The exact timing and chronological order of this report may be inaccurate due to the effects of Salvia Divinorum.
Background Information:
I am a sixteen-year-old male living in the suburbs of Minneapolis. Drugs have always fascinated me, since childhood. Psychedelics have always been the most intriguing to me, but unfortunately I have not had the pleasure of having my 5-HT2a receptors agonized. I have used Cannabis, Alcohol, Tobacco, Amphetamine, and Caffeine recreationally before this experience. I only weigh 90 pounds, which is one of the factors that make me *very* sensitive to all sorts of drugs. With decent quality Cannabis, I can get high off only one hit. With a proper smoking session, I regularly get highs that last for over six hours, while my friends come down in two to three. Cannabis is also very psychedelic to me; it always induces closed eye visuals, and in very high doses, prominent open eye viduals, such as trees growing infinite branches. Also, I have had a daily caffeine intake of about 100mg since I was about 13, though surprisingly my tolerance has not seem to have gone up significantly.
I had used Salvia before, when I was fourteen. My friends and I acquired dried leaves from the internet. I smoked bowl after bowl of the herb with no real effects. The only time I got something from it was intense laughter for a few minutes, with no other effects.
The Trip:
E and I are friends, and had been intending to do Salvia together for about two weeks. Finally, we both got the supplies, time, and setting to do it. I had not had very good past experiences with salvia, and we did not have a proper bong to smoke it with (only a regular pipe), so I was not expecting too much out of the experience.
We were in E’s bedroom while his Dad was gone. It was 7:00pm, completely dark outside, with the temperature at around -1F. E fully packed my glass pipe with 17x standardized Salvia Divinorum extract. The bowl of my pipe can hold about .3 grams of Cannabis.
I was in E’s bedroom, standing by the cold, open window. I did it first, lit the bowl with a normal lighter, and I inhaled deeply. Almost immediately, I could feel the effects of the herb coming on. My vision started becoming distorted, starting with my peripheral. It was like what I saw was on different membranes, and these membranes were twisting, cutting through, and interacting with each other in an organic and very rapid way. It coalesced into a weird sort of vibration. I was still holding the hit while this was happening, and the last thing I remember was thinking that this was going to be a lot more than I bargained for. I felt excited and mischievous, smiling at E. After this, I had a full-on level 6 (on the SALVIA scale) amnesiac experience. I did not remember exhaling.
I could only recall very few bits and pieces of the next seven (or so) minutes. The next thing I knew, I was laying E’s bed saying,
“What the fuck E, what the fuck… What the fuck is going on? Why would anyone want do this? I can’t believe this is happening to me!”
Complete and utter fear dominated my mind and canceled out all my other emotions and feelings. After this, my memory gave way once again. E said that I started mumbling, talking and chanting in an indecipherable and alien-sounding language. I was thrashing on the bed, feeling my body with my hands. He said that, suddenly, I stood up and looked very confused. I stuck my arms out at E, mumbling the alien language. E did not know what I wanted, so he gave me a hug. I vaguely remember a strong feeling of fear towards E, and the hug may have caused that.
The next thing I fully remember was being totally dissociated from reality. There was an ‘I,’ but it was not of my body. I had lost the ability to perceive with my five senses, I had lost the concepts of vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. These things no longer existed; my existence was now based on pure information. Sober ‘reality’ no longer had any bearing on my mind—I was on my own in salvia land. In my current state of existence, there were two separate and distinct ‘realities’ paradoxically occurring and the exact same time. In one ‘reality,’ my consciousness was free from my body, speeding through the ether of nothingness. My mind was shattered into eleven pieces—yes; I distinctly remember the number eleven. The eleven pieces of my mind were aligned with and swept by the universal stream of consciousness, which was the product of the consciousness of all sentient beings alive in the universe. All of this was already fully determined as I remembered this part of the trip, and I had no doubts of its validity. The eleven pieces of my consciousness visited millions of places and time periods across the universe. Unfortunately, I do not remember the visitation of these different worlds, but only the feeling and implications of having visited them. This scenario starts to fade out, as the other one (which is occurring simultaneously) starts to dominate.
