For some reason when you say "pick up a script" I get this surge of irritation. It's really not that easy , there are people who want to kill themselves because they can't get the prescriptions they need.
As far as Benzo addiction being a short term solution , sure , it definitely works for the time you take it . For me and for the mia OP . But like you don't want to get addicted to Kratom , I , don't want to get addicted to Benzos. Let's face it , the withdrawals are horrid and your brain is that much worse after using. I imagine after a decade of use the damage is extensive . Whether or not it's a good idea is an opinion .
I'm happy you have never experienced WD . It's worse then opiate WD and dangerous because of seizures. Sounds like your doctor did a good job with the taper .
Weed definitely has the least consequences . I mean mentally and physically. I would use weed as a long term solution any day. If it worked . I'd just grow it myself.
For me it's a choice between being alone and isolated socially, or turning to drugs which we agree has its own consequences.
Im leaning more towards the spiritual , to get me through the isolation. Finding healing on that level , and committing to it.
A script would be nice . But I might regret it.
I hear what you are saying.
I don't know why saying "pick up a script" is irritating though.
Why do you think it's so hard to get one though?
In my experience, if you go doctor shopping enough you'll find them.
It's true I've had my family help me, just cause my mom is a shrink so she'll talk to her friends and find out what doctors prescribe benzos and then I'll go see them. I mean yeah, obviously I have a connection cause of her, but it's not necessarily so hard, but maybe it is for you. I think if you were to just go doctor to doctor, telling them you want a benzo script and will leave if they won't give you one, that you'd get one, or ask around and find out what doctors prescribe them.
I'm sorry, but despite it being the common and popular opinion, I REALLY DON'T think that "my brain is that much worse after using" or that "the damage is extensive", and if you want to talk about irritating, I'm finding both of those statements VERY annoying, especially the "damage is extensive" one, but both.
I have not seen any proof at all that the "damage is extensive" or that my brain is worse after using.
People will tell you that it makes your anxiety worse, but I haven't seen that, I've just seen that when off it long enough my anxiety came back, but it was not worse than it was before, though I did sleep much better and had a clearer mind which I liked, it was too hard to deal with the anxiety coming back.
My doctor didn't do a good job with the taper, I think they did a shitty job. Because of something fucked up my psychiatrist cut me off and I ended up at a mental hospital for 3 months (not the psych. ward, I could come and go as I wanted, it was just a day program). They told me "Klonopin tapers itself because of the long half life" which I have a hard time believing and didn't even give me a taper really and didn't use the Ashton Manuel. They basically told me to finish the rest of what I had, kind of take half of what was left for a while then just finish them off, and I was fine, no WD at all except one day I remember that I felt kind of shitty. Everything everyone tells me is wrong with taking benzos never ends up happening to me. I DO know that I'm a SERIOUS exception in terms of not getting WD, and I don't know why I was lucky, so don't think I don't know I'm a rare case that I didn't have WD.
And it irritates the fuck out of me how people always say "if you take it a long time it'll mess up your cognitive ability", because when you read the studies on it, it's only SOMETIMES done that, and there's a large number of doctors who have made the argument that only some percentage of benzo usage ever leads to long term cognitive problems or memory loss or any of that shit.
Tell me, if "the damage is so extensive" why have I never noticed it? Why is the only negative effect I get that the medication makes me more tired and need more sleep? (which yes, sucks, but no memory problems)??
SOMETIMES it can cause damage, but I have never seen or read solid proof that it 100% of the time or anything CLOSE to that causes long term damage, and I'm serious that I don't think I'm ever going to have any.
I DO plan on getting off of it someday if I can, but in all my years of use I've never started forgetting shit, experiencing memory loss, nothing other than that it makes me more tired.
What also really bothers me is that I understand where you are coming from and you understand where I'm coming from yet OBVIOUSLY part of the reason you emphasize how much "massive brain damage" you think I am doing myself is because A) you think you can't get benzos maybe B) if you could get benzos you don't want to take them out of fear of it messing you up (and I sympathize with that I really do) so you are trying to make yourself feel better about your choice to deal with what we both know is a HORRIBLE anxiety problem without medicating. If you are so happy with your choice then you don't need to make yourself feel better about it and I'm NOT bragging about my choice either, I'm just saying it's helped for the same problem we both have.
I mean what I am doing doesn't HAVE to be bad for your choice NOT to do it to be good. We are both doing seperate things about it, and that's fine. I understand your choice.
I can't live a life of the kind of anxiety disorder we both had.
I understand why you don't want a benzo addiction, but as you've seen you can't go in to work drinking, and I can't live every day of my life unable to stop thinking about how much or how little eye contact I make with everyone.
Have you ever tried Kratom??
Cause it's far safer than benzos and helps A LOT.
But I don't care how many people tell me I've "damaged my brain" or "made my anxiety worse" with Klonopin, I refuse to believe it's true unless I actually feel that I've done damage, and since I never have, I think it's all a bunch of bullshit and that my brain is fine.
I think SOME people who take it experience those problems, and some people don't, and most of the literature I've read has seemed to suggest that it is in fact true that only SOME of the time does it cause those problems.
Sure, I COULD find out when I get older that my brain is all fucked up and it just took decades to show up, and I hope it doesn't happen, but I'm going to continue to live my life believing that since it never has happened it never will.
I will however see if after I break my massive caffeine addiction if I can take less Klonopin and HOPEFULLY EVENTUALLY get off it, or at least get to the point where I take it less, but I seriously DO kind of take offense to someone telling me I've done massive brain damage and that my brain is worse after using when I've never experienced any of that.
I don't think it's true. I think I'll continue to be just fine and not have to worry all the time about whether or not people think I'm staring at them or afraid to look at them.
