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ADDICTS: Are you livin a secret double life? Secret addiction? Post here

I dunno I feel like I get away with 99percent of my lies..
it just sucks that I gotta lie.
 
you think it hassent happened where i end up caught ,i have had my mom tell my dad straight to his face in front of me tell him i was shooting sghit into my veins

he said what else is new i know i was sure of it ,what happened ,a few hours later i walked away with 400$ ........i know somthin 2will happen one day and it wont be lieable to lie my way out ...........

there are people in the world that dont NEED to hit rock bottom to wanna get better ....

i need to get swober but i need to do it without people that dont know wont find out
 
I used to have to lie all the time but its getting less often that I have to do it and theres only one person I lie to and thats my father because he doesnt know my drug history and has told me he doesnt want to know. Im sure he'd rather me lie than ask him blatantly for drug money. Thankfully I never had to steal from shops or houses for drug money.

Sure I feel bad about it, but I use that feeling to try not to lie in the future, therefor I wont be feeling bad about it. Im sure thats easier said than done for some people though. I understand that stealing and lying can become just as much a habit as the drugs themselves.

Ive had to lie about IV use to my friends which I felt bad about because I do feel a sense of trust in my friendships but they havent asked again thankfully.
 
No i never really had a big deal with lieing and still dont , as far as i was concerned as soon as i turned 18 my buisness was just that , MY buisness , well my parents didnt see it that way considering i was still living at home , which meant my friends , my calls , where i went , how long i was gone , when i was coming home , what i was doing when i was going out was their buisness as well .

I couldnt even have a bad day without them suspecting some sort of underlying condition (drug abuse or the sort)

and i am an expert lier .. almost to the point where a few of my good friends , friends that have known me since i was a little kid . have said that they cant honestly tell if i am telling the truth or if i am lying . (now this hurt ALOT) which increased alot of my usage which in turn lead to more lieing with alot of other people ..

but things are pretty calm now , now that i pretty much got all that getting high everday bullshit out of my system .. but there is still alot rolling up there (in my head) that i would rather not be there . but it is and theres nothing anyone can do about that for me so sometimes i still do lie.
 
It's not really the lying part that bugs me, as honestly I don't have to do much of it. What's most difficult for me is consequently being distant and secretive towards my family about my drug use, it's just not something they would understand, you know?
 
hey hydrochronic i feel ya. i made a similar thread a long time ago, before i was a mod or anything. it aint that i wanna bump my own thread but it jus happens to be that im the one who made it so i am mergin em together , hope theres sum good insight in here for ya and that u can find sum peace with ur feelings, we all go thru it.:\
 
In my very small town if you do so much as smoke some bud all the stoners know it cause I can guarantee one of them was the one to sell it to you.

Anything else and everyone knows, jeez, no one can keep their mouths shut.

Parents are the only ones who don't know, but even they find out afte rnot too long.

I kinda wonder if we're all just sloppy at hiding it or if it's really out of our hands..
 
I think it's kinda hard to hide meth/crack addiction, I mean you can be alone when your using but I think the signs/side effects are pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain.
 
XxParadoxX said:
No one else knows about my "hardcore" drug use, and that is the lifestyle - secretive, and I admit that I like it that way.
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I kinda feel like that to if i'm honest. I like having something that no one knows about and having all these little memories and experiences. Its hard at times, and if i hadnt just got a new job that i can fit my habit round i'd probably be in the shit big time and i almost came clean about it all the other day. I've always been a bit up and down and moody so its not really a big deal if i'm quiet or anxious every now and again. I dont like hiding it from my parents but as Immunity said i doubt they'd understand. I'm a law abiding citizen who happens to take heroin to relax rather than drink myself stupid like 90% of British people.

I've only done minor lying to my folks, like saying i was going for a drive or out on my motorbike when i'd go score so its technically true lol but i've told serious bullshit to various doctors at my surgery to get repeats of legit oxy scripts. I once got 4 x 56 tabs in a week this way and countless early repeats through various lies. I felt bad about it, until i started takin g them, then i didnt feel anything. There was a many times i've lied to my ex about having to work abit late to go score dope and say i were going out with mates and couldnt see her but really i was getting wasted in my room or just too wasted to see her. I feel bad about that she loved me and i loved her but i had to do what i had to do besides she benefited alot when i couldnt climax cos i'd been doing oxy and she was able to have loads of orgasms lol
 
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i lost all ability to trust in family years before drug use as a teen .. so for 7 years now it's always been strictly L-D

but while it doesn't help paranoia, it can add a slightly thrilling dimension to your life experiences . . nodding off in a banquet full of cops .. smoking up on snow patrol .. chopping pills or sneaking bowls in the [ex-] "DEA House" as my school buddies knew it .. I was holding bright neon lights in the night years ago but my parents were still clueless.

