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ADDICTS: Are you livin a secret double life? Secret addiction? Post here

My bf knows about my addiction and allows it so long as I exclusively pay for it with my money, he hates it though I know he does. But him and I have been through a lot of hardship together. So far we've survived shit most couples probably wouldn't, unique case I guess.

I do hide from him just how much I spend on my habit. And my mom thinks I've been clean for 5 years. Which is a total lie. I hate lying but I justify it to myself (poorly I know) that I'm protecting her from knowing her only daughters a junkie.
 
Yeah. It's a lonely life.

To everyone who doesnt know, I may as well b betty home maker. But im actually deeply into a methamphetamine addiction. And it happened so fast. Using to cope with the loneliness. Its a catch 22.

The only person who does know the extent of my drug use is never around. My husband when not working his full time job has a business on the side which supports his habit (Heroin).

It is so depressing to sit alone and come to a conclusion that it will probably never get better. And its absolutely exhausting pretending to be "normal" to the rest of the world. It infuriates me that "normal" comes so easy to them.

Before meth it was opiates...but i couldnt reason with the sickness that came along w it and got in a situation to quick.

I wish i would have realized that TO ME, being psychologically sick is worse than any physical pain.
 
My double life:
Suburban girl, upper middle class, normal family, assistant manager at a children's retail clothing store.
Cocaine addict, drug dealer boyfriend.
 
No one knows about my Ice usage.. I got enough shit too deal with as it is, don't wanna have to explain that shit too anyone... I'll snoot it in the bathroom, tell friends and family i was snooting a tab or something. Doubles life's suck, your always on edge, always nervous someone is gonna find out.
 
2minuteSnoots said:
No one knows about my Ice usage.. I got enough shit too deal with as it is, don't wanna have to explain that shit too anyone... I'll snoot it in the bathroom, tell friends and family i was snooting a tab or something. Doubles life's suck, your always on edge, always nervous someone is gonna find out.
Click to expand...

This is me to a T. I just tell them i need to use the restroom. Always anxious when any of them come over.
 
I am 60+ and have been using for the last 45. Upper level position in a small company and no one knows anything about my use/abuse. I have used at one time or the other everything from A-Z (and I mean everything, having been a pharmacy technician for four years...) I am writing this now as I am scared of what I have gotten into lately....namely smoking Meth. I have been smoking a few hits in the morning/ hit it at lunch/ then sneak off to the basement in the evening. I this has been going on for only two months and today I will most likely finish what is left of.an 8 ball. I made.the decision to cancel the "7" * I had arranged to buy today and plan to quit cold. I do have 30 Clonipins and 250 mg of ETZ. The only good thing to come of this is I haven't had a drink for two months. I take Welbutrin and BP meds and just found out yesterday Meth and Welbutrin don't go together.....I have had some bad vertigo and other out of body experiences that may have been caused by this combo. Anyway, wish me well...the Meth is so cheap it is scary. I failed to mention this Meth thing started right on the heels of a 10 gram binge of U47700. NOw THAT is one f'd up chemical, truly the cocaine of opiates. If you don't dose every two hours, you go into WD. I used to keep a big water bottle of my 'special solution' at home and on my desk at work. I kid you not, I even made a chart with dose times on it at my desk so I could head off the WD. I never thought I would say something like this but I am actually relieved (I guess that's the right word) the Feds made.it a Sch. 1. Too easy for the young ones to OD.....I fell out a couple of scary times and could see.how easily kids or anyone.for.that matter could make a permanent mistake.
 
When I've worked as a business man/manager, I have had days when I have snuck off to use certain things

Now I'm just addicted to sex, so it work well when I have someone to fuck regularly
 
Definitely living that secret double life, I'm not a hardcore addict but I do use some drugs everyday and have tried over 20 recreational substances.
Drug use is not very compatible with society (aside alcohol and tobacco) IME.
Some people know that I smoke cannabis, only a few of my friends know I smoke daily and nobody IRL (except for one of my connects) knows about my kratom habit, I just don't feel like I have to tell anyone, even my best friend doesn't know. People have seen me drank it but they don't even ask about it, they think it's some kind of tea of something.

I used to be way more open about drugs, tripping and smoking with people who I barely knew, had a few friends who were cokeheads, ect...
But now I prefer to do most of my drugs alone, that doesn't mean I stay at home all day, I just don't really like to associate myself with drug users anymore especially if they use hard drugs.
 
I have hidden my addiction for 5 years now. But it keeps me from my clean friends and my family I see but only briefly only to hurry back to my druggie friends to live a totally different life style. I feel like I'm pretending to be good around family or older friends that only know I did drugs about 10 years ago and I pretend I hate that drug and would never do that again. I have a nosy sister who asks me too many questions or gets a little suspicious sometimes so I avoid her and when I do see her I always convince her otherwise and stop her doubts once again. I don't know what to do cuz I want to stop but don't but know I need to to be a better person and figure out how I really feel. I care about my family but my addiction takes me away.
 
for the passed 5-6 years i've been off and on (opiates), primarily hydros, oxys and methadones. literally none of my friends/family know about it except my old roommates who we used togther. Other than that, my girlfriend probably knows the most out of anyone, but she just doesn't know when, where, how much, etc. just has a general idea that it is a thing. But right now i've been the best i've ever been on drugs.
 