This second ‘reality’ is occurring at the exact same time the scenario in the previous paragraph. I felt that ‘me’ was the wall of E’s bedroom. I remember feeling immense fear, resentment, and sadness at being the wall. I tried to break my consciousness from the wall, but a force that was going at light speed was preventing me, mentally, from breaking the physical restraints of being a wall. This scenario starts to dominate the other scenario, and eventually the other scenario fades from my mind.
During these two ‘realities,’ the five senses of my body did not register at all with my mind. I was completely dissociated from reality, my senses, and my physical body—the basis of our traditional view of existence. There was still and ‘I,’ but it wasn’t tethered to a body or a solid definition. I did not think of my name, nor did it seem to matter. I didn’t have the time or presence of mind to ask myself analytical questions such as that. Time did not seem to matter in this experience, a second seemed to last for eternity, but it didn’t matter. Time seemed so arbitrary; I just existed. According to E, I was standing most of this time, staggering slightly from place to place.
When the ‘reality’ of being the wall had taken over completely, I started to question why I was the way I was. I knew that being the wall was wrong, and that I felt the need to break free of this existence. But, I couldn’t remember being anything else but being the wall. I had completely forgotten about sober reality. Suddenly, a thought in my head popped up; I had just taken salvia. At first, it seemed like a random thought, something extraneous that did not matter in my state of existence. After what seemed like a very long time interpreting the implications of this thought, it hit me; what I was going through was just because I had taken salvia. An immense wave of relief washed through me, as I knew this is not really who I was. The intense and all-powerful fear of the last ten minutes finally began to subside. Discovering that I took salvia was the catalyst that propelled me towards sober reality, but it would be a long and arduous process to get there.
My memory lapses again, and the next thing I remember was me standing by the window again, with E saying, “Are you going to be okay, man?”
I regained the ability to speak, and I said; “No… what the fuck is going on… what is this…”
I realized that there was a reality, a reality that I had been in for the past sixteen years of my life. I realized that, right now, that was not the reality I was in and I wanted OUT. The fear that momentarily subsided came back with a vengeance.
“E… Hold my fucking hand! Hold my fucking hand! E, you have to fucking hold my hand! You are the only thing from the real world, come over here and hold my fucking hand! I NEED YOU TO HOLD MY FUCKING HAND!”
E held my hand tight. Looking back, this was the most embarrassing part of the entire trip.
During this time, my mind had finally realized the concept of having five senses, and it began slowly reconnecting with them. The reconnection process was slow. Salvia space was without perception, I did not see anything, nor did I hear anything, salvia space just consisted of pure information. It was hard to distinguish between actual perception and salvia space, as my senses were still marred with significant distortions. The appearance of perception at all should have indicated that I was leaving salvia space, but this transition to perception-based reality seemed seamless. My vision started off like the distortions I had when I first took the hit; my vision/reality on different membranes twisting and folding into each other very rapidly and organically. The first undistorted thing I saw was my hand and E’s hand. E led me towards the bed, and we sat next to each other. My senses were starting to become less and less distorted, most significantly my vision. My fear started to subside. I also realized that I was drenched with sweat.
I started talking to E about my experience, at first incomprehensibly. I still did not fully comprehend why I was the way I was. Despite what I had just experienced in salvia space, I did not think more than a minute had passed in the timescale sober reality, since the time I lit the bowl and inhaled the herb. E told me it had been about 10 minutes. As the influence of salvia divinorum waned, fragments of my trip started to come together like a puzzle. I realized the enormity of what I had just gone through, and that I did not even remember half of my experience(s). For the next thirty minutes or so, I still felt as though I was on the edge of salvia space, vulnerable from falling back in at the slightest disturbance. I felt the overwhelming urge to call someone and tell them about my experience, as it was still fresh in my mind. A state of mental inebriation lasted for about 30 minutes after the trip, with weird and rambling thought patterns which were reflected in my speech.
