So yesterday, I relapsed again on heroin and cocaine after being a month clean.. All day I just keep thinking to myself that something bad was gonna happen like I was gonna OD or something. So I was trying to be extra careful when IVing, was only taking a 1/4 of a dime bag and a 1/8 of a dime of coke per shot.
I was fine all day and my last shot I decided to do just a tiny bit more than I was doing, but still a very small amount compared to how much I used to use. When I took my last shot, I immediately notice that I took to much and thought my premonition was coming true and I was gonna OD. I ran to my brothers room standing by the door so incase I went out, I can open or hit his door to wake him up. My breaths were veeery shallow and it was very hard for me to breath, like if I wasn't consciously focusing on breathing then I probably wouldn't. I felt like I was on the edge of losing consciousness and I concentrated on just moving and breathing, and staying awake, praying to God that If he keep me alive then I would never use again.. . But after about 5 - 10mins I realized that I wasn't going to pass out but still tried to keep active and keep my self awake because I know u can overdose even 20mins after someone used.
So I was wondering did I actually OD and just keep myself from passing out? Or did I just get lucky and was only on the very edge? I do feel like if I would of closed my eyes and laid down instead of doing what I did, then this would be a different story. I have never overdosed throughout the 6 years I've been using, but this time I thought I did for sure. Anyways I feel lucky to be alive and hopefully I can use this experience to deter myself from relapsing again.
I was fine all day and my last shot I decided to do just a tiny bit more than I was doing, but still a very small amount compared to how much I used to use. When I took my last shot, I immediately notice that I took to much and thought my premonition was coming true and I was gonna OD. I ran to my brothers room standing by the door so incase I went out, I can open or hit his door to wake him up. My breaths were veeery shallow and it was very hard for me to breath, like if I wasn't consciously focusing on breathing then I probably wouldn't. I felt like I was on the edge of losing consciousness and I concentrated on just moving and breathing, and staying awake, praying to God that If he keep me alive then I would never use again.. . But after about 5 - 10mins I realized that I wasn't going to pass out but still tried to keep active and keep my self awake because I know u can overdose even 20mins after someone used.
So I was wondering did I actually OD and just keep myself from passing out? Or did I just get lucky and was only on the very edge? I do feel like if I would of closed my eyes and laid down instead of doing what I did, then this would be a different story. I have never overdosed throughout the 6 years I've been using, but this time I thought I did for sure. Anyways I feel lucky to be alive and hopefully I can use this experience to deter myself from relapsing again.
rush is intense... Addicting as hell.