yeah, one time my dealer wouldn't pick up his phone so i went and asked a homeless guy in london and i went and picked up heroin with him and his mates.
i started seeing them more often and made freinds with all of them - turns out a lot of them weren't actually homeless just drug addicted beggars who lived in council flats, so i started doing the same, pretending to be homeless and begging change in central london and living in there council flats-cum-crack-dens.

i did this for like a year, hardly any of my friends and none of my family know about this.
 
keeping said:
yeah, one time my dealer wouldn't pick up his phone so i went and asked a homeless guy in london and i went and picked up heroin with him and his mates. i started seeing them more often and made freinds with all of them - turns out a lot of them weren't actually homeless just drug addicted beggars who lived in council flats, so i started doing the same, pretending to be homeless and begging change in central london and living in there council flats-cum-crack-dens.i did this for like a year, hardly any of my friends and none of my family know about this.
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haha i have been so tempted to "hey mister" some of the homeless
 
Until the day I can lay out a line of X substance at work or at a bar ...it's a double life
 
secret life

Hello, My first post here so bare with me if it is terrible. This thread spoke directly to me though. I am always wondering who else out there is like me, the James Bond double agent of meth addiction. I was an alcoholic since my first drink at 17. Said the same sentence so many do at a.a.meetings, "I found something that I knew was going to help me for the rest of my life." It didnt. every bad thing in my life can be linked to drinking.

So I found Vicodin. Then I found oxy. I was drinking less but after 3 years, I was getting pretty sick needing 180 mgs. or more a day of oxy. That made run through my cash pretty fast. NO ONE KNEW. I worked and was very functional. People often dont believe me when I tell them. And I have told them all that thats in my past and I did my time but now I dont even drink. HAHA wrong.

To get off oxy I started smoking meth. went from a .3 a day to now a gram a day and its been there for 2 years. Since I started things have been good. I have always worked and now have started my own business. I am isolated so I dont worry about anyone close knowing. my family doesn't know and if they do they won't say anything unless things are bad. I have had girlfriends and though its difficult to hide it from them, they havent known. I stay active and keep impeccable hygiene. I have taken piss tests and used fake urine for jobs.

I even went to court to fight and win my babies mommy in a support order because I was paying to much and still I have my kid 50% of the time. My daughter is the best and we do all the normal stuff, homework, I read to her, we play with the kids on the block. Its crazy.

The downside is that I have no one close to me. Girlfriends dont last because either I get weird or paranoid about them and wonder why they are with me. There is a fine line between madness (psychosis) and sanity. smoking shit everyday will skew that line making you very insecure and lack in confidence. I am skinnier than before but not much. fat has replaced where the muscle was so I look the same but am weaker. There is a ton of wasted time now and brief stretches of hopelessness because of the isolation I have created for myself.

I am loyal to meth and havent used anything else since I started 3 years ago besides having a few beers 2 times, just so I could make a date feel comfortable. I am an addict through and through and can't imagine ever being sober. Im going to ride this out until the end and thats my choice. But yea thats my double life.
 
i couldn't agree more. alcohol is really bad. i do meth and weed almost every day. i mean its totally a personal opinion but damn i mean as long as i am not up for 3 days and trying to drive...well shit i bet that even if i was up for 3 days and driving i would be a safer driver than a drunk driver. lol
 
"Just remember, its not a lie, if you believe it." (Seinfield)

I often see people who use weekend party drugs try to justify it to themselves and others by talking about it as if to decriminalize it:
'its just like drinking or smoking'
'sure, its illegal now, but its legal in other countries'
leading a hidden life is dangerous for a couple of reasons.

1) you will get caught or slip up and get caught in a lie, this will bring everything you have done, legitimate or not into question.
2) if something were to ever happen to you, and you couldn't help yourself to say, hospital. Calling Lance ( pulp fiction) isn't going to help.

If you are in the presence of others who hear you talking like this, your cover is blown. They could be your boss, friend-of-a-friend or just a colleague within earshot of you. Even if they don't say anything themselves, perhaps at risk of exposing their own demons; everything you say will be questioned. They will wonder what else you are hiding/lying about. If they gossip about your situation, it could snowball very quickly to a broken relationship or loss of employment. your reputation takes years to build and moments to destroy. My philosophy is if you can't get clean...come clean. Tell someone - Your Dealer does not count! An emergency contact/next of of Kin needs to know, They don't need to know everything, but they need to know something.
Having a secret life from EVERYONE is dangerous. having a secret life from everyone else is just a matter of privacy. but you need someone to keep you in check and that you can turn to if things ever do come to light.
I would not consider your right to privacy as leading a double life. I would highly recommend keeping your proclivities private, but as I said. Get someone you trust, to keep you in check and have some answers should anything go pear-shaped.
Don't confuse secrecy with privacy.


Cheers,
Aussie
 
For years now. The one thing I've learned as I got older is if your high 24/7 everybody knows even if they pretend other wise. Keep that shit to yourself on your own time so you have some control and don't appear like too much of a fuck up.

I agree with the above to never tell anybody, ever, unless they too have a double life and even then I wouldn't tell them. One slip and it's off to rehab or your life is destroyed.
 
Yes.

Nobody would expect it from a well-behaved, academically excelling student like me. It would be devastating to those close to me.

If I were to reveal it to anybody, my up and coming professional life would be destroyed.

This is why I post here. So I can at least talk to somebody.
 
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