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how to STAY off heroin...for LIFE?!

alovexsopure

alovexsopure

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 21, 2015
Messages
41
i never thought i would get sober...again.

so here i am, for the millionth time, getting clean from meth/heroin. i was an IV user. i relapsed in june and got strung out yet again. it was bound to happen, as i was dating someone who started selling again. so in october, i got a chance from a 5 year friend to move out of state [from new mexico to arizona] and try to get my life back on track...at the time, i was homeless and i pretty much ran out of all my options at that point. so i moved here, got on methadone right away. as of now, its been almost 90 days i'm on 125mg methadone, i am working [wow!] and haven't done heroin or meth. i have smoked green, drank, and did molly one night....but other than that, no drugs.

but lately, my cravings have been so strong. i want to just buy a bus ticket, go back home to albuquerque and call my dealer. wow...the feeling is so intense at times. luckily i don't know anyone out here. but there are times i seriously think about going back to my old life. i just don't know how people stay off drugs forever!!! how do you guys do it?! i guess i need advice....cause i can almost feel it, i can feel the relapse coming. fuck this shit is hard. :[ how do people get off heroin and STAY off it? what can i do....and please dont just tell me: "go to a meeting." haha. cause although i used to go to meetings and sometimes they helped, that is not the solution to this problem...i need some other advice, suggestions. how do you stay off hard drugs? what can i do if i feel a relapse coming on???


thanx.
 
I think it is natural to always want to go back to the familiar unless the unknown is fully engaging. Is your current life one that feeds your soul? If not, work on finding ways to work on yourself at a deeper level. What do you want? Are your wants healthy for you? (If you want heroin, what is it that you got from the drug and how could you get that otherwise? If what you got was escape for instance, what could you lose yourself in that would offer this to you? If it was love you wanted and heroin was the closest thing to it, then accept that you have some loneliness to deal with--we all do--and set about learning your own particular ways to connect to people in a more meaningful way.) Learning to live drug free is a very vulnerable thing to do. Give yourself credit for staying the course and know that cravings will arise. If you can sit with them when they do arise, you can learn a lot about yourself and what you want.<3
 
alovexsopure said:
i never thought i would get sober...again.

so here i am, for the millionth time, getting clean from meth/heroin. i was an IV user. i relapsed in june and got strung out yet again. it was bound to happen, as i was dating someone who started selling again. so in october, i got a chance from a 5 year friend to move out of state [from new mexico to arizona] and try to get my life back on track...at the time, i was homeless and i pretty much ran out of all my options at that point. so i moved here, got on methadone right away. as of now, its been almost 90 days i'm on 125mg methadone, i am working [wow!] and haven't done heroin or meth. i have smoked green, drank, and did molly one night....but other than that, no drugs.

but lately, my cravings have been so strong. i want to just buy a bus ticket, go back home to albuquerque and call my dealer. wow...the feeling is so intense at times. luckily i don't know anyone out here. but there are times i seriously think about going back to my old life. i just don't know how people stay off drugs forever!!! how do you guys do it?! i guess i need advice....cause i can almost feel it, i can feel the relapse coming. fuck this shit is hard. :[ how do people get off heroin and STAY off it? what can i do....and please dont just tell me: "go to a meeting." haha. cause although i used to go to meetings and sometimes they helped, that is not the solution to this problem...i need some other advice, suggestions. how do you stay off hard drugs? what can i do if i feel a relapse coming on???


thanx.
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You have to re-wire your brain to associate opiates with causing PAIN not relief. Over and over remind yourself of the pain and also remind yourself of how it didn't really get you high in the end. That's the part we cannot forget. Also, it helps to associate a discusted feeling with the numbness of the drug - the exact opposite of what we do in addiction. This is what I do every day and so far it has been working. I'll do anything before taking an opiate. I'll refuse it at hospital if i am conscious and ask for ketamine. That shit is never coming back into my body if I can help it.
 
You don't stay off heroin for your whole life, you do it one day at a time.

