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No, I've been celibate for a long time, but that's not a really popular subject.
 
I periodically go through times where I don't masturbate or have sex. Or, if I do, I avoid ejaculation. After about 2 weeks, I find my mind is sharper, more focused, more analytical- but I feel more aggressive, more dismissive, less inclined to empathy and really fucking insanely horny. I start to experience pain/aching in my 'bits' and every woman becomes a goddess whose feet and breasts and face and ass and everything I want to gently kiss, lick, smell, manipulate, worship and than fucking bang the shit out of. I find myself developing instanteous crushes on everybody, falling in love with all women I encounter.

Its great though, after a 2 week period of celibacy I basically impregnate Miss Willow, the bed, the roof, the sun. Insanely explosive orgasm. :D Something magickal in it. And than the whips and barbed wire! Oh god yes.

Okay, the last bit was fucked. :\

wwwo. <3
 
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LOL Willow. Someone started a thread about it last year based on one of my comments. Although I think he was mostly interested in what it could do for his intellectual development so he might become like Nikola Tesla.

But it's not like it's a big deal for women to go celibate unless there's someone you're particularly attracted to. At least I've never had any of that. It's different for males, also because being sexually active is so tied up to their sense of worth, while for females it's the other way around.

I don't expect anyone to relate, but when you build up so much ching/kundalini in the body there's some interesting energy changes going on. You're very energised and it's almost like you're buzzing after a while. It might be something for those with low moods or energy levels.
 
Its not so much sense of self worth, but for me, having sex/orgasm just feels totally correct and vital. I think male sex drive is quite agressive in a way, but it doesn't need to be and gentleness has its own power. Human weird things. Animals.

Sleepp.
A bed of forgetfulness.
Zoinked :)
 
I've being laying low for a while since I stopped seeing that Pakistan guy almost two years ago. He thought we were going to get married and have children and everything. Yeah, right.

But I feel kind of guilty about that, especially as he still messages me once in a while although I never answear, the last time in June. Just hope there'll be a stop to all that as it makes me feel kind of bad.
 
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swilow said:
I periodically go through times where I don't masturbate or have sex. Or, if I do, I avoid ejaculation. After about 2 weeks, I find my mind is sharper, more focused, more analytical- but I feel more aggressive, more dismissive, less inclined to empathy and really fucking insanely horny. I start to experience pain/aching in my 'bits' and every woman becomes a goddess whose feet and breasts and face and ass and everything I want to gently kiss, lick, smell, manipulate, worship and than fucking bang the shit out of. I find myself developing instanteous crushes on everybody, falling in love with all women I encounter.

Its great though, after a 2 week period of celibacy I basically impregnate Miss Willow, the bed, the roof, the sun. Insanely explosive orgasm. :D Something magickal in it. And than the whips and barbed wire! Oh god yes.

Okay, the last bit was fucked. :\

wwwo. <3
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At the end of my relationship with my ex, we lived together for 9 months afterwards and never had sex, and then it was 15 more months before I did have sex again, so 2 years total. It was fine for the first year actually, I was trying to rebuild myself/my life anyway, but then it started to become torturous. It was just like you described, I was developing intense crushes and really strong desires to have sex. It really bothered me after a while, I was totally preoccupied.
 
I think it increases excitability about the opposite sex, for sure, but I'm trying not to focus so much on it.
 
I think you can redirect the excitability. If I am abstinent, I find I get increasingly creative and really want to try and write music/make sound. I see no harm in regular orgasm but, for men at least, it certainly takes something else from you. I can be alert, focused, engaged and motivated, but after I cum I feel like I am in a stupor. Not always, but sometimes.

But its a great way to pass the time :) ;)
 
Yes, I have lots of creative energy today. I'm going to use it to do some writing. I wish I had some MXE, that was conducive to creative writing.

I remember the year I was using MXE+benzos I could write forever and just wouldn't shut up. So much mental energy to spend. Now I only have amino acids as stimulants. They're gentle but they work.
 
