When does it get better?

I am now 29 years old and have been using opiods/opiates since 9th grade with very few small breaks. About 3 years ago, I quit for a few months. Then I met my last gf, also in recovery, and a few weeks later she relapsed and I shortly followed. So for the past 3 years I have been using herion (was up to 15 bags a day of pretty decent stuff, not injecting) and about 6 mg of Xanax on average. I've been wanting to get clean the past year, she kept putting off. Eventually I set a final date for new years to quit, unfortunately she left and didn't stick it out. I tried quiting cold turkey and failed. Twice. Tried with the Thomas Method.

On Jan 20 I decided to go to a clinic and they prescribed me suboxone (2 strips a day) and some anti seizure medicine for stopping the xanax. I actually needed 3 strips at first, and tapered down to 1/8th of a strip. I last took a sub 7 days ago on Feb 23rd. So about a month of sub use. The past week has been hell. I can't sleep and haven't eaten anything and kept it down. I am always so cold.

When should I start to feel better? I find myself just laying around depressed doing absolutely nothing whenever I'm home. Work is brutal as I have a physical job outside and it's been 20 degrees out and i cant take off. When your whole life has revolved around drugs, few non-using friends... it seems hard to switch to a life of sobriety. I really want to but at the same time... i miss it. And I'm sick of being sick. The insomnia and depression and anxiety is unreal.

And just to clarify never quit using subs before or used subs before this past month so I have no experience coming off them.

Sorry for the long post! Thanks for any help or support.

Congratulations on your decision and all the steps you have already taken!

here's a link that you may find strengthening:http://whatmesober.com/paws/

Hang in there! 20 degrees sounds brutal but I'm a big baby about the cold having lived in coastal CA for so long now.

That interested me a lot thanks for the link. Never even heard of that but it makes a lot of sense. I think all these years of addiction, malnutrition, and lack of excersize are having a huge impact on how my body is handling things. I'm underweight (to the point that people ask if im okay or sick). Too much sugar spikes definately seem to make things worse. Today I could actually hold down food for the first time in over a week. It was mcdonalds but it was unplanned and no soda or fries.

Anyone live in the cold and work outside have any tips for dealing with this constant cold feeling while withdrawling? I have SO many layers on and never used to be bothered by it and everyone else is fine.

Here is some more information that may also help with the paws. Almost everyone is out in under eight months so your getting close.. Nice work!!

Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. The Endorphin Factory
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out
exercise and sleep

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis


it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Managing depressive thinking
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share Something Positive from Your Day vs. It's All Around You
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 4 Infinite Chances in an Amazing World

Here is the mindfulness thread.
Anhedonia MEGA Thread

Thanks for the info guys. I am confused if I am in withdrawl or paws or screwed up or what? Been reading many were symptom free from subs in like 3-5 days and I'm 9 or 10 days clean and no better or worse than second day.

And so proud of myself for making it this far. My bank account sure made me happy. All bills paid and still money left over (not much but just fact bills are paid is amazing)! I almost gave up a few times but i held strong!

You're probably still in withdrawal. The worst physical symptoms typically subside after a week with oxy and hydro. I've never had Suboxone, but I believe it takes longer due to the half life. I imagine how long you were on it is also a factor. The mental side (PAWS) is what always gets me, though. I get so hopelessly depressed I convince myself I'd be better on opiates. Which of course is a LIE!!!! Yeah, I might feel good for a little while, but then I'd be worse. When I quit I relapsed a couple times. The final time I took 900 mg (yes, 900) of oxycodone and just felt good. Not euphoric by a long shot. But when I came down I was never more depressed in my life. I had developed a tolerance to the high, but the lows just keep getting worse and worse. That reminder keeps me sober.

So hang in there! You have come SO far!!! One of the best pieces of advice I got came from my husband... every time I slip up I'm hitting the reset button for withdrawal.

Everybody's withdrawal timetable is different. Try not to compare yourself too much to others. Take things as they come. Just focus on the very next thing you need to do. Take it day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. It WILL get better!!!

You Are so right thanks for setting me straight. I do need to take it day by day. I think between this anxiety and insomnia I'm a little paranoid lol. I almost lied to myself and said I was better using than this... but that is a lie and just resetting like u said and delaying inevitable.

Yep.... the anxiety can be awful sometimes! Have you tried exercising? Everybody always says that helps, but for the longest time I just couldn't do it. It was a chore just to get off the couch or take a shower! And when I got home from work I felt like the life had been sucked out of me. But one day I just decided to get on our treadclimber. I didn't go that long (maybe 10 to 15 minutes), but I went HARD. And what do you know. .. all those people knew what they were talking about! I felt better the rest of the day, and slept better too.

