BDSM + MDMA = Sadness?

(Hi everyone! This post is for those who have ever done bdsm (or watched bdsm porn) while high on MDMA or ecstasy, or who have heard stories of other people who have combined bdsm with ecstasy/MDMA. I know many people see ethical problems with BDSM so I apologize in advance for that.)

Have you ever become suddenly turned off (and saddened) by BDSM because you were high on MDMA or ecstasy? Because this is what happened to my wife and I the other day.

We took it at the same time and started getting kinky right away, not waiting for the high to hit us. It hit me first, while I was giving her some lashings (she’s a masochistic sub and I’m a sadistic dom) and all of a sudden what I was doing made me feel very sad. I knew intellectually that I had her consent and she was feeling pleasure, but on an emotional level I felt the grief that I would feel if my wife was being whipped without consent and she was feeling devastated.

I stopped whipping her and switched into a different bdsm scene. But again the same thing happened… I felt grief as if my wife were being abused. But I continued on with it because she was into it and I wanted to seem like the big strong unemotional dominant that she is used to me being.

In the middle of this the MDMA hit her. And she had the same reaction. I could tell she stopped enjoying the bdsm and a couple minutes later she said her safe word. We tried doing some light domination stuff, me ordering her around, but even that was upsetting to us. So we just stopped and cuddled (at least the MDMA made THAT wonderful). It took about half an hour to feel better and then we just had vanilla sex, which was extremely passionate. The rest of the high we just spent chatting and dancing in the living room.

Later on I remembered that like ten years ago I took pure MDMA at a club and was still high when I got home, and started watching porn. It was BDSM porn but instead of turning me on as it usually did, it made me feel sad. I’d forgotten about that until now.

We've actually done BDSM while on ecstasy before and had fun, but it was the impure tablets while this time it was pure MDMA... so maybe that ecstasy had very little MDMA.

So does anyone else have experience doing BDSM while on MDMA or ecstasy? How was your reaction? (Also please mention if you were in the role of dominant/sadist or submissive/masochist at the time, I wonder if this makes a difference because I know a switch (someone who likes both roles) who likes to be the submissive while on MDMA but dislikes being the dominant while on it.)

Haha.. Well, I guess you found you answer. No one in Ecstasy Discussion is into whips and chains then, eh?



I certainly couldn't fathom wanting to hurt someone on MDMA though.. I think a foot massage would be more sensual than toe licking while rolling... or, you know, whatever you're into






I'm going to move this into our other forum Sex, Love and Relationships, though. Hopefully you'll get a few more sadistic posters in there

I've never done both together but I have experience with them seperately and I can assure you I would have the exact same reaction as you & your wife did. The idea of BDSM (as a sub) while on MDMA would be the most depression thing ever. I don't want to be hurt when I'm rolling, I want to have adorable loving vanilla sex. Seems normal really, it's too unaggressive a drug to go with BDSM

As a dominant Female, and a beloved E-Tard. LOL..

I have a grand collection of floggers, whips, Clamps and so on AND I had a violet wand as well..
I have wanted to try flogging my partner while rolling (more sensual like with a suede one), but it never seems to happen.. LOL.. We get too, into other things and it just never feels right to pull it out..

I did have an experience many moons ago with my now Ex-husband whom was my long time submissive.. He would every one in the blue moon slightly switch but never really top.. Well.. We were rolling with another friend of ours and I do not recall the context of the convo at the time, But he turned and hit / Slapped me really hard. Hard enough to see stars and I had to lay on the bed for a bit before sitting up. While the "in the moment" was sort of interesting it did not go over well.. Same sort of reaction you had..

My current partner and I have had some "sort of " BDSM play while rolling but far more to the sexual side not the D's side of things..

Switch male: More sub leaning than dom, but like 60/40 split. Lots of exp with a decent number of play mates.

Watching BDSM porn on MDMA: Has turned me off and made me sad right numerous times. But a lot of BDSM pr0n does that anyway. Not as much as when I'm on MDMA tho... if I'm on MDMA, unless it's like legit amateur, mild to moderate sadism/pain, and it appears that both people are REALLY into it, it turns me off. If it's raunchy, or tacky, or focuses on humiliation/degradation or on sadism, it makes me really sad. It usually kind of turns me off even sober, but on MDMA it really upsets me.

Doing it IRL: Generally I love doing it IRL. But my current partner is not into heavy sadism or masochism (she's switch too but more domme) and is really more sensual and into the explicitly willing and wanting exchange of power. More about the Domination/submission than the sadism/masochism. This was true of previous partners as well, although some where rather more sadistic(mainly sadistic, my other two main/LTR partners where nearly 100% Domme, but I'd top along side them if we had a 3rd...they'd sometimes switch too, just to have the exp from a subs perspective)/masochistic, it was still really more about the act of dominating and the willing and eager submission than it was about the actual striking of a person and stimulating their noceceptors to cause subjective suffering aspect.

I'm always extremely affectionate while playing (and in general with anyone I like enough to play with.) and so is my partner and so where my previous partners. So it never felt violent, abusive or unemotional/mechanistic. It's alway felt really playful and loving. It's like *whack* mehr, I heart you! *cuddlepetkiss* you're a cutie *whack-whack* aww, I know that hurt a bit, but I'll make it up you after *starts nomming her vag for a bit* see! *whack*

MDMA 1 Kinkyness 0

Great thread.

