LSD -- Experienced -- Tripping alone to deal with hidden problems...

Acid Tripping alone to deal with hidden problems...

i knew i was able to get my hands on some really good liquid acid... and i really wanted to trip since i havent done it in a while. I like tripping mostly for the way it affects my thought process... i like the way i think and they way i can express myself and what im feeling better. Now, knowing that some people have bad trips when they are depressed or have somthing on their mind... i was scared to candy flip on saturday at the club with my friends. I didnt want to have a bad trip and freak out and end up geting kicked out or something worse.. so Friday night i got the acid. We had it put on sweettarts( one drop).. at like 9pm. i was cleaning my room.. and deciding it i was goign to a frat party with my brother.. at about 9:30... i ate the sweettart (i think it was 9:30pm). I decided against going out.. and stayed at my house by myself.. my best friend called and while i was talkin to her.. i started to trip.. she could tell and got off the phone with me.. cause i wasnt paying attention to her(10:00pm).
I hung out with my youngest brother for about an hour watching TV... then went up to my room to chill (11:30 maybe). i had my trippy screan saver thing playin on my puter, my black light on, and my neon pens and paper ( i like to write) and everything set up.. i was really hyper.. i actually felt like i was rolling.. i put on a house Cd and signed on aol to see what everyone was up to.. i was talkin to a few ppl as well as talkin on the phone.
My XBF's brother was the first person i talked to... we started talkin about my XBF (since he was the cause of my 2 week long depression i was stuck in) He told me how my BF was playin me and using me... and everything.. sober i wouldnt have believed it.. but tripping.. it all made sence for some reason. We talked about some other things then i got off the phone with him. after that... the girl i am seeing called me and i talked to her(1am).. not about anything real important.. but i know my mind started going while i was talkin to her.. i remember sitting at my puter on BL.. i posted a couple messages.. then i started writing an email to a BLer. I dunno why i wrote him i really have no idea... maybe cause i read a post of his.. or cause we were suposed to chill this weekend.. i dunno.. but i had to get off the phone cause i was concentrating on the email.. i really dont remember what i wrote about in that email. i know i CCed myself but i havent even looked at it yet... and i dunno when i am going to read it. and Im sorry to the BLer i wrote to.. and you dont have to read it if you dont want to.. =o)
I got into a sad state after that(2:30am).. maybe cause of what i wrote.. so i went over to my bed and got my note book and neon pens.. i just let my mind go with the pens. I know i broke down and was hysterical crying at one point.. i know i was writing about my exbf.. that i remember.. (it might have been what the email was baout too.. i have no clue) i know i wrote 5 pages of shit in my notebook.. which i also havent read yet.. (does anyone have a suggestions on when i should read my trip journal and the email? i kind of want to read it but i dont at the same time.. *shrug*)
After i finished writing i went intot he bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror ( i love mirrors when im tripping) i remember look at how cute i looked even tho i was so sad.. and telling myself that my XBF wasnt worth all i have to offer someone who is willing to love me for who i am.. and even tho he made me feel so good about myself all the time.. and treated me really good concidering.. he just had too many issues to really give himself to me the way i wanted to... and i knew that someday i will find that person im looking for... and i really dont have to be sad about this... i went back to my room.. and thought about my friends and how great they are to me.. and hw they would do anything.. and how understand they have been even tho i have been so depressed lately..
I went back online(4am). - My really good friend and neighbor Ken was online.. I imed him.. and told him what was going on.. he's always soooooooooo good to talk to .. and he told me to send him pics frum my web cam ( i left my web cam on during most of my trip to record my actions) he was so moved by the way i went frum being so happy to hysterical.. but was really proud on how i pulled myself up and was happy again. And he was happy that i was feeling better about my XBF.
I decided to chill after that (5:45).. i layed on the floor with my cat and listened to hiphop..( i dunno why hehe) me and my cat played on the floor.. then i got kinda tired.. so i put on my fave trance CD.. and curled up in my bed (6:15).. with my puter facing my so i could watch the trippy show..
i dunno how long i was layin there.. when my brother finally came home frum the frat party... he told me about all the whippets that he did... and how he flipped out (acid + whippits)and how the party was .. and how he wishes i woulda went with him.. then he asked me about my night. I told him.. i had a really good time thinking about my life and everything.. and that i am glad i stayed home. we chilled together for a couple hours then both went to bed.
I woke up at 10:18am... and felt great.. i did so much shit saturday and partied saturday nite.. i stayed sober tho.. and had a great time... but went to sleep early and bummed out sunday (as usual). =o)
My stomach did hurt a lil during the trip.. then again i did eat BK b4 that (ick).. during my trip i ate a few cookies, and drank apple juice and water.
Im really glad i did this.. its kind of what i was hoping would happen. Not that i need acid or anything to help me sort out my probs... but i did think it would help me open up to the truth.. i was hurting so bad from the break up i couldnt bring my self to accept the bad things.. or believe the negitive aspects.. i kept hanging on to what we had.. and getting more and more depressed over it. I'm hoping i wont feel the need to do it again... im glad i feel better... not 100% but i do feel muuuch better.. and i am totally on Kay's level when he had his trip experiance. =oT
Ill post again here.. when i read over my trip journal...
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~*P*L*U*R*R*~
~*Princess Jen
**FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET MULLETS!!** -Got it Jay!? =o)
*Don't frown, 'cause you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile*

