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cheating bf and the $$ I owe him

Pay cheating BF $2000 back

  • Pay him back,be above the drama

    Votes: 111 72.5%
  • Eye for an eye,screw me I screw you

    Votes: 42 27.5%

  • Total voters
    153
here i will take this one level more than Mariposa....................

NO MORE LEGAL DISCUSSIONS!! THIS IS IN SL&R BECAUSE SHE IS ASKING ON A EMOTIONAL STATUS OF TO OR NOT PAY BACK!!
 
I would pay him back his $2000 and then have my boys rob him for that same cash shortly after, but thats just how i roll...
 
First off, I can't believe you would end a 5 year long relationship because he cheated on you. That's a long fucking time to be committed to someone just to end it over him being unfaithful once.

Yeah exactly! after 5 years cheating is absolutely unacceptable. Whos to say he wont do it in another 5? or tomorow for that matter? You go girl, kick that fuckhead to the curb!
 
^^ You misunderstood my point. I said it doesn't make sense to leave a 5 year relationship because someone cheated.

What can I say though? This is how our culture/society expects you to behave so I'm not surprised.

That is why when people cheat they hide it because they know if they came out in the open and said they're thinking about cheating or are going to cheat or whatever the person will leave them or get all pissed off instead of working through the issue. So, more often than not the person WILL CHEAT on you because they won't TALK TO YOU about it first and figure out what is wrong out of fear of your reaction.

If people didn't react so strongly to their partner experiencing sexual desire for others then the odds are a LOT better their partners would be talking to them about those desires before acting on them and the relationship would be stronger because of it. The idea that you can be with one person your entire life without seriously considering cheating or doing it is ridiculous. Absolutely impossible. In our society that has to be hidden at all costs which I think is completely unhealthy. That's what leads people to actually cheating because they can't talk about it with anyone or let their partner know they're unhappy. This is an unhealthy relationship.

You know, they did a poll in the UK recently asking couples how serious it would be if they found out their partner had sex with another person. Something like 75% of people said it wouldn't be that serious and they would simply talk to their partner to understand why they did it and work things out. They did the same poll in the US and it was like 85% of people who said they would end the relationship immediately.

It's all cultural pressures. Doesn't mean it's the right way to act though if you want to have a happy life. That's my opinion anyway and I've been with the same woman for 8 years since I was 16 and we've both cheated on each other once.
 
^ Fuck that shit. Once trust is broken thats it. Unless of course you want to be a door mat and allow them to do it over and over.

EDIT: Woops! Didn't mean to derail the thread, but to say you should stick around after your SO cheated on you is retarded.
 
theres alot more to it than a sexual experience though.

Theres the lying, deciet,and hiding of the fact that you fucked someone else!
So theres a level of disrespect that your partner is showing you.

now I wouldnt say that there isnt a gray line between what you could or couldnt see as acceptable, but in the OP's case it sounds like her man has no control over his dick. She didnt say that they had been having problems,she sounded like everything was going good till that point.

I would be hurt if someone cheated on me because they cant conain themselves. If you made the commitment to me,I provide all you need or want sexually, then why did you do it?
 
^ Fuck that shit. Once trust is broken thats it. Unless of course you want to be a door mat and allow them to do it over and over.

EDIT: Woops! Didn't mean to derail the thread, but to say you should stick around after your SO cheated on you is retarded.

Actually, I think that leaving someone you've been with for years because they were scared to talk to you about their feelings out of a fear of losing you is retarded.

In a long term relationship you're going to have to face desiring other people. The deciding factor is if you face that together or try to hide it and deal with it on your own. Just because someone was scared and didn't communicate with you one time isn't a good reason to end everything after so much time.

Sure, if they do it again or if you haven't been together long then leaving might be a good idea. I'm just saying it's completely stupid to end such a long relationship over something that can really be such a minor thing.

People in long term relationships who cheat usually do it for other reasons than they simply wanted to get laid or were interested in another relationship. It might seem like those are the causes at first, even to the person who has those desires, but I really doubt it is the case usually.

You go girl, kick that fuckhead to the curb!

Unless of course you want to be a door mat and allow them to do it over and over.

These are the exact type of comments that make you think this way and cause people to end serious relationships over what can be a minor issue.

Not only do you have to deal with your own feelings but there is a LOT of social pressure to behave a certain way. From your friends, from their friends, from parents, from television, from everywhere.

You feel as though you are being weak if you don't immediately end the relationship. You think people will look at you and say, "Wow, they let people walk all over them.. what a weak person."

