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Just had an abortion, no one there for me

  • Thread starter Needhelpwiththis
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Needhelpwiththis

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I'm 18 years old, my boyfriend of two years got me pregnant and we decided to get rid of it. Well, I mainly decided to get rid of it, he said he'd support whatever I wanted to do. PLEASE don't lecture me on it if you're pro-choice and all that shit. I really just don't wanna hear it. I decided to get an abortion because 1) I don't want kids, especially at 18 years old. 2) I felt it was the right decision for me, and I DON'T regret doing it.

I went to sleep for the procedure so I really have no feelings towards it. It's like I missed out on it so I don't really feel much different. I've read online that even if the woman doesn't not regret it, she may feel depressed/angry/etc over it. My hormones are raging and pretty much all I do is cry or bitch at people. I just want him here with me (he lives out of state) and he's not. My best friend for six years won't talk to me cause she's against it, my mother found out and was also not supportive over it.

I know a lot of people think it's wrong but shouldn't you be there for your best friend/daughter when she needs you?

I forgot to mention I just had the procedure done last Friday, so it's only been one week. I'm in so much physical pain and it sucks. I have no support from anyone. I'm dealing with all these feelings and pain by myself and I don't want to do it anymore.

My boyfriend and I got in an argument a few days ago (not about the abortion, just an argument) and he hasn't talked to me since, I don't think he understands how it's affecting me and how much I need someone.

I don't really know what I'm even asking for or saying here. I just needed to vent.
 
you may not want to hear it, but....................

unfortunatly thats one of those things that comes with it. People tend to view it more as "murder" and not "a woman's choice".

Your mom and friends are probably gonna be mad for a bit, but in time I am sure thats a wound that will mend.

Honestly you must not make this whole thing a "me" basis either. Your boyfriend is going through alot right now too, after all that was his baby to.

You 2 should be there for each other, others may not know all else involved, so you and him need to support the other right now.
 
Do you have a follow up appointment booked and were you perscribed proper pain medication?

Other than that, what kind of support were you looking for exactly? If you feel ok with the abortion, I'm just wondering if you can articulate what it is you need right now. If you can tell us maybe you'll get better at telling others and it then follows you'll have a better chance of getting what you need.

Also, I understand your hormones are all out of equilibrium right now but that's really no excuse to be a bitch to people. Or at least you should apologise when the snapping gets out of control. If you can't be civil right now maybe it is best if you just spend some time by yourself until you are feeling better.
 
i agree with pullstring & BB, but another note to add, at the clinic you visited, it may be worthwhile to contact them to see if they have some sort of support line. surely there's one in your area so you have someone to talk to.

i have no idea where you are located, but i did find this website that has a post-abortion support line and looks like it has some pretty good resources.

mods, i apologize if the link is not allowed.
 
*HUG*

I've been there. I also had an abortion and like you, I don't regret it at all. That said for me, it was a very emotional experience. It hasn't been very long. You are in the "numb" stage right now. I went through that too, for maybe 2 weeks after I thought I was handling it okay. At 3 weeks to a month after, you go through a major hormonal shift, at least I did. It was about a month later I got really emotional over it. I cried a lot. I didn't cry out of regret but it was just a sad situation. I felt better after about 8 weeks.

I am so sorry that you are lacking such a support system. I was very lucky, my mother was there with me, and she supported my choice. My boyfriend at the time was also very supportive *it wasn't his-long story*. I'm sorry but I think it's pretty god damn LAME that the people who are supposed to love and support you in this life would turn their backs on you because of this. I'm so sorry.

I'm here if you want to chat, pm me.
 
I'd certainly start looking for either a support group or private counciling.

As you said, your hormones are all over the place which makes dealing with people & day to day things difficult, you body is in shock as it has been 'tampered with' & no matter how you say that you are disasociated from the 'fetus' becuase you slept through the procedure, your subconcious is still aware of what has happened & no matter how you try to push it away, cover it over, it is still going to be in your thought process, like it or not....

It doesn't help that your not getting the response your in need of from family, friends or your lover / ex-lover....

Also, as much as yu can Vent in a forum and read advice back, it is not the same as 'Talking' with somebody.

You need to 'Hear' the words & 'See' the person who is willing to offer words of advice, who is willing and able to listen & perhaps 'help you'.

Indeed, a professional councilor or a support group of young ladies in the same position as yourself or with the same experiences as yourself is what you really need at present.

Yes, it was your choice, yes there are people who will say it was wrong & those who will show sympathy...

Just for now try to keep away from those who would give you a hard time about your choice, at least until your hormones begin to balance out & you can hold a decent conversation without floods of tears or irrational thoughts.

But also be aware that you will have to face & deal with these people & perhaps others like them further down the road, so don't get all wrapped up in the sympathy of others... it will just make dealing with the other set harder in the long run.


