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Letter to Your Disease/Addiction

Goodbye Letter to your Drug of Choice (possibly triggering!)

My last rodeo in treatment back in January of 2012 gave me this idea. We were required to write a goodbye letter to our Drug of Choice (DOC)to promote closure in our lives and to end the "unhealthy relationship" we had with our drug. I found this to be therapeutic and has helped me get clean and most importantly stay clean. Feel free to write as many letters as you like and in whatever style you wish: formal letter, poem, song, etc. This thread may be triggering to readers so if your letter is very graphic and may come off as glorifying please "nsfw" it. Also if it is very long please "nsfw" it to keep clutter/size down. Also if you could put your drug of choice at the title of your letter so others can look for identification more easily that would be great.

Thank you mods for allowing this thread and best of luck in moderating it. Love all of you.

Here's mine for starters

"A Divorce Story" (Heroin)
by: Sero

I look back to that day when I first met you. I still remember your tan skin and the wonderful scent you carried about you. Something about you captivated me from the beginning. I knew of your previous love affairs and how they ended poorly, but yet I figured things would be different with us. I took you in the first chance I got and quickly fell in love with you. Everything about you comforted me. You kept me warm every night, brought my spirits up when I was down, loved me when no one else did, you were always there for me through everything. Overtime I became obsessed with your love. I always wanted you with me and couldn't even go more than four or five hours without a kiss. Every night and every morning we made love and I knew I wanted to marry you from day one. I still remember the first time I took you in my arms. I flew higher than the stars them selves and never wanted to come down. We had a hasty marriage and progressed our relationship quickly. Eventually it got to the point where it was just you and me since all my friends and family left me since they weren't too fond of you, but they didn't know how you made me feel. I didn't want anyone to try to break us up. Eventually though you got clingy; there were days when I didn't want you yet some how you convinced me to stay. My whole life revolved around us; me picking you up from your dad's, taking you into my arms, and spending every waking moment with you. Eventually thing took a turn for the worse. We began fighting daily and you left tired, broke, and emotionally depressed. Yet somehow I couldn't get rid of you, I always kept coming back to you; miserable, crawling, crying. With you I was weak and without you I was even weaker. Finally I was able to leave you. It took a month long stay out of state to finally escape your power, your firm hold on me. I am finally free from you. You took all my belongings but now I have peace of mind and some sanity. I hope to never see you ever again. I heard you moved on already anyways, to cheat someone else out of their happiness and having them rely on you. Goodbye, hopefully forever.

~Your ex,
Sero
 
I went through treatment myself last november/december and we were asked to do this excercise too.
I also went for the broken relationship theme. seems quite fitting. heres my 2cents...

You've caused me such heartache, and physical pain,
So I must insist that we break up again.
I mean it this time, the affair has to end,
You've stolen my sanity, drove me round the bend.
I want you out!... Im sick of you're lies.
I've found out it's not me, but YOU I despise.
Im somewhere now, where you cannot find me,
Im safe, and im happy without you beside me.
When I get home, I dont want you with me,
So please stop calling, stop trying to get me.
This time will be different, I hope and I pray.
I've got my 12 steps now, to keep you at bay.

Its a good excersice to get the emotions rollin...
 
I like the idea of this thread sero I will get around to working on mine. I have a few goodbye letters to a couple past lovers that I need to close the door to. I thoroughly enjoyed reading, I can relate very much.
 
Dear ganja,

Thank you for everything you have given me and for everything you have taken away.

I won't be smoking you today.

We are forever blessed to share this planet with you.

love always,
Hanley
 
Mehm said:
Dear ganja,

Thank you for everything you have given me and for everything you have taken away.

I won't be smoking you today.

We are forever blessed to share this planet with you.

love always,
Hanley
Click to expand...

LOL that is great. This is a good idea and i like everyones letters as i can relate a lot.
 
Same here I can relate a lot. I feel like my letter may be repetitive but definitely helpful nonetheless. Lovely to read Mehm.
 
Oh man where to start...

