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Sobriety,Social Anxiety and boredom..vicious cycle..

B

belfort

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2005
Messages
2,293
heres the deal, since my tee years when i first discovered alcohol, i found it greatly relieved my social anxiety, i could easily meet people and be the life of the party..i have social anxiety and ontop of that i am very introverted, a bad mix if you want to be outgoing and live the party life..unless, that is you have drugs..drugs will obliterate social anxiety and u can have a blast and do all the social things a normal person can do..after many years of trying various drugs, some were amazing at quelling the social anxiety and helping me be more extroverted but they also have drawbacks as we all know..there have been times i have gotten sober which i have to admit is the easy part..STAYINg sober is the hard part especially when you an anxiety disorder..i have tried ssris and they either didnt help or they helped a little but left with me with nasty side effects..i have heard so may people that get sober just recommend "you have to try new hobbies like snowboarding or join sober social clubs" but this is not easy when u have social anxiety and are very introverted..im not 100% sober atm, maybe 50% but i have managed to find a few sober friends..problem is, when i hang out with them, we either go to the movies or just stay home playing board games..damn, i have to be honest, after a very short while this stuff gets boring fast!its not like i can just go out to bars and be sober due to anxiety..i have forced myself out to bars and other social gatherings sober and the end result is either just 'ok' or it becomes uncomfortable..

what doesnt help is im in my mid 30s with no kids(dont plan on having them) and many of my friends are either druggies or family men working 60 plus hours a week and have kids they take care of when they arent working..i do have 2-3 sober friends but damn, after 2-3 weekends of doing sober things my mind goes numb almost and many times i would almost rather be home watching netflix or playing xbox as i get about the same enjoyment out of it..problem is, doing this all the time isnt healthy and i feel like im 'missing out' on the social aspect of doing drugs and all that fun stuff..its almost like when others get clean, everything they do sober becomes magically 'fun; again whereas that never happens with me..i have dogs i take hiking, i workout all the time, love certain tv shows but in the end, its usually me sitting home watching tv and going to work the next day..

so i guess what im asking is, how do you folks that use drugs to get over social anxiety and introvertedness get over this hurdle?i mean, when i have my sober times i feel like the most boring person on the planet but get some of my drugs in me, and im ready to socialize and meet people etc etc..its kind of a catch 22 situation..

any advice?
 
I used to have social anxiety really bad.. now I could likely give a speech to a stadium in my undies.

neversickanymore said:
In order to work through this we need to identify and accept our morals and values. By morals I mean how do YOU need to act for YOU. By values I just mean what do YOU value. This ends up coming down to identifying and accepting the correct way for YOU to behave based of what YOU believe and finding what YOU value. The answers to these questions can be found by searching your heart for these answers and then realizing that only you know how you need to act and whats important to you. Its not what your parents said, what your religion says, what your teachers said was the correct way to behave and what was important and good. Your own morals and values can be similar or contain aspects of all these sources, but they really come from a deep place in you. You will need to identify how YOU need to act and what YOU value. Then you will need to accept these as the absolute correct way you need to behave and the values that you want and need to strive for, search out and promote in your life.

When loose of fail to develop our morals and values we end up placing the morals and values of others over our own. This causes us to place the opinions of others above our own. Because of this we experience social anxiety, shyness, feeling we are constantly being judged, awkwardness, trouble moving fluidly or conversing well with people especially strangers and people we really respect.

The reason for all this is that since we have placed what other people think above what we think is we now need their approval and acceptance to tell us we are behaving correctly and we determine if what we value has value based on if others value it or not. So the reason we are shy and worry about talking or engaging with others is that we dont know if they will approve of the way we act or who we are. We can be hesitant to tell other people about what we do or what we love as we are not sure what they will think of it.

This can make relationships very difficult because we can have a very hard time approaching people as if they would reject us, then since we determine our value of what they think we would feal that we are rejects. Also since we base our worth and determine the value of the life we are living of the opinions of others we can require and seek out constant praise and be utterly devastated by any forum or criticism. The criticism can be absolutely devastating especially if its from someone we respect or admire.

The reason strangers can be so difficult for us to deal with is we don't know if they will like or approve of us. We need them to approve of us so we can approve of ourselves.

The reason movements and interaction can be so hard and awkward and feel that all eyes are on us and every word and movement is being judged is because we are judging our every movement and word on the reaction of other people. This is why picking out something to wear to a social event can be so nerve racking, because instead of picking something we like, we try and pick something we think the people there will like.

