MazDan
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2003
- Messages
- 16,745
I would like people who post in this thread to seriously think about there reasons, not just simply put for fun or to get high.
I guess for me, it is easy for me to say that also, but if I step back and look more carefully I think I may find other things..........so that is what I am going to try and do.
A little background........I am 43, single, never married, male, self employed and financially OK.
As a teenager I was introduced to grass but never really enjoyed it that much, I have very occasionally tried it in recent years and been very ill from its effects each time..........reason for use..........initially experimentation, possibly some peer pressure and more recently to be sociable......although I am a little confused about that as i knew it would screw me big time.
Basically therefore I led a drug free life until about five years ago when a friend of mine became addicted to Heroin. I did my best to help him and spent a lot of time reading books to learn more about drugs, H in particular.
My friend managed to kick it after a three year battle to stop........he has now been off for about two years.
I guess though that all my reading educated me to the fact that many drugs were nowhere near as dangerous as what I had thought they were.
Arround the same time as i was reading, another friend invited me to try speed with him.........I trusted him and he gave me quite a run down on evry thing that i would experience.........far better explanation than anything I had ever read and I knew he was being honest.
I agreed to try it and after the initial experience, I was hungry for more and used it on about ten occasions over a six month period.
Initially my reasons for taking speed were curiosity, but after the first time when I experienced a powerful feeling of friendship brought on mainly by the depth of the conversation that was inspired, it became more for wanting to experience that quality of friendship once again.
I am satisfied that this was definitely a recreational use in the true sense of the word..........although maybe the fact that I was fullfilling that need suggested that possibly it was because I was and still do feel pretty lonely and desperate for some love in my life.
Those days stopped rather abruptly when my friend met a new lady and she didnt like him spending time with me, we have never been speeding together since and the friendship has waned somewhat to the point where I rarely see him any more, especially since he was married.
At various parties over the past couple of years I had been offered and taken a single ecstasy tablet and on each occasion........maybe up to a dozen or so, I had failed to feel any effects.
After finding this site, I was able to discover that there were a lot of crap pills out there and also that I may need to take a little more than a single pill.
Finally late last year i experienced my first E.........that was definitely curiosity.
I have been using more or less every weekend now for the past 6 months or so.
Often on my own.....possibly 50 % of the time, 30 % with just one other person and 20% with a group at clubs etc.
The latter two are pretty much recreational however the use on my own probably began as an experiment but following that Im not so sure.
Possibly it is because I had nothing else other than maybe watching the box or spending time on the net.
I guess therefore it is for me a method of escaping the loneliness I often feel, particularly on weekends and while I am unsure about it and actually that is the main reason for starting this thread, maybe I am trying to escape from being a bit down sometimes as I no that when i drop i get a lift and feel so good about things.........well temporarily at least.
I guess ijn the end Im still not sure about why I use now but maybe by reading others thoughts on there own use, I will be able to see things more clearly, and just maybe by reading this it will help others to work out for themselves the real reasons why they use there drug of choice..
Sorry for the long post.......I guess if anyone got this far then you are a bit of a legend.
Thanks for reading my story.
Cheers.
I guess for me, it is easy for me to say that also, but if I step back and look more carefully I think I may find other things..........so that is what I am going to try and do.
A little background........I am 43, single, never married, male, self employed and financially OK.
As a teenager I was introduced to grass but never really enjoyed it that much, I have very occasionally tried it in recent years and been very ill from its effects each time..........reason for use..........initially experimentation, possibly some peer pressure and more recently to be sociable......although I am a little confused about that as i knew it would screw me big time.
Basically therefore I led a drug free life until about five years ago when a friend of mine became addicted to Heroin. I did my best to help him and spent a lot of time reading books to learn more about drugs, H in particular.
My friend managed to kick it after a three year battle to stop........he has now been off for about two years.
I guess though that all my reading educated me to the fact that many drugs were nowhere near as dangerous as what I had thought they were.
Arround the same time as i was reading, another friend invited me to try speed with him.........I trusted him and he gave me quite a run down on evry thing that i would experience.........far better explanation than anything I had ever read and I knew he was being honest.
I agreed to try it and after the initial experience, I was hungry for more and used it on about ten occasions over a six month period.
Initially my reasons for taking speed were curiosity, but after the first time when I experienced a powerful feeling of friendship brought on mainly by the depth of the conversation that was inspired, it became more for wanting to experience that quality of friendship once again.
I am satisfied that this was definitely a recreational use in the true sense of the word..........although maybe the fact that I was fullfilling that need suggested that possibly it was because I was and still do feel pretty lonely and desperate for some love in my life.
Those days stopped rather abruptly when my friend met a new lady and she didnt like him spending time with me, we have never been speeding together since and the friendship has waned somewhat to the point where I rarely see him any more, especially since he was married.
At various parties over the past couple of years I had been offered and taken a single ecstasy tablet and on each occasion........maybe up to a dozen or so, I had failed to feel any effects.
After finding this site, I was able to discover that there were a lot of crap pills out there and also that I may need to take a little more than a single pill.
Finally late last year i experienced my first E.........that was definitely curiosity.
I have been using more or less every weekend now for the past 6 months or so.
Often on my own.....possibly 50 % of the time, 30 % with just one other person and 20% with a group at clubs etc.
The latter two are pretty much recreational however the use on my own probably began as an experiment but following that Im not so sure.
Possibly it is because I had nothing else other than maybe watching the box or spending time on the net.
I guess therefore it is for me a method of escaping the loneliness I often feel, particularly on weekends and while I am unsure about it and actually that is the main reason for starting this thread, maybe I am trying to escape from being a bit down sometimes as I no that when i drop i get a lift and feel so good about things.........well temporarily at least.
I guess ijn the end Im still not sure about why I use now but maybe by reading others thoughts on there own use, I will be able to see things more clearly, and just maybe by reading this it will help others to work out for themselves the real reasons why they use there drug of choice..
Sorry for the long post.......I guess if anyone got this far then you are a bit of a legend.
Thanks for reading my story.
Cheers.
thanks BT for recommending the old thread I uruge everyone who hasn't read it to do so.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
