very nice luckyG.. and thats all we ever have to do.. just stay clean for today.. I'm just not going to use today.. guilt and shame are probably addictions most powerful weapons.. its total addict thinking.. we feel guilt and shame because of our use and it tries to drive us to use.. thats like saying i hate myself because I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer, so im going to hit myself in the head with a hammer8( We addicts have some insanely illogical thought patterns
Throw that guilt out the window and drive half way around the world.. you dont need it where you are going and you've already started on the path. The next time you feel guilt or shame associated with your kids and your use.. flip it to the correct way to look at it.. I'm a drug addict, my addiction slipped back out for a little bit, but I love and have always loved my kiddos, and I am doing the right thing and getting clean and resuming my recovery and instead of this guilt and shame my addiction is throwing at me to try and get me to use, Im going to replace it with the pride I have in myself for realizing that I was going down a bad path and making the decision and effort to climb back up to the right path. Addiction is a hard thing to battle.. and after ten years of sobriety (VERY NICE JOB ON THAT!!! WOW give yourself a hand!!!) you know that we have reprogrammed our brains for the rest of our lives.. but after ten years of sobriety you probably also realize that a peaceful rewarding life without drugs is not only possible but probable
The part of our mind where our addiction is is in the
limbic system or the older mammalian brain or the subconscious.. The limbic system is home to the
dopamine reward pathway.. when we are born we are preprogrammed to receive dopamine releases for activities that are necessary to sustain life and to ensure the continuation of our species.. we feel pleasure when we eat, drink, have sex, to name a few big ones.. these big ones also come with built drives.. the drive to eat is hunger, the drive to drink, thirst, the sex drive.. by causing an unnatural dopamine release of epic proportions we reprogrammed our brains to think that we now need a potentially deadly activity (use of our doc) to live.. and it has come with its own drive, our addiction. This drive to use combined with the natural phenomenon of tolerance causes us to be driven to use.. because of tolerance we then have to use more and more to feel the way we want.. because the brain always wants to return to baseline it will incorporate manipulation of the drug into our neurochemical system and try and return the system including the drugs manipulation to close to baseline. That is why after some prolonged use we simply need the drug to feel normal (physical dependence).. it is of course why when we remove the drug we feel awful for a while until the system returns back to base line with out the drug (acute withdrawal).. After the acute withdrawal there is post acute withdrawl syndrome, the addiction comunity thinks this is because the brain chemistry has been altered by drug use.. I dont thin that is the case, I believe that by reprogramming in the use of the drug as something nesesarry for life and then taking and refusing to do that act, the limbic system uses everything in its power to try and motivate us to use..
The hypothalamic region of our brain, an important part of the limbic system, controls emotions, hunger, sex drive, thirst, sleep and wake, pain, sensation of hot and cold, the immune system to name a couple and is hardwired into memory... notice anything there, yeah every symptom of acute and post acute withdrawal and addiction is controlled by the limbic and
hypothalamus. So please throw all your guilt out the window, as you are doing an amazing job.. a powerful, maybe the
most powerful part of your brain, that you are unaware of, except for it manipulations (hunger manipulates you to find and eat food, feeling tired manipulates you to find and take rest, and addiction manipulates you to use drugs) is the reason addiction is so damn powerful.. yeah.. guilt and shame are emotions and the hypothalamus controls your emotional response.. emotions are no more than manipulations.. once you begin to see through the illusion of addiction it really loses a lot of it power.. if you can see through the manipulations of addiction you will be able to see through everything in life that can manipulate you
.. you are doing great, rethink anything that come with emotion as they are not to be trusted.. you did this once and you are going to do it again
Hang in there and give yourself the credit you deserve
taking the steps of the fellowship will help limit many of the weapons of addiction and I would recommend doing them to make you transition back into recovery quicker and more enjoyable..