After I fully came down, I was in awe of how reality could came back together after being completely torn apart like that. I was hesitant at letting E have his turn at the bowl, thinking I wouldn’t be able to control him if he did something rash under the influence. His trip was much more positive and enlightening than mine, he remembered the places he visited, like the salvia god with her red crystals and slaves. He was also semi-coherently talking me through his trip, keeping me informed at what was happening. Afterwards, E wanted to some a bowl of Cannabis. Taking sober reality away from me was the last thing I wanted to do, and to this day I still am slightly scared of doing any drug that can take me away (even in the slightest) from sober reality. There was a slight afterglow the day after the trip, but as I saw the enormous pile of homework I had to do, the afterglow went away quickly.
Reflections:
I did not experience ego death in a classical sense. During my time in salvia space, I still knew there was an ‘I.’ ‘I’ did not have a solid definition, and was not tethered to a physical construct of existence. There was an ‘I,’ and it was having thoughts, but ‘I’ was scattered in pieces throughout the cosmos, and ‘I’ was also E’s wall. It really makes having a body seem arbitrary—the consciousness can live without its’ constraints.
Due to the almost complete amnesia I experience during the first few minutes of the trip, I think a lower dose would suffice next time. I feel like I could gain more with a lower dose, and (obviously) more preparation. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of the trip.
I learned that reality is fragile, and that it takes very little for it to be completely torn away and ripped apart. There are different realities abound, just under the surface of what we see in front of us. I feel like I should have learned more because of this, with the magnitude of the experience I had. Maybe it was too strong, and too distorted for me to gain significant insights from it. I do not feel an immense sense of enlightenment from the trip, but in my mind there is a definite “pre-salvia” and “post-salvia” mindset in thinking of past memories and thoughts. I think I would like to try salvia again, but not for a great while. The ultimate drug I would like to try, though, is DMT. I feel like much more insight and enlightenment could be gained with a traditional 5-HT2a agonist, especially ‘the ultimate psychedelic’ DMT.
substancecode_salvia
methodcode_smoked
explevel_firsttime
Background Information:
I am a sixteen-year-old male living in the suburbs of Minneapolis. Drugs have always fascinated me, since childhood. Psychedelics have always been the most intriguing to me, but unfortunately I have not had the pleasure of having my 5-HT2a receptors agonized. I have used Cannabis, Alcohol, Tobacco, Amphetamine, and Caffeine recreationally before this experience. I only weigh 90 pounds, which is one of the factors that make me *very* sensitive to all sorts of drugs. With decent quality Cannabis, I can get high off only one hit. With a proper smoking session, I regularly get highs that last for over six hours, while my friends come down in two to three. Cannabis is also very psychedelic to me; it always induces closed eye visuals, and in very high doses, prominent open eye viduals, such as trees growing infinite branches. Also, I have had a daily caffeine intake of about 100mg since I was about 13, though surprisingly my tolerance has not seem to have gone up significantly.
I had used Salvia before, when I was fourteen. My friends and I acquired dried leaves from the internet. I smoked bowl after bowl of the herb with no real effects. The only time I got something from it was intense laughter for a few minutes, with no other effects.
The Trip:
E and I are friends, and had been intending to do Salvia together for about two weeks. Finally, we both got the supplies, time, and setting to do it. I had not had very good past experiences with salvia, and we did not have a proper bong to smoke it with (only a regular pipe), so I was not expecting too much out of the experience.
We were in E’s bedroom while his Dad was gone. It was 7:00pm, completely dark outside, with the temperature at around -1F. E fully packed my glass pipe with 17x standardized Salvia Divinorum extract. The bowl of my pipe can hold about .3 grams of Cannabis.
I was in E’s bedroom, standing by the cold, open window. I did it first, lit the bowl with a normal lighter, and I inhaled deeply. Almost immediately, I could feel the effects of the herb coming on. My vision started becoming distorted, starting with my peripheral. It was like what I saw was on different membranes, and these membranes were twisting, cutting through, and interacting with each other in an organic and very rapid way. It coalesced into a weird sort of vibration. I was still holding the hit while this was happening, and the last thing I remember was thinking that this was going to be a lot more than I bargained for. I felt excited and mischievous, smiling at E. After this, I had a full-on level 6 (on the SALVIA scale) amnesiac experience. I did not remember exhaling.