So what you need to do is determine what is the corect way for YOU to act for YOU and accept this as the right way for YOU to act.
You also need to identify and determine what YOU value.

When we identify the correct way for us to act and act this way then we no longer need the approval of others to indicate we are behaving in the correct way. If we no longer need the approval of others what they think or say about the way we behave looses all power and just becomes what it was all along, their opinion. We are no longer shy as we dont really care what the fuck they think. When we identify and cultivate whats important to us then we no longer care what other people think or say about what we know is important to us. Their opinions no longer have any power over us. The thought of other people no liking us or not thinking what we think is great no longer causes us any anxiety.

Follow your heart it knows who you are, how you need to act, whats important to you, where you need to go. Fuck what other people think and say. Everybodys always spouting off that they know exactly whats important and how we should act... thats nonsense, they don't even know who we are, where we need to go, or how we need to get there.
Click to expand...

I hope this helps and sheds some light on whats going on. Understanding this and addressing it has removed almost all social anxiety. I know have much less then the average joe.


What i just posted is not even close to BS. I struggled hard with the social anxiety. This is what it boils down to for real.

Hope this helps
 
Last edited:
@ NSA

what ages were you when you had SA, what age did it stop becoming an imposition on your ability to socialise with strangers (approx), how old r u now?

just curious, it might be impossible to give a linear timeline so definitively.
 
Last edited:
neversickanymore said:
I used to have social anxiety really bad.. now I could likely give a speech to a stadium in my undies.



I hope this helps and sheds some light on whats going on. Understanding this and addressing it has removed almost all social anxiety. I know have much less then the average joe.


What i just posted is not even close to BS. I struggled hard with the social anxiety. This is what it boils down to for real.

Hope this helps
Click to expand...

I agree. However, it´s always a something that you can practice in order to make you believe you can do it.
Practice makes it perfect. Something like this..
 
Mysterie said:
@ NSA

what ages were you when you had SA, what age did it stop becoming an imposition on your ability to socialise with strangers (approx), how old r u now?

just curious, it might be impossible to give a linear timeline so definitively.
Click to expand...

i know in my case i was basically born with SA..from the time i entered kindergarten i remember having it bad..
 
I believe the social anxiety came on with puberty. So I guess somewhere between 10-12. I only figured out what it was and was able to do the work to fix it a few years ago in my mid thirties. I was told it was an imbalance in my brain and was on benzos for right around two decades to treat it and a generalized anxiety. I no longer am on any medication and no longer have any symptoms. I still would get a little nervous in a situation like if I were to start crushing on someone and went up to talk with them for the first time. But i think thats normal and i would not have a problem doing it. I used to absolutely dread public speaking and taking it in college was a very challenging thing for me to do. Now I have no fear of it at all. SA is really rough to deal with and ends up having very profound effects on our lives and our experience of them. Finding lasting relief for me was a very welcome event.
 
@NSA
Ok, however, have you recovered your happiness?
Your smiles? Are you fun?
I´m asking these questions because many times, we beat the monsters of addiction, but the scars are deep.
And we tend to lose the graceness we once had...

Many people that once knew us think we became sad. We do fine, we work, study and everything else.
But deep inside we know some of their truths are truly ours to be.
 
Boredom is a big factor for me and wanting to use. When I get bored I miss using herb and getting stoned; but I haven't used any cannabis or hash in years, and don't even have any access to it, and do not own any paraphernalia anymore.
 
@ Erik

At no point in my life have I ever enjoyed more peace and happiness than I have for the last two years and continue to do so. I belive it will continue to get better. I am have and currently am enjoying this experience at a time that when my life was in absolute tatters and has/is a significant work in progress. Peace comes from the inside and can be had no matter what the current circumstances of our life are. But i do look forward to building the life I now desire and enjoying the experiences it brings.

I literally had six years of illness, addiction, bad luck, consequences of poor choices, what ever could go wrong did. Life worked me over like a helpless ant for six years and swallowed, stole, or destroyed everything I had, everything I was working on, and all the plans I had for the future. Everything except the few things that actually had real value. My relationship with my son and family is alive and well and strong. My damn dog made it through and finally found his health. So many things that was taken or lost have been replaced with much more valuable things. So many of the things I was so upset about losing, now I have no intention to seek again and every intention to avoid.

