You have got yourself in quite a predicament. The best thing you can do is tell your doctor what you have been doing. I know you do not want to hear that, but really that is the best advice I can give.
For me, part of Suboxone that helps is it allows me to learn how to take something as prescribed by the doctor. Lets me know that I can control my use when I put my mind too it, for years I thought I would never be able to successfully maintain with just prescribed medication and nothing else. Turns out I was wrong. Right now, it easier for me to live clean then it is to try to use.
Completely agree. And no offense to anyone struggling with tapering their sub but if you can not taper sub and you tell yourself the reason is because "I'm too much of an addict" then I really think you are either not trying or you are an extreme and I mean EXTREME kind of addict.
The reason I say so is because after I was on sub for like a month it became almost like taking an antidepressant. You barely feel it at all, and you almost forget you are even on any medicine in the first place. Tapering sub for me is like tapering ssris or blood pressure medicine, extremely easy. Well at least untill most people get down to 1mg and thats usually when the trouble starts. But cutting from 8mg to 7mg to 6mg etc if you do it slow you don't really feel anything at all. Also, its kinda difficult for me to understand how someone being an addict is stopping them from tapering their sub, when if you double how much you take... you don't exactly get high off it. Its not a compulsive drug by any means.
So if you're having trouble tapering (sunnysuboxonecoop) I have to ask have you even tried tapering it? Maybe you just don't taper right? Like try dropping 2mg in a day or something? If you don't somewhat pace yourself in tapering almost any medicine your bound to feel crappy. And shit maybe its really just because I've had to taper off so many other meds before that I find it easy. Because coming off something like a calcium channel blocker is just as hard as tapering sub. I get terrible rebound blood pressure, hot flashes, sweats, they are all very similar feelings to tapering an opiate. Just w/out the depression. Tapering still is a skill that some people just never develop I think. And its really unfortunate because if you are the type that refuses to taper, or doesn't know how, you basically seal the deal that some shitty little drug is going to run your life.
Everyone is different though as even on full agonists I was able to maintain a very moderated habit. And I abused a noncompulsive opiate too like pods had it been heroin or oxies I'd prob suck at tapering.
Anyway I want to mention real quick that I've been feeling much much better on my sub. Far less headaches, far less pressure in the head, far less weird feelings overall. I use to hear people tell me "it takes a month or 2 to adjust" and I never really believed or listened to them but sure enough after a couple months on sub my body seems to just process it much "cleaner" if that makes sense. And realistically when I compare the side effects of sub to the side effects of say poppies, poppies were a much much dirtier experience overall. Every single night I'd go to bed on poppies I'd wake up in a pond full of disgusting sweat several times every night. Sub never does that. Although it does seem to make me sweat more when I'm being active, when full agonists seemed to make me sweat less when I was being active.
Anyway long story short everyone IS different yes. But still the longer you're on it the better I find most people to tolerate it. Simple fact is sub has given me so much freedom and power back in life. Money, a job, an optimistic outlook, things I never had before it. So overally sub has definitely been a blessing for me... despite my last post which I really think must have just been a shitty day. I did use to feel weird on it but barely anymore at this point. Oh and I should also mention that cutting my daily 4mg doses into 2 - 2mg doses MADE A HUGE and I say **HUGE** difference in how I felt on it. As I noticed I only usually felt weird like 8 hours after dosing, and I really think its that sub has these very subtle but different type of prewithdrawal syndrome. Because once I started dosing twice, honestly I feel 100% stable and perfect now most of the day. Worth at least a try I'd say.
