Drug withdrawels / Taking that break - Is this what it feels like?

As a breif background : I have been taken mdxx pills, and speed on a regular occassion for the last 4 years. As with most of us the first year was a honeymoon year - I thought that drugs were the best thing in the world It was more so the ''physical effects'' of the drug rather than the lifestyle that comes along with it.

Well into the second and third year of being in the ''scene'' I have had the most amazing experiences. Meeting new people, going to fantasic raves generally speaking a party life that could be second to none.

However in the last 6 months my taste for drugs has quite simply deterioated. I feel that my body can no longer handle it slowed right down from going out 5 nights a week, to every weekend, to every fortnight, and now, i struggle to gain the energy to go out.

What im concerned about is that I am on a break. Its been 4 weeks. But i have never felt so physically worse in my life. My back pain, my asthma, my headaches and general levels of energy are almost non-existant. I have this fear that i have done irreversable damage to my muscles, and obvisouly my brain. The brain, im not that concerned about, i was aware of the risks, but my body itself, i am concerned about. I dont even feel like smoking anymore, which is good, but it makes me sad that i cant actually ENJOY the cigarette if i wanted to.

Sometimes all i want to is go out and get mashed, and take away all the pain, but i know that would lead me back to step one. The thought of the consquenecs is enough to make me not take drugs. But the pain is there, and i do want to get rid of it.

Is this withdrawel symptons of some sort - or is this my body getting used to not haveing foreign chemicals in my body - or something else all together.

Theres has been a different thread floating around discussing the ''BREAK'' but its seems only to deal with the short 2/3week periods. Any information would be nice.

After a fairly long dance with the amphetamine dragon I found a prolonged break felt worse than the week long feeling of crap resulting from a big weekend. I put this down to my body detoxing and having serious withdrawals. The problem being this makes stepping back all that more difficult to do. This only lasted a few weeks and keeping busy helped enormously. But I did find I felt myself feeling more unfit before I started building up again. I think the mistake I made was letting things go unchecked so long until such a taxing recovery was needed.

I've probably surpassed the moderate recreational use with most things I've dabbled with and then with each of them come its own special parting gift. MDMA leaves you lost and depressed. Weed will ruin a good night’s sleep for you for months then when you think you've nailed it the dreaming starts Amphetamines leave you drained and thinking it’s probably easier to just keep taking them than endure this Nicotine is easy, there’s no cravings I don't smoke now..... Oh that...that’s just a social thing 8(

And then there’s those memory issues.... What was the question?

It gets better, with time. Its amazing how much energy you can find naturally when you give your body a chance.

3 or 4 weeks probably isn't enough to even sand back the rust. You've still got the paint work and engine rebuild to go, the longer the pedal is down hard to the floor the bigger the restoration becomes.

^ NICE analogy!!

BigTrancer :D

On A Break

After A five year campaign with MDMA and other substances I choose to take a much needed break @ the start of this year. I have since only used once this entire year which for myself is huge.
Your body will feel broken and damaged ( along with brain ) but you already know this.
I have a little advice to give you. Make food your new best friend, through this you will rebuild your body and your natural energy levels will slowly improve. I would reccommend getting A strong multivitamin supplement and some whey protein powder in order to promote muscle repair and general health.
Taking up some form of physical activity and incorparating A well thought out eating plan will improve how your body feels.
Ohh, and flax seed oil does wonders for sore joints and muscles - helped me.

best of luck to you

Seriously man that's some hardcore shit. Drugs 5 night a week has me amazed, but anyway, I'll try to give advice.

Put it this way, your body will try to get back to normal and it will take a while, but when your better (which will come quicker than you think) you'll feel so much better.

If you feel that you want to stop, it's your body telling you to. Good work on listening to yourself.

I think Powder_Sports pretty much knocked it on the head though. Eat well, exercise (that does NOT include dancing your arse off for 6 hours straight!!! ) and maybe try to get a massage every now and then from a proper masseur. It will probably feel as good as an MDMA hit and help your aching bones

Good luck, I like reading these type of posts, you'll feel better soon.

It's the fifth week now, and I do feel slightly healthier. In terms of physciality ( if that is a word ) i do feel ok. My breathing is still a little messy, but i think that has a large part to do with the environment that im in. My sleep, is getting a little more routined...

however, my brain feels a bit awkard. Its like I am yearning to think, to learn, to have deep intellectual conversations with people - but i dont really have the ability. I've found that ive lost a bit of motivation, maybe its depression. I have a couple of incidents where i have broken down, but pulled it back together again.