I could only recall very few bits and pieces of the next seven (or so) minutes. The next thing I knew, I was laying E’s bed saying,
“What the fuck E, what the fuck… What the fuck is going on? Why would anyone want do this? I can’t believe this is happening to me!”
Complete and utter fear dominated my mind and canceled out all my other emotions and feelings. After this, my memory gave way once again. E said that I started mumbling, talking and chanting in an indecipherable and alien-sounding language. I was thrashing on the bed, feeling my body with my hands. He said that, suddenly, I stood up and looked very confused. I stuck my arms out at E, mumbling the alien language. E did not know what I wanted, so he gave me a hug. I vaguely remember a strong feeling of fear towards E, and the hug may have caused that.
The next thing I fully remember was being totally dissociated from reality. There was an ‘I,’ but it was not of my body. I had lost the ability to perceive with my five senses, I had lost the concepts of vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. These things no longer existed; my existence was now based on pure information. Sober ‘reality’ no longer had any bearing on my mind—I was on my own in salvia land. In my current state of existence, there were two separate and distinct ‘realities’ paradoxically occurring and the exact same time. In one ‘reality,’ my consciousness was free from my body, speeding through the ether of nothingness. My mind was shattered into eleven pieces—yes; I distinctly remember the number eleven. The eleven pieces of my mind were aligned with and swept by the universal stream of consciousness, which was the product of the consciousness of all sentient beings alive in the universe. All of this was already fully determined as I remembered this part of the trip, and I had no doubts of its validity. The eleven pieces of my consciousness visited millions of places and time periods across the universe. Unfortunately, I do not remember the visitation of these different worlds, but only the feeling and implications of having visited them. This scenario starts to fade out, as the other one (which is occurring simultaneously) starts to dominate.
This second ‘reality’ is occurring at the exact same time the scenario in the previous paragraph. I felt that ‘me’ was the wall of E’s bedroom. I remember feeling immense fear, resentment, and sadness at being the wall. I tried to break my consciousness from the wall, but a force that was going at light speed was preventing me, mentally, from breaking the physical restraints of being a wall. This scenario starts to dominate the other scenario, and eventually the other scenario fades from my mind.
During these two ‘realities,’ the five senses of my body did not register at all with my mind. I was completely dissociated from reality, my senses, and my physical body—the basis of our traditional view of existence. There was still and ‘I,’ but it wasn’t tethered to a body or a solid definition. I did not think of my name, nor did it seem to matter. I didn’t have the time or presence of mind to ask myself analytical questions such as that. Time did not seem to matter in this experience, a second seemed to last for eternity, but it didn’t matter. Time seemed so arbitrary; I just existed. According to E, I was standing most of this time, staggering slightly from place to place.
When the ‘reality’ of being the wall had taken over completely, I started to question why I was the way I was. I knew that being the wall was wrong, and that I felt the need to break free of this existence. But, I couldn’t remember being anything else but being the wall. I had completely forgotten about sober reality. Suddenly, a thought in my head popped up; I had just taken salvia. At first, it seemed like a random thought, something extraneous that did not matter in my state of existence. After what seemed like a very long time interpreting the implications of this thought, it hit me; what I was going through was just because I had taken salvia. An immense wave of relief washed through me, as I knew this is not really who I was. The intense and all-powerful fear of the last ten minutes finally began to subside. Discovering that I took salvia was the catalyst that propelled me towards sober reality, but it would be a long and arduous process to get there.
My memory lapses again, and the next thing I remember was me standing by the window again, with E saying, “Are you going to be okay, man?”
I regained the ability to speak, and I said; “No… what the fuck is going on… what is this…”
I realized that there was a reality, a reality that I had been in for the past sixteen years of my life. I realized that, right now, that was not the reality I was in and I wanted OUT. The fear that momentarily subsided came back with a vengeance.
