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10 years with subutex now CT

3m1l

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2018
Messages
95
Hi. I jumped 6 days ago from 15mg. I have to do it CT and alone. Only thing that drives me on is firm and hope for total sobriety and family reasons. I used to hit iv sub every day from 8mg to 40mg and used alcohol quite heavy doses in weekends.day 2 i hit 40mg oxy,day 3 i hit 80mg oxy. My chronic depression and chronic sleepdisorder are killing me. I already slit my left wrist with hunting knife. This Is Brutal.Tomorrow doc gives me rx to 200 300mg lyricas..god give me strenght to get thru this night ..i feel like im such a fuck up and want to die.
 
Hey there, wow that's rough. Please do remember that you're feeling massive emotional instability right now due to opiate withdrawal, it's making everything feel much worse and it's magnifying your negative thoughts about yourself. I know it's really, really hard to see outside of your mental state right now, but please try to remember that you will feel better eventually... suicide is a permanent solution to this temporary problem. Pregabalin helps with opiate withdrawal a lot, so please try to feel some optimism there. It won't get rid of it completely but it will make it a lot better.
 
im spewing acid shit and piss..yea i keep reading that text from suicide help. time is moving in seconds. thanks for support.
 
Were you kicked off of suboxone maintenance or are you cold turkeying for another reason? If you do a taper things will be MUCH easier for you. If you're kicked off, that's straight up irresponsible for the doctor. If your family or someone is trying to make you cold turkey, it might help to explain to them how you're feeling/that you're suffering so much you're suicidal, and that you will taper and it will really help the process... you can organize a schedule and have them give you only what you have pre-decided each day. If you can get down much lower, when you jump off it won't be nearly as bad. I mean it's possible to cold turkey from opiates but suboxone does last a lot longer than most so the withdrawal is longer, which makes it harder. If you have just decided to cold turkey, maybe because you've been unsuccessful tapering, perhaps do the same instead, have someone you trust give you a dose each day so you can't cheat.

Like I said, the pregabalin will help a lot but it won't fix it completely. If at all possible you should be tapering down, as 15mg of suboxone is a very large dose.

Honestly though, if you feel truly suicidal, you need to do something. If you're scared you'll actually hurt yourself, please seek help, go to the emergency room, anything is better than killing yourself when you can get past this and feel better. In the relatively near future, if you make it past this, you'll be so glad you didn't do it. <3
 
I have never been in detox or rehab. I have to do it this way.Family member had stroke.He doesnt even no who i am when i visited him. It broke me totaly.This is like been ripped apart sloooooooooowwwwwly. I twich on floor or puke and cry..sad right? Crazy hing is when i cutted i felt total control and peace for a while..
 
I mean my responsibilities in family company just got so much bigger..And something is yelling in my head i made him sick with my drug habit.This is it final stand,i make it or not.
 
im in hell.doctor in 3hours.I cant do that to my close ones i just have to suck this up.allthough this is hard damn.....sorry for multiposts just need to vent out...im in emotional and physical hell.
 
took six imodium pills and FORCED my self out and washed car...and you know what i feel 1% better. So this game is played by Forcing you out do something..just something little go out,dont stare walls in this lingering living death hell..im exhausted.
 
Saw doc gave pills took 900mg its like my mind is partly in heaven and body is in hell getting torchered and burned.This by far worst experience ever its like i have come my own worst enemy. I have zero energy so i have to use this infinite sadnes,anxiety,deppression and pain my new raw fuel and just PUSH FUCKING THRU.But its so fucking hard.
 
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Great capsels took just 600mg more with 4 shots of 80% vodka rolling quite hard,cant walk,falls over.Feeling good i think i get thru this with these.
 
Yeah pregabalin is quite euphoric. Just keep in mind tolerance builds quickly and they are also physically addictive after a while. So try to use as little of them as you can manage.
 
Yea i gave them to someone i trust. We made plan that i get tomorrow morning 2 and 2 for night,next day like doc said, 1 and 1 and i go as long as i can with that.if its not enough we up by 1 for day...Its weird feeling to be honest to someone that im addict. No more that secretive needle hiding and lying.I was thinking going NA meeting friday if i can..Thanks for suppport.This site saved my life.
 
