Relapse!

Hi guys. Today I did something very stupid. I was/am a poly-drug I.V user but especially drawn to opiates. I had managed to get my shit together in the last couple of years, I have been in treatment and on a decreasing dose of suboxone after switching from methadone. I thought I had dealt with my needle fixation and things were looking up (studying etc).. I was visiting my doc a few days ago and found myself pocketing a couple of fits (needle/syringe) when left alone in the room. I have no idea why, its like I was on autopilot.. Anyway you can see where this is heading.. I should've maintained self control but my addicted and curious mind decided it would be a good idea to inject my subs. Just to see...
Agr the guilt. What should I do... So stupid. Dont want to relapse!

aoraki said:

Hi guys. Today I did something very stupid. I was/am a poly-drug I.V user but especially drawn to opiates. I had managed to get my shit together in the last couple of years, I have been in treatment and on a decreasing dose of suboxone after switching from methadone. I thought I had dealt with my needle fixation and things were looking up (studying etc).. I was visiting my doc a few days ago and found myself pocketing a couple of fits (needle/syringe) when left alone in the room. I have no idea why, its like I was on autopilot.. Anyway you can see where this is heading.. I should've maintained self control but my addicted and curious mind decided it would be a good idea to inject my subs. Just to see...
Agr the guilt. What should I do... So stupid. Dont want to relapse!

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aoraki - you haven't used yet! That's what matters. When you finish reading my post, you're going to throw out the needles. Assuming they're still unused and covered, put them in a public garbage can or a dumpster or somewhere where you cannot change your mind after throwing them out and go back and get them. I know it seems difficult, but if you don't think about it, and just stand up right now and do it, it will be over.

Once that's done, you'll know to be more conscious next time you're in a situation where you have access to these things. Don't beat yourself up over it, this is part of the recovery process, these things happen. It's how you respond to them that defines your sobriety, not the slip itself. Remember - just get up and throw them out RIGHT NOW! Don't think! DO IT

First and foremost, get rid of the works. Just go trash them. I cannot tell you how many things I have had to trash due to my addiction. Just stupid stuff that I have just had to get rid of. It always feels so good after I do it.

Second, talk to somebody. Take this as a warning sign (it seems like you are). Remember, relapses start months if not years in advance. If you find yourself planning on figuring out how to use or start telling yourself I can use blank when blank happens then you have to really be cautious.

I couldn't agree with Phactor more! I too recently had a lapse that almost spiraled right back into IV heroin use. I learned (within the last few days) that those events were building long before I'd realized it. There were subtle changes in my thinking starting months ago that led me to that point. Become familiar with the phases and warning signs of relapse. Here is some reading to get your thinking started: http://www.solanocounty.com/civicax/filebank/blobdload.aspx?blobid=14403
Good luck and don't beat yourself up--you'll only make yourself feel worse and thus trigger yourself further. You made the right choice to recognize what you did and reach out. You're doing great!

First and foremost, get rid of the works. Just go trash them.

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QFT.. then look at the crazy reasons your mind gave you not to do this.

Trash them right now. It will feel great to prove you have the ability to do that. Just throw them right out where you can't get them back. The best thing is that you had the balls to admit the mistake before it was done.