After withdrawals end and PAWS begins... now what?

I've been detoxing from a moderate heroin habit with Clonodine and small doses of Suboxone for the last 4 days. Last night was the first night I got any real sleep and I woke up this morning finally feeling at least 90%. Mentally, it's been really easy. I know that's been because of the Suboxone, although I don't know why it's taken 3 days to start working for the physical symptoms... but whatever.

Anyway tomorrow I'm taking 2 mg of Suboxone and then I'm done with that. I already know what to expect from the Suboxone dose/duration of use as far as withdrawals go (feeling like I'm good for two days after the jump and then it hits me like a train for the next four), and if I remember correctly, the physical symptoms are easy as FUCK to deal with compared to what happens when the PAWS starts creeping up on you around day three or so... which is what I'm mostly scared of, because that's when I've tended to relapse in the past. To be fair, I've never made it this far on my own before - I've always been in rehab when I've made it past the initial HEROIN kick - so that could either be a good sign that I'm making progress, or a bad sign that if I can't even manage to not relapse while I'm in rehab, how the fuck am I going to manage it out here in real life? But again, to be fair, I'm not letting myself get cocky this time and at least I know that it's coming, and fast. Like, in the next 4 days.

So my question is, what do/did you guys do to deal with that "transitional period"... for lack of a better phrase...? When the physical crap ends and the soul-crushing cravings/boredom/depression kicks in? Exercise and eating right and meetings are good and all, but they haven't been enough in the past, so I don't want to rely only on those things now, either. I guess I'm looking for something more.

I hope that made sense lol.

Hey burton .. way to keep at it.. paws are tuff.. but something you can definitely do.. support groups are highly recommended.. also the twelve steps can take a large chunk out of an addictions weapons.. the BL paws thread is underconstruction and should be up soon.. and i believe you are right on with the time period, two and a half to three days after the acutes is when the real battle hits.. I really good way to start your battle with this is to stay in today, mindfulness will help with this.. if we get into the past we are hit with all the shame guilt, if we get into the future we are hit with fear and self doubt.. so stay in today, hit the fellowships or another support group like smart.. and by all means look at this link >here< hang in there and figure out how to live in peace.. also think about the underlying root to your use before you get hit by the paws.. why do you think you need the H.. your doing great

It's going to take a long time (it did for me, anyway) for your brain chemistry to even out to the point where normal things are enjoyable again. PAWS can last two years, but anhedonia doesn't need to. Ask yourself: What does a fulfilling life look like to me? How can I improve myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? Who can I rely on as a social outlet? What things did I use to enjoy, before active addiction, that I can begin to pursue now? Your interest in things outside of using will gradually return.

How is your emotional sobriety? Now is the time to assess your impulse control, ability to delay gratification, ways in which you can cope with stressors and overwhelming feelings. How can you build a life you wouldn't want to trade for a high, and how can you express your gratitude for that life? I find that using my time to the best of my ability is a way I can truly appreciate the things recovery has given me. Strive to remember each day that in life participation is 100% of the grade.

I'm still in early recovery. I can't make suggestions or offer extensive experience, strength, or hope. But these questions and line of thinking can help guide you in the right direction. You must actively pursue the answers in order to find what will best work for you.

All the above advice is awesome. I'd like to add that taking St. John's Wort daily and using L-Theanine and Valerian Root for anxiety has been tremendously helpful. Do some research and see if its right for you. Also exercise of any sort is fantastic for getting those feel good brain chemicals manufactured again.

good point lucky girl.. here are some thoughts on that.. http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/673580-Hey-I-thought-the-grey-matter-of-ADD-could-chew-on-this

I'd strongly suggest avoiding substitution for your D.O.C., especially if you believed you were addicted/want PAWS to come to an end at some point in your life.

jesse_dimas said:

I'd strongly suggest avoiding substitution for your D.O.C., especially if you believed you were addicted/want PAWS to come to an end at some point in your life.

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Good advice jesse. Substituting your DOC with other drugs/drink isn't beneficial in my experience.