I hate you and I hate what you've turned me into. I could see myself becoming a better person, I was more open to others, nicer, more attentive, more patient, yet for some reason I decided to go back to you; after 6 weeks of unimaginable physical and psychological pain, after finally stabilising, I decided to go back and I'm getting a glimpse of the monster I used to be. Just one time was enough for me to turn into that horrible, pitiful shell, pathetic excuse for a human being who doesn't deserve to live. My life revolves around you; it's revolved around you for too long. I am you and I don't want to be. You're a vile, jealous creature who can't tolerate that anyone care about anything else, and I won't let you win. I don't want you to win because I'm better than you. You haven't given me anything - you haven't kept your promises. You promised me happiness, and peace, and understanding. But you only took. You took away everything good about me and you took away my reasons to live. You even took away my want to be me. I hate you with every little particle of my being and yet you still seem like the only solution. I don't know why. I don't understand why. You're above me, stronger than me, you have complete control over me. I tried to fight but I just end up in the same place.
I could go on like this for pages and pages. I have so many words to say how much I regret ever meeting you; how much I regret the initial thoughts that I was stronger. I even regret realising how much you've ruined. If I hadn't realised maybe things would be easier. Maybe things would be easier if I still wrongly believed you were the solution.
I don't feel like I can ever go back to how things were before you came into my life. You've taken my spirit away; I don't have any more will or belief in the world, in people, or in myself. All I have is you. And I hate you, heroin. I really, really do. I wish we'd never met. I wish no one had ever met you. You don't deserve to live. And now that you've dragged me down with you, I don't deserve to live either.
 
Thank you. You have revealed who my real friends are, showed me to never take anything for granted and put things in a different perspective.
 
Thank you.. you have made me stronger than I ever thought possible.. needed to become that way to crush you.. after so many years how does it feel to be MY bitch.. I figured out I will never really be rid of you.. So I figured out how you work, I learned all you wepons, I was able to see through your facade.. as in the end your power is just a powerful illusion.. but like every illusion, when I was able to see through what seemed so strong and powerful it turned cheap and shady.. You took so much from me.. but in overcoming you I have reached a place where the sky truly is the limit.. I fear nothing, not even you. So as I can never really say goodby to you, sit there in your cave, a once powerful foe, now emaciated and dressed in rags, one eyed, scared and toothless.. stay in your wet cold cave and keep your insane misery to a barely audible mumble, or I will torture you like I do from time to time.. and it hurts you so and it drives you mad.. like i said a barely audible mumble.
 
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i thought this was the most pointless thing they made us do in rehab i can see how i could help some people but everyone i talked to said if anything it was a trigger
 
My lovely handcuffs,

Today I'm writing to you because we haven't spoken in a while. I can't say I haven't been fantasizing about one last romantic little romp with you...but now I know just how little you love me.
From the moment you flooded my brain with your absurd love I wanted to marry you. I wanted to spend each moment drenched in your loving beauty. I know now there is nothing beautiful about you. I know now you treat me like your whipping boy, only ever bringing me one step away from madness.
You made me touch and be touched by those I cared little for. You made me manipulate women I could have loved. You have turned me weak.
I am now strong. Each day I grow stronger and stronger....I see you for what you are now...just one more conquest.

Yours truly
Manboy

PS. Seconded pagey. No matter how grim it gets choose life.
 
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dear addiction. my breakup letter to my habit

Dear Addiction,

You've been my everything for years now.
Your all my family can see when they look at me.
You were my motivation, my obsession.
Ive tryed to keep you my secret, but after a while you overwhelmed me and everyone just knew.
It was unspoken but understood.
I was addicted and nothing could stop me..
but myself
and its time.
I dont know when or why, but it hit me.
That overwhelimg feeling that i am over you
and i am ready to let you go.
It is so empowering.
A spark i havnt had in a while.

I know its going to be hard to keep this motivation up,
and that i might not find anything as enjoyable as you right now,
but i am convinced that in time i will find my happiness again.
find myself again.
without you.

i have to find myself again.
I have been numb for so long.
i need to let myself feel the stuff ive been blocking for so many years now
so i can learn new ways to cope.
theyre always going to be there.
i need to overcome them on my own.
with my mind. naturally.

