Just attended my first NA meeting

So, as the title states, I just went to my first ever NA meeting. It was... strange. Strange to not have to feel like I'm hiding a huge part of my life and strange to be around people who have all had such positive experiences with recovery. I have chronic pain and that's why I started using, so my instances of recovery and nonuse have never been all that positive and I have a physical as well as mental drive to use.
I guess I just feel like I need to talk about it. I feel like everyone there was very positive about the NA program and it seemed to really be the thing that has kept them sober. I sort of feel like a fraud, though, because I don't feel ready to absolutely quit right now. I don't know. I think I will keep going once or twice a week and see what happens.
Do you have experience with NA? How has it been for you?

Hey wezface, I started going to NA about 12 years ago. I kinda felt like you in that I wasn't really ready to stop. And though I was attracted to the program, I eventually returned to using. A couple years later, I came back and was ready to quit this time. I got almost 6 years and then had some injuries that left me in chronic pain as well. And so I started abusing the pain meds and well, stopped going to NA since I figured what the hell for. I was on pain management for about 3 years and doing "OK"...I was holding down a job, a relationship, even exercising. My injuries also healed in that time and I got off of the pain medication, which was extremely difficult since I had been on them for so long...longest withdrawals of my life even though I tapered off slowly. But I kept "chipping" as they called it even though I wasn't on any drugs regularly anymore. I didn't like the after effects and kept trying to stop but couldn't. Then, just this past August, I needed shoulder surgery for another old injury that was getting worse over the last few years (I'm 41 so the body isn't as resilient as it used to be) and this time got myself hooked on the pain meds again. It was a pretty rough ride. I'm now clean again and actually contemplating going back to NA. There are things I miss about it and things I didn't really like. For instance, I like the mutual support and camaraderie; and there's people you meet there that are really good folks. But there are some bad folks there too...even really awful people who do some pretty shitty things, such as prey on newcomer women, etc. Also, what I don't like is the religious fervor over the 12 steps (over here they've been know to say "Work the steps or die" in meetings). And I don't like some of the abuses of trust I saw with some people's sponsors. And finally, the grandiose personalities I can do without...the members who think they have all the answers and try to tell you how to live your life.

So, all in all, there are positives and negatives. I think the program has a something to offer, especially if you really want to recover and try to be a better person. But I would take it all with a grain of salt. The program won't make you a perfect person and every single person you meet there is flawed, even if they've been clean for decades.

Thank you for your reply.
I'm not into the whole God thing either - I'm an agnostic - but it seemed like there wasn't a whole lot of religious fervor in this group, luckily. I'm not sure what to think yet. They all seemed very supportive and welcoming. I think I'll try a few more meetings to really see what I think and how it might work out as a fit for me.

NA saved my life. I have been in and out of the program for a long time. This time I am finally working the steps and staying involved (via service, meetings etc etc) My groups are not religious at all, its spiritual. I have found that AA tends to get more "God Based". NA is more about "unity" and "the group". Notice the differences in the steps. NA has a "we" in front of all of their 12.

NA is full of people and personalities who are not perfect. In fact, there are some huge fucking assholes at meetings. Just like there are some huge fucking assholes in life. There are also a few genuine people making real progress and helping others. Most are just kinda milling about, possibly there for the courts, there because life is starting to suck and they are slowly realizing they have a problem.

Lovecraft that whole "work the steps or die" shit is just oldtimers beating their chests. It used to be "Work the steps or die motherfucker" ....

NA has proved me with many things, solid relationships, friends to hang out with, a very diverse peer group, support, my girlfriend etc etc etc.. and that isn't even touching on what the steps have done for me (personally)

Hey phactor, I left out the "motherfucker" part intentionally.

When I talked about some people being religious, I didn't mean about God. I meant that IME some people in NA are religious about the 12 steps in that they think it's the only way to work on yourself and your spiritual life. It seems to me that one could engage in spiritual/self improvement using other means. But you couldn't really express that openly to most long-time NA members. This is what I mean by religious adherence to the steps.

What do you think? Are the steps the only way for an addict to improve themselves?

Lovecraft said:

Hey phactor, I left out the "motherfucker" part intentionally.

When I talked about some people being religious, I didn't mean about God. I meant that IME some people in NA are religious about the 12 steps in that they think it's the only way to work on yourself and your spiritual life. It seems to me that one could engage in spiritual/self improvement using other means. But you couldn't really express that openly to most long-time NA members. This is what I mean by religious adherence to the steps.

What do you think? Are the steps the only way for an addict to improve themselves?

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A definitive no... they work for me but they do not work for everyone. And I think that the large majority of old timers that I associate with would agree. Even Bill Wilson (I am not a fan of AA really) wrote that AA "doesn't have a monopoly on recovery". The Basic Text of NA also makes it very clear that the steps are not the only way to get clean.

There are so many "old timers" that are huge assholes, who don't work the principles and are more interested in telling others what to do rather then work on themselves. Those are the people one must try to avoid (along with the creepy 13 steppers, who can be men or women).

Wow. It sounds like it may take me some time to really develop a personal opinion about the organization, about my home group, and about whether or not it will be a good fit for me. But so far I really feel like it might be the factor that helps to motivate me, which is the thing I've been lacking so far. The last time I quit (and I was clean for two years), I had been on and off kicking heroin cold turkey for about a year. And I decided that I needed someone outside myself and my peer group to hold me accountable since I was such a master manipulator, so I went to the methadone clinic for that reason. You have to go every day, and they're a lot more difficult to manipulate since they are used to dealing with addicts. Moreover, they will let you fuck up and kick you off the program, knowing that they aren't your babysitters and they aren't responsible for you - you are.
I think this group might be similar, albeit more supportive. I don't know that I'm absolutely ready to quit yet (I have a chronic pain issue, so I'm not even sure what "absolutely quit" means to me personally) but I think it will be a good resource for me whenever I decide to take that step. Thank you guys a ton for your insight

wezface said:

Wow. It sounds like it may take me some time to really develop a personal opinion about the organization, about my home group, and about whether or not it will be a good fit for me. But so far I really feel like it might be the factor that helps to motivate me, which is the thing I've been lacking so far. The last time I quit (and I was clean for two years), I had been on and off kicking heroin cold turkey for about a year. And I decided that I needed someone outside myself and my peer group to hold me accountable since I was such a master manipulator, so I went to the methadone clinic for that reason. You have to go every day, and they're a lot more difficult to manipulate since they are used to dealing with addicts. Moreover, they will let you fuck up and kick you off the program, knowing that they aren't your babysitters and they aren't responsible for you - you are.
I think this group might be similar, albeit more supportive. I don't know that I'm absolutely ready to quit yet (I have a chronic pain issue, so I'm not even sure what "absolutely quit" means to me personally) but I think it will be a good resource for me whenever I decide to take that step. Thank you guys a ton for your insight

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Go to NA.org and look up a pamphlet they have called "In Times of Illness", it talks about how to be in NA when you need to be on medication. It might help you figure out what's right for you in terms of being in recovery while needing to treat your condition.

Thank you! That was a fantastic read.