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Am I giving myself an ulcer?

nuttynutskin

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2011
Messages
10,681
Been at war as usual with the bottle but this time I'm a little worried because I'm experiencing some somewhat bad burning in my stomach and esophagus, especially the last time I drank. I would ask if anyone else has experienced this but I'm pretty sure I know the answer. I gotta try to kick this shit, it's not worth ruining my health over.
 
You've got to see a doctor, Nutty. You don't want to let something like that go or you can damage your esophagus. Be well my friend and get help for the drinking.<3
 
Been at war as usual with the bottle but this time I'm a little worried because I'm experiencing some somewhat bad burning in my stomach and esophagus, especially the last time I drank. I would ask if anyone else has experienced this but I'm pretty sure I know the answer. I gotta try to kick this shit, it's not worth ruining my health over.

This is a bad sign. I would quit drinking and see a doctor.

Best of luck.
 
It's better today. I think I just need to lay off the drinking indefinitely. I already saw my doctor about 2 weeks ago he's probably getting sick of me.
 
I already saw my doctor about 2 weeks ago he's probably getting sick of me.

These are things we say to ourselves when we feel embarrassed by needing to ask for help. But it's not how we should feel.

If your doctor isn't understanding of your proactive approach to your health, find another one.

I find it hard to go to the doctor and ask for help. I really do. That's why I don't want you to just sit at home and hope it gets better, if you are able to get to see a doctor.
 
I already asked him for help 2 weeks ago but kept drinking even after my liver levels were abnormal so...
 
I already asked him for help 2 weeks ago but kept drinking even after my liver levels were abnormal so...

Are you afraid of what the doctor's going to say to you? I wouldn't be man. Your health is more important.

Either way, even if you stay home and quit drinking, just know you're worth it brother. :)
 
Thanks I'll get through it. I was in relatively good health in May and my liver levels were normal. My biggest obstacle will be trying to find a way to live life depressed all the time without drinking. I thought the first health scare would be enough for me to quit for good but it only worked for about 3 months.
 
Thanks I'll get through it. I was in relatively good health in May and my liver levels were normal. My biggest obstacle will be trying to find a way to live life depressed all the time without drinking. I thought the first health scare would be enough for me to quit for good but it only worked for about 3 months.

Why do you believe you have to be depressed all the time without drinking?

Often it's the drinking/drug use that causes the depression.

At first I thought I'd never be happy without heroin, meth, buprenorphine, needles...but that wasn't true.

I do have PTSD and I'm not happy all the time, but I am thankful for getting off all that crap and getting my life going in the right direction, slowly but surely.
 
Why do you believe you have to be depressed all the time without drinking?

Because I've been depressed to a degree since I was in my late teens, I'm 33 now. Bipolar depression and social phobia/anxiety doesn't just go away.

Often it's the drinking/drug use that causes the depression.

It was the depression and anxiety that led me to drinking in the first place. That and the fact I just enjoyed it. It helped at first honestly. I could have a few drinks a few times out of the week and it was great. Problem is it just snowballed like any other addiction and brought on it's own onslaught of problems.

At first I thought I'd never be happy without heroin, meth, buprenorphine, needles...but that wasn't true.

I do have PTSD and I'm not happy all the time, but I am thankful for getting off all that crap and getting my life going in the right direction, slowly but surely.

I'd like to think that but I've been depressed to a degree for at least 15 years now. I don't really see it changing. It's just a part of who I am.

Either way, the way I see it is...

Keep drinking and be less antisocial all the time but shorten my life span.

Stop drinking and live out the rest of my life depressed to some degree.

Stop drinking and get on psychiatric meds that take away my personality and have their own shitty side effects.

Sorry if that sounds pessimistic but it's really the only choices I see right now. The longest I've gone this year without drinking was just short of 3 months. I was back at the gym lifting, eating healthy and I was definitely feeling healthier physically. But even so I eventually started getting bored and depressed with life and started drinking again.

The good thing is I'm not planning on drinking anymore this month. It won't be hard since I'm broke anyways. Next month I'll probably let a family member take over my finances and allow me so much per week so at least I'm only drinking once or twice a week instead of weeks on end.
 