“E… Hold my fucking hand! Hold my fucking hand! E, you have to fucking hold my hand! You are the only thing from the real world, come over here and hold my fucking hand! I NEED YOU TO HOLD MY FUCKING HAND!”
E held my hand tight. Looking back, this was the most embarrassing part of the entire trip.
During this time, my mind had finally realized the concept of having five senses, and it began slowly reconnecting with them. The reconnection process was slow. Salvia space was without perception, I did not see anything, nor did I hear anything, salvia space just consisted of pure information. It was hard to distinguish between actual perception and salvia space, as my senses were still marred with significant distortions. The appearance of perception at all should have indicated that I was leaving salvia space, but this transition to perception-based reality seemed seamless. My vision started off like the distortions I had when I first took the hit; my vision/reality on different membranes twisting and folding into each other very rapidly and organically. The first undistorted thing I saw was my hand and E’s hand. E led me towards the bed, and we sat next to each other. My senses were starting to become less and less distorted, most significantly my vision. My fear started to subside. I also realized that I was drenched with sweat.
I started talking to E about my experience, at first incomprehensibly. I still did not fully comprehend why I was the way I was. Despite what I had just experienced in salvia space, I did not think more than a minute had passed in the timescale sober reality, since the time I lit the bowl and inhaled the herb. E told me it had been about 10 minutes. As the influence of salvia divinorum waned, fragments of my trip started to come together like a puzzle. I realized the enormity of what I had just gone through, and that I did not even remember half of my experience(s). For the next thirty minutes or so, I still felt as though I was on the edge of salvia space, vulnerable from falling back in at the slightest disturbance. I felt the overwhelming urge to call someone and tell them about my experience, as it was still fresh in my mind. A state of mental inebriation lasted for about 30 minutes after the trip, with weird and rambling thought patterns which were reflected in my speech.
After I fully came down, I was in awe of how reality could came back together after being completely torn apart like that. I was hesitant at letting E have his turn at the bowl, thinking I wouldn’t be able to control him if he did something rash under the influence. His trip was much more positive and enlightening than mine, he remembered the places he visited, like the salvia god with her red crystals and slaves. He was also semi-coherently talking me through his trip, keeping me informed at what was happening. Afterwards, E wanted to some a bowl of Cannabis. Taking sober reality away from me was the last thing I wanted to do, and to this day I still am slightly scared of doing any drug that can take me away (even in the slightest) from sober reality. There was a slight afterglow the day after the trip, but as I saw the enormous pile of homework I had to do, the afterglow went away quickly.
Reflections:
I did not experience ego death in a classical sense. During my time in salvia space, I still knew there was an ‘I.’ ‘I’ did not have a solid definition, and was not tethered to a physical construct of existence. There was an ‘I,’ and it was having thoughts, but ‘I’ was scattered in pieces throughout the cosmos, and ‘I’ was also E’s wall. It really makes having a body seem arbitrary—the consciousness can live without its’ constraints.
Due to the almost complete amnesia I experience during the first few minutes of the trip, I think a lower dose would suffice next time. I feel like I could gain more with a lower dose, and (obviously) more preparation. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of the trip.
I learned that reality is fragile, and that it takes very little for it to be completely torn away and ripped apart. There are different realities abound, just under the surface of what we see in front of us. I feel like I should have learned more because of this, with the magnitude of the experience I had. Maybe it was too strong, and too distorted for me to gain significant insights from it. I do not feel an immense sense of enlightenment from the trip, but in my mind there is a definite “pre-salvia” and “post-salvia” mindset in thinking of past memories and thoughts. I think I would like to try salvia again, but not for a great while. The ultimate drug I would like to try, though, is DMT. I feel like much more insight and enlightenment could be gained with a traditional 5-HT2a agonist, especially ‘the ultimate psychedelic’ DMT.
substancecode_salvia
methodcode_smoked
explevel_firsttime
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