Medical Detox... he was drunk the night he was released

My bf voluntarily went into medical detox. He was in for about a week and released. He was drunk again that night. He May be baker acted into rehab. I told him I would give him six months to get his shit together and then I was done. I feel like this is a joke to him. He says he wants to getting sober and physically does steps... But I don't think he sees a future without alcohol. Should I stick with the six months or just walk now?

There isn't anyone here that can offer reasonable advice from this post. There's no realistic details of the actual problem, it's effects on himself or people he's close to, etc. etc. etc.

Whatever the problem is, I hope it works out.

Hi whitsend, welcome to Bluelight. You said your boyfriend detoxed voluntarily and is telling you he wants to get sober. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get there. Was this his first attempt at quitting alcohol? I've been there a few times, including getting Baker acted. He has to want to get sober in order for it to happen. Whether you stick around or not is up to you. You havn't really told us much about your relationship. Besides drinking when he got out, what does he do to make you not believe him?

not much information to work with.

even so 6 months seems like a long time to wait, not that a deadline is going to magically make him sober

whitsend said:

My bf voluntarily went into medical detox. He was in for about a week and released. He was drunk again that night. He May be baker acted into rehab. I told him I would give him six months to get his shit together and then I was done. I feel like this is a joke to him. He says he wants to getting sober and physically does steps... But I don't think he sees a future without alcohol. Should I stick with the six months or just walk now?

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What it all comes down to for you is whether or not you have it in you to ride the rollercoaster with him. Relapse is common but in his case it sounds like he got scared enough to go in to detox but then got scared enough to need to drink again immediately. Saying that he doesn't see a future without alcohol could mean many things. Are you two young? Having to come to terms with the fact that you cannot drink in our drinking culture is a huge thing. It makes people feel weak and bad about themselves simply because it is already built into every social gathering and almost every activity. Not to be able to control one's use can be frightening in and of itself. It could also be that he has deep pain from his past/present and he knows that alcohol can (albeit temporarily) take it away. If he has used it to self medicate in this way I think you could understand how difficult the choice to go forward with nothing if he doesn't see any other way. Detox is just detox--what he needs is to have a time where he can focus on building strength without alcohol and be given tools that can change his perceived need for the alcohol. Hopefully he can get into a decent rehab that will offer him this. But remember, even then, the success rate for thirty day rehabs is pretty low. People need way more support than they are giving but at least it's a start.

Whether you decide to go or stay is up to you but I think it is important to do either with the most education you can get around addiction. It is not a choice and even though it may seem that he is seeing it as a joke, I would bet my home that he is not. He is scared and humiliated and he probably covers that up not so much to keep others from seeing it but to keep himself from seeing it. It has nothing to do with how much he loves you, either, even though as the person on the outside of an addiction it can be awfully hard not to see it that way.

Whatever you decide to do for yourself, treat your bf with respect. Let him know that you want the best for him and if you choose to stay help him and support him (al-anon might really help you). If you decide to leave let him know that you cannot live with his addiction but that you care for him as a person.

He is far from the first one to do so. Sounds like he needs additional support. What did they recommend in detox (if anything at all). Why didn't he go to some type of treatment? If he is at the point of needing detox then he should qualify for inpatient or IOP.

Fuck baker acting him. That is cruel, unproductive and inhuman imo.

If he's not the person you want him to be, that's your problem, not his. Sorry if that sounds cruel, but it's the truth.

Detox itself isn't enough for a one person to stay sober. The possibility of getting relapse is higher. Recovery is is a lifelong process, he should do it one day at a time. Plus he needs to be serious and stay commited if he really wants to break free from addiction. He might need other alcohol or drug addiction program that can teach him to cope in a constructive lifestyle. Give your boyfriend a chance, besides it's a hard process, he will need your support.