You've got to see a doctor, Nutty. You don't want to let something like that go or you can damage your esophagus. Be well my friend and get help for the drinking.<3

This. Go see a doctor, and completely quit drinking.

If the doctor you see isn't helpful, see a different doctor. Good luck, and stay safe.
 
Keep drinking and be less antisocial all the time but shorten my life span.

Stop drinking and live out the rest of my life depressed to some degree.

Stop drinking and get on psychiatric meds that take away my personality and have their own shitty side effects.

I'm sorry to hear you've been suffering from depression for about 15 years. <3

I just wanted to quote these three pathways, and I wanted to point out that it's not necessarily a pessimistic outlook, but rather a really rigid one.

You don't have to keep drinking to be less antisocial, you can try cognitive behavioral therapy. I am not suggesting you do by any means. I'm a fairly introverted person and I don't necessarily "look forward" to changing that about myself. It's just an option. :)

I honestly think that it's possible for you to stop drinking, and not be depressed all the time. This might seem utterly impossible, but why not try sobriety? Have you considered going to AA, or an addiction counselor/therapist? Are you able to exercise daily? Are you in a relationship? Often the lack of a relationship can be a huge depressive factor in our lives. This is one of the things that was causing me depression.

I also think it's possible to find the right dosage of the right psychiatric medications to alleviate depression. What this will look like for you is likely going to differ from anyone else. Maybe medications aren't needed at all. A long time ago I would have said I "needed" ADHD meds and anxiety/insomnia meds if I wasn't using opiates.

This isn't the case though. These are things we tell ourselves because we're afraid to give living sober/clean another try. Of course it was hard before, of course we were depressed. Of course PAWS can take months to get past. But it's worth trying!! <3
 
This. Go see a doctor, and completely quit drinking.

If the doctor you see isn't helpful, see a different doctor. Good luck, and stay safe.

Guts feeling better and appetite is back. Think I'm alright. I am going to schedule a full physical for sometime in October tho.
 
I'm sorry to hear you've been suffering from depression for about 15 years. <3

Nah, I don't need pity. It's not like I was horribly depressed for all 15 years, it comes and goes. Thx tho.

You don't have to keep drinking to be less antisocial, you can try cognitive behavioral therapy.

I may check that out.

I honestly think that it's possible for you to stop drinking, and not be depressed all the time. This might seem utterly impossible, but why not try sobriety?

I have and the depression's still there. That's why other measures like working out ultimately haven't been able to stop me for good.

Have you considered going to AA, or an addiction counselor/therapist? Are you able to exercise daily? Are you in a relationship? Often the lack of a relationship can be a huge depressive factor in our lives. This is one of the things that was causing me depression.

AA, no. It's a cult and makes people dwell on their addiction imo. Therapist maybe. I am able to exercise but when I'm depressed I just choose not to. Hard to get yourself to the gym if you don't even feel like getting out of bed. As far as relationships I've pretty much given up hope on that. I don't think there's anyone out there that can put up with me. If someone came along fine, but it's not something I'm actively pursuing. If I had to go through one more failed relationship I probably would just off myself or drink myself to death.

This isn't the case though. These are things we tell ourselves because we're afraid to give living sober/clean another try. Of course it was hard before, of course we were depressed. Of course PAWS can take months to get past. But it's worth trying!! <3

I'm not afraid at all to give sober living another, try. I'm afraid that it won't be any different, my depression will get the better of me and I'll be back to self medicating again. Hell, alcoholism isn't even the problem really, it's just the symptom of a bigger one. If that was the problem that would be easy.
 
Nutty, I can see how the exhaustion of what you have been living with for so long could have cemented a pessimistic outlook on any chance of change. Captain has offered some pretty solid advice that I cannot improve on but I will say this--age has continued to help my anxiety problems in my own life. Depression is another beast altogether so I can't speak to that one. I really do think CBT/mindfulness approaches to the thought processes around our emotions is the most powerful tool I have found. You are a great guy and I hope that you find some relief soon. I have faith that you will because of all the proactive strategies you are talking about that you have already put into place. When you make mental health your goal, facing fully your own discomforts, it gets easier. When you temporarily numb them, it continues to get harder over time.<3
 
Nah, I don't need pity. It's not like I was horribly depressed for all 15 years, it comes and goes. Thx tho.



