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Mental Health Loneliness

too much about looks
..steroid cycle for people to like you..
 
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People don't hate you, it does sound like you hate yourself, try to make up for that with clothes,muscles and luxury, to forget the person you are.
When you hate yourself, there is a vibe around you that yells 'go away im not worth it'. People will notice that.

you should do some serious soul searching and find out what really is driving you in this life, beside material. After that, when you find peace with yourself and allow yourslef to be happy, the rest will follow.
It takes patience, courage and strenght, step by step, it ll get better.

Make a list, what would an ideal world look like for me?
Animals? Nature? Filosofy? < thats what people in modern society traded in for selfie's, facebook, watches and clothing. It will leed you nowehere besided living a lie
 
You have taken a HUGE first step by opening up to us. That is a big accomplishment in and of itself


I agree with njirem, you should try to get to the bottom of why you hate yourself. Yes you are right you have a lot better life than most, but that is no reason to hate yourself. You describe mostly what seem to be negatives about yourself but very few positives. You say your looks but you don't describe what is good about them: do you have a nice smile?? do you have nice eyes nice hair. You also don't say much positive about your inner qualities: are you a good listener, are you a good friend?? Each of us have things that make us who we are and we have to focus on the good and not the bad. have you been hurt in the past?? maybe that's why you put up walls. Do you feel like you don't deserve the things you have?? You cant help your place in life no more than anyone else can. You are just very lucky to have what you do but that doesn't make you a bad person.

Instead of focusing on the things that make you loathe someone, focus on what you like about them. Its a bummer I know but we are not going to like everyone who comes in our life and everyone wont like us, but by putting up walls you could be missing out on someone or something great in your life and more importantly someone could be missing out on YOU. Material things make up a great portion of our lives and sometimes to much so, so look deep inside and you will find the things that are going to make you happy.

If you need to talk PM me. Im up all hours of the night and all day, Ill listen anytime you have something to say.

I wish you the very best.
 
sometimes it aint whats outside, but what is inside that you need to shine for people to be attracted to you
 
Hi Welcome to BL.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely… and comfortable when alone. I love being alone today, but also spend time with others.
I used to think people didn't like me nor would want to get close, but in reality it was me who wouldn't let them in. It wasn't my looks, my clothes my weight, it was my roots, and unawareness of how this affected how I think in relation to other people around me.

It seems you want to take comfort in being with others but are feeling uncomfortable with yourself because you are reading too much into what you think others think of you… In this interpretation there can be an assumption you are not acceptable… and need to fulfill this with outside materialistic type stuff.

I could be wrong, but sometimes this can come from lack of self love or acceptance of who we are. Where does this originate?
When we look inside, we can find the answers there… this is where it's at, not in the container we wear, ime. :) That's just what we walk around in...

Light will shine and attract others when you learn to love yourself. In loving oneself the concern about others will dissipate and people will notice. I have to step out of myself when I need a change. I mean, step out of my over concernment of others and be myself without a need to improve upon; but rather accept. <3
 
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“
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander
 
To Smoky (for some strange reason the forum didn't allow me to quote properly, so I am going to write it here)

Thank you for replying to my thread.


Yes, I don't feel acceptable. I also can't really find where I belong. An example that I used to come up with this conclusion would be this: Lets say me and a bunch of my friends gather together. My friends decide that they want to go to someone's (one of their friends that I don't know) house/place. I constantly ask them, if it would be okay for me to come. I believe that this is an insecurity issue that I have to solve to advance and proceed in life... I over think everything.


I really feel better about myself after talking with a member of this forum. I guess my position and attitude in life hasn't been changed in so long that, I am having troubles coping with the present.


I believe that I lack self confidence, and self love. Posting on this forum really helped me realize this... I asked myself, why did I post this? The answer is that I felt insecure, and incompetent. Now I have goals that I set for myself, and I believe that my mental state will significantly improve after I reach my goals.
 
Yeah life change is for you to adopt ,we find our place in this universe,trough constant changing.. Can you share one of your like goals? I hope its not steroids XD
 
+90 said:
To Smoky (for some strange reason the forum didn't allow me to quote properly, so I am going to write it here)

Thank you for replying to my thread.


