the bowl with your kaks round your ankles, tears running down your smiling face while you desperately try to cut the thing into enough pieces to fit down the bend before the water overflows over the top. All the while swearing you'll have that daily bowl of bran fibre .

fastforward to a fortnight later while your squeezing just to the point where you fear your veins will pop, stamping your feet and screaming through your yelping tears 'why didn't i listen to myself! i don't want to die like elvis! has anyone ever shat their colon before!?'

Fibre AND water, essential combo
 
Forks in Butts!!!! LMAO!!!

Fork+Shit=Shit-ork!!!!

SHITORK!!!LMAO!!!!

I lurve it. ;)

I symphatize though!I doo have had to dig myself out countless times cuz of opioid depencence!I sitll do...cuz my suboxone makes me pretty blocked up! lol

BUMP FOR SHITORKS!!!LOL :D
 
thank you rogue robot for introducing me to this thread. this shit is ridiculous
and yes i've been there too, never fork'ed my ass or anything yet, usually my morning coffee runs me out pretty good. worse comes to worse i skip doses for a day or two and drink an extra cup of joe and everything works itself out. lol this thread.
 
Freaking hilarious. yes I believe this has happened to anyone doing opiates for more than a week or two. A hardcore addict hides a plastic knife in the bathroom so as not to have to call a plumber/maintenace dude too often.
 
damn man. 3 shitless days is enough to put me in misery and take a break until i can get my shit sorted out.. pun intended. lol awesome thread tho
 
.... fuck, guys, I am in tears, I laughed so fucking hard at this thread, you made my day!!!!!!! :D
 
That was some funny ass shit. (No pun intended)
Having bloody stools due to constipation happens often due to a peson having hemmorhoids from doing valsalva maneuver (pushing hard) and often, due to constipation. This pushes out blood vessels which are from the anus. These blood vessels that are bulging out (roids), are ripped, raw, and/or worn from the wear of hard stools, and mostly from the extreme pressures of pushing out the poo, which forces out the roids too. These often can leak blood onto the stools. This is fairly common with roids, and rarely something to worry about. The problem with opiates is that they affect mu, kappa, and sigma recptors. Some of these receptors are in the GI tract, and opioids actually impair the normal function of the large intestine compressing and forcing out your poo (via peristaltic contractions)...these contractions are impaired/slowed severely from opioids sometimes, so it is imperitive, NOT ONLY to use high fiber diet, but you also need Laxatives. DO NOT USE simple passive laxatives alone. You MUST use STIMULANT LAXATIVES to get the bowels moving/contracting again. Lactulose is a fairly potent stimulant laxative which should work well, if others do not. Use a dose of 10-20 ml of lactulose as needed, when you have severe constipation. Do not over do it. Start out using 5-10 ml at first, till your bowels get used to it. Then titrate dose up to dose I wrote. A common dose prescribed is 670mg/ml concentration, 10-20ml PRN. If the roids don't let up, or are severe, you can use Preparation H, or even get prescribed Xylocaine Suppositories, if needed, for pain/discomfort. These should effectively relieve the constipation, or at least reduce its frequency and or severity, which should also help reduce the roids, and associated bleeding, unless they are severe, and chronic. In severe cases, see your Dr. and they might reccommend having surgery/laser treatment to remove/treat the roids, but that is for severe cases. But be sure if u have constipation at all due to opiate use, use BOTH high fiber AND stimulant-type laxatives, NOT just the passive-type laxatives. Lactulose is stim. type and quite effective. See your Dr. if in doubt. I am a medical practitioner, but am not formerly giving this to anyone as official medical advice (to protect my ass), again, no pun intended. Good luck!
 
yep.... coffee truly is amazing for fighting the sit-down adhesions. LOL
 
got a bit of a story here myself, funny and a bit discusting at the same time :p

Was late last year i just finished a 2 week heroin binge, hadnt shat! tried so many times, and as i ate alot i was extremely bloated, it started causing pain so i knew i had to do something, one day i was sitting on the toilet, straining, determined to get the bastard out, it was so painful then i decided how about some stims? Had a gram of some decent coke in my room, so i hobbled along, got it, went back to the toilet, starting straining, then IV'd the coke whilst on the toilet.

OMG the rush, got an insane rush from the coke, and this huge shit just destroyed my ass and just shot out into the toilet, yeah it was bloody as hell but the releif was unbeleivable.

The worst thing though is it broke the damn toilet, blocked it right up, was about 12-14 inches long and wide as a fucking tree, luckily my boyfriend is a plumber and managed to fix the damn toilet (literally destroyed the whole thing :p). I kind of wanted to keep the shit and weigh it to see if i broke some world records or something, but it eventually went :p

sorry its a bit weird, but true and thought i would share it :)
 
You know when you've taken a really big dump and there's part of a huge log that won't come out no matter how hard you push? Is it possible to use a vacuum suction device to suck it out? That would definitely work wouldn't it?
 
dear god i just didd one which was the most painful thing ive ever experienced, bit worried though it was bloody as hell at the end. (nice gory details :p)
 
That's one of the funniest threads ever. I actually took it pretty serious too when I saw the title.
 
I never used a fork but I've used my hand and some toilet paper. it didn't work, just broke pieces off but didn't pull the rest out. lol
 
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