AA to conrol use

i started going to AA meetings again but i have no intention on quitting completely i still wanna shoot pills for not just the pain relief although that's the bigger reason but i also want to do it for the high.... does that make me delusional and and ahole for first thinking i can actually only shoot up when i'm in the worst days of pain and leave it at that thus avoiding wds and second the being an ahole for lying to my sponsor and friends in the program

What is your motivation for going? If you can't be honest with the people there, then how will you actually be getting any support? Lying to your sponsor is not a good thing to do. It doesn't help you and it erodes a person's trust in general to be lied to.

Sounds like your trying to justify continuing to get high by telling yourself "hey, I can't be that bad... I go to AA and I only do it on the worst days". I can almost garuntee those 'bad' days will become more and more frequent until every day is a 'bad' day.

It seems like you already know the answer to your question. If I were in your position I might ask myself if what I'm doing is fair to everyone who is putting in effort to support me. Would you want to sponsor someone who is secretly shooting pills? Could you trust a friend of yours who is lying to your face?

Maybe returning to AA isn't the right choice at the moment. You might want to wait until you truly are ready to be honest, and really ready to be sober. You said yourself yourself that you still want to get high. Faking it only builds more guilt and shame, which will make you use even more.

If you are prescribed pills for pain, the first step would be to take them as prescribed. If withdrawal is what you are trying to avoid, the second step would be alternatives to abusing your medication. Have you ever considered going on maintenence?

No harm in going to AA. I think it's a good idea.

Just don't go high. That's triggering to others and not fair to them. And don't lie about your use.

Honestly if you go to AA and are genuine about being there, using through that will make you feel even shittier about yourself. Either go to meetings and make an attempt to get clean or simply use drugs... I don't understand what your motives for going to meetings while shooting pills and lying about it...

it's not about getting clean i don't want to use the needle but dilaudid doesn't do shit if you don't i take my oxy orally i just wanna use less to avoid wds thats my motive

Agree with Caseface, I don't see the purpose of going to meetings if you still want to get high.

My thought process was maybe meetings would convince him to get clean. As long as he isn't lying to them, telling them he's clean and isn't going high it can't hurt. IMO

^^ That's a very good point Generic, at the very least it could plant seeds that may help sometime down the road.

Still though, Dwamm i really don't see how going to meetings will help you use less... Basically if you are using drugs and want to use less drugs but still use, the only way I could see that working is either through willpower or through someone holding your stash/dosing you out. I stand by my original point that going to meetings while using without intending on stopping may just make you feel like shit about yourself. Maybe it won't, but I think it's a likely scenario. I'm curious, how do you expect meetings to help you control how much you shoot up? You can't exactly share at a meeting asking for advice and support about continuing to shoot up/use but just less.

nah i wanna get away from the needle and just take my pain meds on the day's where the pain is the worst but i totally see your point

Meetings aren't going to do this for you dwamn, you gotta stop this needle fix best you can with our own strength. You can do this!

herbavore said:

What is your motivation for going? If you can't be honest with the people there, then how will you actually be getting any support? Lying to your sponsor is not a good thing to do. It doesn't help you and it erodes a person's trust in general to be lied to.

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^^ This

Also, by lying to your sponsor you're just lying to yourself too.

dwamn said:

nah i wanna get away from the needle and just take my pain meds on the day's where the pain is the worst but i totally see your point

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I know people in AA who have chronic pain issues that do take pain killers on the really bad days - however they work a program and they don't lie about it, their sponsor and friends know and that way they can be healed accountable to legitimately only taking them when absolutely necessary.

So if you honestly don't want to shoot them up or abuse them and just want support for getting off/only taking them when absolutely necessary then AA could work for you. I definitely wouldn't try NA everyone there will most likely bitch at you for not being "clean" - Shouldn't be as big of an issue in AA depending on the people in your area, and if needed then just find a sponsor who's willing to work with you on this and don't discuss it with anybody else.

Best of luck to you man.