You think you decided for yourself that someone cheating on you means you have to end the relationship? No, culture told you that. Your comments simply reflect what society expects you to do. Both of you sound like incredibly weak people I'm sorry to say.

In my opinion it takes a LOT more strength and will to NOT leave someone after they cheat on you and to give them a second chance instead. Especially in a long term relationship. There's a HUGE difference between being with someone for 5 years and having them cheat on you once and being with someone for a month and having them cheat on you once or whatever.

in the OP's case it sounds like her man has no control over his dick. She didnt say that they had been having problems,she sounded like everything was going good till that point.

I would be hurt if someone cheated on me because they cant conain themselves. If you made the commitment to me,I provide all you need or want sexually, then why did you do it?

Of course it sounded like there was no problems and everything was going good. That's because they had an unhealthy relationship where there was no real communication of feelings. I GUARANTEE you that this guy didn't just put his dick in this girl one day without thinking of it previously. He was probably thinking about this for weeks or even months before this happened but he didn't say anything.

He didn't say anything because he was scared that if he did she would leave him or get extremely upset or whatever. So, in his mind he was feeling like he has these desires but he doesn't want to hurt her so his best option is simply to hide everything and hope she never figures it out.

The reason he was scared to say anything is because of how our society treats infidelity. Just look at the comments in this thread urging her to keep his money and telling her to kick him to curb and all that shit. That is how people feel their significant other will react if they talk to them about their feelings and desires. Based on the comments in this thread I guess that IS how a lot of people will react if their significant other tries to talk to them about these issues.

Anyway, people can commit to each other but after 5+ years it's going to get old and routine. You just have to decide if you're going to tell your partner it's old and routine so you want to try new stuff to spice up your sex life or if you're going to start looking elsewhere because you don't feel like you can approach your partner with such things. Making the wrong choice once shouldn't mean it's over though in my opinion. Were all just human and we make mistakes. Cheating once after 5+ years is not a sign the relationship is over. It's a sign it's stagnant and needed some excitement.
 
I would definitely pay him back. I mean you guys were together for 5 years so you must obviously have strong feelings for him, regardless of if he cheated on you or not (Which is absolutely not right). I wouldn't let him get evicted or anything like that. I mean you would of paid him back if you guys were together.. so i'd still pay him back now.. especially if you 'borrowed' the money to begin with. I mean this is the guy that was closest to you for 5 years.. It's not acceptable that he cheated on you, but really to bad things are over.
 
I agree with you Kul69. It depends on circumstance and the severity of cheating, but I personally feel there are many things a boyfriend could do to me that are worse than cheating, things which are generally more culturally acceptable. I'm not saying that I'd never break up with someone for cheating on me (I've broken up with guys for doing it, and I've stayed with guys who did it. Depends on the circumstance, really. I could never see myself breaking up with my now-boyfriend of 2 years just for a drunken one-night-stand - don't tell him I said that, he may get ideas! - though an emotional affair may be different), but I feel in a lot of situations the punishment doesn't fit the crime. I don't really expect many people to agree with me, as you said it's such cultural thing, whereas in a lot of other cultures there isn't as big a taboo surrounding it.

Not trying to criticise the OP's decision for breaking up with him, but yea, I also feel that breaking up with him is punishment enough, and keeping the money would just be spiteful and immature.
 
You make some good points, Kul69, but you don't know the ins and outs of the OPs situation so try not to come off as too judgemental. Perhaps they did discuss the possibility of infidelity and he went and broke their agreement anyway. Perhaps this is something that very strongly goes against her own values and he would have known that.

I have been with my partner for five years and I would not break up with him simply because he cheated, however I would break up with him for:

1. Sleeping with someone that I detested (he'd lose my respect)
2. Lying to me
3. Expecting me to be faithful and reject the advances of others while all the time he's buttering the bread on both sides.

The thing that cheaters often forget is that just because they may have lost a bit of interest in their partner doesn't mean the rest of the world has. How pissed off would you be after years ignoring temptation and passing up a few good offers in favour of being true to your relationship just to find out your partner hasn't been honouring the same agreement?

You'd feel pretty cheated, wouldn't you?
 
^^ You're right and I should mention that what I said is more in a general sense and just to mention to the OP to consider giving him another chance.

I definitely don't know the circumstances though. There are a lot of reasons why it could be worth ending the relationship over. I'm just speaking more to the people who are like.. take his money! kick him in the balls! fuck him! blah blah!
 
I saw you give him back half.

1000 bucks

Fair enough

call the other 1000 emotion damages to be spent on happines
 
i have cheated, and been cheated on.

I wouldn't ever stay in a relationship after that happened again. I did it before, in an 8 year long relationship, and every day after she cheated and I took her back was a complete waste of my life and time.

