question about AA?

hello, I have had an extensive drinking problem in my past

mainly drinking to the point of blackout everyday or so, and then becoming extremely violent when I was blackout and getting into fights.

I have been sober for 2 months from alcohol since my last blackout rage which wound up with me getting my nose broken in a fight, I have considered going to AA for a while but is it worth it?

I have been to NA before and it was awkward for me because my group was a bunch of old heroin addicts (I am 20yrs old I went for cocaine), so I choose not to go back to NA.

I have been able to quit drinking and cocaine by myself.

However, I have a lot of bent up feelings/problems inside of me that I have very few people to talk about with. Would AA be beneficial to me? I am nervous to go as I'm unsure what I would get out of it. I do not want to relapse and go back to my old lifestyle so I have chosen to isolate myself from partying/my friends. I know if I am around them I will say fuck it and drink a little, the problem is once I drink just a tiny bit, I want to drink more and more and more, and if I'm not blackout, I will purposefully drink to become blackout.

in my experience AA can be very beneficial with an open mind.
you will most likely look for differences and rationalize why you don't belong.
look for the similarities,not the differences.

there are all kinds of people there,but we all have at least one thing in common,
the feeling of being ALONE,of not belonging.
so in AA I have found a place to belong.

alcohol is but a symptom of the disease,it's a disorder that centers in our thinking.
you will learn so much about yourself.

don't let the God talk turn you off.(easier said than done).
you will find your own truth if you stick it out.

2 things that might turn you off, are powerlessness and (as mentioned^^ "god" stuff)


-Powerlessness is NOT helplessness. Not even remotely the same. By your OWN description, (op), it's pretty obvious you are powerless over how much alcohol you consume once you start drinking.


-god, Higher Power, means whatever you want it to mean for you. They also have atheist meetings for those who can't get passed a WORD. Not to mention that god or higher power literally doesn't mean ANYTHING until you give it your OWN meaning. Ask 10 people from AA what their higher power is, and you will be surprised. I dare you. Mine is collective consciousness, as expressed in the rooms. The collective will, intention, and determination is how it works for me. I know many people who simply say AA meetings are their higher power, or their therapist, or their entire support group - your higher power can absolutely be ANYTHING you want and are comfortable with, and can be as tangible as you'd like.


That being said, yes - AA could very well help you. Make sure you try a range of different meetings, in different locations and at different times - because not every meetings is for everyone. When i first went to AA - I was one of the people who called it a bunch of religious, cultish, crazy wingnut bullshit and wasn't having it. Then i went out and used a few more years, developed an open mind and some willingness, tried out a BUNCH of different meetings and now i fuckin actually ENJOY going to AA! Because i found meetings i can relate to! You said you're 20, find some young peoples meetings! The best part with young peoples meetings is the fellowshipping, most of the meetings usually have a group going out to eat or something after the meetings, and it makes it easier to meet people - so show up early, stay late, leave your comfort zone and talk to people! you'll be glad you did.

Besides young peoples meetings, they have dozens of other types and styles. They got speaker meetings, topic discussion meetings, literature discussion meetings, big book studies, artist & writers, music meetings, anything you can imagine - if they don't have one you want near you, START ONE! people will come. Go to other meetings to announce the new meetings, and you'll be surprised how many people show up within a few weeks. So don't fret if there aren't many young peoples meetings near you, just start one, and advertise at other local meetings.



Sorry to ramble so much, I just get excited spreading the message haha.

To answer your actual question, yes - i believe meetings can help you with some of your problems, and i wanted to emphasize that meetings are not a one size fits all thing. The people who you see posting on here about how AA is a cult, or too religious, or wingnutty or stupid or whatever - those people never gave it a fair chance, and if they did they are unfortunate enough to live in one of the few areas where that may be the truth - However i found good meetings in Jersey, Illinois, and now California. (as well as shitty ones)

caseface99 said:

However i found good meetings in Jersey, Illinois, and now California. (as well as shitty ones)

