16th issue General Heroin Discussion v hit it raw or bag it up?

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I am sick of the game too. I basically live and breath to shoot speedballs. Im either in withdrawals, or getting high. I feel like i have like 1,000,000 little glass vials and ripped dope bags around my place and thats teh fruits of like the past 5 years of my labors lol
 
i saw today that thge FDA isnt gonna allow new generics of the orginal OXY formula, not the OPs...i guess someone was trying to bring back the original formula in generic form and FDA said they arent gonna allow it

I am a multiple pain patient. Of course I started out in this game before I was a pain patient so the thing I really need is also the thing that can hurt me as well now. But I can tell you that 100% of my seeking out product now is to make sure I have adaquate "medication" around for pain. I went to my Doc and he guardedly perscribed 5 Oxy 10s and explained tha in my locale that the patient/Doc/Pham is tracked with all narcotic scripts. i could not even find a pharm to fill the script or would fill the script. Should have had the Doc call it in, as if that may have made a difference? So I simply have taken matters into my own hands and at the risk we all take in this game.

But I am not alone. I have read stories elsewhere of wives driving into some 'hood to cop for their husbands with terminal cancer, and when the docs simply would not write enough as the patient wasn't ready for a morphine drip or some such thing. And the patient wasn't even an substance abuser. I can tell you this type of AMA mania does not exist in other places.
 
The last stamp I got was "home run." It's one of those preprinted bags and has a baseball in the middle and just says home run over and over in small text. The dope was average so more like a line-drive double down the line. I bought it instead of waiting for the good stuff (still got the good stuff but was pissed that I spent the extra money when I could have just waited to spend it on the good raw) so it was a sacrifice fly/high. :|

Speaking of games, has any one been to a drug store recently and looked at the OTC product they are now selling in Brooklyn? I can tell you it is neither a "HomeRun" or baseball game at all. More like the tempo of a game of golf.
 
U.K poster here.

Just wondered what the general consensus is on black tar H?

Not that we have it over here. It's all smoke-able Afghan powder base, aka 'brown'.
But after seeing BTH available in certain places, one can't help but garner interest.

Don't even give it a second thought. I lived for many years not far from you and I had that af. stuff you mention. Like smoking the smothest best tasting cig in the world. Not to mention the effect. In this world many of us (including me) wish for what we can never have. In my experience, I've had what I wished for and in dope or anything else, it wasn't really worth it. xcpt for that af. product which i alsways wondered about. Sometimes there can be exceptions to the rule I stated above in this post. Sometimes. Usually never. In my experience.
 
I know a guy who fucked up his leg playing football back when he was like 16 and it's more or less always gonna be fucked up and he is always copping bags just to help with the pain.

He gets prescription pills too but I think he sells half to get dope so idk how much is addiction and how much is legit pain but honestly in his case it might be both which is really sad.

I can't even talk about getting high around legit pain patients I just feel like a piece of shit
 
I am sick of the game too. I basically live and breath to shoot speedballs. Im either in withdrawals, or getting high. I feel like i have like 1,000,000 little glass vials and ripped dope bags around my place and thats teh fruits of like the past 5 years of my labors lol

Oh shit man, I was just thinking that yesterday. The trash bag in my room only gets changed a few times a year because I never throw food or anything in it so it doesn't smell, and I don't produce a lot of trash in my bedroom anyway, but it's getting pretty full. I looked in it and saw a few envelopes from bills, a couple of empty lighters, and a few thousand dollars worth of empty dope bags. Like for real, this thing is filled mostly with tiny shreds of crumpled up wax paper with little stamps on them. It's fucking ridiculous. Makes me kind of sad to think about it
 
Red leader : I'm in recovery too man. Been off it almost 2 months now. I did buy a g of h and a g of coke last week. What was supposed to be one or two speedballs ended up in a day of speedballs and 2 days of h due to my low tolerance. I had minor WDs after it for 3 or 4 days.

Staying with my folks at the moment and haven't been doing drugs apart from a few doses of gbl. Won't do another speedball for a few weeks at least and ill just keep it to one day at that.

How are you doing physically? Physical work might Be a good idea to take you're mind off things if you feel you're up to it.

