gotta be a better way

Well here it goes. Detoxed of H over a year ago-cold turkey. Two words:freakin brutal. Got into a 12 step program and was doinng great. Then the slip. 3 norcos eventually lead to 400mg morphine time release crushed up and snorted 2x a day. Brutal habit and tolerance. Decided I had enough. I got a baby girl 1 1/2 yo and I want to be the daddy she needs and deserves. So Wednesday (6 days ago) finished my morphine. Thursday did 36mg oxymorphone up the snooze. Friday did 24mg up the snooze. Then the fun began!

Saturday nothing but 2 doses 150mg Tramadol, couple 10mg Valium and 75mgI Serroquel. Slept most the day sweating cramping the runs nausea and no food. I ate 2 sandwiches Wednesday and a hot dog Friday and that was it till Sunday. Went to the ER. They did the usual nothing-.1mg clonidine, Tordal for pain and aches and Zophran for nausea.

Kicked me loose and hr and 15 mins later with a detox list. Well I sat in the ER parking lot and called every number on the list. Every number was a voice mail. I called NA. Some lady gave me the names of 2 "close personal friends of hers" who ran detoxes. So I did. First one was a mere 11K. Second one was 14K. Well new on the job and with obamacare in full force insurance isn't an option. So that leaves...pardon while I gigle...self pay. Personally I don't know too many, OK, not one junkie who could pay a tenth that cost. So I decided noone is gonna help me out period. I got myself in this jam so it's on me to get out. I researched my butt off and found a very well detailed and fully laid out Methadone detox. So Sunday 2 days into the agony I took 20mgs mdone. I waited the 2hrs to see how I felt and was still not right. I bumped it 5mgs. Waited the 2hrs again and bumped one last 5mg dose.

Suddenly no aches no sweats no nausea BUT a huge appetite. I dranks 3 v8 fusions ate 2 peanut butter and banana sandwiches-don't knock it till you try em plus bananas have lots of potassium and an entire bag of Nilla wafers and milk. I skipped my prescibed Serroquel for fear of Serotonin Syndrome but took my Valium and slept till 2pm Monday. According to the taper I got it called for a starting dose of 40mgthe but I felt fine @the 30mg and I am quitting. Not waiting for the next buzz. I get zero euphoria from mdone. What I get is tolerable wd's. The taper schedule was 40mgs for 2 days decrease by 20%mg to 32mg for the next 2 days and on and on with 20% decreases as tolerated down to zero. About a 10+ day taper. Once I get to zero I still have Tramadol if necessary, Valium if necessary-awesome for sleep-and once the mdone is out of my system in like 3 or 4 days I can safely resume my Serroquel. So today i was to taper to 25mgsthe but have only taken 15 and feel honestly pretty dang good. Im eating. I have taken some long canyon carving rides on my zx10r rice rocket but most importantly I have gotten to meetings both yesterday and today.

I know the morphine is long out of my system after 6 days.I also know the Dilaudud (hydromorphone) is long gone too as it has a very short half life. I went the first 2 days with just Tramadol and Valium. I nutted up a bit but am using the bare minimum of mdone to taper me to zero. No way I am gonna get caught up with any MMT as these clinics are nothing but legalized dope pushers. I've read horror story after horror story of people starting @the 40mgs or higher and then just being increased and increased until they are stone mdone junkies probably far far worse off then what they were doing in the first place.

I want my life back. Im sick of the roller coaster. I plan to stick to the taper or even accelerate it like I was able to do today. I am using mdone short term as needed definately not exceeding whats recommended and getting out in the world riding my motorcycle and hitting meetings every dang day no matter what. I am not a bible thumper but honestly I pray my butt off every AM asking for strength and courage and saying thanks every night for helping me take another step. I know getting off is step one and staying off is all about a total change of people, places, things, etc. But none of those people, places, things are in the same universe as my love for my little baby girl. She deserves better than a junkie for a father! With Gods help and meetings she just may get what she deserves a sober daddy who is present in her life.

Rwp

I'm glad that you are making the right decision and hope that you follow through with it. For more support I am going to move this to Sober Living.

Anon --> SL

hey.. congratulations on making this decision as well as all the effort you have put into this.. here is the thing, you could have been done already.. everytime you try and make the withdrawal easier with a different opiat antagonist you are just prolonging your misery.. I know I have watched the threads and posts for a bit now of people just looking for a way to do this easy.. as soon as it come along I will let you know..

This is your best option.. it will provide the least pain free way to get off, this is because the withdrawal will be the quickest, and in my and allot of other drug addicts opinion the amount of opiates really doesn't effect the withdrawal that much, really small habits aside.. you will need to talk with a dr about getting a script for clonidine >link< ask them about a propper dose to be taken about every 3.75 hours that you will take for a week or so, you can also talk to them about the possibilty of a script for a non opiat drug for restless leg syndrom.. >LINK<, and then just keep as busy as possible.. you will walk out of this quick.. by taking the methadone you just increased the amount of time you will go through this by three times.. but you are at a good dose, just jump and accept the fact that you will feel like ass for a bit BUT THEN YOU WILL BE FREE.. keep up with the meetings and everything else that helped you stay sober before.. remember how fast you got swallowed when you tested the water.. write down a list of all the good things about being off drugs and keep a picture of your little one.. do a gratitude list and above all stay positive.. your going to fell like shit so why think yourself miserable.. dont lay around thinking of how bad you feel go do something nice for someone else.. no way to get your mind off your misery like helping someone else with thiers.. you can do this.. i jumped from a really big habit and have never looked back and didn't spend a minute laying around feeling sorry for myself, instead i did a bunch of pretty cool shit, kept myself possible and laughed at myself every time i wanted to cry.. you can do this.. really

another way said:

But none of those people, places, things are in the same universe as my love for my little baby girl. She deserves better than a junkie for a father! With Gods help and meetings she just may get what she deserves a sober daddy who is present in her life.

Rwp

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Love, especially parental love, is amazingly powerful. Good luck. I am already impressed with what you have done so far.