MXE and its chemical cousins sure do leave a void though when they're gone. I'm having to face the reality of life without them soon. I don't want to go back to old habits or develop new ones. I kind of have to face the realization that a lot of my willpower this last year came from using dissociatives. Not all of it, mind you, but negative emotions are still there and have been laying dormant. Kinda scary given all I've been through this year and all the changes I've made in my life to face the challenges of day to day living without that added enthusiasm. if I start ranting too much in this forum let me know. I'll get myself a thread in sober living or something.

So anyways, you might be better off without it Ninae though I understand perfectly missing it. I'm missing dissociatives too and I haven't entirely quit them yet.
 
It's been a rough year, but I've been able to do a lot of healing which you can't do when you take drugs regularly. Or, you could, but you don't. Anyway, I got some Phenibut today, I'll see if it can do anything to my battered Gaba system.
 
Ninae said:
I remember the year I was using MXE+benzos I could write forever and just wouldn't shut up. So much mental energy to spend. Now I only have amino acids as stimulants. They're gentle but they work.
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I had a bit of MXE sublingually and a fair bit of temazepam a few nights back and spent a fair bit of it composing some sort of classical music. Sounds utterly weird, all the levels are fucked- MXE turns music into something really odd for me- but the energy was great. Bit of codeine in the mix too. :)

What amino acids?
 
Yes, I wasn't so keen on MXE on its own, especially as I was usually in benzo withdrawal and it made it worse. But I accidentally discovered mixing it with benzos produced a slight opioid effect and worked as a fun sedative. A lot more interesting than taking any of them on their own.

It seemed like if you take a lot of MXE and less benzos it could produce real psychedlic or dissocative type effects. Not really make you trip, but definetely have experiences and heightened spiritual sensitivity. But if you take more benzos it's mostly an euphoric sedative. Works for opiate cravings, though.

I take a combo of DLPA (which builds up endorphins and dopamine) and ornithine & arginine which has a synergestic effect. I just take two of each in the morning and at night it seems to produce a stimulated sort of well-being and in general more energy throughout the day. When I started with ornitine and argenine I thought it felt like Valium, but the effects soon subsided. I think that also has to do with my low dose of oxazepam, though, or they create a slight benzo /stimulant effect together.
 
Hmm. Phenibut isn't so bad. I feel relaxed.
I experimented with it when I was using heavier drugs like Lyrica but didn't think there was much to it. Now, though, after having gone through benzo withdrawals and lack of effective sedatives I can see how it could be quite valuable. I wish someone would have pointed it out.
 
Phenibut is one of my favorite drugs from among all types of drugs. I love it... the right dose makes me feel nearly perfect, in a natural-feeling sort of way. It feels like I'm just having the best day, I want to communicate and I feel really strongly and it increases my feelings of inspiration... it's great for music and writing. It takes about 4 hours for it to really reach effect. At first it's mildly relaxing and sedating, but then it becomes energizing and still relaxed. Careful though as it will cause physical dependence if overused. I've been using it every third day to every other day for years, with some breaks. When it's every other day for a while, I notice a small amount of rebound anxiety for a day and then I feel fine. I took it every day for a year in 2006, it had just come out and people were saying it's not addictive (keep in mind people also said this about GHB when it was available as a supplement), so I didn't think twice about daily use. When I ran out and couldn't get more for a while, I went through a week of really intense depression and anxiety, I felt so uncomfortable and sad. It faded after that though. Also, some people seem to get really bad withdrawals from it, a certain Bluelighter told me they were worse than GHB withdrawals. So just be careful. You have to get the dose right too, to get the good effects from it. Everyone's dose seems to be different. Mine is 2 grams. If you take too little it's just mildly relaxing, and if you take too much it's uncomfortable, it makes me feel really hot and sore and uncontrollably fatigued. So work the dose up slowly if you want to find the good dose for you, and leave days between doses.

But as something to use appropriately, it's a really fantastic thing.
 
Yes, I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner when I've been so desperate for relaxants. Stupid. I took about 2 grams four hours ago. I feel quite relaxed.
 
It develops really slowly. The negative effects from taking too much don't even develop until much later. Phenibut lasts all day. Well anyway, I hope it's as nice for you as it is for me.
 
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