Hope I dont offend you but in your posts you don't sound like you are finished with opiates for good?

None of are ever done with it. I've been in and out of this game for more years than I care to admit. I truly thought that I had made a final decision to be thru after all the years on, off, on-off with subs--detoxing with 'done.

BUt in some cases I have no choice as I am a pain patient. But the pain is not consistant. The one thing I hope that will never happen again is full blown addiction. Which is very easy. I only write this post as i saw someone put up some pix of some stuff that looks exactly like what I've been getting. He says he got of well on one bag but said he had a low tolorance. I felt nothing and had been vlean for quite a few months. Tolorance is a highly subjective thing. As is all of this 5/10 or 2/10 or 9/10. One persons 2/10 could kill someone who says they have something that's 7/10. The way we really don't know who all of us are (I guess) and none of us really knows what we buy unless we send it out to a toxologist or such. And who does that?

What we know is what works for us and waht is "good" or "bad" for us and perhaps an inner circle of friends. THe same holds true with any legit pharm product. I remember, years ago, giving a friend a perc., and this freind had 0 tolarance and wanted to know what the fuss was all about. This person felt absolutely nothing. No high, no sickness. Nothing. And later said something to the effect, "what's the big deal with this opiate stuff?" So...

I recently read a stat. that of all those who "kick" dope, the chance for a total reovery (meaning abstence for life) is prox. 1%. A sobering thought.
 
Damn, what an odd combo to OD on intentionally. Not sure why he would do the coke and molly first unless he wanted to feel amazing before the death shot, which seems to be the only explanation since I don't see it contributing to the overdose, and if anything it would make it harder.

And the way this person committed suicide make perfect sense. You want to die for sure its a hot shot. Suicide is a complex subject rife with many theories from many camps fro religion to psycho-analytic thought.

I would hazard a guess that this poor person was thinking but don't want to give anyone any ideas. I can say, in suicide, many people are never quite sure until the final act. And in many cases, the way one conducts ones' life is a long protracted act of suicide.

My sympathies to the original poster who lost a freind.
 
I'd rather have a solid dope connect than a prescription to suboxone.

I think when people tell themselves they won't ever use again it sets them up for failure.

For me at least, I'll admit I'm probably going to get high again I just need to chill out every now and then and take a tolerance break like what I'm doing right now.

Idk I'm kind of a penny pincher so that helps control the urges I guess.

I just don't even feel the need to kid myself anymore, I fucking love opiates even though I hate the baggage. But when you don't have the baggage on you it makes you yearn for the love even more. Once it catches up to you though the love diminishes, so you get clean for a month or so.

Rinse, lather, repeat

that's how I look at opiates. shitty attitude for sure but at least I'm not in pieces when I'm driving down 95 wondering how I wound up relapsing.
 
i really dont know what you pay for a G or a jab but one patch for half that price sounds a little pricey, when i was gettin fent patches i got the 50mcg n 75mcg for dirt dirt cheap, like pack of cigs cheap. like the others said i dont really like fent that much n woulda never continued buying it if it wasnt a bargain cuz they high def sucks n is difficult to achieve depending on the type of patch. im pretty sure all the smokable ones are off the market but those you COULD enjoy but i fell out smokin some once so i stopped smokin em, wearin em is a dissapointment, n puttin em in your mouth was too

for me fent just made me tired, no real euphoria to speak of, def no opiate energy. there were times when id put a patch in my mouth n it'd make me tired n i would fall asleep only to wake up feeling like i had way too much in my system. i think in a medical setting a nice shot of a low dose of IV fent would feel good but shooting the gel isnt smart, smokin the gel is like playin with fire n anyother ROA w/ fent just kinda sucks so at 1/2 jab price i think the 1/2jab or 1/2 gram would give you more enjoyment,


but he if u get one that isnt the gel matrix you can cut that shit up n wear it on days you're just tryin to keep the sick off, takes awhile for it to get into your system at peak levels n fent skyrockets tolerance but if u buy one just to have n ever find yourself in a bad situation you can just slap that baby on n know u got 2-3 days to come up with some cash or some dope, i mean its not good for that in the way suboxone is but its better n the way of feelin ok n knowing as soon as u cop u can just do a tiny amount on top n prob get rocked

Fent. is usually, as most of you know, used in last stage cancer. And lots of ppl drop dead after using dope cut w/ fent. The saddest use of fent are the lollypops laced with fent. that are givien out by oncological nurses to children with some form of cancer--usually some form of brain cancer such as the Blastoma forms.