I can feel my mindset sort of going back to the times when i was younger and looked out the train window and wondered what type of tree that is, wondering how they built that bridge again. Im sure most people will understand but, i'm starting to loose that mentality that i can get buy without drugs - my whole life doesnt revolve around it.

For once in my life, i dont imagine how much better things would be on pills. Or stoned.

One side effect I have noticed that I no longer can be fucked going out and do lots of exercise since I stopped taking pills. My muscles feel soft and lethargic. It's not like I don't want to do something about it, but physically I just feel totally spent. I feel that way I guess because when I went out I used to dance until I couldn't get anything more out of my fragile ankles and even then I would try to get that bit more out of it. It's definately taken it's toll. Even when I just walk around my house my stride is done very gingerly. But despite my significantly reduced physical capability, I don't regret a thing. But I get the feeling that in a few years time I will.

papermate said:

My breathing is still a little messy, but i think that has a large part to do with the environment that im in.....

Click to expand...

maybe, but more to do with the fact that you're smoking ciggarettes! Try and give em up papermate cause it's the worst thing you can do if you've got asthma.

I am at the 4 week mark of my break. One of the problems I have found on my break is the amount of food I have been eating! I have put on about 6kgs in these 4 weeks. I just can't stop eating. I know whilst on the drugs I didn't eat much during the weekend, but I think I ate pretty normally during the weeks. Now I am eating more than I ever was before I even dabbled with drugs. Has anyone else found this?

this is serious...

I think that for everynight you were high in the last few years, you are going to feel shit for a day right now. I honestly believe that for every high in life, there is a coresponding low, even if it is years later. Example, travel over seas for a few years, and enjoy the travel high, come back and within a few months crash like a mother fucker for ages. Fall in serious love for a few years, then break up, and feel like shit for ages. Same with drugs - party hard every weekend for a few years, and you are going to be flat and/or depressed for a few years after that. What goes up must come down.

And if you think the physical side of withdrawing from drugs is hard, try going to a drug counsellor and working out the emotional side of why you ABUSED drugs in the first place, why you had a hole inside you that you had to fill every weekend for years, why you could not stop even though the last year of drugs was completly crap compared to the first year, and what you are going to do in the future without drugs. That is far harder, and why 90% of ravers/hard clubbers do not do it.

After 'hanging' around the rave scene for 5 years, most people stop the party drugs after a few years of hard abuse, but then go to work addiction, or money addiction, or sex addiction, or relationship addiction (cannot be 'single' for a day), or alcohol addiction (www.raves.com.au), or dope addiction, or Prozac or 5htp addiction, or travel addiction (very popular in england), and so on, and think they are 'cured' because they do not pop 10 pills every weekend. It is just addiction substitution. These people are still not happy underneath.

Keep smiling...

Liver cleansing diets can work wonders if you stick to them.
Juicing works well also i went a whole week once on nothing but juices and powdered supplements. i would juice carrots and apples beetroot etc at home every morning. Youll feel the difference.

originally posted by Ravingloony

I get the feeling that in a few years time I will.

Click to expand...

haha. so true. dont regret a thing. except a little sad that i think i may have fucked my body up beyond repair...

pillpiglet regarding the food, i havent really found thats the case. But 5 weeks ago i did eat a gram of speed (just kept munching ) and my stomach is still recovering i think, appetite is sort of coming back.

Dr.Beat posted -

And if you think the physical side of withdrawing from drugs is hard, try going to a drug counsellor and working out the emotional side of why you ABUSED drugs in the first place, why you had a hole inside you that you had to fill every weekend for years,

Click to expand...

. This could not be truer. The hardest thing i have found is the lifestyle that I have left behind. Ha ha....you post such a cynical reply. So..whats the solution, if you cant abuse drugs, and you arent meant to abuse anything else....whast there to look forward to? What would a shrink say?

Disclaimer: I am not suggesting anything towards anyone here cos i dont know u, this is just personal opinion from personal experience.

Alot of the symptoms you are describing are simular too those of depression. Alot of people take drugs to cover issues in thier lives that can be very hard too handle and make you feel down, when we take the drugs they enable people with such problems to have fun and bring happy times and memorys. but when you stop the drugs the problems or your memory of the problems come back. The mind is an amazing thing, When the mind cant handle somthing or it becomes too much onthe mind to the point of not being able to perform everyday tasks. We somhow are able to project this pain to the body, making all sorts of symptoms.

just somthing to keep in mind

i've thought about that. much in depth. I have consultant a doctor, before i was dropping pills and the doctor did suggest that i take zoloft. I found that it just made me wired, and difficult to sleep and to be honest i really didnt take well to it.