As I haven't gotten smarter with age, I'm trying to scale back my addiction to not include the 8-to-5 weekday .. I have my best job yet and don't want to f* that up.
But it's just a 10-minute walk thru the hood so hey.

When you let any/every drug be your #1 priority, you can justify, fake, and charm your way along.
I've never had a drug test for any of my Government jobs, only the lame private ones. I blitzed through University with A's [helped by mdma's, dxma, oc's, k, whatever letters i could combine & consume], which was training enough.

I've always been awkward, slightly crazy and malnourished, so there's no solid signs there. i ditched the rave attire for a stoner-professional style years ago.
Just no needles, and no record, and I don't see any reason to slow down .. actually craving things more than ever now that i'm a little older, and didn't f*ck things up along the way.
 
I live somewhat of a double life. I'm not around the house much, so my mom thinks I just have a few drinks now and again, and my dad knows I smoke pot. My younger sister knows the above. They know I "used" to abuse multiple drugs, but I'm 'Clean" now.:\

I work around 40 hours a week and I'm a full time Industrial Maintainence Student. My other life is spent after work, and involves doing just about every substance I can get my hands on, but for the most part pot, benzos, opiates, and the occaisional powder and psychadelic use. My friends know to a small extent, they think I just use 'hard' drugs about once a month, but in reality its 3-5 times a week, rotating substances so as to try and avoid actual physical dependence.

I guess I'm keeping it hidden, because I save my playtime for when I'm completely done with school and or work, I pay my bills on time, and manage to help around the house a fair bit.(still living at home).

I must say that hiding my opiate/benzo abuse is seems much easier to hide than when I was doing about an 8-ball a day of coke.....hard to hide being that geeked up.
 
I am definetely leading a double life as an IV Heroin/Coke user. I work full time as a social worker, i'm in grad school at night in one of the top programs for my field in NA, own a house, married, actively trying to conceive with my wife, involved in the community, etc.

When it all started, no one knew that I was using, I used alone every time. The only person that knew was is the person I pick up from, far far removed from me in a large city (Toronto). No one else I see regularly used drugs, that I know of. AFAIK the people at work thought I was going through depression, and working in a mental health setting means that they were very understanding. I always wear long sleeves to work, and somehow my wife didn't notice the bruises.

I was using at home, making excuses to watch TV downstairs, or when my wife was out at the gym. This kept up until my wife found me after an OD. In my haze I told the paramedics I had been doing heroin, and my original cover was blown. My parents, inlaws, a few friends, now knew. I went through rehab, etc, mastered faking drug tests, learned how to shoot without bruising and now I'm in the clear as far as suspicion goes.

I've moved away from doing heroin due to the cost and the telltale signs of being high that my wife can now pinpoint. I moved to a cheaper and less obvious (to her) drug, cocaine. I only IV at work in the private washroom. I'm not able to find it very readily, so most of my iniquities/lies lately have been around me making up excuses to be alone/go out to try to score. But as far as everyone who found out originally, I am doing so well in clean living, etc.

I definetely feel as though I am on the edge of giving up the double life. Its not fun at all and you cannot be 100% engaged with people (spouse/family) when you are lying to them. I am moving forward in several areas of my life soon (kids, masters degree) and I'm ready to spend my energy on those pursuits rather than drugs. My life is going to save my life, thank god. If I didn't manage to build what I have waiting for me on the clean side, I'd be a lost case.
 
Good luck with that man, sound slike your plate is bloody full and i dont blame you for needing a bit of an escape.
 
i wouldnt say i'm living a double life... more just like a totally secretive and hidden life....

it pretty much all started when i finished nursing school.. and started working at a good hospital close to my home... actually my cousin got my smoking 'wet'... weed with famaldahyde (sp??)... and took me a while to stop that... then i just couldnt work anymore.. got depressed it was actually really horrible... after a year of that.... i started working where i am now.. at a small family owned plumbing business.... i actually took a very fond liking to the owner of the company.. started a semi-serious relationship... only to find out 3 months later he was married with 3 kids... (they were over seas when i had met him)... we decided to keep our affair relationship going... and about a year later we were religiously married (in our religion you can have up to 4 wives) and he lives with me half the week and then with her the other half.... i knew he was heavy into cocaine use about 6 years ago... but had stopped..

one day about 6 and half months ago... we found ourselves obtaining some cocaine.. i had never done this stuff before... and found ourselves enjoying it and having a good time...

well i guess i like it too much and he enjoys doing it with me... so we both kinda got fucked....

his family works in his company with me as well... mostly as plumbers.. and not only does he... but i have to hide our dirty secret from everyone we know.... especially his brother...