It's really very sad. Anyone who can cop fent. patches is buying from the lowest scum on the earth. Pll who have connects with hospitals and just outright steal the stuff. And the next day, some poor soul is in excrutiating misery until some new fent. patches can be ordered/delivered. Most of these people who steal this stuff are nurses. Used to be Maintance people but now all hoptials are in such lock-down its impossible to get at the stuff unless you are authorized.

There are some exceptions where paitents themselves sell them as they are given too many and want money.

A pox on those dealers. Of ccourse as a coustomer, sometimes none of us have a choice, due to being in WDs.

Actually dope use is a disease. We all are diseased here. America has done very little to recognize that addicts are sick. I've never, in all of my life, met one doper who was really a well person. Either physically or mentally or both.

You must remeber that Heroin, as distributed By Bayer Pharmacuticles, was used until 1951 and legal for the treatment of depression until it was "discovered" that it was additive.

Ever try getting off an SSRI?

What's up people. Seriously considering checking into a detox and then hitting up a rehab.. I'm so over this life but I remember how brutal my last inpatient detox was and it's scaring the shit out of me. I want so bad to just be clean off of everything. No dope, no suboxone, no nothing. But I don't know if I can make it through the weeks of hell, plus leaving my girlfriend, my life, my music, my art.

Any advice?

Yup, I have some advice as we were once in the same position. I have no advice, thats my advice.

But I do have some thoughts. Your going to lose everything you hold dear and mention in your thread if you don't figure out a way to do something. That's obvious.

Whats not obvious, at least to me, is why you feel you will lose what you mention if you do what you say you eant to do which is clean up. Most ppl lose waht you fear of losing by waht you want to do, not by doing it--meaning cleaning up.

I'll be more specific--you won't lose anything other than the girl if you clean up. And if cleaning up means losing the girl, she's the wrong girl. If you want to keep everything else.

Just some thoughts. Take them as you will.

Yeah it's bull shit. After years on and off suboxone, having seen many doctors and how they acted, I'm convinced it's just another fucking money making scheme developed to keep addicts "controlled" or "maintained" as they like to say, with the chances of actually weening off and getting off it for good slim to none. They know it's a never ending cycle of maintenance drugs, using, maint drugs, using, and on and on. Meanwhile, they all get rich while we suffer like dogs.

Right. I can tell you empirically that subutex was specifically designed as a mind control drug. It is used in Europe as a pain med. at the mcg. level. That's all well and good. But when these docs put you on some rediculous dose like 12-24 mgs for even a 5 bun-like habit, its complete over kill.

I've seen ppl beat subs and 'done.

I'm one of them. Fortunately I was able to tell the Doc exactly the dosage I needed.

Some ppl do what is sometimes reffered to as a reverse-detox. Takes great self-dicisiplin. I don't know how many mgs of sub you're on but it can ussually be cut considerably due to the ceiling effect. Sub really dosen't t really work much above 8mgs, and contrary to what many docs will tell you. And the alternative to the horrors of 'done standing in line nonsence in the States is particulary apealing and why it was designed to be an out-patient drug.

Oh yes, you are an out-patient. Way out.
 
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Not trying to get into an argument or anything but fentanyl is like any other pharmaceutical opiate meaning it is sometimes stolen as you said but there are many other ways it makes its way into the black market like getting them sent in from other countries through corrupt doctors or over prescribing etc. It's not like the only way you get fent is buy stealing it from a kid dying of cancer. They prescribe morphine, dilaudid, oxys, you name it to people dying of cancer and all of those are found in abundance, obviously they are coming from other places besides theft of legal prescriptions from sick people... Like I said not trying to argue or anything just food for thought
 
I know a guy who fucked up his leg playing football back when he was like 16 and it's more or less always gonna be fucked up and he is always copping bags just to help with the pain.

