Mental Health On how to 'roll again' - PANIC ATTACKS AND DRUGS

Hi everybody,

I am new on the forum and wanted to know if there were people in here who are suffering from anxiety disorder and take drugs.

Personally, from quite a young age, I experimented with different kind of drugs and this until the age of 19 where I started to IV Mephedrone and then Meth. It did not last that long (about 1 year and a half maybe) but it was quite intense (especially when you know the craving associated to those particular drugs that require numerous injections each sessions).
Anyway, I stopped injecting and taking Meth/Mephedrone completely for two years even though I was still enjoying taking drugs frequently, especially MDMA which was amazing.
Everything was fine until the day I had a very bad experience and I can't really point out what happened.

I took one line of cocaine (which I hate, never felt anything but it's probably because I've never had real one) one night and had a lot of whiskey. As usual, everything was ok and I went to bed the next day and smoked a joint. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, I started to feel my heart beating very very fast accompanied by a sensation of depersonalisation. I never felt this way before but I really felt like I was going to die. I called the ER only a few minutes after who arrived quickly to my place and injected me with diazepam and gave me a pill to apparently open my heart valves (I am not really sure what it was). They decided to take me to the hospital where they kept me all night. I told them exactly what happened and mentioned the fact that I took one line of cocaine the day before.
Of course, they straight blamed everything on the cocaine. However, I doubt that one line can send you to the hospital, especially the day after (I might be wrong though) considering my past as a 'heavier' drug user. I might be paranoid but I sometimes think that they told me that only to scare me and even think sometimes that it might have been the joint which did that more than any drugs (I was buying weed from a new supplier that I never called again).

I have been talking to plenty doctors or psychologists since but no one has been able to advise me really (except the usual and patronising 'drugs are bad for you' discourse).

Since that day (it was exactly one year ago), I have been suffering from very frequent anxiety attacks. At start, I thought I would never be the same again and ended up very depressed. After a few months, I am now able to identify and control them even though it is still a pain to be honest.

My question was, did that happen to anyone? Is my previous IV drug experience have to do with that (it was 2 years I did not IV when I had my very bad panic attack)?
Finally, I would like to take some time soon some MDMA with moderation of course. Do you think that's reasonable?

I apologize in advance if I did not follow exactly the forum guidelines as a newbie (as well for my language skills as I am not native). I know that some threads are similar but I wanted to submit my own experience as I feel sick and tired of always getting the same non-answers by supposed specialists and also I barely talked about it to my entourage or family as I don't want to mention my drug use to them. I don't want to worry them and plus I live in another country so It would get things worse.

Thanks a lot

PS: The only thing I take now is xanax but only when I feel like I need a little hand to control my attacks (average would be once or twice a week 0.25). They put me on bedranol and then citalopram but did not pursue as with bedranol, I started to get breathing problem and did not like citalopram. Would wake up in the middle of the night because of my heartbeat...

Am I in the right section by the way??

its the weed,sweet-sweet marry. got your self there a racing heart and sweaty palms or what not It happens,got my first panic attack with fuckedup depersonalization too,I thought shrooms flashbacked at me ..was about to call ambulance,nastiest sensation of confusion and fear..didnt call ambulance,calmed my self down with cold patches and tiiiiime. time is your friend ,once adrenaline unloads,its fast,but it drains down slow ,the trick is not to let this fear of fear set this mechanism up again. panic attacks basically are self torture,you can control it once you embrace it,its cliche ,but is true. mary jane however could be pain in the ass,you cant get along with her all the time,sometimes you need time apart,or change things ,because she can bring deep stuff in you haha..self reflection stuff,kinda like with women haha :D soo yea,belive you have the control,you just dont know it yet.. i have panic attacks still,but not like before,now they are confusing paranoya from walking high on MJ all the time but ONLY in the streets..pussy..
i think taking mdma isnt dangerous for you,unless you freak out that you will have a panic attack right there infront of people, confused, high of the illegal substance, far from home, withouot xanax etc etc ,see how i made up some racy thoughts,but really it just because after first panic attack you feel vulnerable..so dont worry,make up self a great mood,and believe youll be great

I used drugs a lot about when I was 16-19 then left to university, California to Florida. I had never done hallucinogens but literally everything else. I ate a quarter of hydro shrooms my classmate had grew in an aquarium. He warned me not to eat more than a half 8th. But I got happy and tripping balls and ate the rest of the quarter I had. I was so fucked up my friends called an ambulance and they sedated me until I was sober. I smoked weed once after that and straight up started tripping just like shrooms. Its been ten year's and I still have attacks from time to time. The few times I broke down and smoked weed I'd literally hear voices, heart rate would be like what I would imagine a meth overdose would feel like. Even being hungover after a heavy night of drinking would trigger it. I do have xanax always on hand. It has gotten a lot better and I can do coke and Molly again. I think personally you have to be comfortable mentally with life and stay healthy. But for a few years after that I was pretty much unable to even drink coffee because my heart rate would go up and my mind would just flip. Give yourself some time off my friend. It will get better

In regards to your last-night cocaine use and next-day cannabis smoking, I believe the cocaine had no part in your having a panic attack. My experience with cannabis has lead me to believe the drug (precisely, some sole cannabinoid or the synergy of some number of cannabinoids) possess some kind of anxiogenic effect.

The manifestation of this effect is seemly sporadic and unpredictable in nature, and it tends to happen to certain people either none of the time, some of the time, most of the time, or all of the time. I'm not sure why there exists such variable susceptibility amongst a given set of people, nor am I sure of the causative mechanism(s) of this effect. There seems to be no discernable pattern I know of or any risk factors I can identify. That is, the etiology and even epidemiology are both clear as dishwater, at least to myself. Indeed, a cogent explanation has eluded me for years now, ever since I was stricken with my own cannabis-induced panic episode, which is what inspired my curiosity about this topic.

I should note that my panic disorder preceded my cannabis use, not vice-versa. But I will say that it definitely does provoke panic in unexpected situations or contexts. Moreover, it appears to temporarily exacerbate the severity of my preexisting anxiety disorders, which has lasted for up to 2-3 months (after my last use) after a brief period of moderate-to-heavy use or a lengthy period of regular use.

An anxiolytic administered shortly beforehand is only occasionally beneficial and the times it is effective never extirpate the anxiety/panic, but merely lessens its intensity.

On another note, synthetic cannabinoids are curiously dissimilar to cannabis, in that the majority of them do not provoke my anxiety at all. I dunno. Excuse the digression, if you will.

All I can say is i'll never smoke weed again (hopefully) I just can't handle it.

Nom de Plume said:

The manifestation of this effect is seemly sporadic and unpredictable in nature, and it tends to happen to certain people either none of the time, some of the time, most of the time, or all of the time. I'm not sure why there exists such variable susceptibility amongst a given set of people, nor am I sure of the causative mechanism(s) of this effect. There seems to be no discernable pattern I know of or any risk factors I can identify. That is, the etiology and even epidemiology are both clear as dishwater, at least to myself. Indeed, a cogent explanation has eluded me for years now, ever since I was stricken with my own cannabis-induced panic episode, which is what inspired my curiosity about this topic.

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I've seen one factor that converts people from enjoying cannabis to suffering anxiety/paranoia after smoking: heavy ecstasy use. I wouldn't say that happens to everyone that uses both drugs, but on the other hand I can pull multiple references from the medical literature that find the same phenomenon. Time off from rolling seems like it helps a lot though.

Not everyone that gets anxiety from cannabis has used ecstasy, but the more a person uses ecstasy the more anxiety they'll get from bud.