Seriously. don't pay him back and certainly don't take him back.

IMHO
 
I think that $2000 is alot to withold over a failed relationship...but event hough my ex fiance are great friends, he still owes me $1000 that I'm unlikely to see again
 
drugfukkdrockstar said:
Let him get evicted and booted on the streets. He isn't your problem anymore and he obviously didn't care about the mental scarring he would cause when cheating on you.

Yeah, but he did care enough to loan her $2000 for whatever reason. Cheating doesnt mean you dont care. It has nothing to do with caring, in most cases. No one cheats with the intent of hurting their SO because they dont care if it hurts them or not.

I think, no matter what the circumstances, you should always pay back money you get loaned to you. Despite any other negative things that may happen between you and the loaner, the fact is you gave your word that you would pay it back and they were generous enough to give it out in the first place. Not paying back is disrespecting yourself. If anyone finds out about it, do you think they would be likely to loan you money if you ever need it?

Thats why you shouldnt mix money and relationships. They dont belong together unless you are honestly and truly committed. They are two seperate things, and just because one didnt work out, doesnt mean the other no longer applies.

[/intoxicated rambling]
 
Perhaps this sub-topic should be its own separate thread, but it has been brought up by a few Bluelighters here, so I'll speak my piece:

When Person A breaks up with his/her partner, Person B, because Person B cheated on Person A, it is NOT typically:

(1) to PUNISH Person B

OR

(2) Because of "culture"

OR

(3) Because of the sex itself.

Rather, IN MY EXPERIENCE, the main legitimate reason for a MATURE person to break up with his/her partner over cheating is this:

The ***TRUST*** has been broken.

On the rare occasion that I enter into a serious relationship, I trust that individual WITH MY LIFE, let alone with my money, and to not break their word (e.g., that they won't do sexual act XYZ with another person without my consent per our personal agreement).

And if I can't trust you to NOT break your promise to me that you will NEVER do sexual activity XYZ, then how the fuck am I supposed to trust you with my life??????

I would just chalk it up to me FINALLY realizing that the person with whom I fell in love is NOT as trustworthy as the person I thought she was, and thus, I ought not waste my ONE life in a monogamous relationship dating/married to someone whom I can't trust.

There are a lot of trustworthy people out there.

You just have to be willing to have high standards, be will willing to say "no" a lot, BE WILLING TO BE TRUSTWORTHY YOURSELF, and I PROMISE YOU, you'll find them.
 
LOVELIFE, do you seriously make girls say "I promise I'll never have sexual relations with another person without your consent"?

I think in most relationships, something like this is implied because of "culture", and the partners never explicitly go over this rule or make promises about it. If you do, I think you're odd.
 
Coolio said:

LOVELIFE, do you seriously make girls say "I promise I'll never have sexual relations with another person without your consent"?

I can't believe I'm actually taking the time to write this, but, to answer your question:

"No."

I'm happy that if hip-hop didn't pay, you'd rap for free, Coolio, but I'm afraid that you might have missed my point.

My point was that, IN MY OPINION, if I was in an overall happy, healthy monogamous relationship, and THEN I found out that my partner had cheated on me (i.e., BROKEN THE RULES OF WHATEVER OUR AGREEMENT WAS - WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED), then, IF I chose to break up with my partner BECAUSE OF THE CHEATING, my rationale:

(1) Would NOT be "to punish her;"

(2) Would NOT be "because culturally, one ought to break up with their partner if they find out they have been cheated on;" and

(3) Would NOT be because my virginal-all-mine-I-own-that-pussy girlfriend had SEX with someone other than me.

Rather, *IF* I was to break up with someone based on an episode of cheating, it would be BECAUSE I COULD NO LONGER TRUST HER, and in my opinion, if you can't trust person X not to do activity A, then you can't trust them with things that are MORE IMPORTANT than activity A.

To use a different example, if I can't trust my best friend NOT to steal a twenty dollar bill that I have left on the kitchen table while he's waiting for me to get ready, then I CERTAINLY can't trust said "best friend" when the stakes are much higher.

It's not the sex, it's not the twenty dollars, it's not a matter of punishment or retribution, it's not a matter of saving face because of culture, and it's not out of jealousy or envy.

RATHER, *IF* I chose to end ANY relationship because of a betrayal, it would be because LOOKING FORWARD, I don't have nearly 100 percent confidence that the other person won't betray me AGAIN.

Make sense?
 
I would NOT pay him back. But I think paying him back is the right thing to do.

Lesson: I don't always do the right thing. Just ask anyone who knows me!
 
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