As a suggestion, if you can't find a councilor or support group, try your local hospital.

Every hospital has a support network or access to one for mothers who have miscarried or have had to have an abortion for medical reasons.

All hospitals have trained staff in grief counciling too...

Perhaps call the hospital and ask about their support network.

If it gets to be too much, hormones racing, lack of sleep, depression, non-stop crying, perhaps even try the ER / ED at the hospital.
You never know, somebody on staff whilst your there could be an invaluable source of information & reassurance, get you back on track.


I do hope that find people who will talk with you, give you the support you need & help you deal with what your going through.

You are not the first young lady to be feeling as you do and certainly won't be the last.
 
Maybe you should look online for other message boards which target support for abortions... Im sure there is one out there and Im sure someone can be there to listen, even if you don't know them. As for your friends and family.... hopefully they will come around. It just seems like its an emotional time for everyone in your life (even though you should be the emotional one getting help.) But Im sure talking to someone in your shoes will help IMMENSELY.

Here is one board a quick search brought up:
http://www.afterabortion.com/message.html

**hugs**
 
^^^^ The girls at afterabortion helped me SO much when dealing with mine. It's a really wonderful and supportive place that has forums for every aspect of pregnancy and abortion and abortion after effects. I love that place, really, it's been years and I still stop in to say hello and help out once in awhile.
 
if your mom and others don't understand, and even your boyfriend won't help you out (or even speak to you... that isn't right; the silent treatment is pretty much the ultimate evil you can do to someone in a relationship, as far as social psychology can measure), I would find a friend to talk to. someone understanding and tolerant and emotionally intelligent (did i just describe the typical liberal? :))

it sounds like you need someone, do you have any friends or acquaintances that you could either re-ignite a close relationship or start towards one, so that you have someone to share your feelings and thoughts, someone you are comfortable about self-disclosure with?
 
Awwww *Gives the biggest most heart filled hug*

Hearing that stuff makes my blood boil. People are monsters. I support you wholeheartedly. Your friend should understand that while she might be against it, she can't impose her beliefs on you or make you suffer for them and as a friend should be there for you no matter what you do.

*Hug* <3
 
We're here for you <3 Please share your emotions here if you need a place for people to listen. We're ready to listen to you and try to help you. <3

***HUGS***

<3
 
Hey everyone, I'm the one that created this thread, I don't really care about remaining anonymous.

I changed my age and how long we've been together in my post...I don't even know why that would even matter...

But anway...

Thank you all very much for your support and kind words. <3 It really means a lot to me.

I'm not trying to make it sound like I want people to sit there and feel sorry for me, I just don't think it's fair that I have to go through all of this alone. I've honestly never FELT so alone, my heart aches, mainly for my boyfriend to be here, and last night I think we might've called it quits. At least for now. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

I might try talking to some support group, I dunno. I mainly just want people to kind of comfort me I guess, which is what you've all been doing.

I know my hormones are no excuse to be snapping at people, which is why I DO apologize every single time it happens...and then usually cry over it. Heh.

I just have all this sadness inside me and lately it's been turning into rage. I just get these spurts of where I feel like I could kill somebody. It's even turning over into my dreams, all my dreams have been extremely violent the past few nights. I've read that feeling this way is normal after having an abortion but for some reason I feel like I'd be able to control it and I just can't.
 
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Hi tootsie,

Im sorry your family and boyfriend were not there for you. I would be pretty upset in the same situation if I were you, especially if my mother was angry. Its a knee jerk reaction to the whole situation I think, not intentionally to hurt you for the decision you made.

Your decision was the right one, because you did it. If it wasn't, you would not have done it.

You take care of yourself, and dont hide your thoughts about the lack of care shown to you from those you were relying on to pick you up when you needed it.

Thats what friends and family should do.

As for the guy, I dunno, guys are weird when it comes to shit like this. Stick their head in the sand and ignore rather than support. Its more about them than you at this point. I would not count on a guy much at a time like this as they really don't know what you are dealing with.

Healing takes time. Be healthy and accept this decision. It will be a weight off your mind soon

xx
 
I went with my friend to support her when she had an abortion because her "boyfriend" was a POS who wouldn't go with her. Just being there in the waiting room was traumatizing enough that I can't even imagine going through the experience first-hand.

So my heart goes out to you and I fully support your decision. Having a baby when you aren't ready is not doing anyone any favors or setting up a positive future for a child.

I found this website that has a lot of interesting and enlightening information from women telling their own stories of how abortion has affected their lives:
http://www.fwhc.org/stories/perso.htm

And just because you're sad doesn't mean you deserve to feel bad. If you didn't feel sad, that would be more troubling I think. <hug>
 
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