wow!! I found that really inciteful!!!
I dont have the guts to trip by myself. I have an emotional closet that is filled to the brim with stuff I have to eventually deal with, but cant manage it at the moment, so acid probably wouldnt be the best thing for all that right now.
However, I am taking acid this friday and plan on delving into some of these issues but with close friends (we are taking acid, mdma, GHB, weed and whippits...not at the same time, but spaced over 24 hours)
Anyway, about reading your trip diary, I would say go for it. You might have written down some amazing stuff which you have now forgotton about, so it might prove very rewarding.
Anyway, thanks again, I found that to be just what I needed. And if you are ever tripping alone again to be afraid to drop me an email. I might be in Melbourne, but I know what you are on about!
*hugz*
horse
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"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past" - F. Scott Fitzgerald

BiKandeRAver..it sounds like you had a ver productive therapy session. Acid has always been more of an introspective tool for me than a way to get fucked up. Sure the visuals are cool and all but its more of a mental thing for me. Acid is great when used for self exploration. If theres something negative in your life it will come to the surface when your tripping and you will think of a million different ways to deal with it or the one you knew you should do all along. Im glad you got yourself out of a rut and came to realize whats right. Reading your story took me back to my acid days and made me want to drop. Feel free to im me or email me if your up tripping and bored or if ya just wanna talk.
one love
*Jessica*

Hey guys.... i read my Trip Journal last night... it was really good.. i also read the email that i wrote to the BLer... The email was well... odd.. hehe.. it was a lot of stuff i didnt even think i was thinking about.. (about my family and the girl im seeing and myself)..
The journal.. well it blew me away. besides the crazy trippy pics i drew... everything i wrote really took me back.. it was like.. i knew everything that was going on, that was a problem.. but i was just covering it up to see the good in my relationship. but when i was tripping .. i made sure i wrote everything down.. adn reading it last nite made me laugh. =o) i was so happy that i really did know what was going on... even tho i hid it all. Im kinda glad tho.. i had a really good time being with my XBF... and i learned a lot... and i also wrote down a lot of shit that he had said to me.. (good things, encouraging things) and when ever i feel down.. im going to read them over.. he said sum beautiful things to me over the time that we were together.. and they inspired me and made me feel really good about myself and everything i do... so at least i have that to thank him for.
My journal consisted of...
Pics i drew
me ranting about my XBF
Me telling myself everything good i got out of the relationship
me crying - i could see the tears all over the paper...
Me documenting everything i did
Me and my brother writing sillie shit back and forth
The letter...
contained a lot of random ramblings.. and feelings.... it was when i first started to trip hard.. so it was really sporratic(sp).. and prolly confusing.
my computer...
the pics went from being really hyper and dancing around to a blank stare (i guess wheni was typing the email) to crying.. hysterically- then i was happier again.. and smiling.. you could tell i was feeling better about my self and everything..
I also ended up writing my XBF's brother (who im close with) and email thanking him for talkin to me.. and being there for me the whole time. All my friends who i spoke to that night.. said i was really hyper.. and had *excellent* typing skills.. (lol) =oP
I havent really serched thu BL to see if i posted any really retarded shit that should be removed.. hehe.. maybe ill do that later.. i did get my email frum Doktor tho.. hehe.. i emailed him back ... =o)
Thanks for reading my post guys.. and ill be sure to keep in touch with both of you..
Have a good trip Mr. Horse.
*hugs u both*
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~*P*L*U*R*R*~
~*Princess Jen
**FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET MULLETS!!** -Got it Jay!? =o)
*Don't frown, 'cause you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile*

