Recovery 10 months

Hey all, pretty sure this is where this goes. If not, my bad.

So, I'm about 10 months clean. (IV heroin, among other things I guess) Ive made it close to this long before, but I'm not entirely sure on lengths of times and such. I don't count the days like some do.

Anyway, This time is no different. I stopped using, but like, i don't know why I guess? I still want to use. I didn't stop for any specific reason, other than I lost my apartment, car, and job(a good job, mind you...yeah I really effed up this time), and was working way too hard to come up with money everyday. I just gave up. Mostly what prevents me from using is knowing a habit won't be sustainable. Ill get high a few times and then be screwed. Maybe Im just being critical on myself, but it kind of seems that way a lot of the time.

anyways, i just went through bankruptcy and that whole nine. i used credit cards to buy crap, and then sold it same day for money, when the income dried up for awhile. Etc. etc. etc.you guys all know, but yeah.......so next on the list of reestablishing myself is getting a job. Im pretty bummed to go back to work to make less than half of what i used to make. I had a good job, and i doubt ill make anything past minimum wage now, which blows big fat ones. Will I just start using when I find a job and get income? I'm not really sure what i'm asking here, i just wanted to vent. You can tell me to get a bank account that doesn't allow me to take out cash or whatever. All the advice in the world will not help me if I'm not serious about recovery. I guess thats my issue. I'm not sure if I am or not.

congrats on your 10 months

We'll only be as strict about complete abstinence as you want to be OP. Strict, total abstinence and recovery are not necessarily the same thing. Sometimes it's just about first abstaining from those substance one found particularly harmful (e.g. highliy illegal one like heroin) that makes the early stages of the transformation possible. Sometimes recovery begins before the harmful behavior ends even. There is no one-fits-all approach to this jazz.

Glad to have you on board OP. Congrats on yours sobriety!

10 months is amazing, OP!

I think a lot of us struggle with whether we really want to clean up or not. I know I do. This is one of those cases where the tired old slogan "one day at a time" is actually helpful, IME. I can't bring myself to say I'll never use again. But if I don't get too hung up on the future, I'm usually OK trying to make it through today without dope.

Good luck!

Congratulations on ten months! Though it may not feel it's amazing- it is.

We all have different definitions of clean and different methods- to me being clean is not using my drug of choice. It seems, except for that, I am fine w moderation.

Try not to overthink it. Good job

SimCity, toothpastedawg, 10 years
Thanks, this place is always good for a bit of a pick me up
Captain
I see youve been bummin a bit too lately on some other threads. Nice to not be alone and observe it. When people just say it to you all the time it gets old and loses meaning. Not that Im glad you're unhappy. In fact sorry to make this comment cuz it's a bit...rude-ish?... but I hope you'll understand.

No worries I often have the same thought myself.

Congrats on 10 months clean!

Hard to say if / when anyone is truly ready.

Minimum wage sucks but if you show up to work with a good attitude you're setting yourself up for a promotion or a good reference for the next job.