Now I know this topic has been talked about over and over on blogs but Iíve never seen it done on Bluelight and I thought it would be interesting to get some input from Bluelighters!
What exactly defines a fuck buddy? Iíd call it someone that you only ever see with the intention of sleeping with. You donít hang out outside of the bedroom and you donít call each other up the next day to say you had a good time, unless youíre calling for another session. Itís not a friends-with-benefits situation, itís somebody that you have in your life purely to satisfy your sexual needs.
Iím the kind of person whose current ideal relationship is that of a fuck buddy. I canít really stay in a stable relationship but I have a very healthy sex drive and I have no problem holding onto someoneís number knowing that I can call them up whenever I want for some good old fashioned fucking. Iím not really into one-night-stands (or at least not frequently) because I like to know for certain that the person Iím sleeping with is not a lunatic.
But is there more to a fuck buddy than the desire to have sex with each other? It sounds simple and too good to be true and the truth is, it can be sometimes, although it shouldnít have to be. But it can be a tricky situation if itís not done right. Everybody has their own set of rules and opinions so I thought I would share some things that have worked for me and open up the floor to other peopleís suggestions. Feel free to ask one another to explain why they have a certain rule and of course you are entitled to disagree with them.
Itís not like Iím an expert in the field, far from it, but having had numerous fuck buddies over the years, with a wide variety of ages, I have put together my own set of simple rules which I live by when entering and trying to maintain a purely sexual relationship with another person.
So here they are:
- Both parties must have respect for each other; itís that simple. No respect, no sex.
- Both parties must understand the situation. You both need to know that what you have is purely physical and nothing more will ever develop out of it. If you arenít sure or feel the other person may not be certain about the situation then you must ask or explain the circumstances.
- There should be a mutual physical/sexual chemistry or attraction to one another. If you canít bear to look at the person sober or theyíre not wild enough for you in bed then there is no point in continuing a relationship based on sex with them.
- You must both be able to communicate what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. Remember, you are both spending time together in order to get what you want, which is satisfaction. If they arenít sure or arenít doing something the way you like it, then tell them how itís done before giving up completely.
- You should have few or no mutual friends. This one is very important to me. It can become a very sticky situation if you know a lot of the same people and may have to be careful in making sure that nothing is revealed to them. You shouldnít have to worry about being found out. Itís okay to have mutual friends in a friends-with-benefits situation, but not with a fuck buddy.
- Only call/text/email/message/whatever with the intention of fucking or arranging your next fuck. They need to understand that that is all there is between the two of you and that thereís nothing more to say.
- This leads me to my next rule, which is: share little about your life or day except the basics. Sure, you can make some small talk asking how their day was, finding out what they do for a living or whatever, but donít go on a rant about what a bad day you had at work, how your friend is getting married soon, blah blah blah. You are there to have sex, not to find a confidante or establish an emotional connection.
- This next rule is not set in stone by any means but I find it is best if you see each other no more than once every other week. Seeing each other any more than that tends to lead to one person developing feelings for the other or the sex becoming less exciting. Although there have been a couple of occasions where it has worked seeing somebody once or twice a week, it has never lasted for very long.
- NEVER under any circumstances should you spend the night at their place or let them sleepover. I donít care how tired you/they are or how drunk, call yourself (or them) a cab and get out of there. Once the sex is over, their purpose has been met and there is no need for them to stick around. Why would you want to experience the morning after with your fuck buddy whom Iíve already said you shouldnít be sharing much personal information with? If you want morning-after sex then tell them youíll call in the morning and kick them out.
- Always use birth control. Ladies, you better be on the pill or some other form of it. And if you arenít exclusively fucking each other (that is, you havenít agreed that you wonít fuck anybody else) then you should be using condoms too. Why risking getting an STD from whomever else they may or may not be sleeping with?
- Play out your fantasies and try new things! With a fuck buddy, you donít have to worry about what they think or how they may react to your strange requests. If they donít want to try something out then either deal with it or try with someone else. The point of a fuck buddy is satisfaction, so donít be afraid to get creative!
- Another rule, which not everyone may agree with, is to not discuss anything about your fuck buddy and your escapades with your friends. Personally, I feel that a fuck buddy is a private thing and they should only be thought about when you desire sex, not while you are having coffee with your friends discussing their boyfriends or girlfriends. Although I think it is okay to share a bit of a really juicy or extremely gratifying night once in awhile!
- Finally, one of the most important yet often ignored rules: once someone develops feelings for the other or another person, STOP! If you donít end it quickly, things will get very complicated and messy, I guarantee it.
So thatís all Iíve got for now! Please do add onto this list and feel free to discuss any of the ones Iíve put up so far. If you need any further explanation, go ahead and ask! Remember, these are just my opinions, but they have always worked in my situations.
Oh and one more thing Ė what do you think about having daytime sex with your fuck buddy? Itís something Iíve never done before but my schedule over the next couple of weeks may call for just that and Iím not sure if itís entirely appropriate or not. I canít see myself going without sex for that amount of time though so Iíll just have to hope things work out! I donít see why they shouldnít though as long as the other rules are still followedÖ
Also, how do you dispose of your fuck buddies? Do you just stop calling or do you tell them the truth, whatever it may be? Or maybe you lie and say youíve fallen hard for someone else and are starting up a real relationship with them? Iíve never had a messy disposal, usually it has involved one of the parties moving away or a mutual falling out, but I would love to hear how some of you have gotten yourselves out of the situation.