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Coming off opiates (help)

Unenthusiastichand

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17 year old female here. Been using about a cap of h a day for a month. It's been about 12 hours and I'm already sick. Suggestions to get through this? I want to stop while I can
 
Good news is you withdrawal should be quick and not crazy bad relative to what it could be. But that won't mean anything right now because you have no frame of reference. Just know it gets worse Everytime you go through it. Comfort meds like clonidine gabapentin benzos and weed will help cushion the blow if you have access. Over the counter drugs loperamide and Advil will help especially loperamide 5mg will make a big difference.

Staying off is the really hard part. If you see the drug your cravings will be unbearable. It's called a trigger. My triggers are stress, people, depression, being in areas I used to get high or score, seeing the drug even in a movie, even certain songs. Cravings will be extremely intense for a few months but will gradually fade with time. Your young enough that you have a chance to quit but if you keep going it gets harder and harder

Try to identify what led you too using so much. Emotional pain? Loneliness ect. You need to try and work on those issues because they are going to hit you like a ton of bricks after withdrawal.

There is alot of experience here so keep posting. Tell us how the withdrawal is going and a little about your situation.

It's gonna be alright
 
What kind of support do you have OP? Does anyone know about your struggles with this?

I'd be curious to hear more about your history of drug use and any interrelated mental health concerns you might have OP.

It is super hard to find support for younger people. Hardly impossible, but really quite challenging. The best thing you could probably do right now is educate yourself about what you're going through. Do you like to read OP? There is a lot of great info in the SL directory.

A few books worth checking out: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (free version online), The Birth of Heroin and Demonization of the Dope Fiend, Chasing the Scream, High Price, Unbroken Brain, Help at Any Cost and Globalization of Addiction would give you a really good idea of what you are up against. Best of all though, they will help you grapple with how best to move forward to get yourself to a healthier, happier place in life.

Please feel free to ask any questions. I had so much to learn about addiction at your age. Just try and remember that recovery is first and foremost about learning. The only silly questions are those you don't ask!
 
Thanks guys.

I've struggles with anxiety, depression and PTSD basically my whole life, but about a week before I started using I broke up with my extremely abusive boyfriend I had been with for two years. It's funny because he was an addict and I never touched it the two years we were together but within a week of us being apart I was using. I'm not very good with coping skills and I did end up copping today , I'm waiting for my friend to drop it off right now because I was so sick last night. But, when he brings my final cap he's also going to bring me two 8 mg suboxone for me to taper down with. One of the hard parts is this "friend" who is bringing it is a 30 year old hardcore addict and he's offering to shoot me. I told him no fucking way, do you care about me getting clean or do you want me to go deeper into this and die? Other than him, I only have two or three friends who know so I don't have a lot of support. But being sick has been so awful that I'd rather get off and never be sick again then just keep using and keep being sick like every week. So hopefully this works. About two summers ago I had been doing about 15 mg of oxy a day for three months and stopped cold turkey and had no WD whatsoever.
I really want to kick this because I know if I don't and I have dope around in going to end up purposely overdosing (I have a history of suicide attempts starting when I was 13)

To put into reference how much I've been using compared to me, I'm only about 90 pounds and 5'2. So a cap is kind of a lot for me to do in a day when I can nod out from snorting 1/6 of one.
 
Have you thought about checking out a legit suboxone program? Those subs your friend is bringing will help soften your landing a little. But getting involved with some ongoing maintenance and treatment might be a steadier way to start off in recovery. It would let you focus on stabilizing your life a bit, without first having deal deal with being super sick.
 
Have you thought about checking out a legit suboxone program? Those subs your friend is bringing will help soften your landing a little. But getting involved with some ongoing maintenance and treatment might be a steadier way to start off in recovery. It would let you focus on stabilizing your life a bit, without first having deal deal with being super sick.
She probably can't since she is 17. At the very least her parent would need to be involved.

Op I know withdrawal sucks I've been there a few times myself. Can you get any benzos like Xanax, Valium, Ativan, kolonopin ect? They will help take the she off tremendously. Ok the sub is a decent start. Take 4mg 36 hours after your last heroin dose. The next day take 4mg. Then take 2mg on day 3 and 4. Take 1mg day 5 and 6. Nothing day 7 1mg day 7 nothing day 8 then the last bit of sub day 9. That will give you the least amount of withdrawal for what you have and is about what a professional detox would do.
 
Thanks guys.