I may check that out.



I have and the depression's still there. That's why other measures like working out ultimately haven't been able to stop me for good.



AA, no. It's a cult and makes people dwell on their addiction imo. Therapist maybe. I am able to exercise but when I'm depressed I just choose not to. Hard to get yourself to the gym if you don't even feel like getting out of bed. As far as relationships I've pretty much given up hope on that. I don't think there's anyone out there that can put up with me. If someone came along fine, but it's not something I'm actively pursuing. If I had to go through one more failed relationship I probably would just off myself or drink myself to death.



I'm not afraid at all to give sober living another, try. I'm afraid that it won't be any different, my depression will get the better of me and I'll be back to self medicating again. Hell, alcoholism isn't even the problem really, it's just the symptom of a bigger one. If that was the problem that would be easy.

I know what you mean about when you're depressed it's hard to go work out. Shit, it's hard to even peel myself out of bed, it's hard to shower or shave, or brush my teeth. I neglect feeding myself. It takes all the energy in me just to feed my cat. But when I'm feeling like this, and I do force myself through it, I feel so much better. Try going for a short walk outside. The worst thing that can happen is you make it to the front door and you just turn around. This happened to me a lot in the past, when I was suffering from agoraphobia.

Maybe try watching comedy films? I normally don't enjoy comedy as much but it can be nice to have something to put a smile on your face :)

I'm sorry to hear about your past relationships which did not work out. Needless to say, I'm on my second major relationship. The last one I was in ended horribly. Cops were called, charges filed, domestic violence, drug addiction, mental disorders, family drama, tears, and you want to know what? I still wasn't happy being single after all of this. I learned that I have to work on myself for relationships to work out for the best, and that I am not perfect. The last person I was with had too many issues, and I wasn't to blame for many of them. However, what I have learned recently is that I am partially to blame for what I went through, because I haven't set rational, reasonable boundaries with others. I'm not blaming you for anything that's happened in the past, but if you want to have future relationships which work, I really recommend learning more about healthy relationships, and what you can do to ensure a good one in the future. It's also 100% OK to be single and live on your own, but my question is, are you happy doing that?

When you said "I'm afraid that it won't be any different, my depression will get the better of me" - I know what you mean. This is what I feared the most, not that I couldn't quit, but that I couldn't be happy. When I quit using heroin, and had 3 weeks clean (no suboxone use at this point in my life), I got through the acute withdrawals but I was so bored and depressed, I couldn't enjoy anything. There's going to be a period of anhedonia we go through during withdrawal but it does eventually subside. :)

Glad to hear your stomach is feeling better man :)
 
Go see a doctor. My uncle died due to organ damage for his drinking. I was a pretty extreme alcoholic, but somehow I escaped it without organ damage (though I am very sure I did mess up my GABA system a bit, but even that is getting way better. I cannot remember the last time I had an anxiety attack).

I encourage you to try AA or maybe try NA (its a bit different and alcohol is a drug). Basically, you are going to need some people in your life who are not drinking. I know 12 Step Meetings can feel confusing and cultish but I've found going in with an open mind and just listening to be a huge help.

Its all about getting out of yourself. You can either develop a recovery program of some sort to do this (the longer and harder route but more rewarding) or keep drinking (easier, more dangerous, possibly fatal).

The worst part about my Uncle is that since his organs stopped processing the alcohol, he ended up getting some really severe wetbrain for his final years. By then, it almost felt too late, but it is never too late.
 
I currently have an ulcer due to overuse of NSAIDs. It's not something to play around with. Alcohol is a major stomach irritant, as I'm sure you know. Bleeding or perforated ulcers can be fatal...and it's not a pretty death.

Prilosec is the standard treatment for non-bacterial ulcers. Definitely pick some up while working on the drinking habit.
 
Stomach's pretty much back to normal now and I'm eating healthy again. Thanks for the concerns tho.
 
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