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Hurting yourself mentally?

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Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 18, 2001
Messages
12,030
Some people like to cut their arms up and whatever, but me I like to hurt my mental health, I tease myself and ruin my oppurtunities I throw away good ideas and when I get into situations ive longed for I mess them up.
I like to destroy my mind and rip my thoughts apart and really fuck with my own head in a way that it gets really badly messed up.
I dont think this is very good and I dont know what to do, ive been to see quite a few different psychiatrists etc but I dont seem to be able to talk to them and I always give up taking the drugs they prescribe and let myself get worse and worse.
I dont even know why im making this thread.
 
so ur still around then huh?and still fucked up aparently.well wat dya want me 2 say?go c another psychiatrist?take ur meds?r end it all 4 good?i dunno, i mean i cant even figure myself out,why im so fucked up,all i can say is give the meds another try,they do help,a little bit.maybe give up the drugs 4 awhile r have u done that already, cos last time i was talkin 2 u, u were hittin the x pretty hard.physically r mentally hurting yourself,its all the same,but u gotta stop cos one of these days you'll wake up & wonder where the fuck your life disappeared to.not saying its ur fault r anything cos its clearly not,but its not mine either & i gotta try get better too,its hard cos being fucked up is a habit by now,one thats hard 2 break & ur not always sure if u even want to cos it almost gets comfortable at times, easier than trying 2 pull yourself 2gether & get ur life back on track.i have no idea wat im bullshitting on about here,im not even high but sure anyway im still around if u wanna comntact me,havent heard from u in awhile,
Carole.
 
In a way I can relate to what you are saying. Yet for me it is as if I have this evil notion in my mind that was very destructive. I used to admire this part of me thinking it made me different and stronger. I used to seek out things that were evil, I could feel it in my heart. Not Satanic or nothing. Almost like a mad scientist would do. Push myself to the limits abuse my body and have the desire to go deeper with it. I’d tell myself that I really didn’t need deep relationships in my life, and mentally abuse myself . Bwahhahhaaha the evil thoughts would say, push it! fuck it! who gives a shit!! I am like god! In the end it only left me feeling empty. Being an artist I only attributed this to my artistic perspective of the world and my life. This was me after all, this was one thing that I could control. For me I had to do some deep, deep soul searching and ask why I was like this. It took me many years but I think I have a handle on things now. When I was younger this self abuse didn’t really amount to much, but as I got older I saw the damage it was doing to my life and people that cared for me. Maybe you started this thread because you too see the need for change. If you really want to, you can stop the thought patterns that provoke the self abuse, you are not powerless. The thing is it is just so damn hard when it is so much a part of you. I think changing ones thought patterns are one of the most challenging things in life. For me I had to step back from the long nights out so that I could clear my head up. Sometimes I noticed drugs could affect my thought patterns so I calmed down for a while. I also had to, and still have to, constantly stay on top of my thoughts and tell myself, NO! not now, STOP! don’t do that, SHUT UP! quit thinking that way. It might sound weird to have to tell yourself these things, but it really helped me get my head on straight. I am not the type to go to see a counselor so I got some books that dealt with similar issues or studies dealing with psychology that helped me understand the way our minds work. I hope you can find something in what I wrote you can relate to. Just know bro you are not alone, besides the future awaits us my friend. Good things lay in wait, fuck the evil! Bwwahahaha! Well maybe every now and than! :eek: )
 
I've had my share of self-defeating behavior and support the above method of self-correction. After becoming aware of my self-negating thought patterns, I was able to correct them by refocusing and telling myself "no, don't do that, don't think that. instead do this." It's most effective if you repeat the positive affirmation "do this" instead of just the negative "don't do that." Good luck.
 
I've been going through the same thing for the past couple of years. It's funny how long it can go on inside your head before you even realize what you're doing to yourself. Once I did notice what I'm doing to myself, I took a long, hard look at my life and tried to find the reasons for it.
Was it drugs?
Was it the loss of someone very close to me?
Was is the drugs I started doing after the loss of someone very close to me?
None of the above. Of course they're all part of it I suppose, but for me it's all influence. No, not being under the influence, but people's influence. Mainly, the people close to me in my life. I'm surrounded by negative assholes who do nothing but complain constantly, picking out everything that's wrong with this world, never taking the time to look at what's right.
Of course a major contributor to all this is my father, who's constant bitching about things in my life he has no clue about, even though I'd try to block them out and ignore them, takes a major toll on the psychy. Whether you want to or not, you're gonna start thinking, talking, and acting like the people you spend the most time with...it's human nature.
I guess what I'm saying is just to surround yourself with good people. People who know about the ins-and-outs of life and how to deal with the stresses. If all the friends you hang out with think life is roses and cottoncandy, and that all you have to do is get out in it and you can be happy, then even if you don't agree with it you'll start thinking that way too.
If you know there's something wrong then you already know how to change it. The mind is a powerful thing.
And always remember...SHIT CAN HAPPEN . You've just gotta have the serenity to accept those things you can't change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the diff - and you can start looking for all those things within yourself, if you think a God can help bring these things then all the more power to you.
 
Yeah its the tortured artists syndrome. Some people are just dark & twisted that way, and compulsively fuck up their minds and bodies because thats how they are. Its the whole "Beauty of tragedy" thing.
For me its a part of my personality, I got on some medication and it stopped (Only to start up again after I quit medication)
My only guess is that it'll go away or lessen when we grow up.
 
sweetie, just remember that i'm (and loads of other people) here for you if you want to talk at all!
you are loved and cared about!
love and hugs!
D xxxxxxxx
 
Well, it seems logical that people who want to "fuck with themselves" or "fuck themselves up" (in whatever way) are not happy with themselves. There's obviously something about yourself that you don't like (subconsciously). Is there any chance that you were physically, emotionally, or psychologically abused as a child? I read a story about one guy who had problems that he couldn't figure out. When he was about 53 years old (10 years after his parents had died) he started remembering instances of abuse from his childhood that he had absolutely no previous recollection of. All his life, his memories of childhood were what he would consider normal for anyone, and had NO CLUE that he had been seriously sexually abused as a child. His theory was that after his parents were dead for 10 years, his subconscious felt it was now "safe" to remember. (ie: If he would have remembered while they were still alive, he would have had to confront them with it, which would have brought back all the fear from his childhood). Traumatic events are usually buried really deep. It wouldn't have to be something "major" either. The wrong comment at the wrong time can traumatize a child (or at least change the way they think/view the world). Food for thought.
 
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