The prospect of giving something up for your whole life, especially something you are/were addicted to, is an overwhelming thought, and often leads people to relapse.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You don't stay off heroin for your whole life, you do it one day at a time.

The prospect of giving something up for your whole life, especially something you are/were addicted to, is an overwhelming thought, and often leads people to relapse.
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Good advice. I know that I will do heroin again eventually. But not before I rebuild my life
 
crimsonjunk said:
Good advice. I know that I will do heroin again eventually. But not before I rebuild my life
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Not to be rude or condescending at all man, but what do you think using again will accomplish? Wouldn't you end up addicted again?

I keep reminding myself, if I could use it and not get hooked, I would have never had the problem in the first place.

Again, not trying to beat up on you bro, just food for thought. It's all <3 coming from me
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Not to be rude or condescending at all man, but what do you think using again will accomplish? Wouldn't you end up addicted again?

I keep reminding myself, if I could use it and not get hooked, I would have never had the problem in the first place.

Again, not trying to beat up on you bro, just food for thought. It's all <3 coming from me
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Agree, totally pointless going back to opiates/Heroin. It doesn't matter if you're a billionaire and live in the happiest environment - if you use heroin again with any regularity it will turn your life grey and steal your soul. Simple.

My only reservation would be in old age, say 80+ or with severe cancer pain. Otherwise that shit ain't coming into my body again.
 
If I was a billionaire I'd shoot heroin everyday with absolutely no qualms. Ultimately for me the reason I'd like to quit opiates is 1) financial concerns, and 2) concerns over reliable access to a quality product.

Both wouldn't be an issue if I had practically unlimited financial means.
 
Burnt Offerings said:
If I was a billionaire I'd shoot heroin everyday with absolutely no qualms. Ultimately for me the reason I'd like to quit opiates is 1) financial concerns, and 2) concerns over reliable access to a quality product.

Both wouldn't be an issue if I had practically unlimited financial means.
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Interesting. I have the financial means to do so but just find it has stolen my freedom, my life and part of my soul....and i want it back. What attracts you so much to Heroin? I loved it too, but eventually it just turns on us. Don't you find?
 
What do I like about it? It just turns the volume down on life. Sometimes it tunes out important stuff, though, like your interpersonal relationships or your responsibilities, and that's when it can become a problem for me. It makes me not care about things that I probably should care about.

Another thing I dislike about heroin is the "community" I have to deal with in order to access the drug. I guess it's probably different for a lot of other people, esp. those in urban environments who cop on random street corners or open air markets or whatever, but where I live you kind of have to involve yourself to some extent with other hard drug users, and I strongly dislike the culture of illegal drug use, based on what I've seen in my years as a methamphetamine/heroin user...it just seems to bring the worst out of otherwise (if they weren't craven drug addicts) decent worthwhile people. I really dislike "The Life".

But yeah, if I had constant access to high-quality narcotics with no thought to loss of availability or cost, I'd definitely settle comfortably into opiate addiction.
 
I was (am?) a sick-minded freak.

The needles, the life, hustling, was an addiction in itself to me.

I am just so thankful to have that behind me.
 
Burnt Offerings said:
What do I like about it? It just turns the volume down on life. Sometimes it tunes out important stuff, though, like your interpersonal relationships or your responsibilities, and that's when it can become a problem for me. It makes me not care about things that I probably should care about.

Another thing I dislike about heroin is the "community" I have to deal with in order to access the drug. I guess it's probably different for a lot of other people, esp. those in urban environments who cop on random street corners or open air markets or whatever, but where I live you kind of have to involve yourself to some extent with other hard drug users, and I strongly dislike the culture of illegal drug use, based on what I've seen in my years as a methamphetamine/heroin user...it just seems to bring the worst out of otherwise (if they weren't craven drug addicts) decent worthwhile people. I really dislike "The Life".