You started out fun.
i had friends that knew you.
everyone loved you.
but its not sociable anymore
you became all that i was about.

now your just a part of me
a deep, dark, ugly part of me
that i am ready to leave behind.

i wrote that a few years ago my first try at inpatient.. i need to get that motivation back.
underneath is a song that is just kind of how i feel right now
its candlebox-you



"....And I'll cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll take everything
As it comes my way
Pushin' your pain 'round my door
And I'll I cry for you as I die for you
Is this blood on my hands all for you?

You shiver
And shudder
Recovers your mother
You feel it take control
All alone
Feel alive
In your soul

Come around town
Steal another dime
Take another line
Won't you feel it
Blanket your soul
Out of mind

Come around town
Steal another dime
Do another crime
Won't you get it higher and higher
All through time

Come around town
Steal another dime
Don't you push your drugs in my face
Yes, I feel it
Feeling fine
Don't you push your drugs in my face
Or I'm gonna put you in your place
Fuck you
I don't want it no more
And it's mine
Said this pain in my heart is all mine
Yes, it's mine all alone

I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more...."
 
Hi sunshine and welcome to Bluelight! :) I merged your thread with one of our older ones. I hope you find TDS and the other Recovery Support forums to be beneficial to you.
 
manboychef said:
My lovely handcuffs,

Today I'm writing to you because we haven't spoken in a while. I can't say I haven't been fantasizing about one last romantic little romp with you...but now I know just how little you love me.
From the moment you flooded my brain with your absurd love I wanted to marry you. I wanted to spend each moment drenched in your loving beauty. I know now there is nothing beautiful about you. I know now you treat me like your whipping boy, only ever bringing me one step away from madness.
You made me touch and be touched by those I cared little for. You made me manipulate women I could have loved. You have turned me weak.
I am now strong. Each day I grow stronger and stronger....I see you for what you are now...just one more conquest.

Yours truly
Manboy

PS. Seconded pagey. No matter how grim it gets choose life.
Click to expand...

Good job Manboychef! :)
 
It's a poem but I like writing poetry better than I like writing letters so it serves the same function.

Life (This Is A Poem About Heroin)

When the ice speaks
And scatters decayed roses across your
Lilted cheeks,
After a vacant paradise
Inhales its inhabitants from some narcotic skin-tight otherwhere
In a final dying gasp, your hair melts into some desert’s ticking sands,
As we take our hands- this last time of last times of last times
In a forgetful, hesitant and frightened clasp,
Kiss me, pilot each mud-luscious word
Into the turgid seams of the absurd, brand my skin
In spiral strokes, lingering and loitering,
I will smile as our (much-debated) domesticated ouroboros
Chokes, and finally, clutch your serrated tongue
And paint the cancer into my lung,
I will take the canvas, and tear it carelessly
After all, I am quite young- a tear will
Split at the seams, torn in half
Like a child’s cursive rambled across
A page sewn with the putrid seeds of decomposing parental dreams,
A child in the process of learning
A name to silence the malignant moan
Droning ever louder with each ever longing age,
And each ever longer ever the more hesitant move towards silence
In our precious game, each step pattering in the empty palm of what might have been,
As its fingers delicately throb morbid and incandescent sobs wiring
Springleaf vines into the minds of men before
Hesitant and frightened shines
Cavalcanti’s ray from Mars, turning
Dante’s wheel that winds the stars,
Lips weaving the stain of time and death into
The kiss that stitched a stranger’s lips into
The acquiescent and acceptant pallor
Of the iron, winewashed bars,
Hesitant and fearful binds the mind
To the thought of what there is
When you no longer call it love
When you no longer steam the fog of
Pallescent spectral being into the multi-faceted
Memory of flesh, hesitant and frightened
What do you call it?
 
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thank you for the welcome spork! im glad you merged it. i didnt see this thread and im excited to read others "letters"
i absolutly know TDS and the Recovery Support forums will be a big help for me. im in the process of getting ready to try and get clean, deciding if i should do a taper on my own or get on a program... leaning more towards a self detox. and im sure i will be in here a lot.
 
These are all such powerful letters. I think personifying something you are struggling with and then addressing it as if it is a living being that can hear you is a fantastic way to get clarity about an emotion, a need, a pattern of behavior--any part of yourself that you want to change.
 
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