Yes, I don't feel acceptable. I also can't really find where I belong. An example that I used to come up with this conclusion would be this: Lets say me and a bunch of my friends gather together. My friends decide that they want to go to someone's (one of their friends that I don't know) house/place. I constantly ask them, if it would be okay for me to come. I believe that this is an insecurity issue that I have to solve to advance and proceed in life... I over think everything.


I really feel better about myself after talking with a member of this forum. I guess my position and attitude in life hasn't been changed in so long that, I am having troubles coping with the present.


I believe that I lack self confidence, and self love. Posting on this forum really helped me realize this... I asked myself, why did I post this? The answer is that I felt insecure, and incompetent. Now I have goals that I set for myself, and I believe that my mental state will significantly improve after I reach my goals.
Click to expand...

I'm glad to hear that +90, about setting goals… and you spoke with someone on this forum. I know what it's like… it's taken me a long time and I am still learning to accept myself every day, and not over think things. I can get lost in the details in my mind and create a problem that never existed. I'm glad to recognize when I begin to do this and take a step back and see it for what it is.

Vitamin N has a good point to. Someone once told me, " I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you "
Coming to understand ourselves can make all the difference in this vast universe.

Best,
~ Smoky.
 
Just don't Worry and REMEMBER! IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE LONELY YOU NEED CHANGE AND CHANGE NEEDS ACTION AND ACTIONS NEED CHOICES AND CHOICES NEEDS PATHS AND PATHS NEED TO BE SEARCHED FOR BY YOUR EYES HEART AND MIND TO MAKE UP THE CORRECT DECISION TO DEFINE YOUR ULTIMATE FATE AND DESTINY IN LIFE! Sorry I Am Really High Lol.
 
+90 said:
Hello everyone, I am +90.

I have been a long time lurker of BL (maybe for 2 years?), and now decided to join.

I feel like I have to share this with people, because it has been bugging me for a long time.

I am a 20 year old guy originally from Istanbul, Turkey. I am in the US for college.

I have a history with drugs, but I try to not use them nowadays.

Anyway, here is my story:

I am the guy that you would hate on the first sight. But once you talk to me, you will like me.

I have a nice car, I have a nice watch, I have nice clothes. I have a good monthly allowance, and I am not an ugly person that you wouldn't want to talk to. I don't have to worry about work, or my grades as I have already have a pretty big family business (200M yearly revenue) ready for me to take over once I am done with college. I hate to say this, but my life is probably better/easier than most people out there.

Sounds good so far, right? There is a catch though. I am lonely. Very lonely.

Although I know a lot of people, they never seem to get close to me. I don't know why... I feel like everyone around me hates me.

I cannot get along with people. Whenever I meet someone, I get very close with them... And within a short time, I notice that they have many characteristics that I really loathe. So I get driven away from them.

I usually disregard females. I am straight, it's just I don't find anything appealing about them except their looks. I find it really disturbing for myself to sit in my room on a Saturday night, knowing that the people around me are either having fun in clubs, or doing something social, WITH EACH OTHER. Me? I am just sitting by myself, smoking a cigarette every hour, and typing this.

I am surprised at myself at right now, as I have never told anyone about this problem. Not even my psychiatrist in Turkey...

Why do people hate me? Why do they want to be distant to me?

I have tried many ways to cope with this loneliness. Actually, I have been suffering from it since I was a child.

I attribute my loneliness to my looks... Although I stated that I am not ugly, I am not the A&F model either. Or, I am not wearing the clothes I have...

Although I have a lot of clothes from high end brands, I prefer to wear stuff like sweatpants from Zara, along with a $10 t-shirt from Macy's with Nike shoes. I find shoes from Nike to be a lot comfortable from shoes from Lanvin... Although Lanvin looks more "flashy" and is more expensive...

I am not a fat person, but I am not skinny to the bone either.

I have tested people and myself in many ways, to combat my loneliness. Nothing worked.

I have been working out for almost two years now, so I kinda have some sort of muscle base. I am thinking of jumping on my first steroid cycle soon, and dress better, to see if this loneliness is because of my general appearance.

