Hi I'm new and need urgent advice

Hi! I'm new here, but been a lurker for a couple of years. I decided to make an account to contribute to the community a bit (I've done hours upon hours of research on certain subjects, especially addiction to opiates. Not to mention personal experience) but I also came needing some urgent advice. I hope I can post this here.

I've been dabbling on and off with opiates for 4 years now. I started when my teeth began rotting out of my mouth. Put up with it for a few months but then when the infections started I just couldn't deal anymore. It's an ongoing problem and all of my teeth have some damage, with like 8 being broken in half or at the gum line. I also had back pain after I had my daughter (I suspect a botched epidural. When I got it done, it felt like a jolt of electricity shot down my limbs and I felt every contraction including excruciating back labor but my legs were 100% numb. When I had my son, the new doctor did it totally differently and I didn't feel anything other than a slight pinch and it worked completely ) but it wasn't too bad until I got pregnant with my son (I had him last year). I was able to keep it under control by pretty much being in bed all the time and some mild muscle relaxers but after he was born, it got even worse and I couldn't just lay around anymore. I had to juggle two kids and a full time job, so I went back to pain killers, anything I could find. The doctors offered me more muscle relaxers but they made me so tired and completely unproductive and the whole reason I take pain killers is to be more productive and be there for the kids. Not to mention they didn't work that well anymore anyway.

Anyway in the past year or two I've developed quite the problem. I go through extremely violent withdrawals when I go without. And even when I make it through them, as I've tried to get off a few times, the pain is still there and it gets unbearable. I cant sit or stand or do anything for more than a few minuets before it feels like someone is stabbing a hot poker into my lower or middle back. I also have numb spots all over my thighs and a feeling like my hip is popped out of place when I walk. I can't do my job as an employee or a mom without pills.

I could deal with all of this but I recently found myself pregnant again. I feel like a total shit bag. I was using natural birth control methods with my husband but I ovulated early one month and bam. When I found out I was trying to wean myself off and an extreamly fast pace but started cramping up really bad, so I looked some stuff about it up. Apparently withdrawal can cause a miscarriage and other harm to a fetus. I called the OB I had with both my kids anonymously (amazing doctor. He has a number for anon questions, but gives no advice without knowing the patient of course) this is the only doctor I trust with my life and he said even mild withdrawals from tapering without medical oversight can cause a spontaneous miscarriage.

I need some advice. Does anyone have any experience with my options? I've read that there are programs pregnant people can get on to stay on maintenance until the baby is born. Only problem I have with that is there is a 48% chance the baby will have to go through a taper program for a few days with the program I would choose. The nurses online say it's a relatively painless process for the infants, that they make them as comfortable as possible but how can we actually know that? It's not like they can let us know. But do I chose the chance of killing the baby over weaning after birth? Plus they told me that whatever symptoms I feel, the baby feels even in the womb.

I also live in TN and they have a lot of new laws about drugs and pregnancy, but I don't know if they apply if it's prescribed by a doctor. Would CPS take my kids away for getting help? I live the life of an addicted but it's not like I'm nodding out all the time. I dont have enough money to get me "high" as I have quite the tolerance and have since the beginging. A starters dose never worked on me. I just take the minimum to take the edge off of my pain. My kids never go without either to support my habit. If I run short on money I get their stuff first then use what's left over for me. Also, do those maintenance drugs help pain at all? Like I'm not looking to totally get rid of the pain, just enough to be productive. Even if they don't, I'll have to make do for now.

Also would that mean they would deny me pain meds in the hospital when I go into labor? I wouldn't care if they would let me walk around and such but the local hospital pretty much makes you lay down on your back and your stuck that way for at least 3 days, sometimes more and I don't know if I could. At least not all the whole being nice and polite like I always am lol.