He gets prescription pills too but I think he sells half to get dope so idk how much is addiction and how much is legit pain but honestly in his case it might be both which is really sad.

I can't even talk about getting high around legit pain patients I just feel like a piece of shit

Don't feel guilty. I am a "legit" pain patient as you say.

But so are you and anyone who is on dope, and as I wrote about in another post here. I'll repete--I've never, ever, in my life met a person who is an addict or chipper on dope or opiates who does not have some underlying mental condition or is in deep denial of their condition or it has been repressed to the point that it is in the subconsoius and is being acted on conscously in dope use-pills, dope, or any narcotic (meaning opiate.) Depression, as I wrote, was treated until 1951 with legal heroin, until it was "deemed" additive. And as I said, ever try geting off an SSRI?

Oh shit man, I was just thinking that yesterday. The trash bag in my room only gets changed a few times a year because I never throw food or anything in it so it doesn't smell, and I don't produce a lot of trash in my bedroom anyway, but it's getting pretty full. I looked in it and saw a few envelopes from bills, a couple of empty lighters, and a few thousand dollars worth of empty dope bags. Like for real, this thing is filled mostly with tiny shreds of crumpled up wax paper with little stamps on them. It's fucking ridiculous. Makes me kind of sad to think about it

This post completely shows what I've been speaking of regarding underlying mental issues and the use of dope. Once your ADA skills slip, its over...and not empting trash is sure a lack of ADA skills.

But reading your complete post I could opine on the reason why you don't dump it given what' you describe is in it.

Beleive me: been there, done that. Probably a lot of us, too. But keeping drug paranaphialia in your house is way-uncool. Just flush the paper, what I do. As for "left-over" stuff that can't be flushed? Dump it in a street garbage can if you live in a city or just smother it with some goop that you're throwing out. No one in you 'hood will go thru that--even the "can people." (usually.) And make sure there is nothing in the garbage or trassh that has your name on it with you "stuff."

As it is--all garbage and trash is gone thu at either the state or municiple level depending on your locale.

Not trying to get into an argument or anything but fentanyl is like any other pharmaceutical opiate meaning it is sometimes stolen as you said but there are many other ways it makes its way into the black market like getting them sent in from other countries through corrupt doctors or over prescribing etc. It's not like the only way you get fent is buy stealing it from a kid dying of cancer. They prescribe morphine, dilaudid, oxys, you name it to people dying of cancer and all of those are found in abundance, obviously they are coming from other places besides theft of legal prescriptions from sick people... Like I said not trying to argue or anything just food for thought

No worries. If you read my post carefully I mentioned everything you said other than the over-seas Doc which is the exact same thing. As for the other stuff (opiates) you mention, what you say is a well known fact. i was only adressing Fent.

We're on the same page; as I said, no worries.
 
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Don't feel guilty. I am a "legit" pain patient as you say.

But so are you and anyone who is on dope, and as I wrote about in another post here. I'll repete--I've never, ever, in my life met a person who is an addict or chipper on dope or opiates who does not have some underlying mental condition or is in deep denial of their condition or it has been repressed to the point that it is in the subconsoius and is being acted on conscously in dope use-pills, dope, or any narcotic (meaning opiate.) Depression, as I wrote, was treated until 1951 with legal heroin, until it was "deemed" additive. And as I said, ever try geting off an SSRI?

yeah I got an underlying mental condition that drives me crazy it's called the society we live in.

I just choose to live outside it for the most part, except when I need to buy drugs and show up to work (to have money for drugs.)

I really can't feel bad for anyone's mental issues because I just see that as being weak-minded.

And you can say me not wanting to quit opiates forever is being weak minded but I look at it as entertainment and people blow money on things way more frivolous than a bundle of dope that will
keep me high as fuck for 2-3 days.

Meanwhile people go to the movies and drop $80 in one night when its all said and done

I'll take the bundle for 2-3 days and download some movies over the second option

Plus, I just like the suspense of it sometimes. Obviously, if you get locked up the suspense isn't so fun but areyou guys gonna sit here and tell me when you cop bags you don't get that giddy feeling when you're walking / driving away?

