In detox at last!!

After many years of constant relapsing I've finally got my arse into a detox. I've reduced 5ml methadone every 2 days and I'm finally down to just 10ml methadone from 65ml. I never thought I could do it, but I've learnt it was my own negative thinking bringing me back to drugs, I didn't value myself enough and thought I deserved my life going to shit from all the bad things I've done in my life, but I've finally got some acceptance and I feel I can forgive myself now and it's a weight off my shoulders, which has made the methadone reduction a lot easier to handle. There's no real reason for this post apart from to let other memebers know where I've been and to let people who are debating wether or not a detox would work know that it does, as long as you really want it. I'm actually writing this in my detox centre and I've just run out of time (we only get 10mins at a time) but I'd be more than happy to answer any questions people have about detox in the UK when I next get a chance to come online. Speak to everyone again soon.

Congratulations, you're on the road to success and it sounds like you know it. I was on suboxone for a few years myself and when it came down to completely getting off of it it was up to me alone to get off of it, not my doctor nor my family/friends. You have to want to be free of the side effects of maintenance as well to get past them. The stomach problems associated with detox were the hardest things for me to accomplish, along with that came the usual anxiety but I finally weened off completely.

I hope you sustain from your drug use and keep the near future open for continued success

Best of wishes.

-dp

Chris84 said:

After many years of constant relapsing I've finally got my arse into a detox. I've reduced 5ml methadone every 2 days and I'm finally down to just 10ml methadone from 65ml. I never thought I could do it, but I've learnt it was my own negative thinking bringing me back to drugs, I didn't value myself enough and thought I deserved my life going to shit from all the bad things I've done in my life, but I've finally got some acceptance and I feel I can forgive myself now and it's a weight off my shoulders, which has made the methadone reduction a lot easier to handle. There's no real reason for this post apart from to let other memebers know where I've been and to let people who are debating wether or not a detox would work know that it does, as long as you really want it. I'm actually writing this in my detox centre and I've just run out of time (we only get 10mins at a time) but I'd be more than happy to answer any questions people have about detox in the UK when I next get a chance to come online. Speak to everyone again soon.

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I'm so happy to hear that!

What is it that motivated you to get sober?

Remember that just because you have all the drugs out of your system doesn't mean that you are free from addiction. You still have the long road of actual recovery ahead of you. Best of luck.

@dilated_pupils - The worst part for me so far since all the drugs are out my system is insomnia, I can handle all the other withdrawal symptoms, but without sleep I'm fucked. Was actually awake for 4 days coming out of detox before the doc gave me 2 sleeping pills, which I will take tonight and just pray I get some sleep. And completely relate to doing it for yourself, in the words of Eminem, it was my decision to get clean, I did it for me. If you're doing it just to please someone or tick a box, what the fuck are you doing? It only works when you make a conscience decision to get clean and to be honest when you do it's liberating.

@rx_prn - I decided to get clean cos I was just going mad on the heroin, every day I'd end up buying twice as much as the day before and mixing with loads of other downers, including my methadone and nearly dying quite a few times, it was either get clean or die, so pretty easy choice when you look at it like that, even though I know a lot of addicts are suicidal so that choice wouldn't be as easy for them, but I never see suicide as an option, so it was easier for me.

@brutus - Actually they hate the word recovery in the detox I was in, as that implies you were ill in the first place. They say that addicts are just unique sensitive people who have trouble coping with life, so they use drugs or alcohol as their answer. Once you realize the reason for using drugs or alcohol in the first place, it makes it easier to not use them, if you keep telling yourself you're an addict you probably always will be. I've been out a few days now and have been clean for 10 days, I'm not saying I'm cured or anything, but I have no urges to use, as when you look at it logically, only negative things will come from it. I realize that what I've said doesn't sit well with members of NA or AA, as I have found out personally at meetings, so I will add that's just my opinion on my own situation, every addict is different and no one way will work for everyone, you have to of had enough of the lifestyle and really want to be clean, plus be willing to put in the work. It took me 3 weeks of 3 CBT groups a day before I felt I no longer needed drugs to cope with life, but I completely understand that my journey is not over, they say for every year of addiction you need a month to recuperate, so I have a couple of years before I'm back to 'normal'.

And thanks to all the people who wished me the best of luck, which was all of you, so thanks. In the most cliche way possible, I'm just taking it a day at a time.