Right now, at this exact moment, my emotional sobriety is great. But in a general sense, it's shaky. Yesterday was rough. I was literally a decision away from relapsing. I had it all set up and everything, the only reason I didn't is because I simply chose not to drive to the dealer's. Luckily, I successfully got past that particular craving, and today it's gone. But it was close. Too fucking close. But today I feel great physically (even though I know I'm going to wake up tomorrow in withdrawal from the Subs. Whatever.) Neversickanymore linked me to an awesome/inspiring thread that really encouraged me by showing me what I have to look forward to if I stay clean, I'm proud of myself for not relapsing yesterday, it felt nice to be able to see my probation officer today without thinking "HOLYFUCKINGSHITACOPIMGOINGTOJAILNOW" the whole time, and my withdrawals on a scale of 1 to 10 are a 1. Maybe a 2. Also, I texted my brother while he was at work that I love him, because I do and because he works hard and I wanted to make him smile... something I wouldn't have bothered with before. I went to a meeting last night as well (of the NA variety), and it was good. All of those things are contributing to why I'm still sober right now, they're carrying me through the day.

I've been exploring my spirituality a lot, and while I haven't settled on any specific higher power... yet... I do know that there is AT LEAST ONE that is real and exists in this universe and it loves us, and that's enough to get me through the moment in and of itself sometimes.

I'm still smoking weed and taking .2 mg of Clonodine per day. I'm not ready to quit the green stuff yet...

congratulations on how far you have come burton.. but since you came that close.. man i really tend not to advise getting on bupe because its so hard to detox off after a bit.. but have you considered staying on the subs for awhile and getting a recovery plan in place and allowing yourself to flatten out the roller coaster for a bit? I think this should be an option you should at least consider... your doing great

I have thought about it, but decided against it for a few reasons. For one, I simply don't have a way to maintain a steady supply - doc cut me off a longgg time ago, and getting it from the street is too expensive. For two, I don't want to deal with ANY sort of physical addiction anymore. I'd rather detox off of four days of Suboxone rather than four months of it, you know? I'm ready to get the physical part of my addiction over with entirely. And three, despite how close I came yesterday, I just... can't... seem... to rationalize... using. I don't TRY to, simply because I know if I try hard enough I might actually be able to, and I feel that it's too soon and things are too unstable right now for me to willingly go there just to test myself. And that's what ultimately stopped me yesterday, I think. I just straight up have no justification for using. And the thought of sticking a needle in my arm and putting that shit in my body disgusts me. The thought of willingly throwing away the almost-week of progress I've made disgusts me.

If in the future I do have a craving that won't go away via other methods, the most likely scenario is that I'll try to get Suboxone before I try to pick up any black... another reason I'm not immediately jumping on that ship to use as a temporary solution. That was my first instinct yesterday, but it took the dude with the Subs a long time to get back to me, and in the meantime one thought led to another, and you know the rest. In the end I decided to save my money and not get the black or anymore Subs, so everything worked out okay.

xburtonchic said:

despite how close I came yesterday, I just... can't... seem... to rationalize... using. )

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IMO you have changed your thinking in one of the best ways imaginable.. in active addiction and unpleasant sobriety we addicts have the tendency to always have to come up with excuses not to use.. they get fed into our addiction and get spit out as justifications to use.. this wheres on us.. it is so much more powerful, when the addiction says use, instead of thinking no because, to flip the work of the endless debate back on the addiction and let it ware itself out.. so when it whispers, screams or hollars.. use, ask it why use.. and let it come up with a million retarded reasons that we can laugh at.. as there is no reason to use a drug we area addicted to.. EVER.. I love some of the nonsense mine comes up with.. utter garbage.. strong show burton

thank you, neversickanymore. I wish I could express how much help you've been over the past couple of days. All I can really say is

Garbage indeed.

EDIT: Just to be clear, when I say I can't rationalize using, I mean it's like I literally can't lol. My brain can't come up with ANY reason to use, not even garbage ones like it usually does. Either this is normal, or I've somehow managed to hate heroin so much and fuck my life up so completely that I honestly have NO excuses left.

One of the best weapons against paws is exercise .. >exercise and mood<

Huh... that was a very interesting read. I think I'm gonna start running every day now, lol