Why no contact after he went to Rehab?

My first love and I had an on/off relationship for 2 years when I was 18-20, and it was one hell of a rollercoaster ride because he ended up becoming an alcoholic. We finally broke up for like the 5th time when he went off to rehab. If he gave me hell for 2 years when he had problems, why didn't we ever talk after he finally got clean? THEN he drank and he wanted to talk? NOW he got help, but no contact?

Hey MC.. Many current rehabs really push the new people, places, and things idea. They encourage people to drop all their friends and they also can encourage ending relationships that people had while useing or drinking.

Also given his pattern of getting in with you when he is useing and never to be found when he's not I would look for someone else as I think you could do better.

As NSA mentioned rehabs like to push the "new peoples, places, and things" idea. Which to an extent can be a good thing but there's definitely limits.

Also, in my own personal experience I dated a girl for 4.5 years strait, not on and off just 4.5 years without ever breaking up, we lived together for the majority of that time and even moved across the country together. However we were both using one substance or another for the majority of the time, and the first time I made an honest attempt to get sober I realized we were just in a codependent drug induced fog. I don't know if I ever legitimately loved her, which after 4+ years was a pretty disturbing realization... I ended up relapsing and ignoring those feelings for 8-9 more months before getting sober for real this last time and we broke up right before I went to rehab for the final time. She moved back to Jersey, and while we still stay in contact and it's not entirely similar to your situation my point for sharing this with you is that maybe when he got sober he realized the feelings he had for you weren't true. It's a harsh reality but it's very possible that when he isn't drunk he doesn't really have feelings for you.

Try to cheer up and move past him, like NSA said you probably deserve better - and maybe one day if he stays sober and it was meant to be you will start talking again. Have you tried to contact him or have you been just waiting for him to call? Maybe he feels guilty and it's stopping him from contacting you? Who knows.

When did he go in? He might just need space right now, might feel ashamed, guilty, depressed, is busy getting to know others, is working hard in therapy.. really could be anything. I hate to say this, but I have to agree with Caseface, he might be feeling radically different right now.

But honestly space is important sometimes when first getting sober.

Also, I know it has to fucking suck to put up with him throughout all his bullshit and then have him not call you. They often say recovery is a selfish act and they are not lying. I personally am really ashamed that my drug use interfered with me ever really forming a romantic relationship with another but it does have its benefits. I have no kids or significant other. Makes it easier to focus on me! Also, as far as relationships go, I think I am going to have to get with someone who really understand what a struggle addiction is. If that ever happens. Its not really up to me at this point. I do know right now I am not fucking ready for a relationship beyond love for my family and friends.

Also, honestly consider if its worth it. Because this shit is not fixed overnight (its not ever really "fixed" per say, just can be managed correctly). I am an addict/alcoholic for life, I am okay with that today. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and it gives me additional empathy (and believe me Social Work requires a fuckload of that).

Any updates?

No this was 5 years ago. He disconnected his number, and I cant find him anywhere.