^ Since I moved back home they have me give them $60/day to hold onto for me so I don't blow it on drugs. It's not in a savings account and I know where it is so if I borrowed from myself they would figure something was up. Work slowed down recently and I was only giving them that much money for about 3 weeks, so it's not all that much money, but they have the amount written down so they know how much should be in the envelope.
It's kind of like a stipulation for me being able to live back at home since part of that money goes towards rent, and the rest is for when I'm going to get a car or an apartment, so even though they are holding onto it for me it's mine when I need it to buy something worthwhile. I don't mind it since I probably would have blown more money one dope if they hadn't done this.
^You've already had more than a chip for awhile....half a bundle a day for two weeks in your position probably definitely locked you into a true habit.....The first few times you can usually bounce back pretty quickly. It took me awhile to really experience the WDs in their full glory! I'm still not much of puker, it took years before I actually started vomiting from withdrawal, and I still don't get it as bad as some people I know.
You'll probably be able to completely bounce back pretty quickly if you stop now. There's a lot of people who talk about opiate withdrawal like it never ends, and for most people that truly stop and stick it out, it does go away.
You always hear the horror stories about the guy who went to prison on 200mgs of methadone, or the guy who finally kicked a ridiculous dope run in lock up. It's bad, and there's people who have done it twice as long as me, so I don't know everything. but people exaggerate big-time when it comes to drugs. It is scary to kick dope, even if it's just a minor habit. All this self-loathing tries to overwhelm you. the best thing to do is just move on and live your life. I've babied myself way too much. Lived with my parents and hid in bed for months on end because "I was quitting hard-drugs"....A lot of it was laziness and not knowing how to go out and be around normal people.
Wow, I sound like I'm on the podium at a 12 step conference!
My worst kick was from suboxone. I was prescribed 32mg/day (I know, I know....) back in 2007, and took an average of 16mg/day for the 18 months I was on it. When I went away to school I had looked up suboxone doctors in the area and saw that there were 2, so figured I would have no problem getting it prescribed to me while away at school.
Of course I waited until the last minute to try to get an appointment, only to find out that there was a 3 month waiting list. Not a problem though, because my doctor had told me that suboxone withdrawal was minor compared to full opioids! I tapered down from 16mg to nothing in about two weeks, and by day 2 the fun started. Days 3-5 were the worst, with zero sleep zero appetite, and zero solid bowels.
The worst of it was over by day 8, and it took another week before I was back to around 80%. I lost a good 20lbs, and for the only time in my college career I stayed in for two weekends in a row without drinking. A few weeks later I discovered poppy pods on ebay, but it was a few weeks too late, but did at least help keep me from having to deal with PAWS for a little while.
My second biggest shock after how bad the withdrawals were, was how much the suboxone had raised my tolerance. When I got home for winter break and started dabbling with pain killers again I discovered that my tolerance was higher than it was before I got on suboxone (of course the first few uses got me high, but after that I needed way more than usual) but luckily I wasn't using that often.
I blame my 18 months on suboxone for permanently keeping my baseline tolerance high, with 60mg of oxycodone being about what I will always need to get me high even after taking 6 months off. I can get high off of 40mg the first time after a long break, but then it's 60 and rising each use after that, then when I get back into dope it's around 4-5 bags to get me high as long as I don't go too crazy with it.
Having said all of that, knowing what we now know about suboxone kicking it isn't as bad as my experience since the dose I was on is way higher than what we know we should be taking, and with a proper taper kicking is way more manageable than what I had to go though. I just happened to be prescribed it when it first became popular, and I doubt you will ever hear of someone being prescribed 32mg/day like I had been.