I've struggles with anxiety, depression and PTSD basically my whole life, but about a week before I started using I broke up with my extremely abusive boyfriend I had been with for two years. It's funny because he was an addict and I never touched it the two years we were together but within a week of us being apart I was using. I'm not very good with coping skills and I did end up copping today , I'm waiting for my friend to drop it off right now because I was so sick last night. But, when he brings my final cap he's also going to bring me two 8 mg suboxone for me to taper down with. One of the hard parts is this "friend" who is bringing it is a 30 year old hardcore addict and he's offering to shoot me. I told him no fucking way, do you care about me getting clean or do you want me to go deeper into this and die? Other than him, I only have two or three friends who know so I don't have a lot of support. But being sick has been so awful that I'd rather get off and never be sick again then just keep using and keep being sick like every week. So hopefully this works. About two summers ago I had been doing about 15 mg of oxy a day for three months and stopped cold turkey and had no WD whatsoever.
I really want to kick this because I know if I don't and I have dope around in going to end up purposely overdosing (I have a history of suicide attempts starting when I was 13)

To put into reference how much I've been using compared to me, I'm only about 90 pounds and 5'2. So a cap is kind of a lot for me to do in a day when I can nod out from snorting 1/6 of one.

That sounds like a tough place to be. How are you hanging in there? At least with that much buprenorphine you’ll be able to detox pretty comfortably.

Try insulfating 1-2mg at a time and wait for at least an hour before redosing if necessary. With the size of your habit and buprenorphine’s extreme potency, a very small amount should hold you pretty well and it should last you at a minimum four days. But if you can stretch it out even long I’d suggest trying, hence the recommendation of snorting it (higher BA). I am assuming you’re getting pills though. If you’re getting strips use Listerine or something with alcohol in it to wash out your mouth before taking it sublingually as it will also help increase the BA.

Have you ever worked with a therapist or psychiatrist? That would be a good place to start in terms of support, especially considering the other stuff you’ve struggled with. PTSD et al can be really difficult, as I’m sure you’re aware of.

Ask your parents to pay for an MBSR course too. That will help you also manage your challenges with this and can be very supportive even without explicitly coming out about your challenges with substance use.

What is your diet and sleep habits like these days? Proper nutrition and getting enough rest is essential. Even if you experience insomnia, just try and rest as much as possible. Stay hydrated, eat three healthy meals a day, and try to spend time doing stuff you enjoy. That will all make this much, much more managible. You’ll also recover more quickly if you can practice healthy self care and other habits.

If you live in a major city in CA or MA let me know, as I am very familiar resources for all this stuff in such places. Getting quality help as a teenager is really difficult, as there aren’t a lot of options. But if you can begin to get a handle on all this stuff now as opposed to letting it continue to fester you’ll be so, so much better off down the road. And even then, as long as you just trying you’ll get where you want to be eventually.

What are your goals with this? Both related to the drug use and life/developmental stuff more generally? It’s all interconnected, all the more so at your age.
 
I managed to delete my other comment. Sorry. I usually lurk instead of posting so I'm a bit unfamiliar with this.

I detoxed , did great and then relapsed last week. I was extremely suicidal and having trouble breaking away from my ex still... I live near Baltimore, and I have too many guys jumping to drive me there to make me happy. I've moved to shooting 90% of the time and now I'm doing raw instead of scramble. I've come to the conclusion I don't want to get clean, I was black mailed into it. My mother also uses (clean now) so she's too occupied to even know I ever touched it. I'm not sure what to do.. Fetynal is a big issue and Baltimore is cranking it out, I was even given scramble and told it probably had it. I'm almost hoping it kills me.

I spent my 17th birthday slinking around Baltimore looking for it. Everyone is enabling or judgmental. My friend told me she was going to drown me for relapsing. I'm not sure if you know about Lil Peep, the rapper who overdosed , but it made me realize how many people think I deserve to die for being an addict, that we aren't real people. Even people I that I called my friends who didn't know I'm an addict saying terrible things. I feel dehumanized and like I let everybody down... My best friend of four years told me he didn't respect me anymore and blocked me
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I managed to delete my other comment. Sorry. I usually lurk instead of posting so I'm a bit unfamiliar with this.

I detoxed , did great and then relapsed last week. I was extremely suicidal and having trouble breaking away from my ex still... I live near Baltimore, and I have too many guys jumping to drive me there to make me happy. I've moved to shooting 90% of the time and now I'm doing raw instead of scramble. I've come to the conclusion I don't want to get clean, I was black mailed into it. My mother also uses (clean now) so she's too occupied to even know I ever touched it. I'm not sure what to do.. Fetynal is a big issue and Baltimore is cranking it out, I was even given scramble and told it probably had it. I'm almost hoping it kills me.