If anyone actually stuck around and read all of this, I really, really appreciate it. I rambled a lot I know but my mind is racing right now. I'm terrified. My kids are my life and my whole reason for being alive, I couldn't loose them. I hate the stereotype that if you take narcotics, you cannot care for kids. But if they are prescribed by a doctor, that automatically makes you a fit parent. I get it, it's illegal, but my mom got them legally my whole life and she would spend 24/7 in bed. She was not fit at all. Hell,The only reason I self medicate is because I can't even get a scan of my back. This area has a drug problem and i guess they think I'm after Pain meds. They told me it should go away 3 months after having my son. I understood at first. Then the problem wouldn't go away. Then they told me 6 months, then 10, then A year and I got fed up. Even if I was looking to get high, how would an MRI of my back hurt? They don't give out drugs for those. That's all I want, just some answers.

Hi and welcome to the site,

I'm sorry to hear that your going through all of these problems and it is understandable your concerned. I wasn't really sure which section would be the best place for this type of post, so I have moved your introduction over to our 'Sober Living' section where some people may have gone though something similar.

I hope you find the answers your looking for.

Take care
Bear

Hello Larxene, I did read your whole post, unfortunately I cannot give you much first hand advice as I have not been in your exact circumstance.

I can really only give my opinion, firstly I am a man so cannot relate to what it must be like to have a life growing inside of you, but if it were me I would take the option that gave the best chance of that life surviving.
I think you have to talk with a doctor you trust about this and trust them in regard to what your best option is.
I can say with certainty though methadone is a very effective pain killer.

My wife is prescribed methadone for pain.

I am sorry you have to endure this, it is sad that most medical professionals don't seem to be able to distinguish between someone trying to scam drugs and someone with a genuine condition that requires help.

I hope you can work this out and find a health professional who will work with you.

Wishing you all the best.

Hey Larx -

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I couldn't agree more with vision quest - it seems like the best option is the one that is best for your baby. I think job one is finding a very good Obgyn that will listen to you and lay out options for you to choose from. I'm proud of you for reaching out already - even if it was anonymously. Trust your doctor and do NOT try and quit on your own.

Does your husband know you are going trough this? Any other family members you can talk to?

Please know that there is a baby born addicted to opiates every 19 minutes in the US - and more often than not, the baby is fine. When you feel up to it - spend some time researching Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome. But please read reputable sites - as I'm sure there are horror stories out there. The last thing you need to do is freak yourself out - and the first thing you need to do is contact a doctor.

Best of luck. And congratulations on your new little one. A year from now things will look much different!

- VE

ETA: I'm not an attorney, but I think it is highly unlikely that the state will take your child(ren) for this. I do think it is likely that they will get CPS involved and you may have to do some sort of outpatient program - or deal with the pain medically. But as long as you comply, you should be ok. Having said that, if I were you, I would contact an attorney about this ASAP. A family law attorney. You need to make sure you know exactly what your options are and that you are protecting you and your family.

Hey Larxene and welcome to Bluelight! I think you should schedule and appointment with your OBGYN and research your options online your you can discuss them with your doctor. I think a professional opinion is necessary in this situation as only they can assess your health and the health of your pregnancy and consider the options. You can also discuss how CPS would be involved during that appointment. I can't speak for your state specifically, but I know many states are implanting regulations that if a baby is born addicted they have to intervene and they will be involved for a little while.

From what I have heard and read, many times the system is too overwhelmed that if there is no immediate danger they don't always follow up. You are not a single mother and that helps as there is another adult involved. You also said your children are well cared for, which is a bonus. Many people go through recovery without losing their children. Children are usually only separated from their families in extreme situations where their safety is jeopardized, which doesn't sound like your situation.

I think having a family practice attorney on retainer would be a good idea to ensure your rights are being upheld. I would also look into joining an intensive outpatient rehab program now so it shows you are being proactive. This may also be beneficial to assist getting you into a maintenance program if that is the route you and your doctor decide. In my experience being proactive about resolving your addiction goes a long way with the courts. If you decide to start going to meetings go ahead and keep a journal of that - if they don't have the attendance poets there then keep your own attendance long with the time, date, and location and have the chair person sign that you were in attendance.

Out of curiosity do you have medical insurance? If yes, try seeing a different doctor regarding getting that MRI. If its your GP declining the referral or test see someone new. If it's a specialist saying no ask for a referral to a different specialist. It's considered a second opinion, and you're entitled to it.