When I was going through this period of great struggle, I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I thought the universe had turned on me and banished me to eternal struggle, misfortune, and misery. There was much more to it than the illness and addiction. Splitting from my ex, custody battles, a situation that had the real possibility of taking a over a decade of my life, deaths of friends, loss of profession, forced to put education on hold, loss of all material "wealth", poverty, DWAI and some jail time, accruement of significant debt due to medical bills etc, forced to move back near family was so sick, huge opiate dependency and the battle out, two decade old benzo dependency and the struggle out, OD that landed my in intensive care and on a respirator for four days. Etc, Etc, Etc. It felt like I was cursed.

Every possible consequence from every bad descion came back at once and culminated with an incredible string of bad luck and misfortune to form a six year maelstrom that rocked me rite to the core. It didn't just force me to my knees, it slammed me into the ground and tried to bury me alive.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Tossed into a pit whose bottom took six years to hit, six years of tumbling, scraping, and bouncing of its jagged walls. At the bottom I could not see any light from the opening. But I was still alive rite, so I said fuck it and started climbing. I have been climbing for three years now. I can see the light and have been able to see it for awhile now. Surprisingly I have run into a lot of good people on my climb back up. Some are relatives and old friends. Others are new faces and some are bluelighters. Always willing to lend a hand and offer encouragement. Occasionally you hear a blood curdling scream and know you need to hug the walls and hold on as this means someone on their way to the bottom will soon come hurtling past. I also have met allot of good people who are also climbing out of this pit. Sometimes we climb together for a spell and help eachother out. The climb out can get very difficult at times, but the farther I make it the stronger it makes me. The walls are covered in wisdom, so the higher I make it the wiser I become. I can see the light from the opening and have been able to see it for awhile. Its light filters down and its nice not so be in such a dark place. I know im going to make it out now. I also know that what i will find when i do will be very different from what was there when I half jumped and was half tossed into this pit. There is even a chance that some sort of paradise awaits when we cross the threshold of this climb. No matter what awaits up there im not worried, after this I know i can handle whatever.

The old saying you don't have anything without your health is unbelievably true. I have my health back, I no longer struggle with anxiety, hypomania, depression. I still have some symptoms of addiction, but I have crushed the vast majority of those to splinter and I'm working on burning the splinters to ash.

Aspects of addiction remain and im not sure they will ever leave. These that remain no longer cause me any discomfort or hassle. I no longer struggle or worry they will overpower me and drive me back to the hell of active addiction. Really the only aspect that seems to be still present is the fantastical drive coming from the reward center in the brain. But this has no real power. Its just a manipulation and has no real power. Once you see the puppet strings it works with, you just ignore them while you begin to cut them. Once you see an illusion its impossible not to see it.

I am happier than I have ever been. I find a greater degree of happiness and infinitely less struggle than I ever have. I'm never depressed, very rarely stressed, occasionally anxious but actively think through that quickly. I laugh and smile more than most these days.

I think im better and more fun than I ever have been. I recently went and visited a bunch of old friends some who have known me before use, in active, use, in active addiction, during the mailstrom. Many had doubts whether i could ever overcome it. They had heard that I was doing great. Most held a great deal of reservation if this was indeed the case, as I was at it for a long time and it had hurt them to watch what it did to me.

It didn't take but three minutes upon talking with any of them to realize I in fact did it.

My conclusion is I'm back, but im not the same person I was. I have regained my positive qualities and added many more. I destroyed some aspects that needed to go. Im better than I ever was.
 
Last edited:
Erikmen said:
@NSA
Ok, however, have you recovered your happiness?
Your smiles? Are you fun?
I´m asking these questions because many times, we beat the monsters of addiction, but the scars are deep.
And we tend to lose the graceness we once had...

Great question and this goes so far beyond social anxiety..i am talking about anhedonia and i have yet to hear anyone talk about effective treatments for it besides welbutrin which did nothing for me..i mean, things just arent enjoyable for me when i get sober, even after years of being clean..even sex for christ sake isnt that pleasurable..just being honest..doctors would immediately and have classified this as depression and i could understand their viewpoint but it isnt, its the inability to feel pleasure..that seems to be gone from my life..the 3 doctors i have talked to seem clueless what to do next
Click to expand...
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Boredom is a big factor for me and wanting to use. When I get bored I miss using herb and getting stoned; but I haven't used any cannabis or hash in years, and don't even have any access to it, and do not own any paraphernalia anymore.
Click to expand...

again, there is a big difference between being bored and being anhedonic...being bored just means someone should go and pick up a hobby to entertain themselves..anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure from doing anything..i should have included anhedonia in my thread topic instead of boredom..
 
neversickanymore said:
@ Erik

At no point in my life have I ever enjoyed more peace and happiness than I have for the last two years and continue to do so. I belive it will continue to get better. I am have and currently am enjoying this experience at a time that when my life was in absolute tatters and has/is a significant work in progress. Peace comes from the inside and can be had no matter what the current circumstances of our life are. But i do look forward to building the life I now desire and enjoying the experiences it brings.