But yeah, if I had constant access to high-quality narcotics with no thought to loss of availability or cost, I'd definitely settle comfortably into opiate addiction.
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Yep, it turned the volume down in my life too and I liked that too for a long time. I think I liked it because I was depressed and hated my work, and the way I lived my life in other areas (cheating etc). It took me about 2 years to turn it all around after about 5 years of addiction. And then suddenly it was like: I want the exact opposite, I don't want to tune things down. i want to feel emotions and life events exactly as they are, observe them silently without reacting too much and accept them. If I numbed myself with an opiate now, it would mean I am unhappy with being present and that's not the case anymore. Opiates are the strongest way of saying that one wants to turn away/inward from life in my opinion. It's a cocoon. Like being in a womb really, away from the world and life. Maybe one day you will change your mind :) The opiates will always be there but our youth won't. You could always decide to pick the habit back up in old age after having experienced a rich life beforehand :) Best of luck either way
 
Well I am most certainly unhappy with my present, that's definitely true. I've had anxiety/depression for most of my life, and about three years ago was diagnosed with an incurable medical disorder which kills 1 in 3 people who have it before the age of 40. Which means that there's a high likelihood that the majority of my life is already over, while I'm in my mid 20s. So yeah, my opinion on life isn't high. I'm on a downswing while you're on an upswing. To which I say fair enough...there are plenty of good things in life that you definitely want to experience with the most full, visceral intensity. But life is a lot of pain, a lot of existential torment and anguish, a lot of loss and misery. I don't fault anyone who declines to engage the horror of it all on a completely sober footing and instead chooses to retreat into the cocoon, just like I also don't fault people who decide that the escapism of drugs isn't for them & they prefer sobriety.
 
Agree 200% about "for life" being overwhelming. You just gotta stay straight right now. I had 7 years cleab at one pount, now im here thinking about methadone because ive detoxed a hundred times and just can't stay that way:(
What used to be helpful is telling myself this: i can go back anytime. I want and it'll be like i never left. It's true. With a sober life, anything can happen. Endless possibility. Go back to the old wsy, we already know how itll play out. First one, first few times will be fuckin great. Then its all pain, bullshit,wanting to die and kicking your own ass wondering why the fuck you wanted any of it. Stop thinking about that first one_think of the desperate misery of the chase,of being sick,broke and ass out,feeling guilty as fuck bc thats how itll end up...stop forgetting that part of the"good times".
 
What was it? said:
I am sorry to hear that. I wonder why? Did you delve deeply into your past and emotions around it?
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PTSD, depression, etc

Cannabinoid wd is kicking my ass, I have another 24 hours until I can dab again.

I have been suicidal for years. I accept it as part of who I am.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
PTSD, depression, etc

Cannabinoid wd is kicking my ass, I have another 24 hours until I can dab again.

I have been suicidal for years. I accept it as part of who I am.
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That's very heavy. I think you share this in common with my younger brother. He has PTSD, too. Pot is the hardest thing for him to let go. He also has been suicidal.

When I am using opiates or coming off them I tend to also have suicidal ideation here and there, but would not call myself suicidal as such. I am not sure I have ever experienced that level of depression and despair.

I hesitate to ask what gave rise to the PTSD as often it's very uncomfortable to talk about. My brother can only speak about it after 5 bongs or so and only with me, none of the other family members. It's really heavy.

Usually I have some advice but honestly I don't know in this situation. I tell my bro to dig deep, deep, deep and find the pain, accept it and work on some form of small dream to work towards and live daily in his life.

He is trying but of course the PTSD anxiety often comes back and drags him away from his pure awareness when he is working on his dreams.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Not to be rude or condescending at all man, but what do you think using again will accomplish? Wouldn't you end up addicted again?

I keep reminding myself, if I could use it and not get hooked, I would have never had the problem in the first place.

Again, not trying to beat up on you bro, just food for thought. It's all <3 coming from me
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It wont accomplish anything really. I don't know its just something I have to tell myself. I have a love affair with her you know? That 10 minute period where everything is right in my soul is seductive. Plus I am already addicted to opiates. I just have a government approved addiction right now.

I can relate to wanting to die. I think its a pretty common PTSD symptom.
 
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