the hardest part is the hangover the next day.. trying to hide the exhaustion on your face.... the stuffy/;runny nose the second you start coming down... the chapped lips.... the red nose... its incredible the way we hide it.. and on the days we do it... when no one is looking... we will do it right under their noses.... one time his brother suspected something... and took my husband for a drug test.... which miraculously he passed!!! i have no idea how that happened but he did.. it was totally amazing... and never suspected me...

hiding my life my those who are around me almost everyday... is truly amazing.... and the drug i'm doing isnt that easy to cover up.... takes long and many trials and errors to find exactly how to hide a 14 or 28 gram coke binge one weekend.... yes between the 2 of us... we can go through 14 grams in about 2 days...

pretty tricky stuff :)

i always said.. if they made a reality show about our lives.... it would be the most highly watched show.,.. lol
 
I've lived a double life for ten years.

I teach drug education, and snort oxys in the parking lot before work.

I tell my kids not to drink or drug, while my pupils look like fleas.

I wear long sleeves when I occasionally fuck with the needle, and claim Im just cold natured.

I always have the flu... usually at the end of the month.


I hate myself for being a liar and a loser and a junkie. But its so damn hard to stop, and no one would understand anyway.

What middle class white woman my age is addicted to opiates? I'm a prominate citizen, no trouble with the law ( thogh I had a close call a couple months ago), and I'm running for another political office next year.

Yesterday and today, I'm clean. Next montth, who knows?

I can't believe how powerful addiction actually is.

I have missed moments in my kids lives cause I was so sick, moments that I will never get back, because I had to drive 3 hours to get drugs instead of being with them.

Fuck.
 
Dude said:
What middle class white woman my age is addicted to opiates?
Fuck.
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If it makes you feel any better middle class white women is the premier RX addiction group. You are in good company.
 
awakeallnight said:
Wow. The double life I lead surprises and scares me sometimes. I'm a mother, a business owner, fairly prominent in the community, etc, etc...........

And I do anywhere from and ounce to two ounces of coke a month. I have the money to do it without it affecting other areas of my life. I have an out of town supplier, so I'm not known to the locals as someone who stops in at the local 'houses'. I have a clean record, not even a speeding ticket. I take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually and other than the occasional runny nose, it has not affected my appearance. So if anyone knew, it would blow their little minds.

I'm open minded about drugs. I have a respect for them and what they can do to a person. I feel that if a person wants to use them and they can maintain their life, then it should be up to them. I have always been of the opinion also that in many ways alcohol abuse has way more downfalls than drug abuse. It's just not as 'socially acceptable'.

Sometimes I wish that I could tell people about it, just to see if it would change their opinion of me, or of other people who use drugs.
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I like to do that shit too, but one to two ounces a month? Thats enough to do one or two grams every day!

Even if you do have the money to be spending on it, are you honestly telling me that this isn't an addiction? And how do you have (what $100 / day?) to be spending on it anyway? I don't do nearly that amount. I can understand why you consider it not to be a problem overall in your life, and why you don't want to stop, but you can't deny that you have an dependency.

Don't you find you just always find yourself thinking when your not high "I could be high right now" "this would be funner high" that kind of shit.

Its always interesting to see peoples reactions once they find out I do drugs. There is really is so much stigma around it all. You know what bugs me, is when someone who knew someone piss there life away becuase of hard shit (sad) associates that with *all* drugs.

I'm just jealus becuase I can't afford as much as you

im rollin so hard right now
 
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Now that I moved to Florida to get away from the oxy and heroin use im "clean"

Bought some poppy pods a couple weeks ago and have been doing them every day since. dont have a job and am almost out a money. gonna have to pay rent soon too. keeping it totally secret from my brother and his girlfriend.

I used to be heavily addicted to OC/methadone/heroin for 2 years, until i moved to florida. The only people who really knew were the people I worked with who did it too. I lied about stealing drugs from my mom and all sorts of shit. eventually i couldn't do that anymore though so i had to buy. I told a close friend who is in the navy, mainly because he was home for a bit and did it with me. eventually when I wanted to stop I told my mom about it.

fast forward past 2 month clean and I was back in it. nobody knew for awhile because I was just stealing methadone from my parents (both get huge scripts) but unfortunately I couldn't let it get to the point where they would notice so I only told 1 person, who was the guy who got it for me. eventually more people at work found out cause i told my good friend who did it too but he wasn't careful about the shit. he would ask me if i wanted a line or if he could use my hose clamp to shave up an oc and that was it pretty much. out in the open at my old job.

it pisses me off in my current situation because doing painkillers is so bad but my brother drink so much, sometimes every night for a week but usually takes 2 days off a week. often times its alone too but sometimes his girlfriend drinks with him and more often than not they end up arguing about some stupid shit and getting in a fight 8) .....sorry just ranting about having to keep mine secret and it being so frowned upon when stuff like this goes on and is so accepted :X
 
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