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Mental Health Using every drug in reach trying to cope

falsifiedhypothesi

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Messages
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I can't handle my mental state, anxiety, sleep problems, depression, eating problems, and suicidal thoughts have plagued me for years. I feel run down all the time and as of lately have completely lost myself. At this moment the brain fog is so cloudy that I can't see a few inches in front of me.

I have tried to find help in doctors and family but I am so unclear in my thoughts that I can't articulate what I am going though. Everytime I have the clarity of mind to attempt to confess my problems I am either too wasted to confront anyone, or too worried about rejection and misunderstanding.

The problems seem overwhelming in my mind but when I tell someone about my privileged life they tell me I have it good and all is well. This causes complete confusion in my mind at the moment they say it because I know I have all the opportunity in the world but I just can't bring myself to utilize any of those things. All I feel is weakness and I hate myself for the pity I feel towards myself.

idk if this made any sense but I'll figure that out tomorrow when I've sobered up
 
Well the first step is reaching out. That is part-way done here. You can give yourself props for that.

Don't let anyone tell you you must have it good because you came from privilege. Mental disease affects the population regardless of that.

I am sorry you're going through a rough time. But substance abuse only perpetuates the cycle. I'm assuming you have access to a doctor? If you don't like how they're dealing with your illness, you can switch.

Hate is never a good emotion in my book. Ever.

Take the time today to state some things that you're grateful for. Maybe not to "god" for, but to your environment. Exercise, eat well, and be well. Please see a doctor. They're more professionally trained in substance abuse than the great majority of us at least.
 
I agree with Ho-Chi-Minh and believe you should see a doctor. A different one if necessary.

One thing I have learnt about drugs is that everything, as bad as they might look, gets even worse with substance abuse.

So, take the time to decide what your priorities are and do whatever it takes to recover.

Good luck!
 
substance abuse doesn't solve anything
i use substance to cope and it hasn't helped me a bit it just made everything so much worse... now i need to look for highs and cope with depression at the same time and when i am sober i'm screwed.
 
i know that it can seem overwhelming. so many of us have been there. my best advice would be try to get off anything that is not prescribed to you.

how long have you stuck with your doctor to try treatment? i thought treatment could not work for me, but after i stuck with a doctor who understood me and i was comfortable with i realized that yes, it could help me.

staying sober is hard. mostly anyone who has been addicted to drugs will tell you that- in my opinion anyway.
 
I don't want help for substance abuse i would like help for my fucked up mind.

I have spent multiple months off of drugs and multiple months in therapy and neither has done me any good. I would argue that psychologists and therapists made me feel just as bad as any drug comedown or bad experience.

At this point I have just accepted that I will never recover, if recover is the right word since I was never well to begin with. I really only have two emotions, neutral, and suicidally depressed, more recently anger has also been tacked on.

I'm just venting, I doubt if there is any advice that would help me right now.
 
I don't want help for substance abuse i would like help for my fucked up mind.

I have spent multiple months off of drugs and multiple months in therapy and neither has done me any good. I would argue that psychologists and therapists made me feel just as bad as any drug comedown or bad experience.

At this point I have just accepted that I will never recover, if recover is the right word since I was never well to begin with. I really only have two emotions, neutral, and suicidally depressed, more recently anger has also been tacked on.

I'm just venting, I doubt if there is any advice that would help me right now.

When you said multiple months in therapy, did that include psych medication or just talk therapy?

If it was only talk therapy and you have never tried psych meds then I hate to say it but that may be the answer.

If the therapy included meds, then multiple months is sometimes not long enough to find the right cocktail that will keep one from blowing their brains out.

It took me years of bouncing around on and off meds before I hit rock bottom. I leaned over a bridge overpass and looked down at the interstate below. I told myself I would either let myself go or check into an ER and try the medication route once and for all. Honestly, the only reason I didn't let go was that as I stood contemplating, a group of kids on bikes rode up and began hanging around on the bridge. I couldn't bring myself to jump in front of a bunch of rug rats so I said Fuck it and walked to a hospital. That was seven or eight years ago and I haven't missed more than a day of my medication in that long.

Like I said, you mentioned psychologists and therapists but not psychiatrists. If you haven't been to one then maybe it's time.
 
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