Dear Stasis

God

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 20, 2000
Messages
99
Memo from the desk of God.
Ok I let you slide on those lousy collection plate offerings and I do know about those magazines under your mattress but now you have just gone to far. Imitating a divine being is neither cool nor is it acceptable. Unless the thought of fire and brimstone is appealing to you I suggest you end this little façade. I expect all my follows to be returned to me by noon tomorrow or I will be force to get medieval on your ass.
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Savin Souls and Bangin Hoes
 
You better repent for your deception or FEAR THE WRATH OF STASIS!
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If it's orange and fuzzy, it's FoXy....
"So,how's that working out for you....being clever?"-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
AIM: OrangeFuzzy1
 
Reply from the office of Jesus.
Damnit Dad, why do you always behave like such a bully? Everytime someone goes and does your job better than you you have to go and get all pissy! Haven't you learned ANYTHING from me? Better yet, have you not learned anything from Stasis? At least he's not going around and insulting your intelligence like the religious zealouts do. Ok, so he doesn't take up collection for you, so what, what the hell do you need money for? At least he's not robbing people of their hard-earned money. Personally, I kinda like the guy, he makes me laugh, so lay off of this one!
P.S. I'm STILL pissed about the whole "send Jesus to earth to get nailed" bit, that was unecessary, and it hurt like a bitch!
Love,
~J~
 
LOL!! Thank you! umm...so there is internet access in Heaven?!? What type of connection is there? And umm..are porn sites blocked?
smile.gif
 
Jesus Christ!!!
You kids these days are so unappreciative. Yeah those nails might have hurt but my son that crucifixion is what really put you on the map. Do you think people would care about your random appearances in their meatloaf if it hadn’t been for that cross? Your just still upset that you aren’t getting royalties on every cross sold aren’t you? God Damn it’s been 2000 years grow up! To be honest the only reason that Stasis guy even hangs out with you is because of that whole water to wine trick I taught you.
P.S Be nice I did promise everyone that whole second coming deal and I know how much you hate it down there.
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Bush in 2K
[This message has been edited by God (edited 20 October 2000).]
 
is it considered a sin if God says God Damn??? it is his own name, ya know
;-)
PLUR
Mellabopper
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~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
 
So you STILL think that whole crucifixion stunt was a good idea?
I beg to differ...
dracu.gif

And you OBVIOUSLY haven't had to sit in traffic at Christmas time... let me tell you.. it's a pain in the holy ass! Not only do people waste COUNTLESS hours by sitting in church and praising me for no good reason but they waste so much money each year celebrating my birthday by buying themselves gifts! What's up with that? And to top it all off, they give Santa Claus the recognition!
Trust me, being a celebrity sucks. That's why I've given up on trying to let them know I'm hanging out down here. Last time I tried that out in Waco they fucking nailed me again.
 
:<UAP
Tjos os gpmma be aclassic.
great one
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"What about Bob*
 
I just wanna get my name in here when this makes the Thread Hall Of Fame.
 
~~***LMFAO***~~ **wipestearsfromeyes** absolutely hilarious!! i love you guys!!
smile.gif

jill
 
Jesus you little bastard. Listening to you whine makes me wish I was Jewish. I was talking to Allah and Buddha the other day. They aren’t having these problems with their kids. You look like a hippie for god sakes. You’re how old and your still making a living on that whole “son of god” thing. You’re obviously not cut out for the family business. I think it’s time for you to stop being a burden on me and get a real job. I hear fishing can be a lucrative business.
As for that Santa Claus guy. What can you say he has charisma and works well with deadlines. You could learn a lot from that guy. Hell I told you to come home right after the crucifixion but no you wanted to whore around town. Mister I died for your sins want to come back to my hut and have a drink. Just like in Waco always thinking with little Jesus.
Anyways stay down there but when Armageddon comes don’t come running home too daddy.
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Finder of lost souls and car keys
 
Nothing works worse than a team divided, gentlemen. That's why you guys are shedding believers like a mangy dog sheds fur.
I'm reaping the benefits, boys. Keep up the good work!
Oh yeah - Jesus, buddy - umm... the cross bit was 2000 YEARS AGO asswipe. What have you done since? Rested back and yapped about it. Pretty swelled head, buddy. Get over it. By now you probably can't even pick up a bar slut with that story.
Reminds me of a joke that was working it's way around the third circle back home - "Jesus walks into a hotel, throws two nails on the desk, and says, 'Can you put me up for the night?'"
Has-beens, the both of you. Prepare for the new administration.
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Evil: We're changing with the times.
 
meethinks someone is a little bored.
funny stuff though
wink.gif

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~*day_for_night*~
 
yeah.. i'm with satan on this one...
he's so.. progressive.. and evil... i can't resist!
it's funny though, cause the nick i usually go by is angel.. go figure..
yours,
the femme
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the extra M is for MmmMmmmm
Be Good!!!
 
day_for_night - Judging from what you're doing now, I'd say it might you you that's bored. ...or maybe just a little frustrated? Hey - God isn't the only one who can see all - he just likes to advertise the fact.
femmme fatal - Baby, you do good work. When you're down here, you'll be part of my stable of luscious honeys. Looking forward to it!
 
Just in case anybody is wondering, hell DOES have internet access. T3 to the head admin building (we don't really need anything faster).
The rest of hell, including the suffering millions, have free access to every pay site on the web. We don't even filter the content.
But hey - this is hell. 4 color displays, and 300 baud modems, baby.
 
Jesus Harold Christ on a fucking rubber crutch, what is going on here? All you guys do any more is bitch at each other. For 2000 years I have done nothing but hear that shit. To top it off, nobody remembers me anyway!
It is supposed to be the Holy Trinity. Remember that? Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. But as always I get the short end of the stick. Was I a marytr sent by his father to be murderd by his own people and get recognition for eternity? NO! Am I credited with any miracles, or am I the cause of any plagues? No again.
Who the fuck do you think you are taking all my credit? I mean, I am the one who lives in the hearts of these sheep telling them to put money in your collection plate. Well?
I think I will switch sides now as long as satan offers me a nice compensation package, stock options and A nice linux box on that T3 line. I have had it up to here with you fuckers!
[This message has been edited by Holy Ghost (edited 20 October 2000).]
 
LoL....
hey jesus...you still owe me $5 for that blowjob. i'm going to start retroactively compounding interest pretty soon, and at a rate of 5% compounded monthly....that would bring you up to a total of 513,299.47 as of the end of this month.
pay up bitch, i don't care if you're the son of god, you still don't get any freebies.
bc
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bc-
**Proud to be an Official member of the Stuck-Up/8-Up Crew**
"Fuck PLUR! it's all about hardcore ass fucking!!"
We'll make great pets...
 
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