Benzos Benzo Help and Advice Really Needed, Please

Fellow Bluelighters,

I've posted a few times but had no great responses, really hoping for this thread to catch on...

I'm have been clean (H,C & Rock) for over three years, was a tough road but I made it out on top, for that I'm greatful.

Since I moved to a new Country (well Continent really) for work, I started becoming incredibly anxious due to high work load and oressure to the stage where I couldn't even speak to my colleagues or look anyone in the eye. I started taking days off, getting palpitations and decided after 10 months that enough is enough (I had a really bad panick attack at work).

I went voluntarily to ER where they made me wait for a psychiatrist after finding out my symptoms.

Anyway I lwft with 2mg Lorazepam and the next day collected my one week script. I started weekly counselling and continued the Lorazepam for a few weeks. The health service was great but waiting was so long, so I went to a private psych hospital where I spoke with an Egyptian doctor who was 100% not informed on benzos... I left with 40 5mg valiuns and was told to come back in two weeks.

Between then the other doctor had orescyme 4mg clonopin daily, and when I went back to the private doc she simply slapped a prescyon the table for 60 0.5mg xanax.

Fast forward...

I realised that I had a problem a couple of months ago and we began a taper, it was going well...

It spiralled (I should have known better, I've been in rehab and detoxes more times than I can remember), now I'm taking maybe 2mg clonazepam in the morning (with my ritalin/concerta), then maybe 1-2mg around lunch time.

Get home, sniff 10-20mg ritalin which helps ke play guitar so much better... Then just before I crash I take a combo of anywhere between 2-4mg clonopin, 2-4mg xanax and previously (as I no linger have them) 20-30mg valium.

This has been almost daily for 3 months now. Last night after my rits I took 12mg bromazepam and 2-3mg clonazepam.

At the weekends there have been a few times where I have done maybe 20 0.5mg xanax and maybe around 8-12mg clonazepam.

I have a problem, I know I cannot do this but I keep taking them.

The ritalin crash makes it worse because of a) the comedown and b) I don't know if I'm starting to WD or if I'm just crashing. Either way I just take more benzos. (PS I actually nees the ritalin/concerta for genuine ADD, the snorting cannot be justified).

Guys, addicts, those who know where I am and the place I am in. Please advise me, and not with @take less man", it doesn't work. I need your advice.

I achieved so much and am scared and ashamed of what I have become.

To summarise, there have been days where I took no benzos or maybe like 0.5mg clonazepam. Most days its between 2-3mg clonazepam and either 1-3mg xanax or 20-30 valium (12-16 bromazepam) for the past say 2 months steady.

Awaiting your advice and hoping for understanding and comfort, I don't think i can take negative commenta even though they sre deserved...

I just want someone to understand and help. I am alone here and have no friends and no one to open up to.

Sorry about the long post, I just needed this off my cheat.

Thank you in advance.

Stay safe

PS sorry about all the typos, I was using the full version on my mobile

You know you can't keep going on like this, so start tapering down to a more manageable dosage. If you haven't heard of the Ashton manual, which provides basic tapering schedules, you should check the link.

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

Thanks fkr the reply chelle, yeah I have heard of it and am aware of it. Used it in rehab before, part of the 8 week inpatient programme.

I know how to taper, I just cantseem to control myself.

Like I know the bottle is there in the cupboard, I say in my head for what seems like hours "just forget it, blank it out", but I always go get that bottle. Even though I know it dies no good and only harm...

WTF...

Well from my experience (10+ years), klonopin is the easiest to get off of, so maybe just try tapering with that. It also blocks cravings for the other benzos quite well, and has a nice anti-convulsant agent.

Boy! If someone knows the answer to this question I could use it as well. Cravings for a doc are horrible. Couple that with very low self control and you will know what my problem is. It sucks.

OP.... you will have to do the same thing I am doing. Take as little as possible to keep your cravings under control. When you do crave something try to force yourself to wait an hour or start smaller and force yourself to wait 30 minutes before you dose.

Good luck man, I hope this will help a little.

BTW I had to laugh a little when I saw your username. That shit struck me as funny.

Benzos. Wow. Undoubtedly the most obnoxious kick I have ever experienced. I have kicked alcohol, nicotine x5, hydrocodone x2, dilaudid, fentanyl, and heroin. Add benzo (Xanax and Klonopin). Spent 3 months in rehab to kick the benzo. All the other done from home. Am clean from opiates for 27 months.

Benzos have been the hardest detox I have ever known. But you can do it. I would advise to START your taper now. The longer you wait, the harder it is.
Not all horror stories are as bad as mine... I was taking Xanax everyday for 3 years. Because of what I would call "life situation", I could not kick the benzos.

I tried to cold turkey a 2mg Xanax habit that I had self-tapered for a few months. The cold kick at 2mg was rough, to say the least. I flew to a family member's in the state of Hawaii and didn't bother to take medication with me. I was checking in to a facility that pulled my room right after I arrived in the state. I ended up in ER on seizure watch. I set off the EKG machine several times, however I luckily never seizured (LUCKILY, it is not the norm) but did puke in their room multiple times. After 6 nights of not sleeping I went into a state of psychosis. The hallucinations were extremely hard to tell were not real, and I have years experience with LSD and DMT.

Ended up in a center finally, yet almost did not take me because they were unsure if I had schizophrenia due to the state of psychosis I was in.

Started a Klonopin taper to kill the Xanax and tapered unusually fast. Started to feel paresthesia when I got down to 2mg Klon. paresthesia is the sensation of pins and needles and bugs under the skin. After the final dose, the heightened anxiety was UNREAL. The smallest stressors, and I mean the smallest felt like life or death. This will pass! But after about a month or 2. I am pretty sure I lost my mind. The paresthesia is still just as bad 4 months later. So bad at nights I can't sleep. Toes feel like they will explode, my ears ring, nose and scalp burn. I have read this will last 6months to a year, possibly permanent in my case.
I can only urge you, DON'T let this happen to you. It is the WORST experience of my life, and beleive me, I have suffered trauma before, nothing compares. Makes heroin kick look like a day at the park.

What is the question?

Benzos are the hardest to get off. Best thing you can do is taper till you are only on valium...then taper the valium. In the past....Ive found neurontin and amitryptaline to be extremely useful in helping to reduce benZo intake.

Also if you have the means...switch to amphetamine as the comedown is easier than ritalin.

barada said:

It is the WORST experience of my life, and beleive me, I have suffered trauma before, nothing compares. Makes heroin kick look like a day at the park.

Click to expand...

Dang man that is the worst story I have ever heard.