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this is very true.. I would advise that you check out allot of different meetings if you are in an area where there are a bunch available, as the meetings and the people at the meetings vary allot.. just go in with an open mind and keep hitting different meetings until you find a place where you seem to fit.. I do not like some of the cultish aspects of the fellowships and struggled with that for awhile.. then i realized that when the meeting opens up to let us talk that i am able to say anything i want.. so i'm able to "be the change the change i want to see in the world".. or in this case the fellowships.. so if you do struggle with aspects of the fellowship as I did please dont let deter you from the true power of the steps.. they can really take a big chunk out of the power of addiction and pave the way for a really enjoyable life in recovery. take advantage of the healing that the fellowships provide, take what you need and what you want and dont let the other stuff bother you.. I am enjoying a strong and happy recovery and the steps are definitely a part of that but I utilize many many things to facilitate and maintain the level of peace and happiness i have found. a by all means "get a sponsor and work the steps." right away.. when the meeting opens up just say hey my name is dead93 and i'm an alcoholic and I need a sponsor.. stick around after the meeting and shoot the shit with the others and get a temporary sponsor right away and see if that works out as you see if anyone really sticks out as a good sponsor.. since you already have some clean time I would really start working the steps as soon as possible, they really can make a big difference in a recovering persons quality of life and chances of maintaining recovery.. but there is no reason to stop there, figure out what else you can do on top of the fellowships so that you can begin to live a truly peaceful and happy recovery.. best wishes

im confused what this fellowshipping is that you guys are talking about

^^^ Fellowshipping is when people hang out after the meeting, usually go out for dinner or something. Just meeting people from the rooms and hanging out outside of the meeting itself.

oh sounds pretty gnarly, they don't go to the bar though right lol?

8)

I'd imagine not... and if they do, well, you probably don't want to go to that meeting anymore... haha.

ok good, when you said restaurant I just imagined the bar scene in my mind and that didn't seem right... think im gonna go to a meeting after tomorrow because I was feeling extremely depressed tonight and I gave in and just started with the wine. thank god no hard liquor in the house at least. there goes my worthless 2 months.

You can also check out outpatient rehabs which have meetings and individual counseling. This may be a more well rounded approach to dealing with your addiction.

dead93mau5 said:

there goes my worthless 2 months.

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please dont look at it this way.. you have acquired a base of knowledge to work with.. build on what worked and what still needed to be addressed... keep what works throw out what doesn't and find more to add... "progress not perfection.. and give yourself some credit, two months on your own is pretty damn good, please dont say fuck it and jump back into the flames.. keep at it..

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Thomas A. Edison

^^ What he said man.

You get PROPS from me for making it 2 months without any sort of program... I have never been able to make it 2 weeks without a program! so don't be hard on your self, just try again. and again.however many times until you get it down! (I seriously suggest regular aa meetings, and/or some sort of rehab - even if it's just outpatient like nsa said above.)

Don't keep ANY alcohol in the house for sure... not even the "weak" stuff..

Hi dead93mau5

Keeping an open mind is really important no matter what avenue no choose to help you stay sober. As many writers here have already said, one's initial reaction to anything you try will be to see all of reasons of why you are not like others who are trying the same thing.

Check around. 12 step programs are one option and their are others. 12 step programs are likely the ones that are most available. AA/NA in your area no doubt has a telephone number or website you can contact about meetings and esp ones which are likely to have younger attendees. Also check out SMART Recovery ..........again quite likely a telephone number or website..........a different approach to getting and staying sober.

Others may disagree, but also consider getting into counseling..........be choosey. Don't just pick someone from a list, but check them out to make sure the person has addiction treatment experience/knowledge. Again, lot of different approaches and many ways to locate folks.

My final word is, don't give up! Just because a meeting(s), class(es) or counselor does not feel like the right fit, keep trying until you find ones that work for you. I believe very strongly that we gotta find our own way through the myriad of paths to staying sober.

Good luck my fellow traveler.

Drinking is only a symptom of the greater problem which is alcoholism. You can be not drinking and still be living the life of an aloholic. AA will help you understand why some can drink two and put it down but folks like you and I will drink till we blackout. Dude just go to a Couple meetings. It took me a solid month of going to different meetings to find a good homegroup and sponsor. Just don't go to one meeting and decide they are all bad because you didn't like that one.

I still struggle with a lot of the addictive personality traits I have..(thanks neversicknymore for the advice) but I always walk away from a meeting feeling better than when I went in. It also helps me to help myself helping others.

I truly am powerless over my addiction...but with help I conquer it everyday.

dead93mau5 said:

I have a lot of bent up feelings/problems inside of me that I have very few people to talk about with. Would AA be beneficial to me?.

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YES!!! I can almost guarantee that if you go to an AA meeting and share from your heart about about what you are feeling someone else will share about their experience with the same feelings. Probably right after you. I'm not kidding. You are so not alone man.

Alcoholism/addiction isn't about the drug of choice. That's external stuff that doesn't matter. It's all about how we feel inside.