I did however in the last couple of years feel that my weekly dose of Mdma was a great solution. It doesnt cost that much more compared to the medications, and you get a hell of a better result.

However I have always beleive before, during and even now that i dont have depression. My mindset simply cannot accept that i am depressed from an analytical point of view. The reason is as follows.

1. Yes i get sad and upset at times I do have a constant sense of desperation of constantly failing relationships.
2. Yes sometimes i feel like there is little point to what I am doing.
3. Yes I do feel tired lots of the time.

but

1. I always look on the bright side
2. I'm constant optimistic that things will get better and better.
3. I have a great deal of hope for things to come in my life and love actually acheiving things.

In this sense - I really dont see myself as a depressed person. I used to get those moments perhaps once a month, now its a little more frequent. However - I really dont feel that its all shit. I'm proud of who i am and what i do.

Does that make me schitzophrenic? ( jesus - i'm not meeting any of you clowns at a Bluelight meetup now. - I feel like I have told the most confidental part of my life.) I almost feel this should be posted in SLR but at the end of the day its all drug related.

this is serious too...

You wrote:

>However I have always beleive before, during and even now that i dont >have depression. My mindset simply cannot accept that i am depressed >from an analytical point of view. The reason is as follows.

>1. Yes i get sad and upset at times I do have a constant sense of >desperation of constantly failing relationships.
>2. Yes sometimes i feel like there is little point to what I am doing.
>3. Yes I do feel tired lots of the time.

>but

>1. I always look on the bright side
>2. I'm constant optimistic that things will get better and better.
>3. I have a great deal of hope for things to come in my life and love >actually acheiving things.

>In this sense - I really dont see myself as a depressed person. I used to >get those moments perhaps once a month, now its a little more frequent. >However - I really dont feel that its all shit. I'm proud of who i am and >what i do.


---------------------------------------------

You have basically two sections of your brain, telling you to do different things most of time (sometimes they agree). You emotions are telling you one thing, and your logic another. Your first 3 points come from your emotions, your last 3 points come from your mind.

The western world is very much mind orientated, where as say african culture is much more emotion orientated. So in the west, even when peoples emotions are not good, other people just say, ' 'get on with it', 'get over it'. Westerners are not good with emotions, and that is why we have a society full of very emotionally damaged people, and symptoms of that are : gambling, sex addiction, consuming addiction, work addiction, drug addiction (alcohol, valium, dope), travel addiction, food addiction (fat people), anarexia, sport addiction, TV addiction, music addiction (DJ's), relationship addiction (not happy being single) and so on. Most people are not happy inside, and are constantly trying to fill up their live with stimulation outside the body. People who take pills every weekend are a very good example of that.

I guess in the end the western world spends 99% of its time and energy on the logical growth - cars, buildings, roads, jobs, citys, career, skool, house, and so on, and spend about 1 % of their time and energy on emotional growth. I really hope in the 21th century we stop obsessing about the economy, money, interest rates, stock market, and so on, and start spending a bit of time on our emotional growth, family unity, our spirital side, and caring for each other.

Take care.

Some people think that MDMA allows them to become more in touch with their spiritual and emotional sides -- indeed, many people become significantly more outwardly emotional and accepting of others following their first experience with MDMA. Many drug experiences are reported with 'religious' type life-changing significane to the user. This is not limited to the time under the effect of the drug. How does that fit in with your theory that everyone who takes pills regularly is depressed and emotionally bereft?

BigTrancer

I found MDMA and speed helped/made me anaylise every aspect of my mind, life, friends, personality, everything really... - probably too much.

updateing and also commenting on off my pickles thread. Maybe they could merge. I have chosen to not do any drugs on my break. I forget how many weeks its been, i think its 6 or 7 now.

the depression that has been discussed, still sort of lingers, but its not that bad. personally i have found that the addiction was not chemical so much as social. I have spent my time sailing boats and horseriding, as opposed to clubbing which is a nice change. im trying to give up the cigarettes, but they are still there.

but i think its important to keep your mind active with activeis that arent drug related. but only if you are on a break. (im looking forward to breaking it, but waiting for the right occasion).

papermate said:

but i think its important to keep your mind active with activeis that arent drug related. but only if you are on a break. (im looking forward to breaking it, but waiting for the right occasion).

Click to expand...

seeing you've had this break and all (congrats on that. im trying this atm) ... and you're trying to keep your mind away from drug related activities, what the hell are you doing on this board? surely reading some threads on BL AUD DD must bring some drug related thoughts back into your mind and would make you sway away from your prime objective, which is to be durg free!

sometimes just reading these threads makes me wanna....

^ BL = drug porn

BT