I literally had six years of illness, addiction, bad luck, consequences of poor choices, what ever could go wrong did. Life worked me over like a helpless ant for six years and swallowed, stole, or destroyed everything I had, everything I was working on, and all the plans I had for the future. Everything except the few things that actually had real value. My relationship with my son and family is alive and well and strong. My damn dog made it through and finally found his health. So many things that was taken or lost have been replaced with much more valuable things. So many of the things I was so upset about losing, now I have no intention to seek again and every intention to avoid.

When I was going through this period of great struggle, I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I thought the universe had turned on me and banished me to eternal struggle, misfortune, and misery. There was much more to it than the illness and addiction. Splitting from my ex, custody battles, a situation that had the real possibility of taking a over a decade of my life, deaths of friends, loss of profession, forced to put education on hold, loss of all material "wealth", poverty, DWAI and some jail time, accruement of significant debt due to medical bills etc, forced to move back near family was so sick, huge opiate dependency and the battle out, two decade old benzo dependency and the struggle out, OD that landed my in intensive care and on a respirator for four days. Etc, Etc, Etc. It felt like I was cursed.

Every possible consequence from every bad descion came back at once and culminated with an incredible string of bad luck and misfortune to form a six year maelstrom that rocked me rite to the core. It didn't just force me to my knees, it slammed me into the ground and tried to bury me alive.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Tossed into a pit whose bottom took six years to hit, six years of tumbling, scraping, and bouncing of its jagged walls. At the bottom I could not see any light from the opening. But I was still alive rite, so I said fuck it and started climbing. I have been climbing for three years now. I can see the light and have been able to see it for awhile now. Surprisingly I have run into a lot of good people on my climb back up. Some are relatives and old friends. Others are new faces and some are bluelighters. Always willing to lend a hand and offer encouragement. Occasionally you hear a blood curdling scream and know you need to hug the walls and hold on as this means someone on their way to the bottom will soon come hurtling past. I also have met allot of good people who are also climbing out of this pit. Sometimes we climb together for a spell and help eachother out. The climb out can get very difficult at times, but the farther I make it the stronger it makes me. The walls are covered in wisdom, so the higher I make it the wiser I become. I can see the light from the opening and have been able to see it for awhile. Its light filters down and its nice not so be in such a dark place. I know im going to make it out now. I also know that what i will find when i do will be very different from what was there when I half jumped and was half tossed into this pit. There is even a chance that some sort of paradise awaits when we cross the threshold of this climb. No matter what awaits up there im not worried, after this I know i can handle whatever.

The old saying you don't have anything without your health is unbelievably true. I have my health back, I no longer struggle with anxiety, hypomania, depression. I still have some symptoms of addiction, but I have crushed the vast majority of those to splinter and I'm working on burning the splinters to ash.

Aspects of addiction remain and im not sure they will ever leave. These that remain no longer cause me any discomfort or hassle. I no longer struggle or worry they will overpower me and drive me back to the hell of active addiction. Really the only aspect that seems to be still present is the fantastical drive coming from the reward center in the brain. But this has no real power. Its just a manipulation and has no real power. Once you see the puppet strings it works with, you just ignore them while you begin to cut them. Once you see an illusion its impossible not to see it.

I am happier than I have ever been. I find a greater degree of happiness and infinitely less struggle than I ever have. I'm never depressed, very rarely stressed, occasionally anxious but actively think through that quickly. I laugh and smile more than most these days.

I think im better and more fun than I ever have been. I recently went and visited a bunch of old friends some who have known me before use, in active, use, in active addiction, during the mailstrom. Many had doubts whether i could ever overcome it. They had heard that I was doing great. Most held a great deal of reservation if this was indeed the case, as I was at it for a long time and it had hurt them to watch what it did to me.

It didn't take but three minutes upon talking with any of them to realize I in fact did it.

My conclusion is I'm back, but im not the same person I was. I have regained my positive qualities and added many more. I destroyed some aspects that needed to go. Im better than I ever was.
Click to expand...

Incredible fighting spirit. My story is so similar. Nothing will hit us harder than life itself. Got a mountain to climb myself. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. The road to freedom is beautiful.
 
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