Chris84 said:

Actually they hate the word recovery in the detox I was in, as that implies you were ill in the first place. They say that addicts are just unique sensitive people who have trouble coping with life, so they use drugs or alcohol as their answer. Once you realize the reason for using drugs or alcohol in the first place, it makes it easier to not use them, if you keep telling yourself you're an addict you probably always will be. I've been out a few days now and have been clean for 10 days, I'm not saying I'm cured or anything, but I have no urges to use, as when you look at it logically, only negative things will come from it. I realize that what I've said doesn't sit well with members of NA or AA, as I have found out personally at meetings, so I will add that's just my opinion on my own situation, every addict is different and no one way will work for everyone, you have to of had enough of the lifestyle and really want to be clean, plus be willing to put in the work. It took me 3 weeks of 3 CBT groups a day before I felt I no longer needed drugs to cope with life, but I completely understand that my journey is not over, they say for every year of addiction you need a month to recuperate, so I have a couple of years before I'm back to 'normal'.

And thanks to all the people who wished me the best of luck, which was all of you, so thanks. In the most cliche way possible, I'm just taking it a day at a time.

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Nice one, fair play, its nice to hear about others doing what they want.

I was also glad to hear you are in what seems to be an open minded rehab. As always it each to their own and whatever works for a person is what works for them. I use the term recovery sometimes, but I have no time for the rigid concept that some people put forward. I often see it working in terms of recovery--recover--to cover over again.

I not a big fan of CBT either but it does help people, and it does challenge other therapy's to produce evidence. However, I want to be careful here and be seen as attacking anyone's "recovery" or whatever term they use. If it is working for a person that is the main thing, debates and difference of opinion are fine, once it is not belittling any work on themselves a subject had done.

Can I ask what type of after-care plan does that centre suggest, it sees that they don't recommend 12 step fellowships [or am I wrong] so I' just wonder what type of care plan they suggest for the first year or so. At the same time of allowing everyone's journey to be subjective and different.

That's the problem I'm having now, the discharge plan talks of going to NA as much as possible, but whilst it's good for communicating with people who have been through the same as yourself, I find it very negative and many of the people reward themselves for going by taking drugs after and I hear that sort of behaviour is even more common in AA. Even after saying all that I know NA & AA do work for a lot of people and you can't ignore the facts I suppose, I guess the groups I've been to could of been a bad example of NA and they may improve if I attend in a different place, but personally I will be concentrating more on my councilor/psychologist, as I believe drugs were never my problem, they were my answer, the problems I have are psychological and going back to NA 3 times a week to re-live my horrible past is hardly helping me move forward with my life, but again that's just my opinion. Also I was doing something called ACT not CBT when I was in detox, but ACT is supposed to be a super-charged version of CBT and I didn't know if it existed outside my detox, so I just put CBT. Again I must stress these are just my opinions on my experience, in no way do I think NA is useless and if NA or AA work for you, keep going! We're all on our own personal journey and shouldn't think one way or the other will work better for us before we've tried both.

Cheers, that's interesting Chris, yes I would know of ACT acceptance and commitment therapy yeah? I would be a fan of more in-depth long term therapy for myself, but hey we are talking about a subjective condition.

What I would say is think of this as an intense long term journey, it does not matter what way you go, the main thing is you are moving forward [whatever forward means for you]

As I said I not a big fan of 12 step fellowships but I certainly respect them, I know what you mean about people acting out after meeting, whether it is using or shagging new-comers or whatever. That is not the NA programme, there is a big difference between personalities and the programme. NA acknowledges this itself.

Whether you got to NA or not I would suggest you organise some on-going therapy for when you get out. Best of luck with mate.

Thanks, glad you've heard of it, as I'd forgotten what it actually stood for, I knew the T stood for therapy, as that's another word they didn't like as that implies you're going there to get cured or given the secret answer on how to stay clean, he used to refer to himself as a life coach rather than a therapist, he said you're the ones putting the work in, I'm just here to put you back on course if you go off it. Also I've been out for days now and have been to NA, which I'll continue to go to against my better judgment and I have my first meeting with my psychologist today, so it all depends on how often I can see her, if it's often I'll drop NA completely, but if not I'll go at least once a week. I'm also doing volunteer work down at my local drug and alcohol place and starting a course to become a drug concillor. Like you said just trying to keep moving forward.