it's funny, cause whenever i've had acid, i've just laughed my ass off, played with ppl and talked shit aall day/nite...
but last friday when i joined Mr.horse and a few other BLers, it was soo different!!
i couldn't talk, i didn't want to talk!! aall i wanted to do was to sit, stare at something and think, think, think...
everyone were jumping up and down, playing with each other, but no matter how much i tried to join in, i couldn't...
it's as if my mind was too busy tring to work things out, and there was no time for anything else!!!
i'm not saying i didn't enjoy my trip!! i LOVED it!! like u said, it helped me think about so many things with a very open mind!! but i just felt bad cause i was being so unsociable, and everyone probably thought "what the hell is HER problem"...
but i guess it's all good....
cheers
Parisa.
[This message has been edited by Shadow (edited 13 November 2000).]

Sup!! Cid has helped me through some rough times. Sounds odd doesnt it. I know I will be on a roller coaster ride when I drop. Ill have a down for about five to ten minutes...then it is pretty much all up hill. If I start to have a "bad" trip, I turn it into a good one by learning from it. That has been my secret. By the end of my trip I am recounting the whole even and grinning for the next few days. Hang in there and keep writing...it is nice to flip back and read of previous events.

Im glad that i tripped to deal with my prob... ive been feeling just fine since.. and moving on has been easy.. =o)
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~*P*L*U*R*R*~
~*Princess Jen
**FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET MULLETS!!** -Got it Jay!? =o)
~I don't know anything, Imma KandyKidd. =oT
*Don't frown, 'cause you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile*

haha shadow, last night i was at the beach with abbie and zlatko and we were saying how much we liked you
Such an easy person to please We didnt think you were being unsociable at all. Acid is a full on drug, something that changes you forever. No one can fully comprehend what awesome powers it holds. One day i'll write my report, but i have to sort through it in my head first, a lot of nasty shit happened that night, which I have to get over.
BUT... i had an awesome time, and god.... i just love acid. More than eckies I think.

cant wait fer ur report mr horse when ur ready to share..
im glad you had a good time! =o)
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~*P*L*U*R*R*~
~*Princess Jen
**FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET MULLETS!!** -Got it Jay!? =o)
~I don't know anything, Imma KandyKidd. =oT
*Don't frown, 'cause you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile*

Reading your report reminds me of how i would spend almost every weekend ,a few years back, alone in my room with all the lights off thinking about everything in my life and the universe. I loved doing the, taking a few hits and staying up all night. I really wish I had a jounral back then to record my thoughts (thanks for that idea). I plan on tripping this weekend by myself and I'm going to keep a journal this time.
Yes acid is a very good drug to tkae while trying to be very introspective, just be cautious when depressed.

it's tough to trip alone, but i agree wholeheartedly...it is an amazing thing for working out personal issues.
granted, acid magnifies your insecurities, your problems, the things you've been hiding can't hide anymore while you're tripping. if you're alone, it's hard to remember sometimes, that you're tripping, and that part of what you're feeling is just the trip, and the absolute magnification of everything. but, if you need to work something out, and you have the mental strength to handle it, acid will cut through all the bullshit, better than anything else i know.
it's taken me a long time to be able to handle tripping alone...but ever since i had a "bad" trip, it hasn't been a problem, i learned a lot about myself, and about hallucinogens that night, and ever since i've had a greater appreciation for the drug, and greater control over it and how i use it.
glad it worked out well for you.
bc
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bc-
**Proud to be an Official member of the Stuck-Up/8-Up Crew**
"Fuck PLUR! it's all about hardcore ass fucking!!"
We'll make great pets...

Tripping alone is the best you do the wierdest things like drink things from a bowl instead of a cup. Trippin was my favorite drug but is no longer needed