It's almost a high in and of itself for me
 
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yeah I got an underlying mental condition that drives me crazy it's called the society we live in.

I just choose to live outside it for the most part, except when I need to buy drugs and show up to work (too have money for drugs).

Bob's Your Uncle; My Point; or whatever discriptor works for you.
 
This post completely shows what I've been speaking of regarding underlying mental issues and the use of dope. Once your ADA skills slip, its over...and not empting trash is sure a lack of ADA skills.

But reading your complete post I could opine on the reason why you don't dump it given what' you describe is in it.

Beleive me: been there, done that. Probably a lot of us, too. But keeping drug paranaphialia in your house is way-uncool. Just flush the paper, what I do. As for "left-over" stuff that can't be flushed? Dump it in a street garbage can if you live in a city or just smother it with some goop that you're throwing out. No one in you 'hood will go thru that--even the "can people." (usually.) And make sure there is nothing in the garbage or trassh that has your name on it with you "stuff."

As it is--all garbage and trash is gone thu at either the state or municiple level depending on your locale.


Well yes I do have several mental issues. Depression, anxiety, and a hell of a personality disorder. I also have a very addictive personality. I know exactly why I'm addicted to drugs and alcohol. And yes I know I am not well.

But I don't think that not emptying my garbage is caused by anything other than the fact that it is not full and has no organic material rotting in it...

I live in the sticks. I bring my all of my household garbage to the town dump (technically just a transfer station now, the landfill has been closed for about 20 years) on one of the two days a week it's open, throw it in a trash compactor (which runs every time it gets full past a certain point), and the container is brought elsewhere to be incinerated. Pretty sure nobody is going through my trash. And even if they were, congratulations now they know I am a drug addict, I'm not the only one around here.


yeah I got an underlying mental condition that drives me crazy it's called the society we live in.

I just choose to live outside it for the most part, except when I need to buy drugs and show up to work (to have money for drugs.)

I really can't feel bad for anyone's mental issues because I just see that as being weak-minded.

And you can say me not wanting to quit opiates forever is being weak minded but I look at it as entertainment and people blow money on things way more frivolous than a bundle of dope that will
keep me high as fuck for 2-3 days.

Meanwhile people go to the movies and drop $80 in one night when its all said and done

I'll take the bundle for 2-3 days and download some movies over the second option

Plus, I just like the suspense of it sometimes. Obviously, if you get locked up the suspense isn't so fun but areyou guys gonna sit here and tell me when you cop bags you don't get that giddy feeling when you're walking / driving away?

It's almost a high in and of itself for me

I can agree with pretty much all of this
 
Fent. is usually, as most of you know, used in last stage cancer. And lots of ppl drop dead after using dope cut w/ fent. The saddest use of fent are the lollypops laced with fent. that are givien out by oncological nurses to children with some form of cancer--usually some form of brain cancer such as the Blastoma forms.

It's really very sad. Anyone who can cop fent. patches is buying from the lowest scum on the earth. Pll who have connects with hospitals and just outright steal the stuff. And the next day, some poor soul is in excrutiating misery until some new fent. patches can be ordered/delivered. Most of these people who steal this stuff are nurses. Used to be Maintance people but now all hoptials are in such lock-down its impossible to get at the stuff unless you are authorized.

There are some exceptions where paitents themselves sell them as they are given too many and want money.

A pox on those dealers. Of ccourse as a coustomer, sometimes none of us have a choice, due to being in WDs.

I know you later said that you were only addressing fentanyl here and feel the same way about dealers of any prescription pills being sold on the street, but it sure seems like you feel that fentanyl dealers are worse than say oxycodone dealers. I've actually usually acquired both of those drugs from the same person since they were prescribed OxyContin for their all day chronic pain and the fentanyl lollipops for breakthrough pain. I never got fentanyl from some nurse who left some terminally ill child hanging while in pain so she could make some extra cash.

