Nothing New/ Just need support staying off opiates!

Hi everyone, Im not new to addiction, been fighting it my whole life. I had a good run with sobriety for almost five years but fell prey to the thought of “just a couple pills.” Anyways as most any addict could predict, it got me. Everytime I think I can handle it- that flipping cunning voice within that is the mastermind of all lying and all my relapses.. I know it very well because it talks to me almost everyday but yet, I fall for it eventually and EVERYTIME it ends this way.

The REAL problem is the person I get them from is my ex and he doesn’t even charge me. My supply ran out a few days ago and Im currently in pretty bad withdrawal- but the worst torture is knowing that he gets more on Wednesday and how I am going to stay away from them especially while peaking in withdrawal.

Ive got other things going on right now too that make it even worse,breakup with my current boyfriend, health problems, unemployed and because I relapsed with pills I somehow picked up cigs again too! I just cant believe I did that after five stinking years and I even have a degree in psychology and addiction but still none of that is a match for those stupid little devils. Makes me sick to know how far Ive fallen sooo fast and then knowing that if I go back… Ill be going through THIS ALL OVER AGAIN.How can I be so insane as to ever want to go through this again and what is this insanity that grips the mind rendering it almost incapable of any rational thought!

So my question is, how do you stay away from them when they are almost right within your reach? I probably know the answers but I think I need to hear them again! The temptation is palpable, I mean I almost salivate at the thought . Withdrawal is almost not even as bad as knowing I can get those things esp while in withdrawal and NOT doing it… I hate being an addict, I really, really do!

^You gotta have to toughen up your will power and tell yourself "DO NOT TOUCH IT!" I know it is tough but you have to try and work hard on doing it. I think that however we go to rehabs or however we go to meetings, if you are not ready to let go of using, it will continue.

What you need to do is to focus on getting a job, focus on getting yourself better. Once you are busy looking for a job and doing other things to get your life better you will be able to do other more interesting and worthwhile things. Also, get a hobby or something, like get into sports or any thing that will make you not think of getting opiates. I wish you luck hun

Thanks Maya, yea I think the job is the most important.For some reason at first those opiates seem to make you feel like you will be able to get off your A and you have all this false motivation, but all that ends up happening is you spend all your time obssessing over them. Its an endless rat race.Im gonna make myself get out today. The combo of the breakup with my BF along with opiate withdrawal is a unique from of torture and I just gotta get my mind off it all.

I think a big part is like Maya said, get your mind off of it.
As long as your thoughts are centered around obtaining and using drugs, that is where your head is going to be at.

Thanks,yea its amazing how this crap can hijack the brain.It like my brain is fighting against me, the impulse control is non-existent and this is coming from someone who just a month ago thought they had it licked! Well another one bites the dust... pride cometh before the fall hhe as we know,nothing new here but still sucks fighting it. Your guys are so right, I need a job and then a hobby or passion of some sort OTHER THAN this crap.

When ever I have a craving, I ask myself, is the opiate stronger than me?

I like to think not.

I'm sure you've heard it all before, but it seems to help me so I thought I'd share.

And Ill second the sentiment about having something to occupy yourself with, idle hands my friend!
Not to mention not having a job makes me ever so depressed.....