My ex and her new guy like to do this, and it just seems like it would be really uncomfortable.

I have been flogged in a club before on MDMA and it was fucking awful. I stopped it after a minute. And I typically love most things BDSM.

Something about MDMA just completely shuts off the part of the mind that likes being objectified. And in turn makes it nearly impossible to believe that your partner could be enjoying it either. It feels like a silly charade and not an actual enjoyable intimate act.

Best advice I can give is just to pop the pills and go with the flow. Planning everything in crazy detail can introduce too much anxiety and whatnot to a roll. You can always have that kinda sex the next day or week. They just don't mix well.

I'm into fisting but not in a bdsm way at all. Fisting and mdma = great pleasure, but it's always a gentle experience with lots of love around.

^ I feel the need to ask... feel free not to answer. Is the fist in you oorrrrr....?


IMO, it seems like this would have something to do with the rather unique Oxytocin response that MDMA brings out. It's a "love hormone" that causes bonding between partners and increases empathy for others. So common sense says that an act that is perceived as malevolent would be hardly enjoyable at all... in fact, quite the "turn off" as others mentioned.

Happy couples (normal ones, the kind that are still happy without whips lol.) in long term relationships have been found to have higher levels of Oxytocin than your average, single male. Well, since MDMA also so dandily releases oxytocin, it can potentially create new feelings for lovers who are less than typical... more classical ones, that is. I think there is a real drive towards affection on MDMA, hell.. even just cuddling on the love drug is probably going to feel better than sex when sober anyway!

To answer your question Folley, Both men and woman can be fisted.. (pick a hole) Not everyones cup of tea.. but I must admit rolling and fisting = MASSIVE earth shattering orgasms

@Folley:
The acts are not always malevolent seeming, and even on MDMA as long as the act is not degrading or sadistic it's still a lot of fun to me. Normal is also a relative term and further, many couples (like me and my S/O) are quite happy without whips and have lots of really soft vanilla sex too, but sometimes we like to add them in. Kind of like being happy while sober but wanting to get high sometimes.

Folley said:

^ I feel the need to ask... feel free not to answer. Is the fist in you oorrrrr....?

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And my oorrrr would be ....?

But okay assuming you mean my OOORRR. Yes!
For some reason mdma makes my ooorrr extremely receptive to penetration. The ooorrr in turn becomes highly sensitive and stimulation becomes extremely pleasurable. As the pleasurable sensations continue the ooorrrr continues to relax and will eventually admit a human hand. By the end of the roll it may even admit two.
Such is the degree of relaxation that it become possible to insert a human forearm entirely in the ooorrrr.
Reciprocal motion deep in the ooorrrr stimulates the innervation of the puborectal sling and probably the vagus nerve as well. A few minutes of stimulation will prompt involuntary contractions and muscular spasms, accompanied by extreme pleasure and temporary loss of consciousness. :D

It's interesting to learn that others have had somewhat similar experiences. And it sounds like the person who did enjoy MDMA with bdsm did only very light bdsm that was mixed with affection. Thank you to everyone who posted!

Would love to hear still more experiences if others have any!

Thinking about how BDSM and empathy don't mix is starting to make me have questions about BDSM... like is there some contradiction between BDSM and empathy? I've long valued empathy as a core virtue of how I define goodness and what humans should strive to be so this puts me in a bit of a crisis because I can't lie, I enjoy bdsm so much and don't want to give it up! My wife and I did some bdsm since the incident and it went fine, I wasn't ambivalent when we did it. But it has put these creeping thoughts in my head!

^Don't think about it like that! The way I see it, BDSM can perfectly well be an illustration of empathy in the sense that you're realising you & your partner's fantasies and wants. There isn't an ultimate Good way to have sex, it's whatever the two of you like. Just like I don't think there's much sense in including sex in your ideals of what humans should strive for
I've done BDSM with guys I've either loved or certainly had feelings for and I could always tell the feelings were there, even while almost choking to death, haha. In fact I'd only ever do BDSM with someone I had some feelings for, certainly never with a random hook-up. Otherwise it really would feel too abusive I think.

anoinv said:

It's interesting to learn that others have had somewhat similar experiences. And it sounds like the person who did enjoy MDMA with bdsm did only very light bdsm that was mixed with affection. Thank you to everyone who posted!

Would love to hear still more experiences if others have any!

Thinking about how BDSM and empathy don't mix is starting to make me have questions about BDSM... like is there some contradiction between BDSM and empathy? I've long valued empathy as a core virtue of how I define goodness and what humans should strive to be so this puts me in a bit of a crisis because I can't lie, I enjoy bdsm so much and don't want to give it up! My wife and I did some bdsm since the incident and it went fine, I wasn't ambivalent when we did it. But it has put these creeping thoughts in my head!

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I don't see any contradiction. Everyone I've subbed to has been absolutely wonderful, caring and affectionate to me. They've always respected my hard limits, my safe words, provided great after-care, and did their best to make sure I had enjoyed the scene as much as possible. Frequently doing it at the expense of indulging their own desires.

Similarly, when I am Dom, I monitor my sub closely, and if I think she's not having fun or getting near her limit I ask if she wants to use her safe word or her slow down word or etc.

Simply put: As long everyone playing *wants* to be doing it, are enjoying it, and take care not to harm anyone, I don't see how it's disjuncted from empathy.