I spent my 17th birthday slinking around Baltimore looking for it. Everyone is enabling or judgmental. My friend told me she was going to drown me for relapsing. I'm not sure if you know about Lil Peep, the rapper who overdosed , but it made me realize how many people think I deserve to die for being an addict, that we aren't real people. Even people I that I called my friends who didn't know I'm an addict saying terrible things. I feel dehumanized and like I let everybody down... My best friend of four years told me he didn't respect me anymore and blocked me

That sounds tough given your environment. I'm not sure I could have gotten sober if I were living in places I know the dope scene really well.

Is there any way you could spend some time away from home, perhaps pursuing work or study elsewhere, in a perhaps slightly healthier enviroment?

There are always things you can do to make your current environment more conducive to your recovery. How much time do you spend in recovery support groups? Spend some time at those. Try spending time around other folks doing healthy things, like learning to meditate, do yoga, martial arts, sport, whatever. Spend time volunteering at your local needle exchange or mental health clinic, if it's not too triggering. Spend time with professionals like therapists, and whatever else you need in that vein (on pun intended).

Basically if you can just put more time spending time with people not using you may stand a better chance of not using. Just as long as it feels right in the moment, and doesn't just end up stressing you out more. A lot of this is trial and error, but generally speaking if you devote your resources to positive things you'll end up getting positive results. It's like investing in yourself.

That all said, being a late teenager/early 20-something can be tough. Especially with how I remember other people basically seeming to look down on me in terms of what I'm capable of around that age. So I'd also suggest to especially make sure to spend time with people who value you more than they criticize, judge or stereotype you.
 
Most people don't understand addiction and don't really try to. It's easy to look down on someone who is harming themselves with destructive habits, especially drug use. The solution seems so obvious to people who have never experienced it- just stop using. The reality is that addiction is much more complicated than that, which is a hard for some people to accept. Degrading or looking down on those who use drugs is a way to feel superior, above the problems, and ignore the fact that anyone can experience a substance use disorder, although some are more susceptible. Frustration and anger from friends is likely a sign that they care, but either care in a selfish manner or can't fully comprehend the situation.

I would be very wary of people offering to help you get high. They are not in a healthy frame of mind and nor are they in control of their emotions. They may believe they are helping you and may sympathize with you, but ultimately they are promoting the sickness that is addiction. They may also have more sinister motives...

Do you think that you want to continue down the path that you are on because of the lifestyle, or is it more that you find it easier to deal with your problems with drugs? I think that I was addicted to the fast paced lifestyle I was living as much as I was addicted to using drugs as a way of avoiding uncomfortable emotions. Either way though, I think it is important to ask yourself if you are truly wanting to continue down the path you are on, or if the path you are on is a way of dealing with loss and other difficult emotions. It sounds like you don't want to spend you days looking for a way to get high and avoiding sickness.

Would you consider talking to your mother about your struggles, or do you think it would create a volatile situation?
 
I don't want being sick and going to the city every other day to be my life. But I do want being high to be my life... I don't have plans for the future. My ex convinced me to drop out of school at 15, I was kicked out of my dad's family (so I can't see my baby sister because I'm a piece of shit) and I haven't cared much about where I end up, even if it's buried. Being suicidal from such a young age, honestly I never expected to even have to plan for being this old and I'm only 17. I don't think this is how my life to be, but I also just don't really care. I definitely use heroin as a crutch to stay away from my ex and to be able to interact with others as I have very severe anxiety, especially in social situations. I am unable to go out or interact or even really carry conversations sober, and I think I've developed an attachment disorder where I really just don't never develop feelings for anyone anymore. I've always been someone who just wanted to fall in love and get married and have kids and be happy but my ex really fucked me up and those things no longer interest me. I think it would be an awful idea to talk to my mom, we're very close but I'll probably end up being watched very closely and she'll be really disappointed in me. The only things that brings me any happiness are drugs and my seven rats. I don't even have the drive to have a hobby anymore. Or friends.
 
What stuff do you feel drawn to in life? What would your dream profession be? You're so young, you have faaaaaaar more choices than you might realize.

You can work on getting a job doing something you enjoy. Starting off with an internship or through volunteering can work really well along these lines. If you like animals I'm sure you could find a volunteer position are shelter or pet store.

You can also get your GED and work on going to college or getting an associates degree. There are plenty of subjects related to drug use or animals that can lead to worthwhile jobs/professions.

Basically you still have 13 years until you're an adult, and a hell of a lot can happen during the 20s.

Have you ever tried to learn how to meditate or do stress reduction? Sounds like what you want to most is self reliance and feeling accepted for who you authentically are. This is very normal among those of us who struggle with drug use.

Most of my heroin and opioid use surrounded my similar struggles with social phobia, anxiety and stress. I found opioid replacement and mindfulness based stress reduction to be the most useful treatments. Depending on your use it might or might not be appropriate to get on ORT right now, but you can definitely look into MBSR and mindfulness stuff.