One of the things I love most about BL is how much I have in common with complete strangers. We come from different countries, are different ages, opposing genders, different backgrounds and life experiences, etc., yet I have found SO many struggles, thoughts, and feelings to be so similar! My husband is very supportive, but he has NO idea what it's really like, and that it's not so much GETTING sober that's hard, but STAYING sober. People think once you get off something, that's it. They don't understand the mental side of things. And that we just want to be okay again, and live a "normal" life. And how frustrating it is to finally be clean, but feel worse than ever.

Sorry. ... that was a tangent. It does get better though. To be honest, I felt worse in the beginning for awhile, but since then it's been a slow but steady climb. I will NEVER feel that way again!!! And neither will you.
--and I don't mean we'll never be sad or have a bad day or whatever, but that God awful low you get in the beginning of withdrawal will never happen again. Our bodies and healing, and all those brain chemicals that are COMPLETELY off balance are slowly beginning to stabilize.

justwannabefree said:

Thanks for the info guys. I am confused if I am in withdrawl or paws or screwed up or what? Been reading many were symptom free from subs in like 3-5 days and I'm 9 or 10 days clean and no better or worse than second day.

Click to expand...

Suboxone withdrawals don't even seem to start for most people until day 2-3. Some people who don't know this figure they skipped right out of the withdrawal. As far as people posting they were symptom free from subs 5 days after thier last dose.. my take would be they either had little or no physical dependence yet, are lying, or are the suboxone makers posting advertising.

Suboxone has a half life between 24 to 42 hours. To find out how long a substance will need before its eliminated we multiply the half life times six.. 6 x 24 = 6 days.. or 6 x 42 = 10.5. We then add four days to give time to allow the brain to begin to return to normal. So the length of the acutes from detoxing suboxone should be between 10 to 15 days.

So no matter what your right there.. NICE WORK:D.. Also your physical symptoms should not get much/if any worse. Tine to just settle on in for the tail end of this flight to freedom

justwannabefree said:

And so proud of myself for making it this far. My bank account sure made me happy. All bills paid and still money left over (not much but just fact bills are paid is amazing)! I almost gave up a few times but i held strong!

Click to expand...

Way to go!! Dont want to travel this path more than once. When people use they find themselves right back at GO.

Neversick,
Appreciate you posting those good links. It's been 70 days clean off of opiates for me. Life is better!
Thanks
g

^

Great work g.. It should keep getting better and better!

g! You're still going! Great 2 hear. I made it to day 23, then had a slip, back at it now tomorrow day 4

^ nice work at pulling out of the tail spin CfZrx.

Consider taking a moment to analyze what caused it and make any adjustments needed so you wont run into it again.

Update- today is exactly 3 weeks. This past weekend I felt completely normal and I still feel 100% normal now! Suboxone wasn't easy, it was a few weeks of withdrawal and the symptoms were just bad enough to drive me crazy. But i couldn't of quit without it. I was able to work during it and found working / keeping busy was better than sitting at home. I feel free now and love it. I barely even think about using anymore, just sometimes when I'm bored at home.

Thanks to everyone's support and advice. Now I'm trying to get healthy again and I even gained some weight back!

Hi Never,
it does feel better and better, but I still worry about the demons.
Thanks,
G

CfZrx,
Keep your chin up. It's not a failure. Just a set back. Stay in touch.
G

I'm not that stupid, but I appear to be as I'm into day four off of snorting 3 points of heroin for the 1st time. I can't believe I can't figure out how and where to post my question on this site?? Could you pls. let me know how to do this? Thx

It improves slowly over time, and it goes up and down. Getting clean is the easier part, figuring out how to live life clean is much harder and the real challenge IMO. Whatever you do, do not use.

Justwannabefree- I was using for about the same amount of time and i quit at the age of 29 and i have been clean for just over two years now. I had a heavy methadone addiction and i finally said enough is enough my wife was a big help in it too but if you can have someone take your money and only give you what you need to survive and have them pay your bills you wont have the money to go blow up your nose. Also the thing that helped me sleep through the hell was clonipin, the doc perscribed them to me and that was the only thing that would help! I tried many things in the past because i would be on the road driving truck a week at a time and after i run out of stuff i wouldnt sleep for 4-5 days or until i got more!. I know the hell! After about a month of being sober i stopped taking the clonipin because i was sleepin decent.
Hope this helps you! I know it is what helped me! Give it time you will feel good again! I never thought it would happen but just stick to it!

I've been up to 85 days sober (unless you count jail--and even there I was getting 30mg Restoril/day) since I started using at 19, and it was only getting worse.