As for the fentanyl lollipops, as far as I know they aren't specifically made and marketed for children. If anything I think that they would be less likely to prescribe this to children due to its potency, although they do have a pretty wide range of dosages [200mcg-1600mcg]. Fentanyl has a higher buccal bioavailability than oral, so it's more effective to have it in a form that can be absorbed that way rather than a pill with a low oral BA. They have the patches for the extended release form of the medication but for anyone that needs an instant release form of the drug they have the lollipops.

Speaking of games, has any one been to a drug store recently and looked at the OTC product they are now selling in Brooklyn? I can tell you it is neither a "HomeRun" or baseball game at all. More like the tempo of a game of golf.

What are you referring to? It's way too vague for me to even begin to figure out.

But I don't think that not emptying my garbage is caused by anything other than the fact that it is not full and has no organic material rotting in it...

I live in the sticks. I bring my all of my household garbage to the town dump (technically just a transfer station now, the landfill has been closed for about 20 years) on one of the two days a week it's open, throw it in a trash compactor (which runs every time it gets full past a certain point), and the container is brought elsewhere to be incinerated. Pretty sure nobody is going through my trash. And even if they were, congratulations now they know I am a drug addict, I'm not the only one around here.

Yea I would do the same thing if I was in your position. I used to do basically the same thing but after returning to my house after getting kicked out I am more cautious. I never threw intact stamp bags in there, but would cut them up so you couldn't tell what they were. So between the cut up stamp bags, some cottons, and papers used to crush up pills in I didn't have much other garbage in the can in my room so there was no real reason to throw it out until it was full, which took a good month or so.
 
Fent. is usually, as most of you know, used in last stage cancer. And lots of ppl drop dead after using dope cut w/ fent. The saddest use of fent are the lollypops laced with fent. that are givien out by oncological nurses to children with some form of cancer--usually some form of brain cancer such as the Blastoma forms.

It's really very sad. Anyone who can cop fent. patches is buying from the lowest scum on the earth. Pll who have connects with hospitals and just outright steal the stuff. And the next day, some poor soul is in excrutiating misery until some new fent. patches can be ordered/delivered. Most of these people who steal this stuff are nurses. Used to be Maintance people but now all hoptials are in such lock-down its impossible to get at the stuff unless you are authorized.

There are some exceptions where paitents themselves sell them as they are given too many and want money.

A pox on those dealers. Of ccourse as a coustomer, sometimes none of us have a choice, due to being in WDs.

.

or they are people who have cancer but cant afford the meds so being already so over scriped they sell what they dont need to pay for the rest of what they actually do need..that was how i had my OC80 and xanax hook..and this buy was selling them far cheaer then anyone else cause it wasnt about the money, it was about trust and having to only deal with 1 person(me) and by selling 3/4s of his 2 scripts(OCs and xanax) he was ableto pay for the rest of the otehr `0pills he had to take everyday..so they all arent the lowest scum


I am sick of the game too. I basically live and breath to shoot speedballs. Im either in withdrawals, or getting high. I feel like i have like 1,000,000 little glass vials and ripped dope bags around my place and thats teh fruits of like the past 5 years of my labors lol
lol i can relate to the 1,000,000 glass vials

NSFW:
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the 3rd pic i cant remeber but i think the small bag had 50emptys in it and i was just showing how many could possibly be in the big bag

Oh shit man, I was just thinking that yesterday. The trash bag in my room only gets changed a few times a year because I never throw food or anything in it so it doesn't smell, and I don't produce a lot of trash in my bedroom anyway, but it's getting pretty full. I looked in it and saw a few envelopes from bills, a couple of empty lighters, and a few thousand dollars worth of empty dope bags. Like for real, this thing is filled mostly with tiny shreds of crumpled up wax paper with little stamps on them. It's fucking ridiculous. Makes me kind of sad to think about it
lol see above pix..theres a few thousand bux worth of empties..i used to always save a little in each cap so on rainy days i would have a little stash to dipo into and get right. well i started to save the empty empties by7 putting them in a arizona ice tea can and i did it to se how long it would take me to fill the can up and i dont remeber how long it took me, i just know that i did it and those where the depressing results..and yes like you said in youre post, when you see all of them in a bag and realize each capsule is $10 you get that sick to your stomach feeling cause thats all you have left to show of the money ou spent.