I'm really glad to hear that. :) NA meetings are a good idea for sure. Also getting it out in the open is very important, once the secrets are gone it's a lot easier to get help and support and have someone hold you accountable. When I got serious about quitting, I told my family and friends and everyone about it, I even told my doctor about it so he wouldn't give me a prescription if I hurt myself or something.

I'm really glad you're doing the taper, my advice is to taper as quickly as you can without feeling like it's too much or you want to hurt yourself. Keep making progress and before long you'll be free. Once you finally drop off completely you will still feel withdrawals, but they will be much less severe. At that point, the pregabalin will be able to make you feel pretty good and you can use it whenever you need it. It will probably take a while to feel totally normal all the time given how long you were on them but you can do it. :)
 
Thank you for support.
Day 9 soorry for typos hard to write.
My mind is in total peace.My body is going thru some serious pain issues.My stomach is burning,chest burning so hard i sweaat,all joints are stabbed,bones breaking,headache and …. what im worried is i might have health issue because my spine is like some one trying to ripped a part.It is only pain that is not wawing its permanent and making me hard to write..exhausted i can take the pain but not that mental despair that i had..its the only thing that keeps me going if it comes back shoot sub asap.
Just dragged myselft to scorching hot shower and all the pains eased a lot. even the spinal pain. only really bad issue is stomach and chest pains but they come and go.
 
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Yeah hot showers are the best temporary cure for opiate withdrawal. I would take 3 or 4 a day when I was withdrawing. I have imagined a device where you'd basically get in a capsule and lay down and just your head would be outside of it, and it would constantly shower your body with hot water. It would be a great way to be able to sleep and be comfortable.

I'd recommend if you're tapering the sub, don't shoot it, try to take it orally. It should still work fine, and you can try to get past the needle addiction that way.
 
I dont have subutex.Just took my evening dose of lyrica 600mg..almost immediatly started to have Strong craving for more Lyrica,IV Subutex and Alcohol..i mean its almost too much to take.Pains are nothing to compared these cravings.Icant take it tomorrow is friday. im gonna go get fucked up now i tremble the cravings are that strong. atleast lyrica and vodka tonight..i have to.
 
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Day 10
Look day9 ad im puking projectile way. Sleep 6hrs so thidsis working. Im trying to force down beer 5.2% and vodka 80% containing 3300mg lyrica.Thhat your idea is sublime just float there dead adrunk. thanks for suppoert.haave to go vodka calls me.
How fucking long thiss limggering feeling of deahts hower over me..im mean its maddening have to dtink fast that i Black out.And i havent stil take suubu.its nor an option.
This is great i Black out and got real drunk just woke up from flooor i can run a way rhese wwd doing this. i don t need help no more thanks abouit it.the cuts there nothing compared time i used white hot smolkdering iron myself.R ja O mut saa kii maalinjan kautta vitun idiootit helvetti ododttaa teit? ennen mua.This ting is not working im floored by and still in pain..lptaken 5 000mg of pregabalin and lot of alcohol witj pregabalin..fuckijng capseles.
 
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Man, slow down on the pregabalin, especially if combining with alcohol. Please let us know if you're okay when you wake up, I'm worried about you now. 3300mg of pregabalin is a massive, dangerous dose by itself.

Also, alcohol is terrible for opiate withdrawal, it makes the restlessness and emotional instability much worse. Pregablin = effective relief, alcohol = terrible. I absolutely HATE alcohol for opiate withdrawal. Just makes it worse after a brief period of making you feel a little better.
 
im twitchig,someone woke me up from kitchen,.Iwas trying to drink yogurt/juice and i couldnt.my mouth is/was paralyzed still.wont take more.massive loundry waiting for me.icouldnt drink i was paralyzed sp everything was on the floor.and im drinkin more,iguess stupid does stupid is is.bit woried muth goes fully paralyzed to paralyzed.strong double vision its constant see everything in..yet i drink more and i dont care.
 
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coctail the rwiching and insomnia are thru the roof. Now that im not really fcked up. Still no sub.ravingcraving tjinking to buy some speed and weed.Mind is powerfull when it wants something.l But i dont have obey it immediatly obey it.
 
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