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Old Friends from the "Dark Days" Trying to Get In Touch With Me- moral dilemma.

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Bluelighter
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May 2, 2010
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Old Friends from the "Dark Days" Trying to Get In Touch With Me- moral dilemma.

Hey all.

So, to make a long story short...

My best friend growing up became my dealer. I began using with him around 2006-ish but around 2010, things got bad.

Basically, I was in a really bad spot in my life. I ended up purchasing tons and tons of pills from him over a several month period and it just got worse from there, to the tune of probably a down payment on a small house. It was bad, it go to a point where I was purchasing on "credit" and basically giving him half or more of my paychecks. This went on for a VERY long time, and he knew I was addicted. He also knew I was in the process of filing bankruptcy, about to lose my car, etc but just kept selling.

He was also friends with 3 or 4 other people that I was also close growing up. Think of the feel-good movies, where groups of 4-5 friends are now in their adulthood and have been friends since grade school and they all still live near each other.

We had some disagreements over time even before the drugs came into play. He was always very manipulative, always wanting to get his way (even in his 30's) and very spiteful. The other friends I mentioned weren't that much better, not too mention we had no common interests whatsoever after a certain point. I also felt that being around them held me down as a person (they weren't exactly the kind of guys you would bring around if you were hanging out with a group of successful people who had their shit straight in life, know what I mean?).

I also wanted to add that for the last 1.5 years of the relationship, he was charging me $15 a pill for vikes and for the 10/325 percs (not the time release stuff that's expensive, I'm talking the run of the mill Watson 932's, yellow Endos, etc). He would never sell me quantity so I always had to be getting it constantly. That's how my debt began to rack up and this is what put me in bankruptcy.

I was suspicious but I didn't really know too much about it and plus, at that point, I probably would have paid $20 a pill as I was in such a bad spot. I mean, he was my best friend right, why would he rip me off?

So I trusted him. Then eventually, I began to find out the real truth.

We had an argument over text (I did not, and have not mentioned him ripping me off because I do not have proof on paper, and I am a huge believe in due process as a matter of personal values and morals) and I cut him off for insulting me and telling me it was "sick" that I wasn't speaking to him as much as I was in the past.

I felt strategically, I had to cut EVERYONE off. I cut him, his family, his friends, the other people I was close with off on FB, did not return calls/texts, etc. I felt it was something I needed to do and it turned out to be one of the BEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE.

So, recently this dude (dealer) texted me wanting to know how I was, he had a kid, he wanted him to see his "best friend", "let's squash the past", etc etc. I explained to him I have moved on and wished him well.

Few weeks later, I get another text from him saying who am I not to return calls and texts to people I have known for so long, and to quit being an asshole and to remember the good times and to basically "Get over myself". I didn't answer.

Last week, one of the friends I had cut off (who was a compulsive liar himself) let me know his father died, whom I knew well from being over his house when we were growing up.

My other close friend not affiliated with the "group" and who has always looked out for me told me to not return his call or text him under any circumstances.

Well, I did end up texting him a quick condolence but did not show up to the funeral or speak with anyone else.

The issue is, I feel like a complete asshole. I can't really associated with them because A) they are all really close with my old dealer/friend, B) they aren't the best people to be around to begin with and C) I have completely changed my life for the better and don't feel like backsliding.

People are also curious I'm sure as to why I have not been seeing anyone or coming around anymore.

My dealer/friend said in text "everyone is asking about you and I tell them I can only guess you are doing OK, I am not sure what to tell them anymore because I never see you".

Am I justified? Should I have showed up to the funeral and just kept it to "hi how are you"?

I know this is long winded and maybe obvious but is definitely gnawing at me. I've always be a nice, non-threatening person and always trustful of others.

Being an asshole, cutting people off in times of sorrow, etc is all new to me I guess.
 
You are completely justified. The dealer obviously didn't care about your friendship. You spent way to much of your life already with people who are holding you back. It is time to take charge of your life and "do you" so to speak. These are the type of people you are better off without. As far as the funeral goes, you sent your condolences; dwelling on whether you should have attended is useless -- you can't change the past. Please don't dwell on the past and instead focus on improving yourself and fixing your own life.

People grow up. While these relationships may have been close in high school, it is obvious they are toxic now.

I'd recommend moving on with your life and focusing on new and healthy relationships. Leave the past where it is.
 
IMO-You're about to get (ab)used again; fuck that shit.
Run and don't look back.

I agree with the other posters and what they wrote. This guy is not a "friend" as he just wanted you to buy his drugs and keep buying them, and does not care about your sobriety or well being as a person. If the other people you mentioned still use drugs or want you to use them with them they're the same way.

Sometimes it sucks cutting off old friends/acquaintances from the past but sometimes it's needed if they're holding you back or don't have your best interests in mind and were just "drug buddies" or "drinking buddies" or are still in close contact with people from the past you don't want anything to do with now. You said your condolences about your friend's father dying. As someone else posted do not beat yourself up about not going to the funeral as it's in the past.
 
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I have friend in jail for murder. You have to know when to draw the line. I live outside my city so everyone is super pissed I decided to quit opiates cause that means they have to as well, or pay out the ass. I would not hang out with someone like that
 
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