Sorry for making you read all this crap, I just felt like I had to write something, to someone...

Regards,
+90
Click to expand...

Sounds like me omg...
 
in order for people to accept you, first you have to accept yourself.. in order for people to find us, first we have to find ourselves.. in order for people to love us, first we have to love ourselves
 
Don't take this to heart but perhaps you have a resting bitch face? I do it myself a bit, but I hold a lot of bitterness and anger inside and it manifests in my facial expression haha.. I notice it when I fall asleep, all the muscles relaxing. When I'm feeling very positive and open I notice more interactions from others, because I imagine I seem more approachable.

If you're judging people so quickly that probably comes across in your conversation and tone of voice also. It also shows narcissism.. because despite all your stuff you ain't all that my friend.. you're just like the people you despise. We're all imperfect. But that's exactly where you can find an opening to become not lonely.. to recognize your faults, and theirs, and make light of it all.
 
personality. common interest. common activities. common friends.

those are the things that I think people form real relationships over. Physical attraction is just whether or not someone is interested in walking up and talking to you- or whether they are interested when you walk up and talk to them. Attraction may be largely based on initial looks, but what keeps someone attracted to another isn't just looks alone usually. For me, when all that I am attracted to in them is looks I quickly start to see their flaws, and believe me everybody has flaws. If there isn't something deeper than just looks then it will only be superficial.

Don't be afraid to express your interest and your opinions, and be genuine about it. When you are truly yourself and not trying to be someone that you are not I think other people can see it. Rather than thinking about all the things that other people could potentially be out there doing, try to find things that you can do that genuinely appeal to you and then find others to do that with you. If you find something you really enjoy doing, like say going to the gym(dont do steriods tho plz..) then that gives you a common goal you can share with others. Also, we are all guilty of this, but don't get so wrapped up in trying to have more fun or even as much fun as others. Focus just on enjoying yourself and finding things that intrigue and interest you.

The most attractive people are happy. People who seem to not be concerned with the rest of the world because they are happy where they are at. That is what I mean by personality. Happy people attract other happy people, sad and lonely people tend to attract other sad and lonely people. It kind of sucks when you are sad and lonely, but it is the way it tends to happen. If you can't be happy on your own you will be a bit of a burden for people who are happy. It's not like some people are happy while other just aren't- maybe for some but most that I know struggle to find their own happiness. Depressing people can be sort of contagious.

The best advice I can give you is to get out of your comfort zone and try something new. Go hiking somewhere you haven't been, take a dance class, go to a rock climbing gym- anything where there are people and it's going to force you to interact with them. Something that doesn't involve alcohol or other drugs tho. Get out there, discover who you are. If you passion truly is body building then pursue that with your whole heart! Be passionate! I grew up depressed, somewhat isolated and pretty lonely. Had trouble making genuine friends when I was younger and messed up a lot of good friendships when I was older. So i definitely can relate. I'm not the best looking guy and used to think it was because of that. Looking back, I think it had more to do with the fact that I just wasn't enjoyable to be around.
 
njirem said:
People don't hate you, it does sound like you hate yourself, try to make up for that with clothes,muscles and luxury, to forget the person you are.
When you hate yourself, there is a vibe around you that yells 'go away im not worth it'. People will notice that.

you should do some serious soul searching and find out what really is driving you in this life, beside material. After that, when you find peace with yourself and allow yourslef to be happy, the rest will follow.
It takes patience, courage and strenght, step by step, it ll get better.

Make a list, what would an ideal world look like for me?
Animals? Nature? Filosofy? < thats what people in modern society traded in for selfie's, facebook, watches and clothing. It will leed you nowehere besided living a lie
Click to expand...

Agree..
 
+90, it is possible too that there are cultural differences that make you perceive that others do not like you when in actuality it is just different cultural signals being sent (or not sent). I lived overseas for much of my life and I know there were times when people completely misinterpreted me and I misinterpreted their actions or reactions. Did you feel this same loneliness when you were back in Turkey or when you go home to visit?

Americans are known for being open in a casual way but we can also really suck as a culture when it comes to manners and making people feel welcome and at home.
 
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