I'm so sick of being an addict myself, but whenever I try to get clean I can only make it 2-3 weeks before the depression gets the best of me. That plus I have absolutely no energy and with the amount of hours I work I can't afford to be all tired edgy all the time. Its gonna be really hard to do without taking some time off/getting away from everything so I can clear my head. I did just buy a motorcycle though so I'm hoping if I spend all my time hammering around on that I will be able to keep my mind off drugs (lol or all over the road but hey at least I'm not using). The thing that worries me about PAWS is that I've heard that shit can last years... if so I may have to quit my job

trust me if you quit your job you will use way mor tehn you did when you had the job cause you have so much free time on your hands you really have nothing to do or think about except getting high..when i lost my job my use doubled cause instead of usng on the weekends and chipping liks i usually did i starteed using whenever i was bored

you got to find yoursel a hobby that gets you excited like using drugs do. like my dad before he relapsed and started drinking again, he started buying antiques and guns and other things to collect that he usually would have spent on alcohol and whatever else. his "second bank account"is what he called the things he collected cause "this is your inheritance that the bank wont know about". but so he basically substituted drinking with going out and collecting things and so when he wanted to get a drink he bascially would go out to garage sales and auxtions and flea markets and thrift stores and go on "the hunt" for anyhting really..he loved costume jewlery cause more times then not he would find a piece of real gold in the box of costume jewlelry and pay $.25 and then go pawn it for 75bucks or something and then we would go to toys-r-us and spend it all on us..and i remeber he spicifically saying when i was about 11 and he just found a white gold ring with diamonds in it and had me walk up and pay $1.50 and as we walked to the car he said "god this better then any beer ever was" and i really believed him cause those were the times i actually seem him happy and loving life (aside from watching us play sports even though he hgated sports..we were just too good for him not to like it..its hard not to cheer when your kid hits a homerun, ya know?) but yeah i dunno i dont blame myself for him starting to drink again but i know it prolly played a little part in it. i had just started highschool and you know, you want to hang out with your friends , not your parents, and thats what i kinda did, plua plYING SPROTS IN HIGHSCHOOL IS LIKE HAVING A FULLTIME JOB..so ther was a few times when he would ask if i wanted to hit up some gatrage sales or an auction and i would tell him "no and i got plans,maybe next week" and he would plkay it cool and i didnt htink much abouti it then but as i look back i realize that im sure it hurt him not hanging out like wwe used to and me choosing my friends over him but thats life in general, i have a kid brother who is 5years younger then me and he didnt get to even know my dad really and my sister who is 3years younger hated my dad and only recently i found out why and its because he would take me to the garage sales and what not and not her..so i dont relally blame myself cause he could have took either one of them more often then he did and if i was busy doing something and told him no, he could have went with either of them and had just as good of time if not more cajuse they craved the attenetion more but cause i was the oldest he kinda favored me, and if i didnt want to go then no one did. and i gotta put that blame on my dad.
 
wow only my dumb ass can miss the last 10minutes of the bulls game by typing this post and watching antiques roadshow...fuckin PBS and their no commercials, its the best thing cause there is no commercials but i cant tell you how many times ive missed what i wanted to watchcause i flipped to something on PBS and forgot to flip back cause there was no commercial...`100s of tv shows over the years

IMO PBS is the best network cause everythign thats on it for the most part is actually very interesting is you have some sort in intelligence. no matter if its charlie rose (best interviewer in the world IMO), to cooking shows, to nature shows, or NOVA, POV, check please, antiques roadshow and i can name so many other shows and all with no commercials..best way to kill the day is to find chciago history programs by geoffery baer and learning everything you need to about the city and the surrounding suburbs
 
that sucks about your pops chink. on another note, god fucking damn thats alot of caps bro, thats gotta be a crazy amount of money and if that little bag has 50 that big bag has to have AT LEAST 500-600, if not more. thats crazy.
 
Yeah it's weird, I got a kid brother that's a little more than 10 years younger than me. Now whenever i hang out with my dad it's like some 48 year old asshole is trying to get me to get him high. It's cool but it gets weird once in a while. We got caught by my brother in Jamaica and played it off like it wasn't a big deal.
 
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