As much help as parents can be, IME discussing difficult issues with parents who don't really understand what is going on themselves is often a recipe for disaster. That said, you do need your own support. A therapist or medical professional might be helpful in this regard.

Have you ever tried any form of treatment before? What do you want to do with the drug use stuff?
 
I don't want being sick ... But I do want being high to be my life... I don't have plans for the future ... I'm a piece of shit ... I haven't cared much about where I end up, even if it's buried ... I don't think this is how my life to be, but I also just don't really care.

I could write paragraphs expressing my thoughts and my experience. I'm not sure that would be very helpful to you at this point in your life, however. Suffice to say many people care about you, want only the best for you, and are willing to go to great lengths to help you. You have yet to meet most of these people. If you do your part and give yourself a chance, these people will simply show up in your life. You need to take the first step however and ask for help. Letting your mom know exactly what time it is might be the best thing you can do.

Many of us know exactly what it feels like to want to stay high, 24/7, yet have been able to break free. We certainly are here for you.
 
I remember when I first got into cocaine and I will never forget when I basically said out loud to myself, "I want to feel like this forever." I had a similar experience after discovering opioids, and those words defined my early relationship with the stuff. But looking back at these times, I can't think of anything scarier than having this kind of attitude. It is so stereotypical, and even at the time I realized how sad it was.

The best thing I've learned in recovery is probably how wonderful low level bliss, joy, gratitude, and other positive, nourishing emotions are when I tune into them. Subtle emotions like that are impossible to experience when engaging in intense and regular drug use. It actually took a lot of effort to sensitize myself to feelings other than just clinging (e.g. craving), aversion (anger) and ignorance (greed). But once I learned to it opened up so many new doors.

Part of me feels like learning to appreciate the more subtle emotions and feelings states is a big part of ongoing development as an adult.
 
Hey there Unenthusiastic. I just wanted to say that I relate very much to a lot of what you are saying. I deal with a lot of the same mental issues and my love/hate for h use.
I just want you to know you are not worthless and your life is valuable, addict or not. I wish you all the lock and love you deserve. If you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to holla.
Mad love
 
thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I was starting to consider getting clean but one of my rats passed away last night. A girl who's been using for 10 years sent me this long ass paragraph saying because I'm young I choose to be addict but she doesn't.... I've never been so angry in my life. Just because I'm young I choose it? Bullshit. Maybe if I wasn't sick I would be "choosing it" but I am physically dependent. What's up with that addict shaming FROM an addict? That's one of the reasons I've kept such a tight leash on my problem and only maybe ten people know, and I'd say 7 of them are from other states and I met them through social media.. When I'm sick I want to get clean to never be sick again but I also just would rather be high. I can't really rationalize with myself and say. "This will happen in two days if you don't stop"
I make jokes about it. But I do it to myself.

A big thing I noticed is avoidance. Call it boi. Call it dope, call it h. Just don't call it heroin because then it's too real. If I stick to other names and make jokes about my addiction then maybe it won't be real.
 
thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I was starting to consider getting clean but one of my rats passed away last night. A girl who's been using for 10 years sent me this long ass paragraph saying because I'm young I choose to be addict but she doesn't.... I've never been so angry in my life. Just because I'm young I choose it? Bullshit. Maybe if I wasn't sick I would be "choosing it" but I am physically dependent. What's up with that addict shaming FROM an addict? That's one of the reasons I've kept such a tight leash on my problem and only maybe ten people know, and I'd say 7 of them are from other states and I met them through social media.. When I'm sick I want to get clean to never be sick again but I also just would rather be high. I can't really rationalize with myself and say. "This will happen in two days if you don't stop"
I make jokes about it. But I do it to myself.

A big thing I noticed is avoidance. Call it boi. Call it dope, call it h. Just don't call it heroin because then it's too real. If I stick to other names and make jokes about my addiction then maybe it won't be real.

Would you say more about this?
 
Your value as a human being is inherited and you are of great worth!
You are loved and cared for by many, many human beings.
Oldhippytony is absolutely right on about many people caring about you and whom would go to great lengths to help you.
People you have yet to meet and they do just show up in your life when you take steps toward reaching out and asking for help.

Don't let others who have no understanding nor wisdom tell you who you are. They do not know themselves who they are or they would not treat you this way. I know what it is like to have no support ever and have others always picking at you and it makes you feel as if nothing you do is good enough. I can relate strongly to your comment about not planning on living to be this age so you did not prepare.

I want you to know you are loved very much and you have support. Keep reaching out here.
 
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